On a more serious note, I'm not going to discuss any potential habits I have or may have had, regardless of whether I have conquered said habits or still fight myself to do anything.
I will say that I readily acknowledge the fact that I have an addictive personality. It's in the family too, an uncle (that we all wish we could forget) is basically a complete loser and has fucked up every chance possible. Interestingly, he was the only male, and of addictions, my mom doesn't seem to really have any life-destroying ones such as my uncle, but I am also her only son. My aunts on that side of the family have male sons, or at least one does, and they seem "normal".. so hell if I know if I just got all the luck with genetics or if I just got lucky in general.. as my mom says, if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all. :hmm:
Thanks to certain actions of outside forces, say, a federal agency that makes things either one label or another, I'd probably still be grappling with a fairly strong habit, which itself had been drawn into character because of something that may have been previously studied.
Addiction, as in going out of my way to serious impacts just to "score"... I've refused to let myself ever get that far, but I've made bad decisions and had notes of undesirable character traits thanks to dwelling on certain concepts.
Speaking of never letting myself get too far down that rabbit hole, I've recognized this addictive personality for a long time, and for awhile didn't do much to change anything. I easily convinced myself to not even try the very hard drugs, simply because I no longer trusted myself after trying something new, had no idea and just didn't want to find out.. though I had been tempted on a few occasions.
Note: These possibly addictions and experiences, are not necessarily chemicals, and are not necessarily illegal. And I am serious when I say not all are chemicals, some are just things in life. Kind of like OCD can be said to be addict-style behavior, things of that nature.
To me, even with all my failures and accomplishments, and even with all my beliefs (or lack of beliefs) on why everything is the way it is... I absolutely feel the joy and feeling of pride in life is cold and meaningless if there was never at least one moment where one truly conquered oneself. Everything else pales in comparison to the idea of discovering every deep secret of yourself, both conscious and unconscious, truly learning everything there is to know about yourself, and actually committing an almost unreasonable amount of effort to right anything you recognize as wrong. For when it comes with studying oneself, you succeed when you accurately note the good and the bad. Actually conquering yourself is taking what you learn and doing something about it.
I'm on the road that's past Point A, but Point B is in the distance. And I'll be damned if this isn't a bitch of a road, and there are a ton of easier looking paths jutting out here and there every so often on said road.