.

[Zebo]

a 100 duh.......If I don't loose it and she remained alive somehow I would kick her ass out and file for divorce and spend every dollar I had to keep the kids. like wing said nothing passive and she totally betrayed the trust. To me allowing these sexual touches is the same a having anal sex with the entire Dallas Cowboys football team.

<<<<<<<<Married 7 years and have never cheated

EDIT: whoops, actually 8

 

[Kadarin]

How would your wife feel if the situation were reversed? How would she react, and what would she do? She knew what was going on, and did nothing to get out of the situation, so I strongly consider this to be cheating. And as someone else mentioned, there's a high likelihood of this not being the only time this has happened (although I do understand that you believe her at this point.) After all, she let this happen for a reason. How did you find out about this, did she tell you out of the blue, or did you come across some evidence of some sort?

If you and your wife stay together, this will obviously have far reaching effects on your relationship; when she's gone for extended periods of time, you will always have that nagging thought in the back of your head that she's off doing something inappropriate (or worse), and this will come out in flashes of distrust and jealousy, along with a greater amount of fighting between the two of you. You have also lost a certain amount of respect for her, and this will show.

Among frequent business travelers, there is an expression: "What happens on the road stays on the road." Be aware of this.

Good luck to you, whatever happens.

 

[Orsorum]

Good words, Astaroth.

 

[gopunk]

if have kids - dunno, tough
if no kids - divorce

 

[luvya]

Life sucks to be you. I was involving in the same situation although I am not married. It's not good...by all means, start finding ur next wife.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: Zakath15
Good words, Astaroth.

Thanks! Unfortunately, however, they come from experience. I've never been married, but my current g/f and I have had a, shall we say, interesting relationship.

 

[xirtam]

Yeah... did she seem guilty or remorseful about it, or was it just a casual, "Oh, by the way, I met some hot guys at a couple of bars awhile ago"?

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

Why is she telling you this in the first place? Is she feeling remorse, does she want to tell you something with it, or is it more a matter of 'Tuesday afternoon I went shopping with Alice, and in the evening I let a guy feel me up again like I did on Monday'?

 

[SeaSerpent]

Im married, been married for 10 years. If I found out my wife let this happen I would be killing some people.

 

[Linflas]

In the grand scheme of things what you described us not that big a deal but like Moonbeam I wonder why she told you about this. It sounds like nothing more than some harmless flirtation that was getting a bit far along due to the consumption of "social lubricant" before the parties had the good sense to stop. I have been married for 17 years and if this has happened to my wife she has not shared it with me.

 

[AndrewR]

She is in the military. They drink a lot.

What happens TDY, stays TDY? You're deluding yourself if you think it won't happen again.

She definitely crossed a line. There's nothing "passive" about what she did, nor is drinking a decent excuse.

 

[Roddy]

I'm not married.. but I do believe in a marriage you should expect respect and loyalty from your husband/wife..
trust is an important thing in a relationship.

 

[jjones]

I'm married 7 years. To me, this is no different than if those two guys had taken her to bed. You've got serious problems with your marriage and I hope you work it out. Quite honestly, I don't know if I could reconcile if I were in your shoes.

 

[SuperCyrix]

I am not married, but out of all the cheating girls I've ever dated (and that's all of them) you learn to recognize b.s

She told you because she's afraid a friend who saw her might tell you eventually and then you wouldn't believe a word of hers.
To play it down, she told you a real toned down version of what really happened. If somebody told you what happened at the bar, she'll just say "oh I've told you that already." She's playing the trust card.
Chances are, she slept with them already. Maybe you should get a PI.

 

[skace]

I'd ask her why she let it happen. If she could give me an honest response to that then I would make my judgement. I'm not married, but I know how I like and don't like to be treated - so take the advice based on that. Can she look you in the eyes when she gets home and say she fscked up?

PS. I thought the guys advice was interesting who told you that if she told you this it was probably the watered down version. I've known girls to do this before, and they do water things down when they think it will be in their benefit. I don't know if she would do it to you particularly and I'm not saying she slept with both of them, but it could have been less passive and more active. (She told you what they did to her, but she didn't say what she did in the situation).

 

[Tranquility]

Originally posted by: Ronstang
You just stepped off the naive train if you believe that is all that happened. She feels guilty for betraying you so she gives you the watered down version that she thinks will be forgiveable in your eyes so she can feel like she did the right thing. I hate to break it to you but your wife has had sex with other men while she was away. If what she said was all that happened she would not have even told you because it would not be worth filling your mind with suspicion for things she felt to be harmless.

Reading through the whole thread, I'd say there's about 80 - 90% chance that what Ronstang described is the whole story here.

 

[ericb]

If I let two women do to me what those two men did to your wife then my life would be painfully ended by my wife. Once could have been an alcohol induced accident but twice...

 

[Zebo]

Originally posted by: Tranquility

Originally posted by: Ronstang
You just stepped off the naive train if you believe that is all that happened. She feels guilty for betraying you so she gives you the watered down version that she thinks will be forgiveable in your eyes so she can feel like she did the right thing. I hate to break it to you but your wife has had sex with other men while she was away. If what she said was all that happened she would not have even told you because it would not be worth filling your mind with suspicion for things she felt to be harmless.

Reading through the whole thread, I'd say there's about 80 - 90% chance that what Ronstang described is the whole story here.

I did'nt want to say it but since it's been said.........

 

[tallest1]

Just ask her what she'd do if you went out and got felt up by two women. If she gets emotional to that question, keep her. If she keeps a blank face and says "uhhhhhh, I'd forgive you", I'd be highly suspicious.

 

[SagaLore]

The responsibility of being married is that you don't put yourself into a situation where that could happen.

So she is wrong. Can't use alocohol as an excuse.

 

[tkim]

pissed is an understatement.

i'd be just short of physical violence

 

[BD2003]

I've had a gf give me the watered down version of something before I found out the real truth. At least I hope. There will always be a nagging suspicion in the back of my mind....

Its as serious as you want it to be. If my gf did such a thing, we'd be on a definite break.

 

[Kindjal]

Truly the question has to be "Why are you telling me this?"

I know I certainly wouldn't tell my wife about an incident like that ... there is nothing to tell that would serve any useful purpose.

Honesty is not always the best policy - especially when the truth serves only to drive you mad. :|

I think there might be a larger message to her story.

But then again, she could just feel guilty, however, that is something only you can know.

 

[Michael1897]

Originally posted by: tallest1
Just ask her what she'd do if you went out and got felt up by two women. If she gets emotional to that question, keep her. If she keeps a blank face and says "uhhhhhh, I'd forgive you", I'd be highly suspicious.

I agree on this one. I'd be pissed beyond all belief. then I would definately reverse the roll and ask here what would she feel like. Or even, go out with a buddy the next weekend and leave her at home and then later tell her something similar happened, when she goes crazy which is likely to happen, then you tell her see that is how i feel.

but definately, the trust is pretty much gone in this one. you'll always be wondering what she is doing when you are not together. if you can stay calm enough, seriously talk to her but i also think that she isn't telling the whole story. then you need paul harvey to get you "the rest of the story"

b4 you ask, i'm only 20.

 

[Nitemare]

I'd feel like changing the locks, and getting a new made named Heidi from Sweden.

If I ever did forgive her, she would have alot of making up to do...have to invest in a nice set of knee pads