http://www.marketwatch.com/story/all-the-terrible-things-hillary-clinton-has-done-in-one-big-list-2016-02-04
Long before Benghazi and her email server, there was Whitewater and the Rose Law Firm and Vince Foster. For those of us following her, we were promised scandal after scandal after scandal. And if no actual evidence ever turned up, well, that just proved how deviously clever she was.
So today Im performing a public service on behalf of all the voters. I went back and re-read all the criticisms and attacks and best-selling exposés leveled at Hillary Rodham Clinton over the past quarter-century. And Ive compiled a list of all her High Crimes and Misdemeanors.
1. When she was first lady, she murdered White House lawyer Vince Foster and then dumped his body in a park.
2. She drove Vince Foster to commit suicide through her temper tantrums.
3. She was having an affair with Vince Foster.
4. Shes a lesbian.
5. Chelsea isnt Bill Clintons child.
6. She murdered Vince Foster to cover up that she once bought a tract of undeveloped land in Arkansas and lost money.
7. She murdered Vince Foster to cover up her role in firing the White House travel department.
8. After she murdered Vince Foster, she ransacked his office in the middle of the night and stole all the documents proving her guilt.
9. When Bill Clinton was governor of Arkansas, she was a partner in the states top law firm, and it sometimes did work involving the state government.
10. She once invested in commodities futures on the advice of a friend and made $100,000, proving shes a crook.
11. She once invested in real estate on the advice of another friend and lost $100,000, also proving shes a crook.
12. Unnamed and unverifiable sources have told Peggy Noonan things about the Clintons that are simply too terrible to repeat.
13. The personnel murdered at Benghazi make her the first secretary of state to lose overseas personnel to terrorism apart from Condi Rice, Colin Powell, Madeleine Albright, George Schultz, Dean Rusk and some others.
14. Four State Department staff were murdered at Benghazi, compared with only 119 others murdered overseas under every secretary of state combined since World War II.
15. She illegally sent classified emails from her personal server, except that apparently they werent classified at the time.
16. She may have cynically wriggled around the email law by technically complying with it.
17. She once signed a lucrative book contract when she was a private citizen.
18. Donald Trump says she should be in jail, and hes a serial bankrupt casino developer in Atlantic City, so he should know.
19. Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay says his law-enforcement sources tell him she is about to be indicted and if a man once convicted of money laundering and conspiracy doesnt have good law-enforcement sources, who does?
20. Shes a hard-left radical who wants to break up the nuclear family.
21. Shes a conservative mousewife who refused to break up her own family.
22. Shes in favor of single moms.
23. She refused to be a single mom.
24. When she was first lady of Arkansas, she pandered to conservative voters by dyeing her hair.
25. Before that, she totally insulted them by refusing to.
26. Shes a frump.
27. She spends too much money on designer dresses.
28. She has cankles.
29. She has a grating voice.
30. She yells into the microphone.
31. She spent 18 years in Arkansas and some of the people she knew turned out to be crazy rednecks and crooks.
32. Shes in the pay of the mafia.
33. Shes in the pay of the Chinese government.
34. Shes in the pay of the Wall Street banks.
35. In order to suppress the billing records from her time at the Rose Law Firm in Little Rock, she cleverly packed them up and took them to the White House rather than shredding them.
36. When she handed over the documents to public officials, they couldnt find any evidence shed committed any crimes, so she must have doctored them.
37. Congress spent tens of millions of dollars and six years investigating her investment in the Whitewater real-estate project, and, while they didnt actually find anything, they wouldnt have spent all that money if there werent something there.
38. By cleverly hiding all evidence of her crimes in the Whitewater affair, she caused Congress to waste all that taxpayers money.
39. When she ran for senator of New York, she was still a fan of the Chicago Cubs.
40. She once said the Clintons were thinking of adopting a child, and they didnt follow through.
41. She was photographed holding her hand near her mouth during the raid that killed Osama bin Laden.
42. Shes got brain damage.
43. Shes old.
44. Shes really ambitious and calculating, unlike all the other people running for president.
45. She secretly supported Palestinian terrorists, Puerto Rican terrorists and Guatemalan terrorists.
46. She secretly supported a group that wants to give Maine back to the Indians.
47. Shes a secret follower of radical prophet Saul Alinsky.
48. She did her law degree at Yale, and its a well-known socialist finishing school.
49. When she was young, she did things to build up her résumé rather than just for their own good.
50. When Bill was president, she allowed him to keep people waiting.
51. Shes married to a sex addict.
52. Shes an enemy of traditional marriage.
53. She didnt divorce her husband.
54. His philandering is her fault because she is too strong, and too weak, and too frumpy, and too fat, and too cold.
55. Shes hostile to women who fool around with her husband.
56. A divorced taxi driver in Florida told me that if Hillary is elected president, women will take over everything.
57. She insulted Tammy Wynette.
58. When they left the White House, she and Bill bought a big house in New York that they couldnt afford.
59. She sometimes calls her staff during dinner, even when theyre out at a restaurant.
60. She claimed there was a vast right-wing conspiracy against her husband, and it turned out there was nothing but a bunch of tycoons financing private investigators, and some fake think tanks and books and news sites and stuff.
61. When she got married, she didnt stay at home and bake cookies.
62. She supported the Iraq war because shes a secret foreign-policy conservative.
63. Shes a secret foreign-policy radical with a plan to impose worldwide radical social experimentation through the World Bank.
64. She is secretly plotting to let children sue their parents for making them take out the garbage.
65. She looked bored during the Benghazi hearings.
66. Oh, yeah and she totally has a vagina.
Its clear: Hillary must be stopped. Hearings now!
