Are there some things that you will never, ever tell your parents about your life?

[Corporate Thug]

I agree that there are some things they just don't need to know, like details of your sex life.

Do you mind sharing the vague specifics about things you won't be telling your parents and things that they just don't need to know?

For example... One of my friends lost her job and knew that telling her parents would worry them sick. She decided not to tell them, and eight months later when she finally got a job (an awesome one that she loves and is amazing at!), she just told them that she was offered a better position elsewhere and decided to leave her job to take it.

I suppose there's nothing her parents could've done to help the situation and telling them would have worried them sick every day for eight months. She feels like she did the right thing and I agree, although if I'm ever a parent I like to think that I'd want to know everything about my child and what they were going through so I could support them through it instead of having them go through it alone.

I struggle with this because I'm generally extremely honest, direct, and transparent with myself and with my friends. Funny that with parents, things become much more limited and censored.

That's a perfect example of something I wouldn't tell my parents...they really could not offer anything of value in that situation and would only work themselves up over a pretty common situation.

 

[MrsBugi]

Sometimes it's necessary. There things about me that would probably break their heart (or at best convince them they had failed as parents) that if they don't know simply won't hurt them.

If every child turned out to be exactly what their parent(s) wanted, or every parent was OK with letting their children be what they wanted then maybe this wouldn't be necessary.

Until then, it is.

Viper GTS

Agreed... And if I'm ever a parent, I'd like to think that I'd be that kind of parent. But yes... Until then, I'll avoid breaking their hearts. I'll wait for the right time to tell them, and hopefully that will happen in our lifetimes.

 

[amdhunter]

...that I post on ATOT.

 

[ponyo]

My parents haven't told me I was adopted, but I know its true since my sister told me I was.

She was made at me when she was 10, and let it slip. :hmm:

You were born in Kenya. Of course you were adopted.

 

[Jeff7]

Yes; I guess to me, that sort of informational-control thing is normal.

The "losing job" thing - I'd probably also hesitate to tell them. At least my dad. He'd probably call every day, and worry endlessly. My mom would likely handle it better though.

Fair enough. They don't need to know all the details about your finances, love life, etc. And you're right, there are certainly things about their life that I don't NEED to know although nothing that they could tell me would make me love them any less.

I have a tendency to be more of an open book and I feel uncomfortable when I have to keep a secret and even sad when I feel like I have to limit myself or not all of who I am. With friends and people I date, I'm completely transparent and that's been an excellent natural filter. Those who don't like it leave, and I consider that a blessing as I wouldn't want to be around people who I have to censor, restrict, or limit myself with in any way. And those who see and accept me as I am become forever friends, and my loves for life.

I tend to disclose more than most people... I don't consider it a good thing or a bad thing, just the way I am. Which makes it harder around my parents...

I'm more the closed book sort. Closed, locked, and partially encrypted, and information that's passing out is monitored, restrained, and filtered. Almost always has been that way. I've found it makes life easier; "just be yourself" has generally been a good way to make life far more problematic than it needs to be.

 

[nanette1985]

I'm one of those people that other people are always telling me things - especially crap I didn't want to know.

Warning - if you tell me something that you don't want me to tell anyone ever - I'm going to tell. If you wanted it to be kept a secret you should've kept quiet.

I strive to become one of those folks who nobody ever talks to. Leave me alone. Keep your pathetic life to yourself. If it's not a pathetic life, then okay, you can tell me the good parts.

 

[Brigandier]

...that I post on ATOT.

We know, son.

 

[IronWing]

Parents probably know already or choose to leave the question unanswered.

 

[DrPizza]

The number of sexual partners you've had, and which orifices, is none of your parent's business. That's a more extreme example, but makes it obvious you don't tell your parents everything. Some place between that extreme, and more mundane information, there's a gray line. So, it's obvious there are things that people don't tell their parents.

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

I'm curious, how many of you people that would NOT tell your parents these things are Asian? And only children? I'm both, so anything that could even remotely be bad or dangerous get blown out of proportion when it comes to my parents.

Agreed... And if I'm ever a parent, I'd like to think that I'd be that kind of parent. But yes... Until then, I'll avoid breaking their hearts. I'll wait for the right time to tell them, and hopefully that will happen in our lifetimes.

Yeah. If my child lost his/her job I would see if I could offer any help. If they don't want help, that's fine. If not, I would offer emotional support and inspiration if they wanted it. I would feel that it would be a good character building exercise at the end of the day. Worrying just makes things much worse and puts even more stress on the child now that they know it's not just him/her that are worrying about their situation, but also their parents. Most parents don't seem to be wise enough to realize that worrying doesn't do shit for anyone.

