.

[Pliablemoose]

Honestly, I'd be hiring a divorce lawyer, life's too short for that crap. If she respected you & your relationship, it wouldn't have happened.

I'm on 2nd marriage, we've been together for 5 years & I wouldn't consider feeling up another woman, or kissing one.

She's using the drinking as an excuse for her behavior, and that's not good either. (If she's had enough to drink, extramarital sex is ok cuz she was drunk?)

There seems to be some hair splitting over sexual behavior & sex, if you're in a relationship and you're discussing sexual behavior with another party, there is no difference.

I'm also concerned that it happened with 2 different guys. How old are you-all? How long have you been married? Sounds like she's working up to having sex with someone else in the near future, if she hasn't already.

Rule of thumb, if you're not a loon and you suspect your partner is fooling around, they prob are...

Morals about sex & sexuality are highly individual, you need to make some choices about what yours are.

On a 0-10 scale, I give it a 9.99, 10 being sex. I'd hire a lawyer @ 8.

 

[Pacfanweb]

Got 2 more songs for you:

Used To Love Her by Guns 'n Roses

Let the Bodies Hit the Floor by Drowning Pool

She cheated on you. There's a lot more to that story than what she's telling.

 

[rc5]

No as bad as if they had sex together, also she told the truth.

 

[911paramedic]

That is like smoking pot, only leads to harder drugs like smoking crack and shooting heroin.

What would I feel? The phone in my hand, calling an attorney to start the divorce papers.

 

[gigapet]

once a cheater always a cheater

 

[justint]

 

[justint]

I need some females opinions here. Am I and all the other guys here overreacting?? WTF??

 

[Vadatajs]

I'm not married.

That said, I'd bring home the divorce papers the next day.

 

[Maggotry]

Originally posted by: gopunk
if have kids - dunno, tough
if no kids - divorce

Kids have nothing to do with it. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you lay down and be a doormat. Kids, at any age, can sense when things aren't right. They may not understand what is going on, but they know something is wrong. Raising kids in an environment where the parents are having serious trouble does them no good. Children need a loving, healthy environment. Spouses cheating on each other doesn't really fit that description.

 

[bigrash]

I think a couple of the guys here already said what I wanted to say, so I'll try not to repeat them.

Basically, I agree with the "watered down" version story. There must be a reason why she's telling you. I'm really sorry to tell you this, but I think she did more than she told you. The sad part is, if she did something more than she probably will deny it, so you'll never know the whole truth. I could not stay in a relationship where I have to ponder if she ever did something more or not. What she told you is bad enough and she definetly crossed that line.

I don't mind my gf drinking, but she has to know her limit (just like I know mine). We all do stupid stuff when we drink, but none of us accept the responsibility of what we do while we're drunk. Don't let her drinking be an excuse for what she did.

Good luck man. I'm not gonna tell you to move on, cause that's up to you and you're marriage.

 

[MainFramed]

i would be very very pissed:|

 

[rgwalt]

Originally posted by: justint
I am really pissed now. A few excerpts from an e-mail I just got from her. I still can't talk to her in person for a variety of reasons.

I'm sorry for dropping a bombshell on
you. The thing is that I don't feel like what I did is so bad. A little
bit of touching, we're not even talking about groping here, all one way,
when drunk, on deployment. I didn't sleep with anybody, didn't even kiss
anybody - I just didn't stop something very mild.

we have
different standards of where you cross the line. I think what I did was
very mild. I don't think I would be very mad if you did it. A little hurt,
naturally, but no more. And I hope that's where you end it too.

Don't let that slide. You two need to have a serious talk when she gets back. If you and she don't agree on what is wrong, some time apart might help you both think more clearly. Open relationships are a farce (and that is what she is after here, IMHO). Don't let it happen if you want to keep your marriage. GL buddy.

Ryan

 

[bigrash]

well, since you wanted a female's opinion, I just asked my best friend, who's here with me. this is what she said: what she told you is bullsh!t. she feels the guilt of doing something with the guys so she decided to tell you a light version of the story. She had sex with those guys and she feels the guilt. When women admit to something like this, it means there's more to it.

 

[propellerhead]

No big deal. She still comes home to you. She didn't let those guys get any further, did she?

People in the military are close, by nature. It's the military family thing. What may be construed as taboo elsewhere is common behavior in the military. I am ex-USAF. My wife is active duty USAF and I flirt with her officemates all the time. Heck, I even kissed this one girl on the cheek while posing for a goofy photo.

 

[justint]

Originally posted by: bigrash9
well, since you wanted a female's opinion, I just asked my best friend, who's here with me. this is what she said: what she told you is bullsh!t. she feels the guilt of doing something with the guys so she decided to tell you a light version of the story. She had sex with those guys and she feels the guilt. When women admit to something like this, it means there's more to it.

