Advice... Girl Situation (no pics)

[AdamDuritz99]

Ok, first off no pics. sorry. But i would really like peoples advice.

ok, this is kind of complicated but i'm going to try explain it the best i can. Last winter i broke up with my girlfriend because her parents didn't like me. They said i was bad for her, i was brain washing her(i was a big christian), i was too young for her, she was 19 and i'm 18, and that i was basically ruining her life. We really cared for each other after dating for a year but after two months of going through the crap her parents were giving her she basically gave up. They were threating taking her truck and pulling her out of college. Well even after breaking up we would talk on the phone and email each other. Slowly all of it died down and we didn't even email each other for a while. Well about 3 months ago we slowly started emailing each other and now we mail letters back and forth. We haven't talked on the phone or anything like that. We never see each other b/c she's at a college about 2 hours a way. There is no sign really that she has given that she wants to try it again or anything but it just seems like we are slowly talking more. I really care for her still. What i want to know is should i try to just keep talking more and more and try to get back together in a few months or should i just leave as just friends? Keep in mind she's just about to turn 20 but her parents have strings still attached to her. Any advice?

peace
sean

 

[ShadowHunter]

No pics????

I sense flames and poor ratings....

 

[pulse8]

She needs to take charge of her life and stand up to her parents.

Until she does that, it will never change and there's nothing you can do to help that or speed it up.

I say stay her friend and just be there if/when she does decide to stand up to them and maybe then get back together with her.

Edit: Don't listen to this pic mongers. They have nothing better to do.

 

[KBrinks]

dude you dont need a pic of her.. just post pics of any chick...


if you post pics.....they will come

 

[ShadowHunter]

<< Edit: Don't listen to this pic mongers. They have nothing better to do. >>



Truer then you may think

 

[AdamDuritz99]

<< dude you dont need a pic of her.. just post pics of any chick...


if you post pics.....they will come >>



I'm serious in this thread, but i laughed when i read that.

peace
sean

 

[AdamDuritz99]

*bump*

 

[BigJohnKC]

What exactly do you mean when you say "(i was a big christian)." You were? Or are? If her parents didn't like you because you are a Christian, then maybe that was a sign that you shouldn't get with this girl. If she's not a Christian, and is set on never becoming a Christian, then any long term relationship won't work out between you two. Sorry if this is harsh, but if you are a Christian, then you know that the Bible says you shouldn't marry a non-Christian woman.

 

[UnixFreak]

Have you two considered eloping? Thats always a good idea.

 

[Czar]

Dont push the relationship into anything, just see where it goes. If you want this to be more than just mailing then ask her if she wants more.

About getting back together with an ex then its very very seldom easy and hardly ever the same as before.

 

[jjones]

<< Have you two considered eloping? Thats always a good idea. >>


roflmao

 

[Azraele]

I would play it by ear, and yes, that means the wait and see game. Meanwhile, weigh the posibilities. What would happen if you did start seeing her, as far as her parents are concerned? How does she feel about the whole affair? Is there any way you can earn her parents trust?

Good luck.

 

[Rent]

Pulse8 hit it on the head... she has to stand up to her parents.

Her parents are running her life and until she takes more control, you'll be screwed

Good luck

 

[AdamDuritz99]

<< What exactly do you mean when you say "(i was a big christian)." You were? Or are? If her parents didn't like you because you are a Christian, then maybe that was a sign that you shouldn't get with this girl. If she's not a Christian, and is set on never becoming a Christian, then any long term relationship won't work out between you two. Sorry if this is harsh, but if you are a Christian, then you know that the Bible says you shouldn't marry a non-Christian woman. >>



No she's a christian, but she didn't go to church a lot and particpated in a lot of activities. When we got together, she just got really serious. We even tried to get her parents to go to church with us. Actually for the year we went out her parents liked me but i don't know. They just changed all of the sudden. I don't even know why. Her dad is actually indifferent, but man her mom...ouch.


peace
sean

 

[BigJohnKC]

<<

<< What exactly do you mean when you say "(i was a big christian)." You were? Or are? If her parents didn't like you because you are a Christian, then maybe that was a sign that you shouldn't get with this girl. If she's not a Christian, and is set on never becoming a Christian, then any long term relationship won't work out between you two. Sorry if this is harsh, but if you are a Christian, then you know that the Bible says you shouldn't marry a non-Christian woman. >>



No she's a christian, but she didn't go to church a lot and particpated in a lot of activities. When we got together, she just got really serious. We even tried to get her parents to go to church with us. Actually for the year we went out her parents liked me but i don't know. They just changed all of the sudden. I don't even know why. Her dad is actually indifferent, but man her mom...ouch.


peace
sean >>



Well, good that you're not trying to mix evangelising and dating - doesn't work. Anyway, there isn't much you can do about her Mom, that is something she has to do herself. If you love her, be honest, just say that you want to be with her, but her Mom is getting in the way, and she needs to stand up to her. If she can't stand up to her Mom, then she isn't mature enough for a serious relationship.

