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MrRamon

Senior member
Apr 28, 2006
342
4
81
Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you and your partner had good times together and were lucky to find each other. Stay strong friend.
 
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Blackjack200

Lifer
May 28, 2007
15,995
1,685
126
OP, that was a powerful and amazing story. I really admire your character, and I like the way you captured your relationship with Eljon. We all go sometime, but I hope you're here for a while, because you brighten this place.
 
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bradly1101

Diamond Member
May 5, 2013
4,689
294
126
www.bradlygsmith.org
For any nerds with reading time: Now, renz20003, you got me thinking about Drogon. His birth seems like a generation ago in some ways (see P&N or the above). He came to my house in all the usual pieces. A new machine for the desk, its previous parts moving down to HTPC status.

I got new cases, needing them to be understated since they were both going to be in adjoining areas, and I was living with Eljon by then, and he had very good taste (you know the gays). I decided to switch from Antec to Corsair. There were things to like about both companies, especially the names; Antec had the Sonata (my old HTPC), and sometimes these are referred to as Corsairs:



Also a bitchin' fighter plane. I had built models a little more than four decades ago (although I'm no longer a fan of war machines, and I get their importance). There are other reasons to like tech, but there's something about names - Silicon Dust (the six tuners on the network, CableCard down a thick, fast pipe feeding the most killer media proggy [IMO], Windows Media Center, besides the TV, I can have TV playing in a little, resizable window on my desktop, which I don't do much anymore, the swings between hope and fear are too great to want to keep up with the news as I used to, plus there's no one here anymore to discuss it with except you knuckleheads ). Corsair has the ship on its logo, sails proudly filled as she cuts through the chop.

The desktop's previous P-180 case had a cool design. Separate chambers for the motherboard and power supply/drives (in my case four 74GB VelociRaptors in RAID0), each chamber with its own air exit/entry and fan. I liked the fact that its bottom-mounted power supply didn't suck from below; the cases are on the carpet out of the way. I decided I don't like PSU's on the bottom for that reason, I wish they'd go back top, they suck dust from hard floors too, sometimes with difficult to access filters if there's not much room around the case. To make the Corsairs work, I taped off the bottom vents and flipped the PSU's. Otherwise they are great cases, very understated (550D and 330R), again with the names, Obsidian and Carbide. I'm glad they have inventive minds at these techy companies.

After reading an earlier version of The SSD Endurance Experiment, before the carnage, I decided to use Corsair for the OS SSD (later adding an Intel 750 for programs and some data). Again with a name, Neutron, so I said what the hell, I'll get Corsair memory too. Vengeance. As much of a brand for my homebrew as any.

I'm not techy around others who aren't. As I posted once, I stupidly mentioned to my family that I had built the new boxes (they had noticed the bigger HTPC by the TV). I could tell they didn't believe me, I think the Corsair badge on the front helped their disbelief. I thought of explaining, but denying someone's belief is a tricky business. I don't care anyway, better maybe if they don't know I build, I can't easily support others' PC's now anyway (they're aware that my job was related).

Eljon wasn't a nerd, he was an Imac user, bless their hearts. He had the early 2006 model which had a common defect with tons of multicolored lines on the screen, otherwise it worked, slowly. I forget the paltry amount of RAM it had, but I gifted him the max RAM it would take (before I moved in later), 1GB since he had the "CD-only" model with no burner and no DVD capability. He still paid a ton for it. The screen's lines appeared after the warranty expired. It happened to many; they were defective. And if it happened just after the warranty expired, you're SOL, and Apple didn't care, so he used it like that for years. I looked up how to replace the screen. Apple certainly didn't make it easy. He trudged along with it until I moved in a year later.

He knew of my nerdiness, especially after I asked him to help with a teardown of my old Dell laptop with the loud fan. To get to it I had to pull everything out, Eljon watching me unscrew tiny screws and gut it as he took the parts from my hand. He chose not to show surprise, instead he just intently watched. After he saw it all go back together, he watched it come back to life, again with no surprise, as if he knew all along that I could do it. Confidence, I preferred that. He watched all the different sized boxes arrive for Drogon and Viserion (as I later named them for my sig. here, we were fans of GoT; it had gay characters, and two characters in wheelchairs, I always wanted a wooden one), occasionally looking up from his book as I pieced it all together. More confidence. He was great.

So a bit of a nerd to mix in with all the gayness and stuff.
 
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Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,188
2,429
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
As a three year survivor on the cancer drug Opdivo, I have often wanted to ask a long term AIDs survivor this question.

How the hell do you cope day to day with a sword dangling over your head?

