vid
[ Establishment shot: Exterior, night, boy scouts and Scout Master are sitting around a fire camp, near a tent. ]
Scout Master: ? and hanging on the car door? was a bloody HOOK!
Boy scouts #1 to #3: AAH!
Boy scout #1: Hey, I got a cool story mister Armstrong, but I can?t tell it until Canteen Boy gets back.
Scout Master: Where is Canteen Boy?
Boy scout #2: He?s right over there!
[ Camera switches to Canteen Boy, a few feet away from fire camp, staring at a wooden owl ]
Boy scout #3: Canteen Boy come over here!
Canteen Boy: Hang on a second fell- fellows, I got a bit of a situation here!
Boy scout #2: You can relax Canteen Boy that thing is made of wood.
Canteen Boy: [ Touches the owl ] So it is. [ Canteen Boy goes sit at the fire camp ] Good eye!
Boy scout #1: Hey Canteen Boy, I got a really scary ghost story! Once upon a time there was a moron, who always had a stupid canteen wrapped around his neck!
Canteen Boy: Hey, I think I?ve heard this tale before
Boy scout #1:? it was a dark and stormy night, and this moron went into the woods, and a huge bear came up and ripped his head off! ? Just ?cause he looked so stupid! ? THE END! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Canteen Boy: Hey you wanna see something really scary? Look in the mirror! Mm-mm!
Boy scout #1: Ha-ha SHUT up Canteen Boy!
Canteen Boy: Hey you shut up!
Boy scout #1: What was that?
Canteen Boy: Nothing.
Scout Master: All right guys! Lay off Canteen Boy, You can hike on back to your tents and hit the hay! Come on! Let?s go! Let?s go! [ Boy scouts are leaving, disappointed, Scout Master holds Canteen Boy?s leg ] Not you Canteen Boy! I wanted to talk to you about something. I see you take a lot of ribbing from the other scouters.
Canteen Boy: Goes with the territory mister Armstrong ? it?s sticks and stones!
Scout Master: [ Putting his arm around Canteen Boy?s shoulder ] Attaboy!.. [ Looking at Canteen Boy with lust in his eye ] You know, it seems like the moment you get out of the city, all the problems sort of, fade away? [ Scout Master feels Canteen Boy?s cheek with his nose ] I?m sorry Canteen Boy my - my beard is scratchy isn?t it?
Canteen Boy: [ Very uncomfortable with the situation ] No harm done!
Scout Master: [ Continues to feel Canteen Boy?s cheek ] My beard is scratchy Canteen Boy but it gives good back rubs?
Canteen Boy: Yeah um, yeah I?ll take a rain check on that mister Armstrong.
Scout Master: [ Tears his shirt apart ] Oops! My shirt fell off!
Canteen Boy: That?s a quick fix mister Armstrong just put it back on!
Scout Master: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! That?s great Canteen Boy! Hey [Holds Canteen Boy back again, puts an hand on his leg and rubs it] Do you like wine?
Canteen Boy: Actually I prefer pure tap water um, right out of the ol' canteen right here!
Scout Master: I?m going to get us a little?. wine?. [ Scout Master leaves ]
Canteen Boy: All right a little drop will not kill me I guess?
[ Canteen Boy hears a howl in the forest ]
Canteen Boy: Ooo-Ooo to you! Hey owl! if you?re so wise why don?t you go to sleep it?s the middle of the night! [ Canteen Boy is amused and proud of his remark. ]
[ Scout Master comes back, wearing a bath robe and holding two glasses of wine. Sits besides Canteen Boy ]
Scout Master: Ahhh? Here?s to the Great Outdoors! [ Scout Master intentionally spills wine over Canteen Boy?s sleeping bag ] Oops! Was that your sleeping bag? [ Canteen Boy?s get out of his wet sleeping bag ] You?d better share mine.. It?s Extra Large!
Canteen Boy: [ Naive about the invitation ] Sure why not, until mine dries off, it won?t take long it?s made of Gore-Tex.
Scout Master: Canteen Boy, would you um.. rub some bug repellent on my chest?
Canteen Boy: It?s February mister Armstrong I think all the bugs went down south to hibernate, I?ll be honest with you!
Scout Master: Humor me Canteen Boy!
[ Canteen Boy nervously applies lotion on Scout Master?s chest for a few seconds ]
Canteen Boy: There you go! No more bugs!
Scout Master: I have to apologize for my hairy chest, it can be a little scratchy?
Canteen Boy: Yeah.. my mom might like it as she?s a big Tom Selleck fan!
Scout Master: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! You?re very funny Canteen Boy! [ Reaches out and holds Canteen Boy in his arms ] Make me laugh some more!
Canteen Boy: Actually, I left my joke book over in the tent, how about I go get it?
Scout Master: That?s okay Canteen Boy let?s just, lie here and? look at the stars?. [ Scout Master puts his mouth on Canteen Boy?s cheek and neck ] Do you know um? [ Takes Canteen Boy?s finger and suck it ] do you know how.. how to play? "Truth or Dare"?Canteen Boy?
Canteen Boy: Um, refresh me!
Scout Master: You choose between telling a secret? or doing a Dare?
Canteen Boy: All right: "Dare."
[ Scout Master whispers something inaudible at Canteen Boy?s ear ]
Canteen Boy : [ Looking scared ] You know what mister Armstrong, let?s start off with the Truth!
Scout Master: I?ll tell you a Truth canteen Boy! You know what I hate? Underpants!
[ Scout Masters removes his underpants underneath his sleeping bag ]
Canteen Boy: Gee, I think if you worry about bugs, underpants would be your last line of defense!
Scout Master: [ Throwing his underpants away ] Problem solved!
Canteen Boy: Your problem?s solved but I think my problem?s just beginning! [ Scout Master forces Canteen Boy into spoon like position ] Aahhh What the hell is that?
Scout Master: I don?t know, it must have been a bed bug.
Canteen Boy: That was pretty big for a bed bug!
Scout Master: Okay it wasn?t a bed bug!
Canteen Boy: Let?s go back to saying it was a bed bug! Hey you know what, the park ranger just called! He said: "one camper per sleeping bag!" Sorry! Adios Amigos! [ Canteen Boy tries to leave sleeping bag, Scout Master holds him back ]
Scout Master: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! God you make me laugh Canteen Boy!
[ Scout Masters holds Canteen Boy and falls asleep ? the morning after?]
Scout Master: [ Wakes up ] I?m sorry Canteen Boy, I fell asleep before anything happened.
Canteen Boy: No harm done!
Scout Master: Well who?s hungry? I?m gonna go make us a power breakfast! [ Scout Master leaves ]
Canteen Boy: Okay?[ Canteen Boy gets up, whistles to summon snakes and runs away ]
Scout Master: [ Scout Master returns ] Canteen Boy have you ever had a Mimosa? Canteen Boy? [ Snakes "charge" at Scout Master from various location ] Ha! Ha! Ha!.. Canteen Boy you rascal!"
[ Fade out ]