I'd want my parent's support (but only if they want to give it and if they enjoy it). If not that, I'd want them to have a clean conscience and not worry about anything. The last thing I want them to do is worry about something that they can't or won't do anything about. It's not constructive or inspiring. It's not even neutral. It's destructive. And the thing is that they do it to themselves so once the cat is out of the bag (or your mouth, rather)... it's out of your control.

Best thing to do is not let the cat out. Keep it under your sphere of control because this particular environment you're releasing into is too chaotic.

I know that there is always the hope that they can understand or you can make them understand, thus turning it into something good. I find that the best way to do this is to make them see how happy it makes *you* feel, because parents are supposed to be happy as long as you are happy, right?

Note that I have found this to not always work. You would think that parents just want to see their kids be happy and inspired and self-actualized, but many aren't this way, especially my parents, because whatever it is doesn't match what they think of as something that should produce happiness (reliable engineering job + house + cars + wife + 2 kids = happiness for them, nomadic lifestyle + a variety of women + freedom + exploration + action sports + philanthropy + business = happiness for me). It could also be because you're not being convincing enough - you say you're really really happy but they don't see it and aren't convinced. I know I have this problem. I'm just not the outwardly, "WOOHOO" type.

 

[tcsenter]

There are lots of private things I would never tell my parents. I mean, what would be the point of "Hey mom, I once had this girlfriend who was a freak in bed and she liked to..."

But I've told my parents about drug use from years ago that they didn't know about. They knew my friends and I smoked some weed and drank a little when I was younger but my mom seemed surprised that I had dabbled in some harder drugs. Otherwise, I don't really have anything in my past of which I'd be 'afraid' to tell anyone or fess-up to. My mom knows I'm atheist. She's not especially religious, she's closer to a believing agnostic, but even if she were, I'd still tell her.

 

[OutHouse]

To mrsbugi question

Yup

 

[bigrash]

There are a lot of things I won't tell my parents. And I won't tell those things to ATOT either.

 

[ch33zw1z]

Of course.

 

[SheHateMe]

Still trying to find the words to tell my mom that I like smashing Red Neck white dudes with Beer bellies.

 

[Mixolydian]

Of course. Like most people, I have secrets. I'm sure my parents have things they'd never want to tell me either.

 

[DAGTA]

In the fourth grade, I kicked my sister down the stairs and blamed it on the dog.

 

[Platypus]

who doesn't?

 

[SSSnail]

I got butt raped at burning man... Oh wait, I didn't.

 

[Sluggo]

You were born in Kenya. Of course you were adopted.

Don't start with this crap again.
I was born on a tiny unnamed Hawaiian island.

 

[drum]

Of course there are. Why would I want to disclose things to my parents that:
1. they can't do anything about
2. is going to hurt them emotionally
3. doesn't benefit anyone?

I rarely talk at all, to anyone. I probably wouldn't mention it to anyone if I was on fire. I am the very definition of closed book and always have been but I think my parents are used to it by now

 

[shortylickens]

All the shit I did on deployment. But I think they already know. Dad was in the Navy 8 years and mom did 20, though most of them were reserve state-side commands.

All the skanks I nailed in Florida, California, and Oregon.

I think maybe twice in the Navy I had some serious binge-drinking happen, like the kind I'm grateful to have survived, stuff you only do when you're young and stupid. Again mom probably knows what I did, but its not necessary to bring up.

Some misc. shenanigans from junior and senior high. Back then it would have gotten me beat, now its just not noteworthy. Actually, compared to some of my friends, my nonsense was very minor. Never hurt anybody, never broke anything major, never stole anything except maybe a pen. I knew guys who did horrible shit, things that might have repercussions today.

I never discussed Kosovo in detail.

Actually, now that I think about it most of the stuff I dont wanna share is what I saw, not really what I did.

 

[shortylickens]

OH, and little tip, aside from hermits and the modern bedroom-dwelling internet nerd, EVERYONE has secrets. So long as they cant come back to hurt you, most of them are best left as secrets.

 

[tcsenter]

I got butt raped at burning man... Oh wait, I didn't.

Because you can't rape the willing?

 

[HamburgerBoy]

I learned to be extremely cautious in what I tell people when I was just a kid. I can't even remember what I said that made me close the doors anymore, but I know better now.

(What I tell ATOT is of course a different matter.)