ANOTHER UPDATE!!!! Hot co-worker... need help reeling the line in (pics still here)

[Bimmer318i]

bump dude....

 

[paulee]

Wow, i've been in this exact situation before. my advice to you would be to stop thinking of her as a potential girlfriend. All your teasing, and pushing to get her to change her whole life will my likely end up a big waste of time.

A girl like that who has already committed to a man by moving in with him.. she's basically already taken. She would have to change her ENTIRE life around just for you two to even DATE.

It's pretty much either never going to happen, or she will try to string you both along, waiting for one of you two to give up, and given that she lives with the guy... he wins just by coming home. The only way you have a chance, is if somehow HE gets rid of her. Somehow, these things never work out right.

She sounds like a great friend.. so don't lose that. but don't stake your own future on a girl who isn't going anywhere. Best of luck to you.

 

[hpkeeper]

off to work I go for the day!

 

[Jfur]

Originally posted by: Shelly21
A lot of people think I'm flirting with them when I'm not. I don't know, maybe I'm not presenting myself correctly or something.

Even if we scowl we are supposedly "flirting"

Some men just assume that *any* attention means a woman wants them, just as some guys won't pay any attention to women they don't want to sleep with.

 

[gotsmack]

it's because we don't want to waste all the good conversation material on someone we don't want to date

 

[hpkeeper]

Well... I just got off the phone with Jenn... it's approximately 1:00am here in upstate NY. First off... let me ask you a question... do you normally call people at 12:30am? Unless you have plans with them or something? She was in a horrible mood, she was on the verge of crying the majority of the time that I was on the phone with her. Apparantly what I've built up to be a real jerk of a boyfriend, has only proven himself to be just that based on the conversation that I just had with her.

Apparantly she got home from work around 10:00pm, she then proceeded to shower up and go over to where her boyfriend was, I guess he was at a friend's house and he was getting smashed with them. So being the nice girlfriend that she is, she went to get him and bring him to their apartment. They arrived at their apartment around 12:00am, just as they drive in the driveway, another group of his friends had happened to drive by and wanted to know if he wanted to go with them out to a few clubs. He turned to her and asked if she wanted to go and she replied "no, I want to spend some time with you, you've been away at work all week". He replied "well... that's PERFECT!, I'm going". So he took off and went with them, and she walked inside and slammed the door. Aparantly she then proceeded to call me in a fit.

Now... everyday that I go to work and I go on break with her (something he never does), there is a new story as to why she thinks her boyfriend is a jerk. This is just another example of why. So I listened to her rant and I tried to cheer her up a little. After a little bit, I asked her what she was going to do, she said that she was going to start dating other people, she said that she wasn't going to dump him, but she was going to make it severely evident that she wasn't going to put up with this crap anymore, she's tired of being walked on and she's tired of her boyfriend not caring about how she feels. Well... that seems to be exactly what I'm giving her... I pay attention to her, I listen to her and she calls me and talks to me about her boyfriend. I just tell her that if she doesn't like it, then something has to change, I don't know what it is, it's compeletely up to her. I didn't want to say dump the dumbass... but that's what I was thinking.

Tommorrow I'm going to go visit her at work on my day off, again... something he never does, I'm going to go there and give her a hug at least, but she was in a really bad mood when she called me and I don't really understand why me. I can't get into a relationship with her... at least not until she dumps this dork... it would require a whole lifestyle change for her to date another guy... but yet she's upset because she's with this jerk.... what advice to I give and where do I go from here?

 

[John]

what advice to I give and where do I go from here?

To me it sounds like you are simply a shoulder to cry on. There's nothing wrong with friendship, but you should move over to a single gal IMHO. Should Jen break it off with the current guy, you then have the decision to do the same with your current fling.

 

[tokamak]

if she calls you up to complain about her boyfriend, then it sounds like you're entering the friend zone IMO....

 

[yllus]

Hey hpkeeper, long time no see. I still remember your classic "I've survived." thread way back when.

Well, I'll tell you what Jenn is thinking although you know this already. It goes like this.

Thought #1: "Presentboyfriend isn't as great a guy as hpkeeper, but if I end things I'm not really going to have a place to live. Plus you never know, things may not work out with hpkeeper...then I'll have nothing!"
Thought #2: "Hmm well...presentboyfriend *is* pretty damn good in bed and hpkeeper's there for me for the nice mushy stuff...maybe I can hang onto this setup for a little while. Two are better than one after all."

She's not going to break up with him unless he dumps her, or something catastrophic enough happens between them and her ego doesn't allow her to absorb the damage and go through all that fuss of moving out. She's definitely not a bad person for doing this, we all do what's in our best interests in the end. Make sure that you really are friends and you're not just her sounding board for bitching about stuff in her life - can you really talk to her about anything? I bet she'd get irritated pretty quick if you started to talk to her about other girls.