One thing I can honestly say with 99.9% confidence is that what she told me is what she did. I am positive that is all that ahppened. How she and feel about it are different matters altogether.

 

[justint]

Originally posted by: propellerhead
No big deal. She still comes home to you. She didn't let those guys get any further, did she?

People in the military are close, by nature. It's the military family thing. What may be construed as taboo elsewhere is common behavior in the military. I am ex-USAF. My wife is active duty USAF and I flirt with her officemates all the time. Heck, I even kissed this one girl on the cheek while posing for a goofy photo.

Call me old fashioned, but I think this goes beyond flirting and kissing someone on the cheek for a goofy photo.

 

[WA261]

Married here...

I would tell my wife to leave...i am not kidding...

and i would "feel" sick =(...just thinking about that makes me feel shit*y...sorry man

 

[Pliablemoose]

If it's "No big deal" & she doesn't feel it was wrong, why did she tell you?

 

[Isla]

I don't have time to read the whole thread... but I would say she needs to see a counselor.

These are the reasons why:

She was drunk
These are people she works with

The consequences to her are potentially devastating. Nevermind how you feel about what happened... why on EARTH would she put herself in a position like that? She needs to talk to someone who can help her understand why she would jeopordize her career and reputation in such a careless manner. And then maybe get to the bottom of why she would do that to you--- her husband.

And yes, I had a love affair once, which may or may not be worse than what your wife did, but the bottom line is stuff doesn't just 'happen'. There is always much more than meets the eye. What your wife did seems to be a symptom of a problem or problems, and not the problem itself.

 

[athithi]

Married too....depends on how much both of you've invested in your relationship. Perhaps the problem lies elsewhere.....counselling would definitely be considered if it ever happened to me. The seriousness of this is proportionate to how long you've been together - by my scale:

1 - 3 years: 9/10
3 - 7 years: 7/10
7+ years: 5/10

The reason I feel this way is that when people have been together for some time, they tend to take each other for granted and due to various reasons they might want to experiment. After living 10 years with my wife, if I found out she'd fooled around a little, I would be upset, but not enough to ditch the whole relationship. And I would definitely see if there was something I could change in the relationship to make it work. BTW, I've known my wife for 9 years, been married for 4 years.

 

[CKDragon]

Well, I'm only 20, but if my girlfriend of 8 months did that she wouldn't have anyone to stop her from doing it anymore, that's for sure. I know she feels the same if I would do anything. Being cheated on is such a horrible feeling, she completely disrespected you and expects it just blow over.

I told you my relatively low age/experience level, but I'd have to say that if I was in your position there would at the very least be a legal seperation. You shouldn't stand for that. Whatever you do, make sure you're respecting yourself in your decision. Do what's best for yourself, if this is something that's going to nag on your mind for the rest of your relationship, you should know what you have to do.

A few questions - I didn't see where you said if you had kids or not. And also, why are you so certain ("99.9%" as you said above) that more didn't happen? I had the same idea as the others about the watered down version as soon as I read your post.

Good luck,

CK

 

[Electric Amish]

It wouldn't bother me.

Knowing my wife, I'd be happy that she'd lightened-up a little and had some fun, unlike most of the people who have replied on the thread.

If you love her, lighten the fvck up and move on with your lives together. Life's too short to worry about piddly sh!t like this.

If you are questioning your relationship then you never really loved her and whatever you do doesn't matter.

amish

 

[Azraele]

You'd be justified in being upset, but she did tell you. Perhaps you should ask her why she did it.

I want opinions on how this would affect the relationship

I think it'd strain it. There'd be trust issues, certainly.

I'm sorry for dropping a bombshell on
you. The thing is that I don't feel like what I did is so bad. A little
bit of touching, we're not even talking about groping here, all one way,
when drunk, on deployment. I didn't sleep with anybody, didn't even kiss
anybody - I just didn't stop something very mild.

From a female perspective, I think she's crossed the line. The fact that she doesn't seem to think she has I find disturbing. If a "little bit of touching" is ok, how long until she justifies something further? Just because it was what she considers passive (she let them do it, but didn't do anything in return), does not mean that it was ok. If this is not ok with you (I know I wouldn't be ok with it, were I in your shoes), you need to let her know she's crossed a line.

I recommend you both go to counseling together.

 

[MrDudeMan]

i dont know if anyone else felt this way, but when i read that initial post i was pissed for justint, but after reading the excerpt from that e-mail....i cant believe you have not made the decision already to ditch that b!tch. are you serious man? you believe that is all that happened? females lie my friend.

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE

she cooked more than what she put on your plate. personally, i would put my plate and her arm in the garbage disposal.

 

[SALvation]

I'm married. You should have divorce papers waiting for her when she gets back. And you're kidding yourself if you think that's all that happened.