Long before Benghazi and her email server, there was Whitewater and the Rose Law Firm and Vince Foster. For those of us following her, we were promised scandal after scandal after scandal. And if no actual evidence ever turned up, well, that just proved how deviously clever she was.
So today Im performing a public service on behalf of all the voters. I went back and re-read all the criticisms and attacks and best-selling exposés leveled at Hillary Rodham Clinton over the past quarter-century. And Ive compiled a list of all her High Crimes and Misdemeanors.
1. When she was first lady, she murdered White House lawyer Vince Foster and then dumped his body in a park.
2. She drove Vince Foster to commit suicide through her temper tantrums.
3. She was having an affair with Vince Foster.
4. Shes a lesbian.
5. Chelsea isnt Bill Clintons child.
6. She murdered Vince Foster to cover up that she once bought a tract of undeveloped land in Arkansas and lost money.
7. She murdered Vince Foster to cover up her role in firing the White House travel department.
8. After she murdered Vince Foster, she ransacked his office in the middle of the night and stole all the documents proving her guilt.
9. When Bill Clinton was governor of Arkansas, she was a partner in the states top law firm, and it sometimes did work involving the state government.
10. She once invested in commodities futures on the advice of a friend and made $100,000, proving shes a crook.
11. She once invested in real estate on the advice of another friend and lost $100,000, also proving shes a crook.
12. Unnamed and unverifiable sources have told Peggy Noonan things about the Clintons that are simply too terrible to repeat.
13. The personnel murdered at Benghazi make her the first secretary of state to lose overseas personnel to terrorism apart from Condi Rice, Colin Powell, Madeleine Albright, George Schultz, Dean Rusk and some others.
14. Four State Department staff were murdered at Benghazi, compared with only 119 others murdered overseas under every secretary of state combined since World War II.
15. She illegally sent classified emails from her personal server, except that apparently they werent classified at the time.
16. She may have cynically wriggled around the email law by technically complying with it.
17. She once signed a lucrative book contract when she was a private citizen.
18. Donald Trump says she should be in jail, and hes a serial bankrupt casino developer in Atlantic City, so he should know.
19. Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay says his law-enforcement sources tell him she is about to be indicted and if a man once convicted of money laundering and conspiracy doesnt have good law-enforcement sources, who does?
20. Shes a hard-left radical who wants to break up the nuclear family.
21. Shes a conservative mousewife who refused to break up her own family.
22. Shes in favor of single moms.
23. She refused to be a single mom.
24. When she was first lady of Arkansas, she pandered to conservative voters by dyeing her hair.
25. Before that, she totally insulted them by refusing to.
26. Shes a frump.
27. She spends too much money on designer dresses.
28. She has cankles.
29. She has a grating voice.
30. She yells into the microphone.
31. She spent 18 years in Arkansas and some of the people she knew turned out to be crazy rednecks and crooks.
32. Shes in the pay of the mafia.
33. Shes in the pay of the Chinese government.
34. Shes in the pay of the Wall Street banks.
35. In order to suppress the billing records from her time at the Rose Law Firm in Little Rock, she cleverly packed them up and took them to the White House rather than shredding them.
36. When she handed over the documents to public officials, they couldnt find any evidence shed committed any crimes, so she must have doctored them.
37. Congress spent tens of millions of dollars and six years investigating her investment in the Whitewater real-estate project, and, while they didnt actually find anything, they wouldnt have spent all that money if there werent something there.
38. By cleverly hiding all evidence of her crimes in the Whitewater affair, she caused Congress to waste all that taxpayers money.
39. When she ran for senator of New York, she was still a fan of the Chicago Cubs.
40. She once said the Clintons were thinking of adopting a child, and they didnt follow through.
41. She was photographed holding her hand near her mouth during the raid that killed Osama bin Laden.
42. Shes got brain damage.
43. Shes old.
44. Shes really ambitious and calculating, unlike all the other people running for president.
45. She secretly supported Palestinian terrorists, Puerto Rican terrorists and Guatemalan terrorists.
46. She secretly supported a group that wants to give Maine back to the Indians.
47. Shes a secret follower of radical prophet Saul Alinsky.
48. She did her law degree at Yale, and its a well-known socialist finishing school.
49. When she was young, she did things to build up her résumé rather than just for their own good.
50. When Bill was president, she allowed him to keep people waiting.
51. Shes married to a sex addict.
52. Shes an enemy of traditional marriage.
53. She didnt divorce her husband.
54. His philandering is her fault because she is too strong, and too weak, and too frumpy, and too fat, and too cold.
55. Shes hostile to women who fool around with her husband.
56. A divorced taxi driver in Florida told me that if Hillary is elected president, women will take over everything.
57. She insulted Tammy Wynette.
58. When they left the White House, she and Bill bought a big house in New York that they couldnt afford.
59. She sometimes calls her staff during dinner, even when theyre out at a restaurant.
60. She claimed there was a vast right-wing conspiracy against her husband, and it turned out there was nothing but a bunch of tycoons financing private investigators, and some fake think tanks and books and news sites and stuff.
61. When she got married, she didnt stay at home and bake cookies.
62. She supported the Iraq war because shes a secret foreign-policy conservative.
63. Shes a secret foreign-policy radical with a plan to impose worldwide radical social experimentation through the World Bank.
64. She is secretly plotting to let children sue their parents for making them take out the garbage.
65. She looked bored during the Benghazi hearings.
66. Oh, yeah and she totally has a vagina.
Its clear: Hillary must be stopped. Hearings now!