Am I wrong for being upset?

[whiteboy81]

I recently found out that my best friend is sleeping with my ex girlfriend who I just broke up with a couple months ago. This girl meant alot to me and I was definetely in love with her and I actually am still in love with her, we broke up because I have a daughter who lives several hundred miles away and I want to be close to her and be a real father to her. Unfortunately our relationship wasn't at the point where I felt comfortable letting her move 300 miles away with me. So I ended things, but not because we weren't in love, because I had a difficult choice to make.

I then come to find out that my best friend who is typically one of the most honorable, loyal and respectful people that I have ever met, decides that he is going to sleep with her. After I first found out I was extremely upset, but I decided that I was going to try to be as cool about it as possible because I love my best friend and I love my ex as well, I didn't want to lose the friendship that I had with either of them. So, I told my best friend that as long as he promised me it wouldn't happen again, I would just forget this ever happened and forgive him. He then emails me a couple days later saying that he has feelings for her and he can't stand to not be with her, so in my mind he is choosing a relationship with her over a friendship which has lasted 10 years now with me, does that seem right to you?

I fully expected my ex to move on with her life and I don't blame her for doing so, but to do it so that it is right in my face with my best friend who has always been so close to me, it just doesn't feel right. Am I totally an a-hole for being upset about this? I just can't be a friend to him while he is nailing the girl I still love, is that wrong?

 

[minendo]

No you are wrong because you are a white boy.

 

[DurocShark]

:beer:

You dumped her. Deal with the fact that she is now available.

 

[Ikonomi]

No, your friend needs to learn the principle of "bros before hos".

 

[MustangSVT]

you are upset. but you broke up with her.

move on.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Honestly, you really don't have any right to be upset or concerned about it. It's not your business.

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: minendo
No you are wrong because you are a white boy.

:sigh:

I was going to post that.


Don't be upset. You made a decision, live with it. It might suck, but that's how it is.

 

[veggiefrog]

i dont think it's kewl at all; what a sucky friend. guess ur better off w/o 'em

 

[whiteboy81]

Originally posted by: Ikonomi
No, your friend needs to learn the principle of "bros before hos".

Well thanks for the back up here, it's surprising to me to see a bunch of guys posting on this and not more understanding.

 

[johnjbruin]

Its not logical to be upset since you let her go in the first place.
But then who said Love was logical?

Your friend had a choice to make and he made it. You just have to deal with it now.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: whiteboy81

Originally posted by: Ikonomi
No, your friend needs to learn the principle of "bros before hos".

Well thanks for the back up here, it's surprising to me to see a bunch of guys posting on this and not more understanding.

Understanding or not, you asked if you were wrong for being upset. You are. I doubt that anyone in your shoes who really really cared about both her and the best friend would NOT be hurt, but it's not something that anybody but those two people have any right to.

 

[LordMorpheus]

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I recently found out that my best friend is sleeping with my ex girlfriend who I just broke up with a couple months ago. This girl meant alot to me and I was definetely in love with her and I actually am still in love with her, we broke up because I have a daughter who lives several hundred miles away and I want to be close to her and be a real father to her. Unfortunately our relationship wasn't at the point where I felt comfortable letting her move 300 miles away with me. So I ended things, but not because we weren't in love, because I had a difficult choice to make.

I then come to find out that my best friend who is typically one of the most honorable, loyal and respectful people that I have ever met, decides that he is going to sleep with her. After I first found out I was extremely upset, but I decided that I was going to try to be as cool about it as possible because I love my best friend and I love my ex as well, I didn't want to lose the friendship that I had with either of them. So, I told my best friend that as long as he promised me it wouldn't happen again, I would just forget this ever happened and forgive him. He then emails me a couple days later saying that he has feelings for her and he can't stand to not be with her, so in my mind he is choosing a relationship with her over a friendship which has lasted 10 years now with me, does that seem right to you?

I fully expected my ex to move on with her life and I don't blame her for doing so, but to do it so that it is right in my face with my best friend who has always been so close to me, it just doesn't feel right. Am I totally an a-hole for being upset about this? I just can't be a friend to him while he is nailing the girl I still love, is that wrong?

So is she still YOUR girlfriend or not? You said you broke up. That means she is no longer in an exclusive relationship with you.

Would you rather her be sleeping with Bubba who lives next door, or someone you know and trust?

 

[RMSistight]

I guess you have a right to be upset. However, you DID indeed END the relationship. Therefore, she is available and she can date whomever she wants. You had your chance and you ended it.

 

You made the choice to not be with her.

Now you might be able to work the 3some angle.

 

[Mill]

Well...he's just pussy infatuated right now. Since you were broke up it isn't that big of a deal. Now, if he had done this while you were dating...

 

[Ninjja]

Originally posted by: MustangSVT
you are upset. but you broke up with her.

move on.

yeah, so what if he broke up with her? he gave his reasons for why, and it wasn't because he didn't love her anymore. He had to put responsibility before himself, which is extremely honorable. Yeah, so they're technically broken up, but friendships are based on emotion and loyalty over technicalities, so while, no, you can't do anything about it, you completely have the right to be upset in my opinion.

