Are there some things that you will never, ever tell your parents about your life?

[MrsBugi]

It's always interesting being home again for the holidays. All sorts of old stuff gets stirred up, good and bad.

I love my family, but it makes me a little sad that there are some things that I just can't tell my parents. They are integral parts about who I am and things that have happened that have made me who I am, but if I told mom or dad, it would just worry them sick or make them angry and just not understand.

I'm 32 years old now and wonder if I'll ever have the courage to tell them. Or if that would just be selfish of me.

Anyone else? Are there some things that you do, that you've done, or that you've gone through that you will never, ever tell your parents about your life?

And do you think you ever will? Or are some things best kept secret...

 

[dank69]

You forgot the most important part of your post...

 

[MrsBugi]

You forgot the most important part of your post...

Did I?

 

[Dirigible]

You forgot the most important part of your post...

We can wait a bit for it ...

 

[SandEagle]

OP = :wub:

 

[ImpulsE69]

Yes. And there are things they just don't need to know. More than likely they got things they haven't told you either..for good reason.

 

[Farang]

Yea I don't see it as a secret, it's just my private life. They have one too I hope, not really normal to share every single aspect of your life with everyone. Maybe a spouse.. even then there are limits I'd imagine

 

[MrsBugi]

Yes. And there are things they just don't need to know.

I agree that there are some things they just don't need to know, like details of your sex life.

Do you mind sharing the vague specifics about things you won't be telling your parents and things that they just don't need to know?

For example... One of my friends lost her job and knew that telling her parents would worry them sick. She decided not to tell them, and eight months later when she finally got a job (an awesome one that she loves and is amazing at!), she just told them that she was offered a better position elsewhere and decided to leave her job to take it.

I suppose there's nothing her parents could've done to help the situation and telling them would have worried them sick every day for eight months. She feels like she did the right thing and I agree, although if I'm ever a parent I like to think that I'd want to know everything about my child and what they were going through so I could support them through it instead of having them go through it alone.

I struggle with this because I'm generally extremely honest, direct, and transparent with myself and with my friends. Funny that with parents, things become much more limited and censored.

 

[Sluggo]

My parents haven't told me I was adopted, but I know its true since my sister told me I was.

She was made at me when she was 10, and let it slip. :hmm:

 

[MrsBugi]

Yea I don't see it as a secret, it's just my private life. They have one too I hope, not really normal to share every single aspect of your life with everyone. Maybe a spouse.. even then there are limits I'd imagine

Fair enough. They don't need to know all the details about your finances, love life, etc. And you're right, there are certainly things about their life that I don't NEED to know although nothing that they could tell me would make me love them any less.

I have a tendency to be more of an open book and I feel uncomfortable when I have to keep a secret and even sad when I feel like I have to limit myself or not all of who I am. With friends and people I date, I'm completely transparent and that's been an excellent natural filter. Those who don't like it leave, and I consider that a blessing as I wouldn't want to be around people who I have to censor, restrict, or limit myself with in any way. And those who see and accept me as I am become forever friends, and my loves for life.

I tend to disclose more than most people... I don't consider it a good thing or a bad thing, just the way I am. Which makes it harder around my parents...

 

[MrsBugi]

My parents haven't told me I was adopted, but I know its true since my sister told me I was.

She was made at me when she was 10, and let it slip. :hmm:

Have you asked them about it since then? That's a pretty big secret to keep but I understand why they'd make the choice to keep it... Definitely something that you share if and when you decide it's the right time.

 

[Sonikku]

I never told my parents that I secretly wished I was a pretty princess.

 

[RossMAN]

You forgot the most important part of your post...

 

[MrsBugi]

I never told my parents that I secretly wished I was a pretty princess.

Well, maybe it's time.

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

You don't have to tell anyone anything. You're not forced to, even if they're your parents. I have loads of stuff that I shouldn't tell my parents because I know from experience that telling them these things are a mistake, even though these things make me who I am.