I pray your medical team comes up with a new combo for you that turns things around & I am so sorry for the loss of your SO
 

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
69,466
27,737
136
I'm sorry for the loss of your partner, he sounds like a wonderful man. I wish you peace, strength, and more joy.
 

bradly1101

Diamond Member
May 5, 2013
4,689
294
126
www.bradlygsmith.org
That was inspiring. Keep on keepin' on.
Thanks. I also was thinking of my life with my not always politically aligned partners I had in my life (there were three), in case you don't venture over to P&N much, here's the thread about it:

Have you ever been instrumental in someone else's political switch?

An interesting discussion I got into with J.Wilkins:

The Hao Fan 6 (great read on NK, sanctions, UN)

Imagine, me, a commie, being called an American patriot . J. is great.
 

Captante

Lifer
Oct 20, 2003
30,301
10,800
136
Touching and inspiring post OP ... really puts my current (relatively) trivial money problems in perspective.

Hang in there and keep posting
 

bradly1101

Diamond Member
May 5, 2013
4,689
294
126
www.bradlygsmith.org
Dealing with a chronic illness in America will turn anyone into a communist.
Yeah, I could tell you some healthcare nightmares. Suffice it to say, it's all about the money here. Profiting off of the sick, a structure that is morally bankrupt, not unlike the financial situation many patients find themselves in. Gotta pay the doc, the pharmacy, the hospital, and most importantly the insurance companies.

What the hell; I wrote the below to my counselor, Noel. I don't see her anymore, but we often converse about life:

...[ that was a bit about a recovering mutual friend a few years off of meth. He's also a long term survivor with HIV, and occasionally needs a supportive boost] "Sorry I get long winded, and I don't mean to pose questions. You are just one of this planet's, seemingly rarer, truly magnanimous souls.

This is something from my forum I thought you might find interesting. It's from a thread I began about our minority distinctions, maybe you saw it [I sometimes share our fascinating discussions with my friends on FB], it was about divisions on all sides, and that it was obviously more one sided in this country at least, at most? It got interesting. Friday, something else interesting, possibly related, happened to me:

I had to see the doctor (my GP after my AIDS clinic denied me service-below) yesterday [two Fridays ago]; there's a weird, painless, hard bump on my right elbow, and it's growing. There's nothing like it on the left. After I saw the doctor, she led me back to the waiting room, and told me to wait. I sat there for two hours (it wasn't too bad; I had my phone, but hadn't eaten in a while).

So I went up to the counter and asked, "What am I waiting for?" I was personable as always. The receptionist said, "Orders from the doctor." I said, "For what?" She said, "Your next appointment." I said, "How long does that take?" She said, peering at her screen, "We don't have anything yet." With a bit of an eye roll she looked at her colleague at the other counter who looked at her screen and said, "No, we have nothing yet. Please have a seat." But I remained, not out of indignation, but curiosity and the fact that I was hungry as hell; I hadn't eaten lunch yet, and it was almost 4PM (and I already had a seat, my wheelchair).

Just then the second doctor I saw walked by behind them, I said, "Dr. R...." and he just kept walking. Then the first doctor walked by, and I said, "Excuse me doctor, what am I waiting for?" She said, "We need approval for your X-ray." I asked, "How long does that take?" She said, "We'll call you." I said, "Then why did you tell me to wait?" She said, "For your follow-up appointment." I said, "How long does that take, I've been waiting for two hours?" She looked at the ladies I had been talking to behind the counter and said, "I sent the orders a long time ago." The receptionist looked at her screen again, exchanged a glance with her coworker, and said, "Oh, we just didn't see it."

So two different ladies looking at two different computer terminals couldn't see the doctor's orders, or they were lying to me.

Earlier during the exam, the doctor called in her boss who poked and prodded the bump just like she did, and they both had said, "Well, I just don't know what this is." He kept asking me, "Does this hurt?" I said no. He squeezed it, and I said, "That hurts a little." He laughed at me with an obvious "no duh" sentiment, and he said, "Well, I'm pinching you!," Then she started laughing. How could I know that he didn't want that information? Why do people enjoy trying to make others feel stupid?

Between both doctors, the ladies at reception, and all the other patients waiting, I was the only white person there [I'm all too familiar with "reverse" racism - really just racism]. God, I hope this all wasn't about race or the fact that I'm gay (my mom told me when I was 17 and not "out" yet that it was obvious that I'm gay - others disagreed with that), or my HIV status [it was my GP, a second doctor to see, whoopee!]. So I said in a calm voice, but loud enough for the doctor to hear, "Remember, it's OK to apologize." She said nothing and handed me an appointment slip that she just needed to press a button for.

They set the appointment for way out in February. I hope it's nothing worrisome, again it's growing, and I told both doctors that.

