Anyone living with a parolee?

[Fardringle]

If your wife really does want to help him, I think the best option would be to pool together some money from you and her parents (and other siblings if there are any) to get him an apartment somewhere until he can get a job. Set a deadline (maybe 6 months) for how long you will continue the support. That way you're helping him in case he really does want to go straight, but not endangering your family at the same time.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Ask her how would she feel if this was flipped around, and you were coming to her saying 'my parolee friend who served time for conspiracy to murder is coming to live with us and our children'.

I have and she was quiet.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

If your wife really does want to help him, I think the best option would be to pool together some money from you and her parents (and other siblings if there are any) to get him an apartment somewhere until he can get a job. Set a deadline (maybe 6 months) for how long you will continue the support. That way you're helping him in case he really does want to go straight, but not endangering your family at the same time.

Yep, I said I'm not turning my back on him. I am willing to help him get on his feet temporarily. I'll help buy him clothes and whatever it is he needs to get acclimated to life.

 

[BudAshes]

They're all scrambling to have him change the address. He's saying it's going to delay his release if he does so they're all begging me to let him live w/ us temporarily and then he'll switch addresses. I'm not risking that. The parole board isn't going to just say "ok sure you can now move" unless there was an extreme case like my house burning down.

Either way I'm screwed, my marriage and relationship with her family is in the toilet. I'm fine with it as long as my kids aren't affected. I can live with myself, apparently she can't.

If I wanted to play along I could say ok fine let's do this, but then slip or call the officer the following day and tell him no. Apparently all this is anonymous but why go through all the trouble. My thinking is, at least it won't make me the bad guy if i do this and they deny him and won't say why (according to the rules they dont tell you why, it's either approve or denied).

If you do the right thing for the right reasons then things tend to work out. Just be honest and stick to your instincts. If they don't forgive you eventually then they probably weren't worth having around in the first place.

 

[MrSquished]

Man this is a crazy thread. You are really stuck here between the proverbial rock and a really hard place. Really sorry to hear. Your wife is being completely unreasonable if you've explained your objections that you have posted here and she is just doubling down, then this is trouble.

Do what you gotta do and I hope your marriage doesn't suffer. Good luck.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Man this is a crazy thread. You are really stuck here between the proverbial rock and a really hard place. Really sorry to hear.

Do what you gotta do and I hope your marriage doesn't suffer. Good luck.

The last part is why I may be willing to go through with this but then hit the back channels to get it denied. The problem with that is, if it gets back to them then it would only make things worse.

 

[zinfamous]

Yep, I said I'm not turning my back on him. I am willing to help him get on his feet temporarily. I'll help buy him clothes and whatever it is he needs to get acclimated to life.

that is more than fair and certainly generous. her family demanding any more from you is completely irrational.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

divorce her and marry her sister

Haha I always told my friends I should've done that. She's got her own issues at the moment so yeah.

 

[smackababy]

that is more than fair and certainly generous. her family demanding any more from you is completely irrational.

While admirable to be willing to help, he has to understand an ex con is basically going to either work as kitchen staff in a small restaurant or as a construction worker. It doesn't matter how much he is willing to change his life, he is fucked. No "reputable" company will hire him.

 

[Thebobo]

While admirable to be willing to help, he has to understand an ex con is basically going to either work as kitchen staff in a small restaurant or as a construction worker. It doesn't matter how much he is willing to change his life, he is fucked. No "reputable" company will hire him.

Even United?

 

[MrSquished]

The last part is why I may be willing to go through with this but then hit the back channels to get it denied. The problem with that is, if it gets back to them then it would only make things worse.

Don't go behind the back of any channel. You have the moral high ground now it feels like - if you get caught it will blow up in your face and you will lose the moral high ground as well.

 

[zinfamous]

While admirable to be willing to help, he has to understand an ex con is basically going to either work as kitchen staff in a small restaurant or as a construction worker. It doesn't matter how much he is willing to change his life, he is fucked. No "reputable" company will hire him.

so, the Cowboys will give him a shot? :sneaky:

 

[smackababy]

so, the Cowboys will give him a shot? :sneaky:

If he can ball, they certainly will!

 

[dave_the_nerd]

You can give her consolation and she can give you consolation. When she's most vulnerable stick that old thing in to her and make some babies. And then they lived happily ever after

Do go on...

 

[Zanovar]

What was he incarcerated for? i apologise if its already been mentioned,just skimmed it

 

[olds]

The fact that your wife wouldn't put her children and husband first tells me you married an idiot. But then maybe you're an idiot too. I'd get rid of the wife to protect the children from her. But since you have no balls and are going to do what the wife tells you, lock the gun in a safe (should already be there with kids) that the criminal doesn't know the combo or have a key to and his probation officer will be fine.