If it doesn't inspire them or make them better in some way, it can be detrimental to tell them.

My main desire at this point is to be someone who someone *else* can feel free to tell anything to, including any kids I may have in the future. You can't make someone else come from a place of understanding when they're listening to you, but you can control where *you* come from when you're listening to someone else.

 

[MrsBugi]

OP = :wub:

:awe:

 

[coldmeat]

There are things that I will never tell anybody.

 

[Sonikku]

My parents haven't told me I was adopted, but I know its true since my sister told me I was.

She was made at me when she was 10, and let it slip. :hmm:

Wouldn't it be funny if in fact your 10 year old sister said that to freak you out because she was angry and immature and you had assumed you were adopted all this time when in reality you weren't? :hmm:

 

[MrsBugi]

You don't have to tell anyone anything. You're not forced to, even if they're your parents. I have loads of stuff that I shouldn't tell my parents because I know from experience that telling them these things are a mistake, even though these things make me who I am.

If it doesn't inspire them or make them better in some way, it can be detrimental to tell them.

My main desire at this point is to be someone who someone *else* can feel free to tell anything to, including any kids I may have in the future. You can't make someone else come from a place of understanding when they're listening to you, but you can control where *you* come from when you're listening to someone else.

Freaking love this. Thanks fuzzybabybunny.

110% agreed that I strive to be someone who anyone else can tell anything to. Completely accepting as-is and free of any judgment. Kinda necessary for what I do professionally, but a standard I also hold myself to personally. I think that all everyone really wants or needs is to be seen, loved, and accepted just as they are, the good the bad and the ugly. There's so much shame, blame and guilt that people carry around, and secrets can make you sick... I honestly feel like part of my purpose here on earth is to help alleviate the burdens people are carrying around and helping them find the courage the be more authentic, open, and expressive about who they are without fear.

If it doesn't inspire them or make them better in some way, it can be detrimental to tell them... Hmm. I'm thinking about this in the context of my own situation. Initially, I think that some things I want to share with my parents would horrify, scare, and anger them, but only because they would immediately jump to conclusions without understanding the situation completely. IF (big if) they were able to hear me out and really, truly try to understand... Then maybe it could inspire them, and it could very possibly make them better in some way.

But if they stayed in their place of fear, ignorance, and that awful place where they draw the worst conclusions without any logical basis or factual evidence or grounds whatsoever... It could be devastating. Definitely not a talk for this particular holiday... If anything, it will happen in January or February next year when some things (good, awesome, and related) are going to happen that will make it difficult to keep it a secret much longer.

So... We shall see. Deep breaths. Going to enjoy quality family time now and decorate some gingerbread cookies with my little sisters.

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

Fair enough. They don't need to know all the details about your finances, love life, etc. And you're right, there are certainly things about their life that I don't NEED to know although nothing that they could tell me would make me love them any less.

I have a tendency to be more of an open book and I feel uncomfortable when I have to keep a secret and even sad when I feel like I have to limit myself or not all of who I am. With friends and people I date, I'm completely transparent and that's been an excellent natural filter. Those who don't like it leave, and I consider that a blessing as I wouldn't want to be around people who I have to censor, restrict, or limit myself with in any way. And those who see and accept me as I am become forever friends, and my loves for life.

I tend to disclose more than most people... I don't consider it a good thing or a bad thing, just the way I am. Which makes it harder around my parents...

I'm like you. Open book. Heart on my sleeve. I want to tell people things and to share with people because I think sharing is very important in developing strong relationships. Plus it's just nice to share, you know? The ones who don't like it leave (and many do) so that's ok because I'm fine with myself.

There have been many times where I've slipped and told my parents something that I wanted to tell them. And 100% of the time it has been a huge mistake. I see it as putting undue stress on their life, sometimes a LOT of undue stress, so I always tell myself I need to refrain because honestly, it's not doing them any good. I might as well be mentally abusing them. That's not to say that you need to lie to them, just don't be specific or mention some things.

