.

[Isla]

Just a side note...

If you just get divorced and never deal with what has happened in your relationship, you are very likely to hook up with someone who has the same problems again. Trust me, there is a sort of 'relationship Twilight Zone' out there where you will find yourself getting involved with the same person in a different body, over and over again, until you figure out what it is about you that attracts you to these situations. What role have you been playing in her life? Father-husband to a rebellious daughter-wife? Savior of some sort? There are definitely roles being played here, and if you want to avoid this kind of heartache in the future, you'd best figure out what part you have cast yourself in.

Also, while I appreciate Amish's loving perspective (yay Amish!) what concerns me the most is that she doesn't seem to realize how hazardous and potentially dangerous this behavior is to her. I'm not concerned about your pride... I am concerned about what might happen to her on a drunken night with the wrong kind of guy.

 

[heartsurgeon]

if the relationship is "good" and you wish to make it better inspite of these revelations - seek counciling with a specialist.

if the relationship has been deteriorating for some time, and divorce is anticipated - speak to a lawyer soon

in either event, i would seriously recommend you and your spouse get tested for Hep B, Hep C, HIV, and other STD's (no i am not kidding).
you need to protect yourself.

 

[Spook]

I like Heart Sugeons response..... Can tell he's in the medical field...

Anyway... I'm not going to drivel on with what has allready been said... but I have an Ex-wife... and when she dropped the bomb on me, it was much like this... This guy is just a 'friend' and the reassurances that nothing will ever happen... yada yada yada

This crap bleeds over into my current marriage, where my wife tells me everything, but there is allways this crap in the back of my mind about my last marriage... It sucks, and its part of the experience(baggage, depending how you look at it) I bring from my last marriage....

One thing I don't think anyone here has considered much... She's not with him, she's god know's where, and been away for several months. Its the military, its not like she can leave to go to counseling, or even talk to him face to face.... I was in the military to when I married my Ex, and I had no way to reconsile things with her, while things were happening...

The situation sucks, I hope things work out for you...

 

[Tranquility]

Reading further along, im now starting to agree more with what Isla and Electric Amish said. She was approached by work coleagues (maybe superiors) so denying them completely could've done harm to her career so she took the middle ground.

What you're feeling right now is just but probably trivial in the long run, I think the wise move here is to better your relationship further so she won't even think about going to a bar with other men anymore

 

[Beau]

Originally posted by: Tranquility
Reading further along, im now starting to agree more with what Isla and Electric Amish said. She was approached by work coleagues (maybe superiors) so denying them completely could've done harm to her career so she took the middle ground.

What you're feeling right now is just but probably trivial in the long run, I think the wise move here is to better your relationship further so she won't even think about going to a bar with other men anymore

Her career is in jeopardy anyway. There's no way she can stay at a job where her superiors are doing that kind of sh!t. If she had at least said no (assuming this was the case) then she would have had grounds to file sexual harrasment. But because she went with the flow, she consented and blew that out of the water. IMO, she wanted it as much as they did. If you can forgive her for that, then you're a bigger (maybe dumber) man than I, but if it's happened once, it's more likely to happen again.

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: Jerboy
I'm glad I'm not married. . .

Messing around is fun.

eeewwwwwwwwwwwwww

 

[Azraele]

I am concerned about what might happen to her on a drunken night with the wrong kind of guy.

She has a good point here.

 

[Dually]

I would be pissed and end the relationship. I bet she is lying and that more went on.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: Beau6183

Originally posted by: Tranquility
Reading further along, im now starting to agree more with what Isla and Electric Amish said. She was approached by work coleagues (maybe superiors) so denying them completely could've done harm to her career so she took the middle ground.

What you're feeling right now is just but probably trivial in the long run, I think the wise move here is to better your relationship further so she won't even think about going to a bar with other men anymore

Her career is in jeopardy anyway. There's no way she can stay at a job where her superiors are doing that kind of sh!t. If she had at least said no (assuming this was the case) then she would have had grounds to file sexual harrasment. But because she went with the flow, she consented and blew that out of the water. IMO, she wanted it as much as they did. If you can forgive her for that, then you're a bigger (maybe dumber) man than I, but if it's happened once, it's more likely to happen again.

Well, she has already let two different men make out with her and feel her up. Next time they will go for third base or hit home runs on a weekly basis...

 

[Electric Amish]

Thanks Isla

Isla has a good point as well. If this starts happening with relative strangers she could be in physical danger at some point.

Nevertheless, it's still just sex. It's when she begins to have feelings for the other men that you need to start worrying.

amish

 

[Beau]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Thanks Isla

Isla has a good point as well. If this starts happening with relative strangers she could be in physical danger at some point.

Nevertheless, it's still just sex. It's when she begins to have feelings for the other men that you need to start worrying.

amish

While it could be like this, sex is an emotional thing, and she made a commitment with the vows she took by marrying him. Feelings or none, she done fvcked up, violated his trust and put an incredible amount of strain on their relationship, if not killed it. Since this is a first time and since she did not have sex with them, I could see maybe overlooking it and moving on, but since it has happened once, what's to stop it from happening again? What happens when she actually screws another guy? What if she gets pregnant from him? Maybe even gets a disease? By taking vows as in marriage, you are taking vows to be totally honest and faithful to your partner. This is not that kind of behavior.

