Am I wrong for being upset?

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I understand that sometimes things happen, which is why I was willing to forgive this originally as a mistake, I love my friend too much to lose our friendship over a mistake. But his continuing to want to be with her after he saw how hurt I was is what is wrong.

Do yourself a HUGE favor whiteboy81... DUMP THEM BOTH!!

you seem too good a person to be affliated with pig/trash/stank! these two have no respect for you, or themselves and you dont need it. Move on from them both, and good riddance to that bad rubbish!

 

[Zenmervolt]

Originally posted by: DWW
Pretend you are married to a lady you once loved and I'm your brother. Now you divorce her (reason unknown). At Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter etc I always looked at your wife and thought "thats a nice piece of ass". Then you find out, a little after your wife and you divorced, I start porking her.

You mean to tell me you wouldn't feel upset? Especially if I told you that I promised it wouldn't happen again?

I would not be. If I divorced her, then the differences would have been unreconcileable. It would be something that was not meant to be and it's not my place to hold onto a relationship that obviously (in the case you describe) wasn't meant to be.

ZV

 

[whiteboy81]

zen I get what you are saying, but sometimes life isn't clear cut and simple like you want to make it seem. Sometimes you have to choose between people that you love, often for the greater good of both of them. I had only been with this girl for 6 months or so and I knew that I loved her, but things could not work out, things can always go bad...which is why I couldn't ask her to move there with me...it just wouldn't be right to ask them to move away from there friends and family on a chance...I loved her too much to put her through that.

As for my friend, he knew how much I loved her...and after she and I had broken up they began hanging out alot, which was fine because she needed someone to lean on and he is a great guy and I trusted him. He violated that trust, no matter how you look at it, he knew I wouldn't want him to sleep with her, but he did anyway...friends don't do that to people they love and respect.

 

[DWW]

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

Originally posted by: DWW
Pretend you are married to a lady you once loved and I'm your brother. Now you divorce her (reason unknown). At Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter etc I always looked at your wife and thought "thats a nice piece of ass". Then you find out, a little after your wife and you divorced, I start porking her.

You mean to tell me you wouldn't feel upset? Especially if I told you that I promised it wouldn't happen again?

I would not be. If I divorced her, then the differences would have been unreconcileable. It would be something that was not meant to be and it's not my place to hold onto a relationship that obviously (in the case you describe) wasn't meant to be.

ZV

But the plotting and lying wouldn't bother you at all, coming from your "best" friend?

Hey can I borrow $100?

 

[whiteboy81]

...

 

[crystal]

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I understand that sometimes things happen, which is why I was willing to forgive this originally as a mistake, I love my friend too much to lose our friendship over a mistake. But his continuing to want to be with her after he saw how hurt I was is what is wrong.

What is there to forgive? I see there are no mistakes here. If you are a true friend, then you should be happy for them because they able to find happiness with each other. Don't just look at this situation with just your wants, needs and feeling, but what it did to their. If you can't do that, then it just show how self-center you really are.

 

[whiteboy81]

Well thank you all, I really appreciate EVERYONE here, not just those who support how I feel, but even those who are dissenting. Your opinions are all valuable in their own right and I thank you for taking the time to share them with me.

My other best friend and I are going to hopefully be getting together with my best friend who slept with my ex later on tonite. We are 3 people who have been through so much together and we have stayed friends so long by not allowing things like this to happen...other friends have come and gone, but the 3 of us have stuck together...I actually truly hope to reconcile with my friend. (against the advice of KarenMarie who is my new favorite person in the world) My world is not complete without him, hell i wouldn't even know about AT if it wasn't for him. He has taught me so much and played such a huge role in my life...it's like a piece of me is missing without him.

I'll let you all know how things go, again thank you all for taking some time out of your day to share your thoughts with me...it truly is appreciated.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: veggiefrog

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt
Regardless of ANYTHING, she was not ethically, morally, or legally bound to whiteboy81. By shacking up with WB81's best friend, she made the same free will decision that she made when she originally hooked up with WB81. Regardless of ANYTHING ELSE, WB81 has no right whatsoever to anything about the relationship between two other people -no matter how they're related to him. Yeah, it hurts, I know. Trust me, I know. But that hurt is something that needs to be taken care of ASAP. It's not healthy and it is very VERY poorly justified.

