Anyone had friends disappear for no apparent reason after your major life event?

[Zeze]

When I was getting married, I wanted to ask a good friend of mine to be one of my groomsmen. But he ignored my calls & voicemails. It's obvious he received it and also knew I was getting married via FB. I called again and again. Even pleaded with him via voice mail that I wanted to him to be part of this event.

We never had any fights or arguments prior- nor during the entire course of the friendship. I haven't heard from him at all- it's many years since. I'm baffled as to why. We used to hang out quite frequently. If I HAD to speculate, maybe because I was getting married while his GF broke up with him? (But why would that be the reason to sever ties?)

I never had that happen to me. He also cut off ties with all of our common friends.

A similar thing happened to my wife. She has a childhood friend whom she shared many common things with- both went to church as kids, college together, hung out throughout 20s, and even similar jobs. She was one of the bridesmaid.

AFTER the wedding & having a kid, she just kind of started to ignore my wife's chats & talk. Also, if she HAD to speculate, that girl always wanted to be married with kids, and didn't want to be in her 30's just with a cat. There were no prior fights/arguments leading up to this.

I don't know. These are the only two. I wonder if anyone else go through same thing.

 

[Newell Steamer]

Yes and you shouldn't care or bother frankly.

You have no idea what is happening in someone's head, so let it be.

Also, I wouldn't have pleaded or begged anyone. Send out a message or two and be done with it. I understand your attachment to these folks, but the very glaring evidence that they don't want to be part of your life is paramount.

Why? Who knows and it's not your problem. Sure, you can ask; "everything cool with us?" - and if they don't answer, move along. But, don't agonize and torture yourself over these things.

 

[lxskllr]

What's a "friend"?

 

[pete6032]

What's a "friend"?

Friend
noun \ˈfrend\

: a person whose opinion you agree with on the Aanandtech P&N Forum

 

[Aharami]

yea. one good friend just stopped communicating sometime during our mid 20's. Prior to this, he was one of my closest friends, and we'd known each other since 7th grade. At first, it made me sad that we lost touch for whatever reason and I tried reaching out to him a few times. I missed all the good times we had together. But we haven't had any contact for 8 or so years. He's a distant, but fond memory by now. I do wonder every now and then about what he's upto now.

 

[homebrew2ny]

I'd postulate that your friend was gay and had a secret love for you and you crushed his dreams by getting married. Your wife's friend probably just realized she had no room for non single friends in her life...

 

[manimal]

Similar thing happened to me. Turned out he had a thing for my wife.

 

[Ketchup]

I have heard the term friend used quite loosely. Zeze, if I might ask, how much time had passed between when you actually spoke to your friend (not through the Internet) and your request was sent?

Are you sure his phone number hadn't changed? Are you sure he hadn't abandoned Facebook?

 

[K1052]

Yep. At both stages of entering a relationship and getting married.

A number of our single friends dropped away when we got together and more when we got married. We transitioned to couple friends though so I guess it's a wash.

 

[pontifex]

after HS graduation i pretty much lost all contact with 3 of my friends.

we used to hang out all the time in HS.

although 2 joined the military, 1 not sure what happened. I went to school and got a job too.

I did meet up with 2 of them again (they were roommates) and we hung out once or twice but it wasn't the same. haven't talked to either one since.

 

[Nograts]

Friend
noun \ˈfrend\

: a person whose opinion you agree with on the Aanandtech P&N Forum

TIL that I have very few friends. :|

 

[Zeze]

after HS graduation i pretty much lost all contact with 3 of my friends.

we used to hang out all the time in HS.

although 2 joined the military, 1 not sure what happened. I went to school and got a job too.

I did meet up with 2 of them again (they were roommates) and we hung out once or twice but it wasn't the same. haven't talked to either one since.

Well, friendships changing is common growing up. Life just changes people and relationships and you may not be close anymore. That I understand.

But suddenly, with no apparently reason, drop EVERYTHING without a single word? And it's obviously ignoring. Now, that is strange.

I mean, if I got broken up with my GF while a good friend of mine got married, I'd be more than happy for him and party it up with him.

But then again, he was bit stand offish.

 

[Art&Science]

OP sounds really self-centered.

 

[olds]

He probably had a previous sexual relationship with your wife and assumed it would be awkward at the event. And going forward.

 

[Murloc]

it's weird but I guess it happens, people be crazy.

Never happened to me. But I define friends in a strict way.

 

[brianmanahan]

maybe he just doesn't like to share and compare salary/benefits/perks.

jk, lol

i have had the same happen to me, but it is usually after they get married/have kids.

oh well, i have always told myself that i am meant to be alone.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

Clearly he's banging the wife-to-be on the side.

That or he friendship ghosted you

 

[SKORPI0]

^_^:biggrin:

 

[Ketchup]

OP sounds really self-centered.

I don't want to be mean, but Zeze's other posts give me the impression he is. Most people are to some degree, but forum posts seem to make it stand out more. Just because people give that people can give that impression online, doesn't mean it is true.

Depending on the time frame, there are many reasons we lose touch with friends over the years. It happens. The only thing we can do is choose how we are going to react to it.

 

[skyking]

wife's lifelong friend had no time for her when her mother had cancer. She "just could not deal with it".
Now she's back. Sort of. People are an odd bunch.

 

[ThatsABigOne]

OP sounds really self-centered.

Knowing Zeze in real life, he is anything but a self centered individual.

I have a fair share of people that I used to know drift away, but none left me bewildered.

 

[ImpulsE69]

Knowing Zeze in real life, he is anything but a self centered individual.

I have a fair share of people that I used to know drift away, but none left me bewildered.

*and then zeze never heard from ThatsABigOne again*

 

[ThatsABigOne]

*and then zeze never heard from ThatsABigOne again*

:$:biggrin:

 

[Ns1]

I had a friend like that and we just drifted apart - there is literally nothing we have in common anymore except our past.

 

[notposting]

There is one friend of mine like that, and I don't mean the "ehh we all get married and have kids and live in different states" drifting apart.

We both stood in one friends wedding. Next summer, the married friend was my best man, this friend stood in my wedding, and another friend stood in my wedding as well.

The next summer he was getting married. All the rest of us were asked to be in his wedding as well - heck, me and the last guy I mentioned worked in the same company. Getting on towards summer and no info about tuxes, or getting sized, any info at all, heck he just quits talking to both of us - no phone calls, texts, emails, etc. Would hit him up on the Nextel and get nothing.

Confirm with the first guy who got married who lived in another state that he had got some stuff about the wedding...evidently our buddy just put his balls in a jar and handed them over as an early wedding present - "oh you don't like my friends? Well okay, they are gone."

It was so weird. Also, that SOB still has a few of my books. Been...11 years? Weird.