However, on the other hand, I know from personal experience that long-distance relationships suck, so unless you are sure that this is THE girl for you, I wouldn't even attempt it because it ends up in heartbreak, Okay, i admit I am a bit biased since my gf just dumped me yesterday (she lives nine hours away).....good luck in whatever you decide to do.

 

[datalink7]

<< What exactly do you mean when you say "(i was a big christian)." You were? Or are? If her parents didn't like you because you are a Christian, then maybe that was a sign that you shouldn't get with this girl. If she's not a Christian, and is set on never becoming a Christian, then any long term relationship won't work out between you two. Sorry if this is harsh, but if you are a Christian, then you know that the Bible says you shouldn't marry a non-Christian woman. >>



Well, you hit a nerve, so I hope you don't mind if I say "BULL FVCKING SH!T"

My mom is a Catholic, and my dad is a Atheist. Guess what? In this day and age where divorces run rampant, they just celebrated their 20th aniversery. And to all appearances they will be together for the rest of their lives. Sure, maybe a relationship between someone who is religious and someone who isn't is a bit harder than if you are the same, but if you aren't willing ot work at a relationship, you don't deserve a relationship.

AdamDuritz99,

Here is my advise to you. You and only you can decide whether this relationship is worth going after. If you really like this girl, and she likes you, you shouldn't let this parents issue stand in the way. But somehow she needs to get some backbone. Remind her that she is a ADULT now, in college, and needs to take the reigns of her life out of her parents hands and into her own. This doesn't mean disowning her parents. Far from it. It just means that she needs to be the one making the decisions for herself.

 

[BigJohnKC]

<<

Well, you hit a nerve, so I hope you don't mind if I say "BULL FVCKING SH!T"

My mom is a Catholic, and my dad is a Atheist. Guess what? In this day and age where divorces run rampant, they just celebrated their 20th aniversery. And to all appearances they will be together for the rest of their lives. Sure, maybe a relationship between someone who is religious and someone who isn't is a bit harder than if you are the same, but if you aren't willing ot work at a relationship, you don't deserve a relationship.
>>



I wasn't saying that every relationship that starts that way will end badly, just that the Bible warns against marrying a non-Christian. I can't remember the verse, but it's in one of Paul's epistles. I'm very happy for your family, that your parents are happy in their marriage - hooray! It's wonderful to hear when someone has parents who are a model for how to have a relationship. They obviously see their marriage as a commitment, a life together, not just a peice of paper, as is so common in today's society.

I certainly hope you were saying it is me that is full of sh!t, not the Bible that is full of sh!t. I agree, I'm full of sh!t

To end my post, I will give you all a statistic that I heard recently. Where of all marriages today, over half end in divorce, it has been shown that in marriages where the couple actively goes to church together, reads the Bible together, and prays together, the percentage goes down to one out of every 1105 marriages that end in divorce. I found that rather interesting.

 

[datalink7]

BigJohnKC:

Yes, I suppose I should off a small apology. I was a bit to explosive on my first post. Sorry for that. Doesn't mean my view has changed though.

I have a different theory on why relationships don't work out sometimes between those of different beliefs (whatever these may be). People don't take marriage seriously enough They don't see the needed commitment. And at the first sign of trouble, or that their spouse thinks in a radically different way than they do, they give up. A relationship is give & take. If you can't give some, you can't have a relationship. As Janis Joplin once sung "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." To me, this holds true for your're relationship with someone else. If you have total freedom with someone, you don't actually have a relationship.

Today, people give up to early. They flee at the first sign of trouble. I have seen my parents go through hard times. Where my mom or dad would sleep on the couch instead of in the same bed. But guess what, they didn't get a divorce. Didn't even consider it. They worked out their problems. And thats the way it should be IMO.

So what I am trying to get at in a round about way is that people with the same religion don't neccesarily have a better relationship. Maybe they have a easier go of it, but that doesn't mean better. My parents are happy now, after 20 years. Because they didn't give up, even when their differences posed problems and got in the way.

