.

[Turkey]

23, never married...

Hey, everyone's relationships are based on different things... some like how their s.o.'s will only be emotionally and physically intimate with them, some people don't care about the physical side of the relationship and only about the emotional side. But you guys should have established that kind of stuff before you got married... ie "One thing I like about you is that you will only be physically intimate with me, and doing that with other guys shows a lack of respect for me" or "If you feel like there is something you are not getting from our marriage then I want you to go out and find it because it'll make you happy." And generally both people have to feel the same way about it for everything to work out, so one person couldn't be saying the first thing while the other person is saying the 2nd. I think that's the "what constitutes cheating" conversation.

Sounds like you guys didn't have the "what constitutes cheating" conversation before you got married. Personally I wouldn't like it but I think it can be worked out... it'd be harder (but still workable) if she knew you wouldn't like it and did it anyway. In that case she didn't really respect you and how her actions affect you. That's like "I told you that would hurt me, why did you do it?" A single instance of that isn't a big deal... only if it's a pattern. This kind of one-time thing becomes the funny stories you tell at the dinner table when you're talking about stupid sh*t you've done in your relationship.

Either way, sounds like it's time for that "what constitutes cheating" conversation dude. Sucks.

 

[AznMaverick]

i'd feel betrayed.

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: justint
What if your wife had been away for a few months on business and told you that she had been drinking with people from work and let two seperate guys rub her shoulders, touch her legs and kiss her neck on two seperate occasions?

Do you think that crosses the line into innapropriate? How would you react?

Edit: She was drunk, but she knew what was going on and this went on all night. That is as far as it went, rubbing her shoulders, touching her legs, kissing her neck, and one guy put his head on her lap. Two seperate guys, two seperate nights over a week apart. I am stunned.

EDIT: Anyone who is married. Please note that in your response. I would like to hear from married folks. On a scale of 1 to 10, how serious is this?

I'd be stunned also. I would say on a scale of 1-10 it's a 6-7 which is fairly bad. 1 being she thought a guy was good looking and 10 engaged in a multi-man orgy. What happened is minimal but to me it shows something deeper from within her.

 

[mztykal]

First off, I'm a overprotective ass at times. And when it/if it did ever come to her doing something like that, she would see the deuce (hand sideways with middle finger and pointer forming a sideways "V") and a sign that read "Peasowwt". Cus that's all she'd get.

No remorse. Just the deuce and the sign.

But that's me, now if she did that to get back at me for something I fvcked up on, now that's a different story. BUT, if she told you she did that with them, you know damn well deep down inside you she either fvcked the two guys, or gave them oral. There's always more to a story than what's told.

Interogate, find out the guys names and do some detective work. If you find out she did suck/fvck them, see the first paragraph I put.

 

[MaxDepth]

sounds like you are making the excuses for her.


also, sounds like she places herself in a group where she is the only female. good for her ego, but bad for you.


you two need to talk about what you and she really want with the marriage. I'd tell her that she is an adult, and that she has to make that decision on whether she wants to stay married or be her group's little slut toy. If you two believe in a monogamous relationship in your marriage, then being with someone else is cheating and grounds for divorce. The decision is hers; fvck another guy and she fvcks the marriage.


and as it sounds like you are being wishy-washy with her (sorry, bub) you have to be firm with her on this. otherwise, you are sooooooo linoleum to her.

 

[Kinger]

Find a girl (like a good friend) and grab a hand full of tit and take a picture and then show it to your wife and see how she reacts. I know two wrongs don't make a right but fight fire with fire. If my girl ever did that to me I'd throw her out the door and break the fingers of the other guys!

 

[Moohooya]

I confess I'm not going to read all of the above. However I am married, so you may be interested in what I have to say.

Yes, what she did was wrong. As for you scale of 1 to 10, I say forget the scale. If I had to pick a number, I'd say 1.

What happened to trust some of you ask. Well, did she not tell you what had happened? She knew that she had broken your trust and came clean about it. Probably for one of a few reasons.

1) She wants to realy piss you off and get a divorce.
2) Your bedroom life sucks and she hopes that this might spark some jeleously in you and things might get better.
3) She is honestly sorry.