My personal recommendation...be a friend but leave it very strictly to friends only. Take your other business elsewhere. It ain't gonna happen with her in the next few months.

 

[Kadarin]

What yllus said.

You are the one who gets dumped on as her emotional outlet, while she retains the previous stability in the relationship with her b/f. It's not necessarily an evil thing, as dumping a longtime b/f or g/f is never easy. If I were you, however, I'd wall her off in your mind as "a friend" and consider your other available options. Pursuing a relationship with this woman would be emotional suicide for you.

 

[hpkeeper]

Cool... at elast my thoughts match up with everyone elses.

 

[gotsmack]

I think you should keep your options open and date other women until things are painfully clear.

and update this thread when something happens.

 

[MikeMike]

dude your ugly shes to good for u!!

JK

ur her FRIEND hopefully that will come with benefits

 

[hpkeeper]

Nothing exieting has happened recently. Like I said, nearly everytime that I go into work I go on break with her and we have lunch, the situation hasn't changed, she still complains about her boyfriend. I just give my advice. The only new thing is, is that she pretty much averages two phone calls a day to my house. It's a bit annoying, and it's only annoying because she's got a boyfriend. I still don't know if I'd date her or not, I like talking to her and whatnot, and she certainly fits the bill in the looks department. I just don't know the single part of Jenn. I think she holds way back because she's got a boyfriend.... and she pretty much hugs me goodbye after everytime that I leave work. So... I Don't know where this is going. But I've determined that I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now, I totally like playing the field, I've had about 4 dates in the past 5 nights, all with different girls. I'm not going to give myself a head ache over just one of them.

 

[kami]

I dunno man, sounds a bit complicated...especially since she lives with him. He sounds like a jerk but she could be exaggerating. You ARE nothing but a shoulder at this point. Make your move or go find another girl.

 

[Mucman]

Dude! I would be having such a hard time in your boots! Cudos for your patience but I think you should tell her that you don't want to be just a shoulder... Don't ask me how to hell her though

 

[gotsmack]

new month, new update.

I hope you keep updating for like 6 months and this becomes 1K+ post thread.

 

[xospec1alk]

hopefully a decision is made before the end of the summer, or else during schoool i won't be able to keep up hehe

 

[LordJezo]

Originally posted by: paulee
Wow, i've been in this exact situation before. my advice to you would be to stop thinking of her as a potential girlfriend. All your teasing, and pushing to get her to change her whole life will my likely end up a big waste of time.

A girl like that who has already committed to a man by moving in with him.. she's basically already taken. She would have to change her ENTIRE life around just for you two to even DATE.

It's pretty much either never going to happen, or she will try to string you both along, waiting for one of you two to give up, and given that she lives with the guy... he wins just by coming home. The only way you have a chance, is if somehow HE gets rid of her. Somehow, these things never work out right.

What he said.

Move on, stop being her "guy to talk to", and let her live her own life.

Things like this hardly ever work out. Stop kidding yourself.

 

[LordJezo]

Originally posted by: gotsmack
new month, new update.

I hope you keep updating for like 6 months and this becomes 1K+ post thread.

hehe.. and he will join the ranks of the best of us who have done that!

make it to the club man. i'll throw you a party when you get here.

 

[MazerRackham]

Hehe.. this is like a soap opera... make a move already!

If you want to exit the friend zone, you've got to take a chance dude... seriously. You've just got to decide if this chick is worth taking some risks with or not... Good luck!

 

[Draco]

Oh come on! Just have sex with her and get it over with!

 

[DeafeningSilence]

You sound like a nice guy, so this might sound harsh to you. But here goes....

Stop letting her use you / walk all over you / whatever you want to call it. She's trying to have her cake and eat it too -- as other posters have pointed out. She wants you for the comfort/shoulder, and her boyfriend for the security and convenience (living arrangements, etc.). In my opinion, you should encourage her to grow up and take responsibility. She is being completely unfair to you AND her boyfriend (regardless of his own problems), and you should make her aware of it. Everyone has to realize at some point that the universe doesn't revolve around him/her. This girl's time is now.

However, it does sound like you're doing a good job of handling your end of things. You're not stressing out over it, and you're not committing yourself to her prematurely. Keep going out with these other girls. If the one from work isn't really bothering you that bad, then maybe you don't need to do anything differently...

 

[Pepsei]

nothing wrong with being "used".... to others, it may look like she's "using you" for emotional support. but to you, you're doing what a supportive friend would do.

cool thing about have 4 dates every night with a different chick. good thread....