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[pontifex]

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

 

[bsobel]

thats another thing. i like to kind of get to know a girl a little before i ask her out. like at work its easy because you could see how they act and stuff like that.

Stop that immediately When you first meet a woman, she knows (and you should also) within 5 minutes if she is interested in dating you. Getting to know her (especially with your personality [err, meant with kindness, not as a slam]) is not the way to play this.

I'm sure I'll get some grief for this, but seriously spend whatever they are asking and read this e-book. It's actually not as cheesy as it sounds (not trying to pimp someones work, but in your case, consider it an investment)

Bill

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: bsobel

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: edro
Pics of self.

i'd prefer not to have my pics on an internet forum. was done once and the end results were not good.

Well, we are going to need pics, sorry. Need to determine if this is just a self confidence issue, or you scare the hell out of people Don't worry, it's probably the former.

Remember, guys fall in love with woman they are attracted to. Girls become attracted to guys they are in love with.

As someone else posted, try saying 'Hi'. Your very unlikely to have a woman make the first move especially when I suspect your throwing off an extreme shy vibe.

Quite honestly, if you ask 10 girls out, statistically most guys will get at least one yes. Perhaps in your case it's 1 in 20 (or 1 in 5, you never know). You just need to get comfortable talking with women and do it as often as you can. Practice on woman you are not interested until you get more comfortable.

Bill

the thing is, i have no problem talking to women i'm not interested in. its just the ones i am interested in that cause the problem. i just get nervous.

 

[EatSpam]

Originally posted by: Cooler

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Cooler
Do you have pic you may not be that Attractive .
Are these women out of your leage?

thats a good question. i don't even know what my league is...i don't go after the super hot, model like women. i tend to like girls who are naturally cute without all the makeup and sh!t like that. i stay away from the girls who seem like high maintenance or who seem shallow.

thats another thing. i like to kind of get to know a girl a little before i ask her out. like at work its easy because you could see how they act and stuff like that.

That puts you on the "friends ladder" 1/2 the time.

Very true.

If you do ask this girl out, and you should, you should take her someplace very public, like for coffee or ice cream or maybe lunch. You want your first date to be short. That way if she turns out to not be your type, its not like you've spent a lot of time on her. And vice versa. Also, being in a public place takes away that whole "alone with a guy I don't even know" fear.

 

[jaysgirl]

Originally posted by: Taggart
Have you tried myspace or online dating?

I'm interested to know if you've tried this, as well.

I've actually heard many success stories.

 

[bsobel]

the thing is, i have no problem talking to women i'm not interested in. its just the ones i am interested in that cause the problem. i just get nervous.

Then your more normal than you think You just got to work thru the awkwardness and do it, the more you practice, the more natural it will be.

 

[EatSpam]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

Eghck is right. How can anyone like you if you don't like you? Don't you have anything you're proud of?

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: bsobel

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: edro
Pics of self.

i'd prefer not to have my pics on an internet forum. was done once and the end results were not good.

Well, we are going to need pics, sorry. Need to determine if this is just a self confidence issue, or you scare the hell out of people Don't worry, it's probably the former.

Remember, guys fall in love with woman they are attracted to. Girls become attracted to guys they are in love with.

As someone else posted, try saying 'Hi'. Your very unlikely to have a woman make the first move especially when I suspect your throwing off an extreme shy vibe.

Quite honestly, if you ask 10 girls out, statistically most guys will get at least one yes. Perhaps in your case it's 1 in 20 (or 1 in 5, you never know). You just need to get comfortable talking with women and do it as often as you can. Practice on woman you are not interested until you get more comfortable.

Bill

the thing is, i have no problem talking to women i'm not interested in. its just the ones i am interested in that cause the problem. i just get nervous.

if you go into situations not expecting much, you will never be disappointed

 

[cKGunslinger]

In all honesty, I was like you until I got married. Being married meant that I did not have to worry about impressing other women. Naturally, this lead to more propositions and flirting in my current 7 years of marriage than in my previous 22 years of singleness.

Girls like a guy that doesn't seem to care about them. It's weird, but it's the truth.

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
In all honesty, I was like you until I got married. Being married meant that I did not have to worry about impressing other women. Naturally, this lead to more propositions and flirting in my current 7 years of marriage than in my previous 22 years of singleness.

Girls like a guy that doesn't seem to care about them. It's weird, but it's the truth.

see the 1st post i made in this thread

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: jaysgirl

Originally posted by: Taggart
Have you tried myspace or online dating?

I'm interested to know if you've tried this, as well.

I've actually heard many success stories.

no, i haven't tried online dating services. i've thought about and i just keep thinking $30 a month just to have my info and a picture of me on some website seems ridiculous. but i guess if it works, then its not.

 

[Skunkwourk]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

well Im not here to boost your ego, but you've said yourself that you've been on serveral dates. So that means you aren't hopeless. Even if they went nowhere, some people have a hard enough time going on 1 date.

As for talking to girls, do you think you're interesting? An easy way to tell is do you have any good stories to share about yourself?

 

[EatSpam]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
In all honesty, I was like you until I got married. Being married meant that I did not have to worry about impressing other women. Naturally, this lead to more propositions and flirting in my current 7 years of marriage than in my previous 22 years of singleness.

Girls like a guy that doesn't seem to care about them. It's weird, but it's the truth.

Same here. Its kind of fun.

 

[Reckoner]

You have to act like a cocky, arrogant prick to attract most women around our age. If you're an ex-con, that's an added bonus.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

well Im not here to boost your ego, but you've said yourself that you've been on serveral dates. So that means you aren't hopeless. Even if they went nowhere, some people have a hard enough time going on 1 date.

