Anyone living with a parolee?

[highland145]

No I knew and the wife talked to him for many years over the phone saying he could live with us. Not once did she ask if he could. I shut my mouth because every time I made an attempt to talk to her she would get highly upset. So for the sake of my kids I never brought it up.

So now that he's on his way out, I brought it up and I said no. Arguments ensued and her family is upset at me. So now I'm the black sheep of the family. Can't win or lose really.

I'm seeing that as a win.

 

[zinfamous]

Conspiracy to murder

uh, wow. tell mommy and daddy to deal with their precious, because he ain't coming near your kids/their grandkids.

this sounds like it could turn out real bad for you, man. But I'd be surprised if a court, if it comes to that, would grant custody to live with their mom if she is living with a convicted felon/murderer.

...man, I hope you don't live in Alabama.

 

[JMC2000]

Conspiracy to murder

Nope. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

As ineffective as it might be, tell her "Hell to the f naw, you must be crazy!"

 

[Thebobo]

Tough situation you are in, but immediate family first. So no imo. Maybe she can help him with a halfway house and a job?

 

[1sikbITCH]

Long story short, my bro-in-law is up for parole and the wife wants him to live with us. Regardless of what his crimes were, I REFUSE to have another adult live with us. We have a small home with two kids. Her bro was locked up for 10 years (max 15) and I sure as hell don't want to endure surprise visits from his parole officer. We have four bedrooms, 3 are occupied by our room and two for the kids and the last one is my office. The wife wants me to relinquish the office but I plan on working from home soon.

So, my saving grace is my registered gun. She wants me to get rid of it and I said no. Then she decides that she's going to hide it and I said no. So my question is, let's say she goes behind my back and have them come inspect the house, would they take notice of the size and living situation and deny our place? We have a cape code and it's roughly 1300sq ft. She seems to think he can sleep in the basement but that's where my kids play!

Anyways, I'm prob the black sheep now considering they want their son home but there's no way he's living with us.

A felon cannot have access to a firearm. Period. Part of the parole officer's task is to ensure that the parolee is going to a home with no guns. It's possible you could convince the parole officer that your gun is 100% secured 100% of the time, completely inaccessible by the parolee and that the gun is strictly in your control and possession at all times but good luck with that. I can't imagine a parole officer putting his career (and possibly freedom) on the line for one of his charges. Easier just to deny the application.

Seems to me you can just tell the parole officer about the gun and this all goes away.

 

[Humpy]

Explain to the guy why he is not welcome at your house. If he understands and finds other accommodations then good for him, he's going to be okay. If he doesn't understand and makes a fuss, then you've dodged a bullet (lol) by not letting him move in.

Kinda like a witch trial.

 

[Humpy]

Seems to me you can just tell the parole officer about the gun and this all goes away.

Oh hell yes! Go buy more guns and bring the receipts to the parole hearing.

 

[[DHT]Osiris]

Conspiracy to murder

Yeahhhhh... I would say no to that one. If only because all I'd be able to think about was him staring at me in my sleep and breathing heavily.

 

[smackababy]

OP, I will say some people that get a second chance actually use it and turn this shit around. Also, some people waste that chance and continue to fuck up. If that is a risk you're willing to take, let the guy come in.

 

[Hail The Brain Slug]

1) I would not get rid of my gun for that reason.

2) I would not give up my own office space for that reason.

3) I would not expose my kids to that kind of environment.

4) 1300 square feet is, IMO, just big enough for two adults and two children. That is NOT enough space to introduce a third adult and give him his own private space.

5) I would already be considering leaving her for being such an illogical, unreasonable, self-centered idiot about the whole thing.

Children come first, always.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

As one poster mentioned, he could very well have changed his life around but guess what, I'm not getting my kids involved. My wife is ... something else. I gave my reasoning to her sister who is a little more understanding and she's upset with her sister asking her why she didnt consult with me. My wife is 100% at fault and she's trying to save face.