 

[Farang]

Fair enough. They don't need to know all the details about your finances, love life, etc. And you're right, there are certainly things about their life that I don't NEED to know although nothing that they could tell me would make me love them any less.

I have a tendency to be more of an open book and I feel uncomfortable when I have to keep a secret and even sad when I feel like I have to limit myself or not all of who I am. With friends and people I date, I'm completely transparent and that's been an excellent natural filter. Those who don't like it leave, and I consider that a blessing as I wouldn't want to be around people who I have to censor, restrict, or limit myself with in any way. And those who see and accept me as I am become forever friends, and my loves for life.

I tend to disclose more than most people... I don't consider it a good thing or a bad thing, just the way I am. Which makes it harder around my parents...

Well in that context I tell them everything, what do I care. I don't bring up that I experimented with all sorts of drugs in high school, for example, but it's inferred that I did a lot of dumb stuff. There's no barrier in terms of feeling shame, lost pride, etc., I am who I am.

For better or worse I've done that professionally as well.. if we are around each other all day I'm not going to put on an act.

 

[Viper GTS]

Sometimes it's necessary. There things about me that would probably break their heart (or at best convince them they had failed as parents) that if they don't know simply won't hurt them.

If every child turned out to be exactly what their parent(s) wanted, or every parent was OK with letting their children be what they wanted then maybe this wouldn't be necessary.

Until then, it is.

Viper GTS

 

[MrsBugi]

I'm like you. Open book. Heart on my sleeve. I want to tell people things and to share with people because I think sharing is very important in developing strong relationships. Plus it's just nice to share, you know? The ones who don't like it leave (and many do) so that's ok because I'm fine with myself.

There have been many times where I've slipped and told my parents something that I wanted to tell them. And 100% of the time it has been a huge mistake. I see it as putting undue stress on their life, sometimes a LOT of undue stress, so I always tell myself I need to refrain because honestly, it's not doing them any good. I might as well be mentally abusing them. That's not to say that you need to lie to them, just don't be specific or mention some things.

Exactly. And same with me... There have been times I've slipped and told my parents something that I wanted to tell them but which they obviously didn't want to know and it has oftentimes resulted in MASSIVE stress and worry (my parents are natural worriers, especially my mom, and worry obsessively about EVERYTHING). Might be best to hold off on mentioning certain details, at least for now. I feel like at some point though, it will be the right time to share... Just not now. Especially while at home over the holidays.

 

[Corporate Thug]

It's always interesting being home again for the holidays. All sorts of old stuff gets stirred up, good and bad.

I love my family, but it makes me a little sad that there are some things that I just can't tell my parents. They are integral parts about who I am and things that have happened that have made me who I am, but if I told mom or dad, it would just worry them sick or make them angry and just not understand.

I'm 32 years old now and wonder if I'll ever have the courage to tell them. Or if that would just be selfish of me.

Anyone else? Are there some things that you do, that you've done, or that you've gone through that you will never, ever tell your parents about your life?

And do you think you ever will? Or are some things best kept secret...

There is a lot of things I don't tell my parents because there is no need for them to know. I don't see the point of upsetting them about trivial stuff that they will just over react to.

 

[MrsBugi]

Well in that context I tell them everything, what do I care. I don't bring up that I experimented with all sorts of drugs in high school, for example, but it's inferred that I did a lot of dumb stuff. There's no barrier in terms of feeling shame, lost pride, etc., I am who I am.

For better or worse I've done that professionally as well.. if we are around each other all day I'm not going to put on an act.

Major props to you in being comfortable and fully accepting of who you are, as you are. That's a tough thing for a lot of people who are constantly seeking validation externally (as I did for a long, long time). I respect you being congruent in your professional life, too... It takes a lot more energy being someone you're not. I'm (finally!) in the same boat and it's pretty liberating.