Am I in the right here ATOT?

[huberm]

I am a part of a pretty close knit family. I live just down the street from my brother as well as my parents, and we visit with each other often.

A few months ago a member of my family really hurt my daughter (think committing a crime). It has caused a lot of pain to me, my wife, and my children.

Now, I feel like we have been ostracized from the rest of my family. We cannot go to family outings because said person that hurt my family may be there. What really irks me is my parents have turned their back on my family - no longer come to visit, we don't get invited to family events, etc., and they embrace the person that really hurt us.

What would you do in this situation? We live in a very small community - would you move away to avoid it or wait it out in the hopes that it will get better?

 

[coxmaster]

Where are you at in Indiana? This sounds very familiar to a situation a friend of mine is going through.

 

[zerocool84]

If you haven't talked about it then you should have done it a long time ago. That's what families do.

 

[huberm]

Where are you at in Indiana? This sounds very familiar to a situation a friend of mine is going through.

small town 20 miles from indianapolis

 

[Malak]

You've been far too vague to make any suggestions mean anything. And ATOT is the wrong place to discuss it anyway.

 

[coxmaster]

small town 20 miles from indianapolis

K. Not affiliated in any way then..


As other suggested, its probably best to talk to the involved parties (primarily parents or whoever seems to be ignoring you) about the situation and see what they say

 

[rudeguy]

If you haven't talked about it then you should have done it a long time ago. That's what families do.

Yep

Situations like this suck. Its like you are sitting on top of a mushroom in a field of shit. But on the other side of the field is a beautiful meadow. The thing is that to get to the meadow, you are going to have to get through the shit. If you stay on top of your mushroom, you are just going to have to learn to deal with the shit cause its not going away. But if you can gather the strength to make it through the shit, then you won't have to deal with the shit anymore.

I hope that makes sense...

 

[Number1]

What have you done about the crime?

The rest of your family is siding with the criminal?

 

[RavenSEAL]

Move away and when leaving, burn a pile of shit in their front step while you laugh evilly and drive away hugging your kid. They'll eventually find you...

 

[M0oG0oGaiPan]

get a new family

 

[techs]

Listen. If you're family won't support your daughter then, sadly, you are absolutely doing the right thing.

Remember they're your family and you have to love them, you don't have to like them, nor hang out with them.

 

[Kadarin]

Does the rest of the family understand what this person did, or do they not know (or are in denial)?

 

[huberm]

Does the rest of the family understand what this person did, or do they not know (or are in denial)?

Yes they understand. For the longest time they were in denial, until the person had to take a polygraph and failed horribly. The family cried and cried when they arrested him - and they blamed me.

Its situations like these that have shown me that it is not wise to live so close to family.

 

[olds]

I'd shun my family. Why is this even a question?

 

[BoomerD]

Pack up and move far, far away...Let all mail be returned with: "Moved, left no forwarding address."

 

[Mike Gayner]

OP needs to be more vague before I can make a recommendation.

 

[Malak]

Sounds to me like sexual abuse. And if the guy got arrested, failed a polygraph, and your family still won't talk to you... ditch them. I'm all about family sticking together, but clearly yours doesn't understand the basic concept of love.

 

[huberm]

OP needs to be more vague before I can make a recommendation.

i really dont understand what I am being vague about. I dont want to give specifics about what happened to keep the children involved anonymous. Is there something else I'm being vague about?

 

[rudeguy]

i really dont understand what I am being vague about. I dont want to give specifics about what happened to keep the children involved anonymous. Is there something else I'm being vague about?

don't mind him. He's been uptight every since he lost his gerbil.

This really isn't the kind of thing for ATOT. This is something for a counselor/priest/family elder.

I take it my mushroom metaphor wasn't accurate?

 

[guyver01]

I'd shun my family. Why is this even a question?

This. If they're siding with a child molester (only crime i can think of involving a child that the OP would even want to not tell any info) .. then fuck 'em.. they're not family.

 

[BoomerD]

Listen. If you're family won't support your daughter then, sadly, you are absolutely doing the right thing.

Remember they're your family and you have to love them, you don't have to like them, nor hang out with them.

No, you don't have to love family...they may always be related to you...but you don't have to "love them" nor put up with their bullshit.

Rudie...your mushroom analogy was pretty well done IMO.

 

[1sikbITCH]

Since we have to make up our own details, I'm thinking the relative had improper contact with your daughter (being polite here), and when the rest of the family found out that you snitched on him they were mad that the family secret was exposed and have since ostracized you even more than when you married that "outsider" instead of your cousin.

Therefore concluding that you were unfortunately born into some sick inbred pedophiliac clan reminiscent of that family from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" a natural conclusion would be to extend my deepest sympathies to you and your immediate family and to suggest that you move far far away and forget you ever knew those people.

More seriously, the most important thing to consider is what's best for your daughter. If the entire family is going to treat her like this is her fault, than it seems to me you need to remove her from the situation and give her a fresh start somewhere else.

 

[Sea Moose]

Ok, if someone messed with my daughter.... they would not be breathing. Move away from your crappy family.

 

[911paramedic]

Am I the only one thinking some sort of religion is involved here? Not trying to troll but the way you said "tight knit community" and how you are the one being shunned, well, just sounds like a religious thing.

I hope your family gets through this OK.

 

[guyver01]

Am I the only one thinking some sort of religion is involved here? Not trying to troll but the way you said "tight knit community" and how you are the one being shunned, well, just sounds like a religious thing.

you know.. maybe we're looking at this from the wrong angle. You might be right.

maybe he's mormon... and his family member "hurt my daughter" by refusing to marry her. maybe she's unfit for intermarriage? and now they're shunning him because of his poor seed?

See OP? This is what happens when you're vague. We have to make up our own info.