In a few years, when the criminal has ruined your marriage, get a woman with some sense.

 

[Rifter]

Here's the best part. you ready? So he has a childhood friend who offered his place to stay. He mentions this to my wife and my wife's response?

"What, no, he has a wife and daughter."

This right here would be enough to have me looking for a divorce lawyer.

If she is really that stupid i dont think you can fix this.

 

[Murloc]

edit: nvm

 

[LuckyTaxi]

The fact that your wife wouldn't put her children and husband first tells me you married an idiot. But then maybe you're an idiot too. I'd get rid of the wife to protect the children from her. But since you have no balls and are going to do what the wife tells you ...

You must not be married and if you are, you must be a miserable old man.

 

[highland145]

lol

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

There is few things worthy of divorce, but I would drop a bitch in a second for something like this.

You're insane if you think it's okay to go around demanding that other people live in the home with you... Hell, even if it's your mom or dad... The fact that it's a criminal brother throws the concept of "thinking about it" out the window.

 

[Majes]

Stick to your convictions.

I've been married for a year now. My wife has terrible ideas (nothing like this but still...) at times. Her most recent was to take in a child from her school that is having trouble with her parents. The kid's father can't actually be with her for "reasons" and her mom has mental issues. I just said no. We might have an open room and no kids, but the girl has drug issues, mental issues of her own, and is extremely untrustworthy.

Another time my wife decided she wanted to drive 10 hours to a friend's wedding and 10 hours back in the same day (she wanted to be back for pick-up soccer). I said this was a terrible idea and we should get a hotel or something. She put her foot down and said she would just go on her own. So after giving it some thought I went with her, did most of the driving, and made sure that we made it there and back okay. "Let's never do that again" was what she said after the trip. But we actually had a good time and joke about how silly it was to do that trip.

I didn't want a puppy, she did, so we have a puppy now. But the one she wanted was a 3 hour drive away. She decided that she wanted to pick it up on a Wednesday evening and take off work Thursday and Friday to acclimate the pup. That sounded fine to me until it decided to freezing rain Wednesday evening. I suggested that she just go the next day to pick up the puppy. She said "I'm going tonight, with or without you." So I went, and I drove... The drive there wasn't bad, but the trip back took an extra hour and a half and there were times where I was going 20 mph in a 70 mph zone...

My wife has a fairly aggressive personality and I'm generally quite reserved. So I get pushed around on some things. But when it comes to money or safety I really try to make the correct decision and take responsibility. In some cases that means saying no, in others it apparently involves driving her places...

I would definitely say no if I were you. There's no need for you to put your family at risk, and that's exactly what you should say to your wife.

 

[woozle64]

I would never want a parolee/ex-con living with me. Prison does weird things to your mind/personality, not something I want to be around. Hope you're able to manage the situation and have a good outcome.

In some cases that means saying no, in others it apparently involves driving her places...

I too get suckered into driving. For me, it usually involved picking up her grandma on the other side of town in bad weather for a dinner. Her grandma was really cool so I guess it wasn't that bad

 

[Scarpozzi]

Is this your wife's older or younger brother? She may have watched out for him in the past and thinks it's her place to continue to do so.

I get it...she probably misses him if he's been locked away. I wouldn't be bothered by living with someone who served time as long as I knew them and trusted them. He may have made a stupid mistake that he didn't think through when he was younger....but the problem comes now that once you let him in and establish a home for him, you may never be able to shake him if he can't become self sufficient. It's not personal....think of it as a college kid that drops out and moves back in with his parents. Once they take the kid back, if they have debt and no degree....they probably won't be able to get a decent paying job...when will it end?

 

[Feneant2]

My opinion is clear, even if the guy wasn't a parolee I would say no. It's your house, you've worked for it, so why should someone else be allowed to come live with you. My house is my domain, we have few friends come over and have few visitors, it's my place where I can go and have peace and quiet. 1300 square feet isn't very big and when you're already 4 in there, adding a 5th to the mix just removes that much more space. And that he is a parolee, I would never let anyone who has done hard time stay with me, much less if we had kids. In fact, that her parents don't want him living there as it re-introduces him to his friends and surroundings, isn't that a HUGE red flag? I read that and it's clear that his parents don't trust him to not re-offend if he gets close to the same group of people. Well you know what, nothing says there aren't 100x more groups just like them living in your area.

That aside, I feel sorry for you... this could very well end your marriage and even if it does not, it will probably put a big wedge between you and your wife/her family. It's a real shame that she is trying to take this huge (and potentially disastrous) decision without respecting your opinion.