 

[hoihtah]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Thanks Isla

Isla has a good point as well. If this starts happening with relative strangers she could be in physical danger at some point.

Nevertheless, it's still just sex. It's when she begins to have feelings for the other men that you need to start worrying.

amish

what? it's still just sex?
that's called adultry.
that's a serious enough crime to unbind a marriage.

it's amazing that you can say that it's still just sex.

as for justint's wife...
as many said... she's got a lot of explaining to do.

 

[Electric Amish]

sex is an emotional thing

I believe sex is a Physical thing.

amish

 

[Beau]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

sex is an emotional thing

I believe sex is a Physical thing.

amish

Technically, yes. But when you are with someone in a relationship, sex becomes something more than physical. In having sex, you are trusting the other person to not give it to anyone else. It's a sacred thing between the two in the relationship.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

sex is an emotional thing

I believe sex is a Physical thing.

amish

So I guess the Forsake All Others part of the wedding vows were optional?

 

[Alex]

Originally posted by: bizmark
yes, I'd be very upset. Kissing the neck definitely crosses the line.

so does touching legs in a 'feeling out' manner. i'd be very fscken pissed off and just hearing this angers me... argh :|

 

[Spook]

I agree with Amish in some ways.... People don't try hard enough in marriages any more.... Marraige is not easy. I would be pissed too, and I was with my Ex-wife. But I was willing to work it out with her. Problem was that, she wasn't.

Look, as far as you know, it was a kiss. The woman has been away for a few months, and is craving some emotional contact. I'm sure she would prefer to be with you, but she can't, she's in the military. Maybe she's telling you all of this, because she really misses you, and wished that could have been you.

Not everything is as cut and dry as everyone here would make it seem. IE she says she was kissed, so she must have had sex. My wife is very nieve, and is in the military also(At least for 6 more days ), but I trust her, and if she told me she slipped, I wouldn't abandon her...

Spook

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: Nitemare

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

sex is an emotional thing

I believe sex is a Physical thing.

amish

So I guess the Forsake All Others part of the wedding vows were optional?

They are just words. What really matters is in the heart. Just because you had some ceremony performed doesn't make you any more or less "in-love" with a person.

I'd be much more upset if I was "forsaken" emotionally over physically.

It's a sacred thing between the two in the relationship

Having sex with one you love is a "sacred" thing. That's why sex without emotional attachment is a different thing.

amish

 

[rickn]

like a previous poster said, seek out a marriage counselor. did your wife voluntarily divulge what happened? If so, most counselors will tell you that is a GOOD thing. She did it to get attention. If your marriage is important to you, seek some marriage counseling. You and your wife definitely need it.

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: rickn
like a previous poster said, seek out a marriage counselor. did your wife voluntarily divulge what happened? If so, most counselors will tell you that is a GOOD thing. She did it to get attention. If your marriage is important to you, seek some marriage counseling. You and your wife definitely need it.

Yes run to more people for answers to your own problems.

amish

 

[Mill]

Get counseling. Don't just run out and divorce her. I urge you to please get counseling and try to save your marriage. What she did was wrong and totally stupid. At least try counseling if you used to love her. I am sorry something like this has to happen to anyone. I know that sucks dude. :| :| :|

 

[Electric Amish]

At least try counseling if you used to love her

Used to love her?

Dude, if you don't "love" her anymore after this miniscule incident, then you NEVER "loved" her.

amish

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

This is a 10.

As human beings we all capable of being tempted and most of us would fail a test of true temptation. When you love somebody, you do not put yourself in a position to be tempted and, like Joseph in the Bible, will literally run from temptation should it arise anyway. The Bible also says that to lust after a woman is the same as having committed adultery. Whether or not you're a Christian you have to acknowledge the wisdom of these words.

I'm the young dashing IT guy in an office that's 80% young women. I have never even given off the hint of flirtation with any of them and completely ignore any flirty comments I hear. When I got married, I even cut off all relations with any peripheral female friends I had. Why? Because I truly love my wife and her happiness comes before anything in my life.

What your wife did is more than enough to doubt her love if not, at the very least, her committment to the relationship. What's worse, she told you about it which means she wants you to know. Why would she want you to know? Is it because she knows what she did was wrong and she wants to confess to be forgiven so she can change and save the relationship or because she wants a cheap out?

 

[rickn]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: rickn
like a previous poster said, seek out a marriage counselor. did your wife voluntarily divulge what happened? If so, most counselors will tell you that is a GOOD thing. She did it to get attention. If your marriage is important to you, seek some marriage counseling. You and your wife definitely need it.

Yes run to more people for answers to your own problems.

amish

and who are you, The Amazing Kreskin? What qualifications do you have in giving marital advice? There is more to marital infidelity than "Oh, I was drunk" Give me a break. So you can stuff them rolling eyes back into your head now.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: rickn
like a previous poster said, seek out a marriage counselor. did your wife voluntarily divulge what happened? If so, most counselors will tell you that is a GOOD thing. She did it to get attention. If your marriage is important to you, seek some marriage counseling. You and your wife definitely need it.

Yes run to more people for answers to your own problems.

amish

So you would suggest an open marriage? Obviously there is a problem here where his wife is accepting the advances of others outside of marriage. It could be emotional neglect from the husband, fear of reprisal from an associate, or that she is just a friggin naive slut...

Not enough details in this to justify a conclusion.