Good luck, WB81.

but it's not about her and her ho-ness... it's about how the friend should have said, u know what he's my best friend of 10 yrs and his friendship means a lot to me i'm not gonna be w his ex-chick (whom he's not over) w/o talkin to him first. it's what a friend is supposed to do. the friend should have had enuf respect and consideration to at least make sure the OP was kewl w/ it.

if the story had been about his ex who was sleepin w some random guy and how he was upset about it, then yeah 'waah waah stfu'. but it wasnt.


(maybe it's just me, but i would NEVER date a friend's ex w/o talkin to her first bc i love my friends and dont want to hurt them, i care about my friendships. )

Then simply substitute the sexes in what I said. He wasn't morally, ethically, or legally bound to WB81 in any way either. Shouldn't WB81 be happy that his best friend, whom I assume he actually cares about, has found someone who makes him happy?

 

[whiteboy81]

Originally posted by: crystal

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I understand that sometimes things happen, which is why I was willing to forgive this originally as a mistake, I love my friend too much to lose our friendship over a mistake. But his continuing to want to be with her after he saw how hurt I was is what is wrong.

What is there to forgive? I see there are no mistakes here. If you are a true friend, then you should be happy for them because they able to find happiness with each other. Don't just look at this situation with just your wants, needs and feeling, but what it did to their. If you can't do that, then it just show how self-center you really are.

I am not forgiving her, she can do what she wants...you're right I made the choice to leave her. My forgiveness is for my friend who asked for my forgiveness. At the same time, if she truly loved me like she said she did how could she have slept with my best friend when she knew how much that would hurt me? Who is the self centered one here?

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: crystal

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I understand that sometimes things happen, which is why I was willing to forgive this originally as a mistake, I love my friend too much to lose our friendship over a mistake. But his continuing to want to be with her after he saw how hurt I was is what is wrong.

What is there to forgive? I see there are no mistakes here. If you are a true friend, then you should be happy for them because they able to find happiness with each other. Don't just look at this situation with just your wants, needs and feeling, but what it did to their. If you can't do that, then it just show how self-center you really are.

Bullseye.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: whiteboy81

Originally posted by: crystal

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I understand that sometimes things happen, which is why I was willing to forgive this originally as a mistake, I love my friend too much to lose our friendship over a mistake. But his continuing to want to be with her after he saw how hurt I was is what is wrong.

What is there to forgive? I see there are no mistakes here. If you are a true friend, then you should be happy for them because they able to find happiness with each other. Don't just look at this situation with just your wants, needs and feeling, but what it did to their. If you can't do that, then it just show how self-center you really are.

I am not forgiving her, she can do what she wants...you're right I made the choice to leave her. My forgiveness is for my friend who asked for my forgiveness. At the same time, if she truly loved me like she said she did how could she have slept with my best friend when she knew how much that would hurt me? Who is the self centered one here?

Love isn't a catch-all that prevents anything bad from happening. Love isn't something that controls you, it's something that you have to work at -in an extreme explanation, you might be able to say that you control love. She stopped working on loving you.

 

[veggiefrog]

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt
Then simply substitute the sexes in what I said. He wasn't morally, ethically, or legally bound to WB81 in any way either. Shouldn't WB81 be happy that his best friend, whom I assume he actually cares about, has found someone who makes him happy?

well i beg to differ on the moral part since he's supposed to be a best friend, but ok sure.... but then y would anyone want to be best friends w/ someone who would be willing to play him at any opportunity? if u cant trust someone then lose him, imho. WB81's friend proved to not care about him, and life is too short to have to worry about if u can actually trust ur friends or not.

 

[Zenmervolt]

Originally posted by: DWW
But the plotting and lying wouldn't bother you at all, coming from your "best" friend?

