I love motorcycles, and I love riding. Like many of you, what first drew meto bikes was not just the experience of riding, but the feeling that I'dbecome part of a special community-a brotherhood, really. Nothing calms memore than a long ride down the interstate, waving to the members of mybeloved clan. Except when I pass Harley guys. I hate Harley guys. Hate,hate, hate. When they pass me on the highway, you know what I do? I don'twave. With their little tassle handlebars and the studded luggage and thehalf-helmets-God, they drive me crazy.
You know who else I hate? BMW guys. Oh, I do hate those guys. I don't waveat them, either. They think they're so great, sitting all upright, withtheir 180-degree German engines. God, I hate them. They're almost as bad asthose old bastards on their touring motorcycles. You know what I call thosebikes? \"Two-wheeled couches!\" Get it? Because they're so big. They drivearound like they've got all day. Appreciate the scenery somewhere else,Grampa, and while you're at it, I'm not waving to you.
Ducati guys-I don't wave at them either. Why don't they spend a little moremoney on their bikes? \"You can have it in any color you want, as long asit's red.\" Aren't you cool! Like they even know what a desmo-whateverengine is, anyway. Try finding the battery, you Italian-wannabe racers! Inever, ever wave at those guys.
Suzuki guys aren't much better, which is why I never wave at them, either.They always have those stupid helmets sitting on top of their stupid heads,and God forbid they should wear any safety gear. They make me so mad.Sometimes they'll speed by and look over at me and you know what I do? Idon't wave. I just keep on going. Please, don't get me started on Kawasakiguys. Ninjas? What are you, twelve years old? Team Green my "O Ring". I neverwave at Kawasaki guys.
I ride a Honda, and I'll only wave at Honda guys, but even then, I'll neverwave at a guy in full leathers. Never, never, never. Yeah, like you'regoing to get your knee down on the New York Thruway. Nice crotch, by theway. Guys in full leathers will never get a wave from me, and by the way,neither will the guys in two-piece leathers. And I'll tell you who else I'mnot waving at-those guys with the helmets with the loud paintjobs. Fourpounds of paint on a two pound helmet-like I'm going to wave back to that!I'll also never wave at someone with a mirrored visor. Or helmet stickers.Or racing gloves. Or hiking boots.
To me, motorcycling is a like a family, a close-knit brotherhood of peoplewho ride Hondas, wear jeans and a leather jacket (not Vanson) with regulargloves and a solid-color helmet with a clear visor, no stickers, no racinggloves and regular boots (not Timberlands). And isn't that what reallymakes riding so special?
To Wave or Not to WaveBy Shalom Auslander