This was after initially trying to be seen at [my HIV clinic, my unstable rock] about it, but they wouldn't allow it, I had to see the GP. She, the nurse at [HIV clinic], told me at first that they couldn't bill insurance for it because there was no way to prove it was HIV related, but I said that Dr. A has seen me and treated me/referred me many times for unrelated stuff, then she said that they couldn't make a referral. Two stories, both false based on my previous experiences. I'm starting to wonder if the paperwork was too burdensome beyond my quarterly appointments, or if it truly was about who gets paid. It's hard not to feel unwanted. If it is the money, yay for u.s.! I guess I'm a little surprised that they're not sending me to an elbow bump specialist. So many doctors, so many frustrations. I just need help. If I only lived in Canada, or Mexico, or Sweden, or...

I really don't like the feel of the GP's, it's kind of uncomfortable, there's always some drama and anger toward staff. Last time a patient came in and started getting loud about getting a refill. They kept talking to him in the waiting room, not wanting to bring him back to a room, so we all had to hear it all. He said the script was from a doctor at Torrance Memorial who prescribed it for back pain, and that it helped him with his anxiety. I never heard the name of the med., and the staff person there said that they couldn't refill it for him, that it was meant for cancer pain, and his kidneys (on dialysis) couldn't handle it. It sounds like his previous doc got a little "experimental" going "off-label" as they do. Nurse practitioner H. did that with me, and I ended up in a wheelchair [long story]. He was still there when I came out from being examined. He was being walked out. He was calmer.

On the upside, my lunch was tastier than usual; I was ravenous.

Life."
 
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bradly1101

Diamond Member
May 5, 2013
4,689
294
126
www.bradlygsmith.org
12/14/2017. Eljon would have been 54 today. During that part of the year when we showed as being two years apart in age (me being older), he would have to endure my rare comment about me being a "chicken hawk." He'd always laugh. A light that will never go out.
 

interchange

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
8,022
2,872
136
I'm not sure what to say other than thanks for posting. I see a lot of people where HIV is almost an aside in their care. I think it's dulled vigilance on behalf of a lot of medical professionals. Your story actually has me thinking about a current patient whom I'm going to do some investigation with. The greatest danger to good medical care is not inexperience or lack of knowledge; it is inattention.
 
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bradly1101

Diamond Member
May 5, 2013
4,689
294
126
www.bradlygsmith.org
I'm not sure what to say other than thanks for posting. I see a lot of people where HIV is almost an aside in their care. I think it's dulled vigilance on behalf of a lot of medical professionals. Your story actually has me thinking about a current patient whom I'm going to do some investigation with. The greatest danger to good medical care is not inexperience or lack of knowledge; it is inattention.
Angels like you...
 

bradly1101

Diamond Member
May 5, 2013
4,689
294
126
www.bradlygsmith.org
If we could look into each other’s hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.
~ Marvin J. Ashton

"Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

The measure of your life will not be in what you accumulate, but in what you give away.

Wayne Dyer

Something I saw when we had another Pope:

The Pope, wearing a fabulous vintage chiffon-lined Dior gold lame gown
over a silk Vera Wang empire waist tulle cocktail dress,
accessorized with a three-foot House of Whoville hat and
the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore in the Wizard of Oz, on his way to tell us it's Wrong to be Gay

The appearance of things changes according to the emotions; and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.
- Kahlil Gibran

A purpose of human life...is to love whoever is around to be loved.”
– Kurt Vonnegut
Or I guess as Stephen Stills said, "Love the one you're with"







Some of the most comforting words in the universe are "me too." That moment when you find out that your struggle is someone else's struggle, that you're not alone, and that others have been down the same road.





Awareness:
https://www.facebook.com/BradlyGSmith/posts/421915797901179
---------------------










Strolling around with Eljon:
https://www.facebook.com/BradlyGSmith/posts/419522338140525
--------------------------




"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson.

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth.
- The Dhammapada



No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.

Charles Dickens
-----------------
https://www.facebook.com/TheHippieP...8763606183836/492971264096400/?type=3&theater
---------------------

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time.
~Edith Wharton
 
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bradly1101

Diamond Member
May 5, 2013
4,689
294
126
www.bradlygsmith.org
I just found out from Eljon's sister that their dad died this morning on Eljon's birthday. He lived to a ripe old age, and suffered from age-related dementia, but like Eljon he was there, curtains drawing when they could (Geekbabe knows what this is like). Twilla (the sister/daughter who shared this) spoke wonderful words at Eljon's memorial on the hill. She told a funny story about Eljon. What a family!

Of course I had to comment to her. In case you don't want to scroll, I said this:

When I met your dad with Eljon and Eric, I said to him, "Congratulations on raising two such wonderful sons!" He immediately lit up. Then of course I met you. The light in all of you is like a beacon to love to the people you've touched. He died on Eljon's birthday. I can just see them up there, carrying on, free from burden. Mr. Bakken, you made a huge difference on this beautiful blue marble, every human's hope. You passed the trailhead into true peace.

https://www.facebook.com/twilla.bakkenking/posts/10213489574187867
 
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