So the home inspection hasn't happen yet and I keep telling them that it's not too late to change it. Everyone in the f'n family is assuming my decision to say no will delay his release. When in actuality you dont wait and address the issue immediately before the inspection occurs. Me being the rational one used my brain to say, "hey it hasn't even started, he needs to have the address change."

If I'm in his shoes I'm getting a hold of my case worker like YESTERDAY. I told my wife I'm not doing any research on my end to figure out how he can fix this mess. He needs to work with the people within the prison system to figure this all out. I shouldn't and don't have access to these people.

I've stood my ground. My wife being stubborn thinks hiding the gun would solve it all. I said they could come do the inspection but I'm telling them I have a gun. So, then they'll deny his release and it'll get delayed. So yeah that would be my fault as well.

No brainer right guys? sigh ...

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Even if her brother lives in other house, Op will still have nice summer Sundays picnics with murderer near his kids The main problem looks like it is Wife's ununderstanding of husband or not respecting him enough. But it is not. Op is the problem in this case. Stand your ground like a man if you wonna win on a long run.
edit:typo

yeah so dude has ppl looking for him. Her family thinks by moving him to the burbs he would avoid all that. But hey, everything is public and people can find where we live. It's not that hard.

 

[BoomerD]

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Tough situation you are in, but immediate family first. So no imo. Maybe she can help him with a halfway house and a job?

I wanted him at his parent's house but they said no because he would then be re-introduced to his friends and surrounding. My argument is then why do I get to "support" his ass? I worked my ass off to give my family the life we live.

Here's the best part. you ready? So he has a childhood friend who offered his place to stay. He mentions this to my wife and my wife's response?

"What, no, he has a wife and daughter."

 

[[DHT]Osiris]

I've stood my ground. My wife being stubborn thinks hiding the gun would solve it all. I said they could come do the inspection but I'm telling them I have a gun. So, then they'll deny his release and it'll get delayed. So yeah that would be my fault as well.

Make sure to clarify to her that lying about having a gun in the house a parolee is going to be living in is probably breaking any number of laws, and would likely also get his parole revoked unless it could be convinced that he knew nothing about it.

 

[Eug]

Hell no, not a chance. Your wife's complete illogic in this situation is a very bad omen. If he screws up, your wife is probably going to bend over backward to help him out. You could be stuck with him in some way or another for years. Best to never to provide a chance to let any of this happen in the first place.

I banned my BIL from my house permanently after a few week stay, just because I think the guy is a freeloader and a loser. The guy doesn't drink these days and has never been in prison, but I just think he's a bad influence in general, so I put my foot down despite pleading from my wife and even his parents. And my house is way, way bigger than yours. In your situation, I'd probably wouldn't even let him in the house for a visit, or at most I might let him come by for Xmas dinner or something and that's it.

That may not sound very charitable, but my kids come first.

BTW, I don't like guns and won't have one in the house, but this time having a gun in the house may have helped you.

 

[Darwin333]

When they come to inspect the house just mention that you have a gun and you won't be getting rid of it.

 

[BudAshes]

We took on a roommate who was on probation after spending several years in prison for breaking and entering, he managed to turn a 1 year sentence into 5 due to bad behavior in prison. But he was addicted to oxy and it took him that long to beat it. He was honest about what happened and had a good perspective on how being locked up saved his life in the end. He was a great roommate, helped us around the house, kept to himself and really turned his life around. Him and his now wife are good friends of ours to this day. Never had any cops show up or anything.

That being said, in your situation I would be over this guy staying at my house. You have kids and a small house, so tell him to find somewhere else.

 

[Fardringle]

yeah so dude has ppl looking for him. Her family thinks by moving him to the burbs he would avoid all that. But hey, everything is public and people can find where we live. It's not that hard.

That makes it even more of a definite NO! If unsavory people are looking for him, they will come looking for him at your house, where they will find you and your kids..