Oh, and yes, I was refering to your viewpoint as full of sh!t. The Bible is a very good book, though I am a soft atheist (I don't believe there is a god but admit that it is a possibility), I intend to read it from cover to cover at some point in my life (definently some other time than when I am in the middle of stupid midterms!)

 

[weezergirl]

wow, i'm basically in the situation of your gf. i think my mom is much worse tho.

anyways, my advice to you is to break it off. i mean you already did and you seem to be ok. unless you are seriously, deeply in love with her and you believe she is "the one". don't go for it. i don't think it's worth it. don't mess up her family if you don't have to.

i know my advice is different and most people will prolly bash it but i know from first hand experience how hard it is and how much it can rip your family apart. don't do it unless you truly love her.

best of luck.

 

[AdamDuritz99]

<< wow, i'm basically in the situation of your gf. i think my mom is much worse tho.

anyways, my advice to you is to break it off. i mean you already did and you seem to be ok. unless you are seriously, deeply in love with her and you believe she is "the one". don't go for it. i don't think it's worth it. don't mess up her family if you don't have to.

i know my advice is different and most people will prolly bash it but i know from first hand experience how hard it is and how much it can rip your family apart. don't do it unless you truly love her.

best of luck. >>



That was some good advice, but I fall right into that situation of "Love". Before we broke up we were crazy about each other. Planning to get married and all. I've never felt this way with any other girl, nor she with her other bf's. But everything went insane. I've always considered her "the one". I mean if nothing ever happens, I?m not going to have a horrible life or anything, I know there's other girls out there. But even now I know I love her and I still feel like she's the one. When we broke up someone told me let her go and if she comes back then you know it's true love. Well, we parted, but now we are slowly talking more and more each day.

Oh I?m not going to even try to see who's mom is the worse, but all I can say her mom has literally cussed me out, threaten me, and was even going to have a restraining order against me were I can't be around my ex. Can she actually do that? I mean my ex is 19 and I know she wouldn't do any legal action. I think her mom is insane if you ask me

peace
sean

*edit* Just cleaning up some crappy grammer.

 

[datalink7]

The mom cannot get a restraining order. She is now an adult, at least according to the law. She just now needs to get to that point in essence as well. Whether you get with her or not, I would still offer her the advise of setting down some ground rules with her parents. She needs to get in control of her life, or she will constantly live under a rock and be very unhappy.

 

[BigJohnKC]

datalink7,

Thanks for the apology, but it wasn't necessary. You have every right to express your views. As for your comments, I totally agree, people give up too easily today. I guess it's the American way to go look for something new if what you have isn't good enough or get tough to handle. Sad really...

As for your promise to read the Bible cover to cover, here's my humble suggestion: don't try to start at the beginning (Genesis) because you will get bored quickly. Instead, go to your local Christian bookstore and ask the clerk for a guide on how to read the Bible. Tell the clerk you're a nonbeliever, but you want to read the Bible and you aren't sure where to start. There are tons of books out there that'll help. And maybe, just maybe, you might be interested to continue reading instead of discouraged by the first few books. Have fun!

AdamDuritz99,

I used to think there was "the one" for everyone, but I don't think so anymore......you could really fall in love with anyone who is compatible, and with work, stay with that person forever. You just need to find someone who shares your interests, beliefs, outlook on life, and it'll go a lot easier. If you end up with someone who deoesn't share your beliefs, it also can be done, but it'll take more work. If she can't her mother out of your relationship with her, it'll be tough going. SHe needs to stand up to her mother, you can't tell her mother off or you'll risk losing the girl. Whatever you do, good luck......

 

[Vladimir0]

It is preferable that her mom does not like you. As I see it, you are entitled to a certain amount of love from the family. If the mom lives you, the daughter will not. But if the mom hates you, the girl considers it to be a turn-on and has much love for you.

 

[AdamDuritz99]

Nice theory, but i don't think that one is going to work. I wish it did though.

peace
sean

 

[UnixFreak]

looks like eloping is the only good option.


Seriously, you are too young to think about long term relationships anyway. Dont be all girly and get sad, and mope around, go out and have fun, see her once in a while, hang out, but date girls with a little less B.S. involved. Have fun, be young. Before you know it, you'll be 30 something, driving a minivan, looking over your cereal bowl at some nag who hates you, and gets uglier every year.

Why rush it?