Long story short, my bro-in-law is up for parole and the wife wants him to live with us. Regardless of what his crimes were, I REFUSE to have another adult live with us. We have a small home with two kids. Her bro was locked up for 10 years (max 15) and I sure as hell don't want to endure surprise visits from his parole officer. We have four bedrooms, 3 are occupied by our room and two for the kids and the last one is my office. The wife wants me to relinquish the office but I plan on working from home soon.
So, my saving grace is my registered gun. She wants me to get rid of it and I said no. Then she decides that she's going to hide it and I said no. So my question is, let's say she goes behind my back and have them come inspect the house, would they take notice of the size and living situation and deny our place? We have a cape code and it's roughly 1300sq ft. She seems to think he can sleep in the basement but that's where my kids play!
Anyways, I'm prob the black sheep now considering they want their son home but there's no way he's living with us.
So to summarize:
* You place is 1300 square feet
* You have kids
* Your wife wants you to get rid of your gun
* To have an ex-con live with you
Also, note that it bothers you to the point where you went out of your way to post about it online. Not here to judge, but the facts, on paper, don't look good man. If "they" (meaning your in-laws) want their son home so bad, why don't they let him live with them?
Flip side: I have mentioned this before in another thread - I had a parolee live with us for awhile to get back on his feet. It was lighter stuff (B&E, drugs, etc., but not murder or anything super hardcore). He was an okay guy, but had just never really been given a chance & had hit a point where he wanted to change. Last I heard he was living a stable, drug-free live & holding down a job. People can change. It can be doable to have them live with you, but it can also be stressful. Depends on your situation. Right now, you are throwing up HUGE red flags. It sounds like you absolutely
don't want to do it. You are half the voice in your relationship & you should definitely have a say in it. Imagine it was your brother & your wife was strongly objecting...how would that change things, you know?
For perspective: Separate from above, I have been in a similar situation, although just with having family live with me for various lengths of time. Your home is your home. Having other people live with you can be a trying experience, especially on your marriage, especially if you disagree about having them there. If you do say yes, then I would recommend laying out a short-term plan with a couple of exit strategies. How long can he live with you? How long can he live rent-free? Will he be contributing by doing chores? Will he have a curfew? By what date will he need to have a job? By what date will he need to have an apartment? Some people are mooches & will overstay their welcome. And human nature is to take the path of least resistance...it is very easy to fall into lazy habits if you are not providing for yourself.
It also really depends on the person. I have had family stay with me who needed a place to stay pretty bad & were motivated to be self-sufficient. They were great to have around - they weren't mooches & didn't take advantage. I have also had family stay with me that over-extended their welcome. It's not good when
your home becomes a place you don't want to go to at the end of the day. I haven't set the rule in stone, partly because I like having family visit for extended periods of time (not to stay...just to visit), but in the future, in all honesty, I would rather pay (myself) for an extended-stay hotel or something for them, rather than ever have anyone stay long-term in my home with my family again.