Hey can I borrow $100?

No (to both). Plotting and lying would not be sufficient to make me do something I didn't want to do. If he could convince me, then the fact that I was convinceable is enough to satisfy me. It's not like he drugged the OP and hypnotized him.

ZV

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: whiteboy81

Originally posted by: crystal

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I understand that sometimes things happen, which is why I was willing to forgive this originally as a mistake, I love my friend too much to lose our friendship over a mistake. But his continuing to want to be with her after he saw how hurt I was is what is wrong.

[snipped]

I am not forgiving her, she can do what she wants...you're right I made the choice to leave her. My forgiveness is for my friend who asked for my forgiveness. At the same time, if she truly loved me like she said she did how could she have slept with my best friend when she knew how much that would hurt me? Who is the self centered one here?

Your forgiveness for your friend...

will you forgive him if he continues to bang your ex?

just curious!

 

[whiteboy81]

I know that I can't be friends with him if he continues to be with my ex, I don't know what I will do if that occurs.

 

[Viperoni]

I think it's wrong for the best friend to do that.

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I know that I can't be friends with him if he continues to be with my ex, I don't know what I will do if that occurs.

Well, my guess is that you will hurt, for a while. And carry it around for a while, and even let it interfere with realtionships for a while. But in the end, you will get over it, learn from it and be stronger and wiser for it.

Self respect is a hard earned but very worthwhile thing to have.

Lookit, it is not secret that I am a lot older then most on this board. Hellfire, I have a daughter (a member of AT, btw) who is right about the age of most of the ppl here. I have lived in many places, seen a lot and have done both the hurting and getting hurt. This is a sucky thing to happen to anyone, and IMHO they have wronged you. You need to be better than it, and better than them. If your friend is not willing to stop with your ex, then you will see what you mean to him. You are a parent... what would you tell your daughter if someone, God Forbid, did this to her?

Best of luck, and keep us posted!!

 

[crt1530]

I think everyone is missing another possibility. Maybe SHE set this all up to get back at him for dumping her.

 

[Ninjja]

Originally posted by: crystal

Originally posted by: whiteboy81
I understand that sometimes things happen, which is why I was willing to forgive this originally as a mistake, I love my friend too much to lose our friendship over a mistake. But his continuing to want to be with her after he saw how hurt I was is what is wrong.

What is there to forgive? I see there are no mistakes here. If you are a true friend, then you should be happy for them because they able to find happiness with each other. Don't just look at this situation with just your wants, needs and feeling, but what it did to their. If you can't do that, then it just show how self-center you really are.

wow. what a bunch of self-righteous crap. :beer:

 

[whiteboy81]

Well we are meeting up at 8 pst...we'll see what the verdict is then.

Thanks again guys and gals.

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

Originally posted by: crt1530
I think everyone is missing another possibility. Maybe SHE set this all up to get back at him for dumping her.

I think that is a real possibility. I would not be shocked to find the best friend getting dumped after being used to get back @ wb81.

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: Yo_Ma-Ma

Originally posted by: crt1530
I think everyone is missing another possibility. Maybe SHE set this all up to get back at him for dumping her.

I think that is a real possibility. I would not be shocked to find the best friend getting dumped after being used to get back @ wb81.

He would deserve it!
And it would be totally fitting if whiteboy81 dumped him, too. Then he would have no one and loads of time, due to his suddenly empty social life, to sit and think and think and realize that you DONT SCREW YOUR FRIENDS EX!!

 

[boomdart]

She's prey for all who want to sleep with her, she is single and can do as she pleases.

I'm post 10948109824 or something so i'm late... but I thought I'd voice my opinion anyway.

 

[timelapse]

If he is with her now, a few months later, then he probably was thinking about her when you were still together... nice... very nice... :frown:

or vice versa! :Q

or maybe you are from a smal ltown where everybody gets to breed with everybody.... yuk!

 

[Kemosabe1447]

I would be upset...I don't blame you, it's not just the fact that you two broke up, but that he would do that when he knows how you feel about her