 

[Darwin333]

As far as the charges, I'd need more details but at face value hell to the no.

Edit:

yeah so dude has ppl looking for him. Her family thinks by moving him to the burbs he would avoid all that. But hey, everything is public and people can find where we live. It's not that hard.

WTF? So your wife wants to literally put your children at risk from not only a guy who did 10 years for conspiracy to murder but also people looking for said person???

 

[LPCTech]

Holy Crap. I don't want to insult but I'm not sure how smart your wife is. Or the fact that he is her brother is blinding her.

This is what I would do.

Tell her. No question. No nothing. Just No. NEVER.
If she takes it to the wall threaten to divorce her and you will get the kids cuz no judge would award them to her if you explain the situation. Then she can live with her murderous brother alone.

This guy helped organize a murder and has people who want him dead?

WTF?


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

1000x no.

This is an enormous deal breaker IMO. I'd be out the door if not getting my way in this.

You are right, they are wrong its your house, you dont want him there and the answer is no.

And nothing is your fault its all his fault for being a criminal.

Ridiculous.

 

[thestrangebrew1]

You're wife just seems completely irrational about this OP. I don't think my wife would ever put our family in a situation like this if she had a sibling who f***ed up this bad. Hold your ground. Sure people change, but that's not something I'd risk my immediate family's well-being on. Especially if he's got people looking for him. If anything, I'd say your wife's parents need to step up. Or he needs to move in with his friend with the wife and daughter (although I wouldn't want to risk that either). Just not yours.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

They're all scrambling to have him change the address. He's saying it's going to delay his release if he does so they're all begging me to let him live w/ us temporarily and then he'll switch addresses. I'm not risking that. The parole board isn't going to just say "ok sure you can now move" unless there was an extreme case like my house burning down.

Either way I'm screwed, my marriage and relationship with her family is in the toilet. I'm fine with it as long as my kids aren't affected. I can live with myself, apparently she can't.

If I wanted to play along I could say ok fine let's do this, but then slip or call the officer the following day and tell him no. Apparently all this is anonymous but why go through all the trouble. My thinking is, at least it won't make me the bad guy if i do this and they deny him and won't say why (according to the rules they dont tell you why, it's either approve or denied).

 

[highland145]

They're all scrambling to have him change the address. He's saying it's going to delay his release if he does so they're all begging me to let him live w/ us temporarily and then he'll switch addresses. I'm not risking that. The parole board isn't going to just say "ok sure you can now move" unless there was an extreme case like my house burning down.

Either way I'm screwed, my marriage and relationship with her family is in the toilet. I'm fine with it as long as my kids aren't affected. I can live with myself, apparently she can't.

If I wanted to play along I could say ok fine let's do this, but then slip or call the officer the following day and tell him no. Apparently all this is anonymous but why go through all the trouble. My thinking is, at least it won't make me the bad guy if i do this and they deny him and won't say why (according to the rules they dont tell you why, it's either approve or denied).

this.

 

[[DHT]Osiris]

They're all scrambling to have him change the address. He's saying it's going to delay his release if he does so they're all begging me to let him live w/ us temporarily and then he'll switch addresses. I'm not risking that. The parole board isn't going to just say "ok sure you can now move" unless there was an extreme case like my house burning down.

Either way I'm screwed, my marriage and relationship with her family is in the toilet. I'm fine with it as long as my kids aren't affected. I can live with myself, apparently she can't.

If I wanted to play along I could say ok fine let's do this, but then slip or call the officer the following day and tell him no. Apparently all this is anonymous but why go through all the trouble. My thinking is, at least it won't make me the bad guy if i do this and they deny him and won't say why (according to the rules they dont tell you why, it's either approve or denied).

Ask her how would she feel if this was flipped around, and you were coming to her saying 'my parolee friend who served time for conspiracy to murder is coming to live with us and our children'.