Let me know if I've overlooked anything:
1. Have a child or other relative hook up a computer for you, show you how to turn it on, then have them leave town. This computer should be at least 5 years old, if not older.
2. Get REALLY angry at your Internet service because you can't figure out how to print something.
3. Keep hanging up and redialing technical support from 5am (1 hour after you got out of bed) until 8am when they actually open. It helps to leave several voicemails complaining about how they're not open before sunrise.
4. Describe everything as a "thing", and make sure all of your sentences are no more than 4 words. This helps to make the conversation go faster. Some examples:
-"The thing don't work."
-"I get an error."
-"I get some screen."
-"I don't see nothin."
5. Even though you have no computer knowledge, question everything the technician asks you to do. After all, age is always more valuable than years of experience and a college degree.
6. Always push your explanations of what's wrong. For example "I think the server's down," or "Your equipment must be full," or "Your software broke my monitor."
7. Whenever asked to type in a phone number, always interrupt and ask "Do I have to put dashes in that?"
8. Always ask if your email address should be in lower case or in caps.
9. Make the technician think you're further along than you really are by saying "OK" at random times after an instruction, and then say "wait a minute" when the technician starts the next instruction. Repeat several times. Example:
Tech: Open the Control Panel
You: OK
Tech: Next go..
You: Wait a minute! OK...
Tech: Great. Now go to...
You: Hold on! Alright.
10. During the conversation, make sure to state your age several times, any health problems you might have, and then say things like "I'm no computer geek", or "I'm not a computer genius", or even better: "I'm not very computer illiterate." The double negative in this last statement will stun the technician, making him less likely to get hostile with you.
11. Finally, Get angry that the technician can't help you with your problem that has nothing to do with their service, demand to speak to the company president or you'll cancel your $9.95 a month account.
1. Have a child or other relative hook up a computer for you, show you how to turn it on, then have them leave town. This computer should be at least 5 years old, if not older.
2. Get REALLY angry at your Internet service because you can't figure out how to print something.
3. Keep hanging up and redialing technical support from 5am (1 hour after you got out of bed) until 8am when they actually open. It helps to leave several voicemails complaining about how they're not open before sunrise.
4. Describe everything as a "thing", and make sure all of your sentences are no more than 4 words. This helps to make the conversation go faster. Some examples:
-"The thing don't work."
-"I get an error."
-"I get some screen."
-"I don't see nothin."
5. Even though you have no computer knowledge, question everything the technician asks you to do. After all, age is always more valuable than years of experience and a college degree.
6. Always push your explanations of what's wrong. For example "I think the server's down," or "Your equipment must be full," or "Your software broke my monitor."
7. Whenever asked to type in a phone number, always interrupt and ask "Do I have to put dashes in that?"
8. Always ask if your email address should be in lower case or in caps.
9. Make the technician think you're further along than you really are by saying "OK" at random times after an instruction, and then say "wait a minute" when the technician starts the next instruction. Repeat several times. Example:
Tech: Open the Control Panel
You: OK
Tech: Next go..
You: Wait a minute! OK...
Tech: Great. Now go to...
You: Hold on! Alright.
10. During the conversation, make sure to state your age several times, any health problems you might have, and then say things like "I'm no computer geek", or "I'm not a computer genius", or even better: "I'm not very computer illiterate." The double negative in this last statement will stun the technician, making him less likely to get hostile with you.
11. Finally, Get angry that the technician can't help you with your problem that has nothing to do with their service, demand to speak to the company president or you'll cancel your $9.95 a month account.