If it is 1, you are out of luck. If it is 2, it may never have happened. (Same with 1, but you are too late.) If it is 3, chances are it happened, but she is sorry, knowns what she did was wrong, so go kiss and makeup (makeout).

Lets get realistic about this. Some HUGE percentage of married folks have affairs on business trips. I forget what it is, but 1 in 5 or something. She had been away for not one night, but several months. The affair percentage has got to be much higher for trips of this length. I'm not trying to say this was right, but bringing it into perspective we are all human, have our weak moments, and she did something bad.

She has not being having an affair for months with your best friend.
She didn't even have a one night stand.
She didn't even try to hide or deny the incidents.

If more had happened, why would she have even brought it up and started suspecions in your mind?

 

[justint]

UPDATE: I have moved on from being shocked to being really really pissed. I have never been this mad before about anything. Hopefully I can get over it soon and move onto something productive.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

I would say it totally depends on you, her, and how strong your relationship is. I would suggest that you guys at least figure out how to keep this from happening again. Basically, she is violating your trust. That has to be dealt with, otherwise, your relationship will go down the drain.

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: SuperSix

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
It's obvious to me that most of you people have never been truly in love.

amish

"morally bankrupt" really describes you.. Or you are in your marraige for the convenience

Convenience?? Have you ever BEEN married?? WTF is convenient about being married??

By that I mean, your emotions for one dont dictate your actions, ie. , you say you love her but find satisfaction with another.

I was physically satisfied by another. I've never been emotionally satisfied by anyone but my wife.

I commend you for having an open mind and at least considering what I said. Whether or not you agree in the end does not matter. It's the consideration that is important.

amish

 

[Azraele]

Originally posted by: justint
UPDATE: I have moved on from being shocked to being really really pissed. I have never been this mad before about anything. Hopefully I can get over it soon and move onto something productive.

You're right, anger is counter-productive, even when it's justified. If more people realized that, there'd probably be fewer accidents/violence in this world.

 

[Johnlee]

Harness your anger...join the dark side.

It's funny, all these fsckin opions. That's all they are but I love giving mine.

Sometimes when it comes to relationships I think on a slightly more grand scale. I'm bummed for you or anyone that this happens to. That nasty @ss feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when someone tells you some sh1t like that is the worst. Gads, I'm creeping myself out just thinking of it.

Okay, so not only am I bummed for you, but I feel a lesson should be taught. If YOU let her "get away" with it, maybe she'll think it's okay to do with the next guy. And the next guy. Hell, I may be dating that b1tch in 5 years and I'm certainly not going to let her pull that scandalousness on me. See what I'm saying? You gotta squash that now. Keep her or dump her but make sure she knows that sh1t isn't cool with you.

 

[Linflas]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: SuperSix

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
It's obvious to me that most of you people have never been truly in love.

amish

"morally bankrupt" really describes you.. Or you are in your marraige for the convenience

Convenience?? Have you ever BEEN married?? WTF is convenient about being married??

By that I mean, your emotions for one dont dictate your actions, ie. , you say you love her but find satisfaction with another.

I was physically satisfied by another. I've never been emotionally satisfied by anyone but my wife.

I commend you for having an open mind and at least considering what I said. Whether or not you agree in the end does not matter. It's the consideration that is important.

amish

I suspect that we are seeing why one out of 2 marriages end in divorce from some of the attitudes I see in this thread.

 

[FettsBabe]

I'm married to Psychoholic and he knows that he better NEVER EVER stray. If he were to stray I would definately leave or kick him out and I would take my doggies with me. The same goes for me as well.

Seriously, your wife was drunk, let her co-workers touch her, and if she had continued this behavior put your life in danger by having sex with other men. Why? Even condoms don't protect you 100% of the time. Heck she was drunk and couldn't keep their hands off of her...heck she wanted it. How in the world could she have made sure a condom was put on?

This is what pisses me off. If you want to put your life in danger or have other men all up on you then why not leave your hubby? Simple answer: convenience. Most people would rather stay in a bad relationship than leave because of the disruption it would cause in their life. My answer: Get over it.

You have to do what your head says not your heart in this matter. If she changes then you can take her back, but you at least have to leave in order for her to do that. If you stay you tell her "its all right" and chances are the girl will do it again.

JMHO.