As for talking to girls, do you think you're interesting? An easy way to tell is do you have any good stories to share about yourself?

in a word - no.
my job is not interesting. i don't have any interesting hobbies or do anything that anyone except another geek/nerd would find interesting.

 

[Remy XO]

Work on your confidence and everything will fall into place. Thats the most simplistic way I can help you. You also have to understand the difference between being Cocky and being Confident.

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: BriGy86

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
In all honesty, I was like you until I got married. Being married meant that I did not have to worry about impressing other women. Naturally, this lead to more propositions and flirting in my current 7 years of marriage than in my previous 22 years of singleness.

Girls like a guy that doesn't seem to care about them. It's weird, but it's the truth.

see the 1st post i made in this thread

Silly BriGy86, I don't actually *read* the threads to which I respond. Imagine all the time that would waste!

 

[BriGy86]

i suggest reading the ladder theory link i posted, its not the most optomistic thing but its true, don't become friends with a girl if you want to end up "dateing" her (refer the the ladder theory) thats my main problem, if im going to get serious with a girl, i want a girl i can be friends with as well, so i basicly shoot myself in the foot right off the bat. if all a woman is to me is a hot piece of @ss and dumb as a stump i have no interest

so i'd say im pretty screwed... don't be like me

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: BriGy86

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
In all honesty, I was like you until I got married. Being married meant that I did not have to worry about impressing other women. Naturally, this lead to more propositions and flirting in my current 7 years of marriage than in my previous 22 years of singleness.

Girls like a guy that doesn't seem to care about them. It's weird, but it's the truth.

see the 1st post i made in this thread

Silly BriGy86, I don't actually *read* the threads to which I respond. Imagine all the time that would waste!

no problem, i was mainly pointing the way to the same concept except less candy coating

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: BriGy86
i suggest reading the ladder theory link i posted, its not the most optomistic thing but its true, don't become friends with a girl if you want to end up "dateing" her (refer the the ladder theory) thats my main problem, if im going to get serious with a girl, i want a girl i can be friends with as well, so i basicly shoot myself in the foot right off the bat. if all a woman is to me is a hot piece of @ss and dumb as a stump i have no interest

so i'd say im pretty screwed... don't be like me

lol, i think its too late...i pretty much feel the same way you do...

 

[Cooler]

Originally posted by: BriGy86
i suggest reading the ladder theory link i posted, its not the most optomistic thing but its true, don't become friends with a girl if you want to end up "dateing" her (refer the the ladder theory) thats my main problem, if im going to get serious with a girl, i want a girl i can be friends with as well, so i basicly shoot myself in the foot right off the bat. if all a woman is to me is a hot piece of @ss and dumb as a stump i have no interest

so i'd say im pretty screwed... don't be like me

Just dont be a close friend just one you talk to once in a while that way she will be more willing to accpet you. I mean talking to her two times a week or will not hurt your chances that much just dont over due it.

 

[Skunkwourk]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

well Im not here to boost your ego, but you've said yourself that you've been on serveral dates. So that means you aren't hopeless. Even if they went nowhere, some people have a hard enough time going on 1 date.

As for talking to girls, do you think you're interesting? An easy way to tell is do you have any good stories to share about yourself?

in a word - no.
my job is not interesting. i don't have any interesting hobbies or do anything that anyone except another geek/nerd would find interesting.

self fulfilling prophecy

that stuff could be interesting if you make it. There are multiple issues here. You think this stuff is boring, but you haven't tried to to interesting things, plus youre giong for girls who you think wouldn't find your interests interesting anyway. See the problem? I would go out on a limb and just talk about your interests. Theres no hope anyway if you can't share at least 1 of them with a girl.

Also I think you should consider this. You get a first date because they WANT to know more about you. I mean they're already interested a little. Don't think its just some pity date because it really you chance to prove/sell yourself.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: bsobel

thats another thing. i like to kind of get to know a girl a little before i ask her out. like at work its easy because you could see how they act and stuff like that.

Stop that immediately When you first meet a woman, she knows (and you should also) within 5 minutes if she is interested in dating you. Getting to know her (especially with your personality [err, meant with kindness, not as a slam]) is not the way to play this.

I'm sure I'll get some grief for this, but seriously spend whatever they are asking and read this e-book. It's actually not as cheesy as it sounds (not trying to pimp someones work, but in your case, consider it an investment)

Bill

i'm looking for a girlfriend, not a one night stand.

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: Cooler

Originally posted by: BriGy86
i suggest reading the ladder theory link i posted, its not the most optomistic thing but its true, don't become friends with a girl if you want to end up "dateing" her (refer the the ladder theory) thats my main problem, if im going to get serious with a girl, i want a girl i can be friends with as well, so i basicly shoot myself in the foot right off the bat. if all a woman is to me is a hot piece of @ss and dumb as a stump i have no interest

so i'd say im pretty screwed... don't be like me

Just dont be a close friend just one you talk to once in a while that way she will be more willing to accpet you.

you're still a friend

 

[Taggart]

As far as online dating, I tried eharmony for a few months in 2004 and it seemed to have potential. I went on a couple of dates. That was around the time I lost my job, so I stopped dating at that point! I think if I had used it for a while longer it would have produced some good results. I might try it again.

I haven't tried dating through myspace, but I have heard it can work. It can be an online dating service without the fees, but you may know that if you already use myspace. You get a lot of the benefits of eharmony from what I experienced. You'll have to weed through a lot more people, though.