Am I wrong to say no?

[kt]

Ok, I broke up with my g/f about a year ago. She says we are drifting apart and we are better off if we just start seeing other people. Although we broke up, I at first thought that we should remain friends because I wasn't too surprise and not hurt too much about the break up . She insists that we shouldn't and our relationship should just end there. That pisses me off at first, but I lived with it and got over it. Now, let's fast forward to last week. I got a call from her, dunno how she got my new number.. anyhow. She asked me to do her a favor (nothing sexual, if that's what you dirty minded people are thinking). I said no. Now she's totally pissed at me and been telling everyone how much of an a$$ I am. We still have neutral friends and some of them think I am a jerk for saying no but some think I did the right thing. What do you guys think? I mean, we are practically stranger now since she is the one who said we shouldn't remain friends at all. This really bothers me because it seems like I am suddenly the bad guy now. I've moved on since we broke up although I am not in a relationship but I've been dating steadily with this girl. I have no grudge against my ex, but I heard she got together with another guy shortly after we broke up that ended in 6 months. It hurts me, but that's nothing I can do about since she's no longer my gf. So, am I wrong to refuse to help her out? In case you guys want to know what the favor is, I don't want to go into details. But it involves me getting a favor from someone else. Basically, she's trying to use my connection.

Ok, since so many people can't go any further without me telling what the favor was. She's trying to get an interview at this company that I have some personal contacts at. And I did tell my mutual friends the situation. But they think that I refused cuz I still have a grudge against her. Which I really don't. The mutual friends are a mix of guys and girls. Out of them, those who agreed with me are mostly guys but there are girls who are on my side too.

 

[pulse8]

Depending on what the favor was, you could very well be an ass.

 

[gittyup]

So, am I wrong to refuse to help her out?


Well, you are by no means obligated to do anything. Ofcourse it is the holiday season. Good will to others and stuff.......

 

[Keego]

make her do sexual favors in turn for your favors

 

[Angrymarshmello]

What was the favor? It all depends on what that is (if it was to drive down 4 hours to pick up one of her friends or something then to hell with her). Either way you shouldn't let her bad mouthing bother you - if they want to think you're an @$$ then screw em.

 

[Presence]

Well since she was trying to use you...I would have done the samething in your position.

 

[abaez]

I was at work and this girl asked me for a favor and I asked it depends then she asked me for a hug and I said no and she is very upset at me now. First I'm a manager and second I hate giving hugs to people so you should watch out.

 

[vi edit]

You did the right thing. Are these female friends of hers and yours that think you're a jerk? If so, that's just the way it is. I've got a friend who dated a girl for about 5 years before he proposed to her. They broke up once or twice and he did some stuff in the "off" times with other women and her friends have hated him for it ever since. He's getting married to this girl in February and his fiancees friends are still holding grudgeds from stuff that happened three years ago when the two of them weren't ever seeing each other!!!

If that is the case here, they really are no friends of yours and you are probably better off without them.

If anyone is at fault here, it's her for crawling back to you when she needs something done after she in no short words told you to ah heck off.

Well, vengence is sweetest when served cold.

 

[DDCSpeed]

YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY. She has no more right to ask for "favors" because you guys are basically strangers. Trust me, she is just trying to use you for the "favor" and you did nothing wrong by saying no. However, you do have to clear things up between ur mutual friends.

 

[Ornery]

Hey abaez, how 'bout a hug?

You ought to be willing to do any favor that you would do for a complete stranger. If someone asked to help load a heavy package into a car, you'd do it, wouldn't you? If they asked for a hug, you would, wouldn't you?

 

[jcballer1]

yes, we must know what the favor was in order to tell you anything further....

 

[kt]

<< Depending on what the favor was, you could very well be an ass. >>


I guess I can't get the full opinion w/o telling what the favor was, huh? Well, here it is. She's trying to get an interview at this company that I have some personal contacts. I gave it some thought. I don't know about you guys, but that's a favor that you would only do for a personal friend. She's not even being closed to that classification in my book. The other thing is, I don't want to give the girl I am dating the wrong idea. I don't want her to think that I am still attached to my ex. And doing my ex this favor will only going to raise an eyebrow.

 

[thomsbrain]

<< I was at work and this girl asked me for a favor and I asked it depends then she asked me for a hug and I said no and she is very upset at me now. First I'm a manager and second I hate giving hugs to people so you should watch out. >>



oh, man. that is so fsking harsh. give the girl a freaking hug.

 

[kranky]

I would hug any female EXCEPT the ones who work for me. No way, that's just trouble. It doesn't matter if they asked.

On the original topic, I think you were wrong, ASSUMING that you believe she would be a good employee. Most people get jobs through contacts, and that was a reasonable request.

 

[DannyLove]

<< Am I wrong to say no? >>

you are never wrong to say no

danny~!

 

[kt]

<< I would hug any female EXCEPT the ones who work for me. No way, that's just trouble. It doesn't matter if they asked.

On the original topic, I think you were wrong, ASSUMING that you believe she would be a good employee. Most people get jobs through contacts, and that was a reasonable request. >>


I can see where you are coming from.. but there are a lot more than that at stake. As I said before if I decided to help her, the girl I am currently dating may think I am still attached to my ex and helping her right now only going to reinforce it.

 

[UberNeuman]

She closed the door on you... Let it stay shut...

No, you didn't do the wrong thing...

 

[TGCid]

I think you did the right thing. After all, she is the one that ended things and didnt want to stay friends. You are in no way in debt to do a favor. Who cares what other people think? Would you care if a murderer think badly of you for not being a vegetarian? I think not.

 

[randomlinh]

she's the one who didn't want to stay friends.. so if you're not a friend, and haven't talked to her since... i don't think it's reasonable for her to ask you of this.

 

[Daniel]

<< she's the one who didn't want to stay friends.. so if you're not a friend, and haven't talked to her since... i don't think it's reasonable for her to ask you of this. >>



I'd tend to agree, she wanted to get away from you and cut communications a year ago and now she only calls you cause she wants employment help, that's pretty shallow.

 

[yobarman]

wow you should've just done the favor...who cares if you're friends or not. If it wasnt that much of a pain in the ass to do, then I dont understand why you couldn't have just been nicer. Everyone on here who not to do it are some pretty cold, or lazy people.

 

[kranky]

So your gf will think you're still attached to your ex, if you call someone up and help her get an interview? You won't even be seeing your ex face-to-face? I think your gf is a little overpossesive.

 

[FreeAgent]

I still help out my x-g/f's even though I broke it off. It's cool to be able to help. Unless your asked of too much

 

[Anghang]

i think you were right in saying no...i mean she didn't wanna be friends...and then what now a yr later?..she wants to be your friend so she can get a hookup for a company?...puhhhhhleeeeez...she tryin to use you straight up...let her have her petty ways...as far as your concerned you both weren't friends anymore and that's due to her wanting it that way....tell that to the people she's badmouthing too...*SHEESH*...hate people like that...

all IMHO....

 

[kt]

thanks for all the inputs guys. i was going to help her anyway, but after all this I have a feeling she's only using me. you let her take one step on you, soon enough she'll walk all over you. and btw, i've talked to my current gf (yes, she's officially my gf now) and she said I should help her too.. but left it up to me to make the decision.