EDIT:For all the rest of you, you're lying in my book if you wouldn't be jealous or hurt if your best friend was boning a chick that you had been with, and still loved, even though extenuating circumstances prevented you being together.

 

[TuffGuy]

(assuming that he's gone down on her)

ask him how your d!ck tastes.

:beer:

 

[Whisper]

It's a tough call, but honestly, I'd say you technically don't have any right to be upset. It's understandable that you are, and most people would feel the same way in your situation...but, like everyone has said, you did break up with her. Regardless of the reasoning behind it, she's single now. Your friend at least waited a bit before anything happened, so that's a plus.

I don't really see it as your friend choosing the girl over you. I mean, if he really is a good friend, then I'm sure he feels sh!tty about the entire situation as well. It's just how things work out sometimes.

 

[whiteboy81]

I don't know, where I come from friends don't go out with other friends ex girlfriends...at least not the ones that they really cared about.

I get the logic angle you guys are working here, and I have to say that logically I agree. However, it's the emotional angle that's killing me. If you've ever been in love with someone I think you would know that it is hard to see them with someone else but you accept that they have to move on as you have, but when that someone is your best friend who you've always been loyal and respectful of, conducting a relationship behind your back, it makes it alot worse.

 

You ended the relationship (basically putting her back on the market for any of the 6 billion other people on earth to boink) and now you're upset because one of those 6 billion people (whom you trust very much if he's your best friend) is boinking her? You're a pansy!

 

[Ninjja]

Originally posted by: jumpr
You ended the relationship (basically putting her back on the market for any of the 6 billion other people on earth to boink) and now you're upset because one of those 6 billion people (whom you trust very much if he's your best friend) is boinking her? You're a pansy!

yeah right, if you were in his shoes, I'm sure you'd be way more of pansy than him. Stop fronting like you're such a tough guy.

 

[DWW]

You aren't wrong for being upset.

Yes he ended the relationship. He said he has no problems with her moving on with life.

That said, he has a problem with his "best" friend with her. Where I come from we don't pass our girls around. It is just common courtesy for him not to touch her.

I'd end the friendship. Done it before.

 

[Ninjja]

Originally posted by: DWW
You aren't wrong for being upset.

Yes he ended the relationship. He said he has no problems with her moving on with life.

That said, he has a problem with his "best" friend with her. Where I come from we don't pass our girls around. It is just common courtesy for him not to touch her.

I'd end the friendship. Done it before.

hear hear, finally someone with some sense and a heart. I don't know why I'm getting so defensive for whiteboy, i guess it's just cos half the posts in this thread are rubbish and full of tough guy crap.

 

Originally posted by: Ninjja

Originally posted by: jumpr
You ended the relationship (basically putting her back on the market for any of the 6 billion other people on earth to boink) and now you're upset because one of those 6 billion people (whom you trust very much if he's your best friend) is boinking her? You're a pansy!

yeah right, if you were in his shoes, I'm sure you'd be way more of pansy than him. Stop fronting like you're such a tough guy.

When my at-the-time girlfriend cheated on me during the summer before our senior year of high school, I was pissed. She cheated on me with some college tennis player from Colgate who was better looking, more of an athlete, and probably much cooler than I was. Sure I was pissed at her for hooking up while we were still going out, but I recognized that for her outgoing personality he was a much better match.

Of course, I laughed really hard when she found out that he'd been cheating on her when he went back to college. And when she started calling me, asking if we could start hanging out again, I just told her the truth - that I'd found someone smarter, prettier and much cooler than she ever was. And to this day I'm still with that smarter, prettier and cooler girl. It's been 2.5 years.

So I had the last laugh. But my point is, sometimes this sh!t happens. Just learn to take the good with the bad.

 

[DOSfan]

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I don't know, where I come from friends don't go out with other friends ex girlfriends...at least not the ones that they really cared about.

I get the logic angle you guys are working here, and I have to say that logically I agree. However, it's the emotional angle that's killing me. If you've ever been in love with someone I think you would know that it is hard to see them with someone else but you accept that they have to move on as you have, but when that someone is your best friend who you've always been loyal and respectful of, conducting a relationship behind your back, it makes it alot worse.

Yes, the emotional angle.

It is always difficult to get that straight.

But you need to look at it from other angles.

What if you had died, and that ended your relationship.
Would you still be angry at your ex, and your friend?
If not, why is this really different?

Reason: You still hold a hope that you and your ex will get back together.
Problem: You are letting that hope over ride all other emotions.

And as far as it goes, your friend has been respectful and loyal to you. He was upfront and honest with you. He has told you how he feels. He has done everything as correctly as he could.

You are the only one who is wrong here.

On the other hand, I understand you possition all to well. (As you might guess from my insights. )