In regards to Amish, he lives by entirely different sex standards than the majority of us. Quite frankly, I think she should leave him, but thats her problem and she has to live with herself everyday for it. Amish, I still love ya though!

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: justint
What if your wife had been away for a few months on business and told you that she had been drinking with people from work and let two seperate guys rub her shoulders, touch her legs and kiss her neck on two seperate occasions?

Do you think that crosses the line into innapropriate? How would you react?

Edit: She was drunk, but she knew what was going on and this went on all night. That is as far as it went, rubbing her shoulders, touching her legs, kissing her neck, and one guy put his head on her lap. Two seperate guys, two seperate nights over a week apart. I am stunned.

EDIT: Anyone who is married. Please note that in your response. I would like to hear from married folks. On a scale of 1 to 10, how serious is this?

Here's how you should have handled this: As soon as she told you that, you should have excalimed "Wow! What a coincidence!!!" and watched her reaction

 

[StageLeft]

Seriously, your wife was drunk, let her co-workers touch her, and if she had continued this behavior put your life in danger by having sex with other men.

His wife never had sex or even kissed these guys.

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Seriously, your wife was drunk, let her co-workers touch her, and if she had continued this behavior put your life in danger by having sex with other men.

His wife never had sex or even kissed these guys.

i think she is saying she will eventually.

 

[UDT89]

i wouldnt deal with this at all.

I would probably take all the money i could find and buy a plasma tv and move out. If there were kids involved, i would consider a divorce and get custody.

Dude, if you were ever thinking of moving to a new place nows the best time. Youll thank yourself. I heard the Hawaii police department is in need of people. That sounds veryyyyyyyyy tempting to me.


Oh yea........
If you get a divorce sell everything thats yours. A buddy of mine sold his harley and dualy pick up before the divorce and invested in a new house. This way she wouldnt be the one selling those items and keeping 50-100%.

 

[Squisher]

Originally posted by: justint
What if your wife had been away for a few months on business and told you that she had been drinking with people from work and let two seperate guys rub her shoulders, touch her legs and kiss her neck on two seperate occasions?

Do you think that crosses the line into innapropriate? How would you react?

Edit: She was drunk, but she knew what was going on and this went on all night. That is as far as it went, rubbing her shoulders, touching her legs, kissing her neck, and one guy put his head on her lap. Two seperate guys, two seperate nights over a week apart. I am stunned.

EDIT: Anyone who is married. Please note that in your response. I would like to hear from married folks. On a scale of 1 to 10, how serious is this?

I'd say this is a 10 on the serious scale, even though it wasn't sex it was an invited action. Looks like it's either counseling time or divorce time.

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Seriously, your wife was drunk, let her co-workers touch her, and if she had continued this behavior put your life in danger by having sex with other men.

His wife never had sex or even kissed these guys.

i think she is saying she will eventually.

Yes she probably will if things don't change.

 

[FettsBabe]

Iamwiz was correct with regards to his statements about my post.

 

[crystal]

to amish,

If you are able to go back in time before you cheated, knowing what you know now would you still cheated on your wife that first time.

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: crystal
to amish,

If you are able to go back in time before you cheated, knowing what you know now would you still cheated on your wife that first time.

Yes, but with the other woman that was present.

amish

 

[starwarsdad]

Originally posted by: justint

Originally posted by: Shockwave
How would I feel? I'd feel like I need a new wife. As a married person, I put trust in my wife, to act responsibly. She puts the same trust in me. If I were to do that to her, how would she feel? How would it make us look? Same thing here. How do you feel? Do you trust her? How do you look when your around people who know? You look like a fool. Everybody thinks "Hey, theres the guy who married the girl who fools around, and he doesnt care"
Whether she did or did not do anymore then she said isnt the point anymore. The point is she broke the trust, and chances are, she will do it again.
*L*
"Boy. Git the shotgun for pa"....Exactly.

No one we know in common knows about this, but I wouldn't be surprised if it gets out eventually. Do you really consider that fooling around? She was passive not active. Maybe I am deluding myself.

From someone who is married's point of view, I think you are sticking your head in the sand. There is no excuse for this type of betrayal and behavior.

 

[Renob]

First off, I'm a overprotective ass at times


Dude after the post i got this line for I would have to say, your not a overprotective @ss your a Dumb a$$
Sorry to be so frank.