Bad jokes thread

[TurtleCrusher]

I'll get this started..

"When I die I want to donate my body to science fiction."

-Steven Wright

 

[Jeeebus]

What do you tell a woman with two bl....

err, nevermind.

 

[tasmanian]

Originally posted by: Jeeebus
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes

Nothing, you already told her twice.

In before the edit.

*the above are not the opinions of the poster, and he in no way endorses sexism or violence since intranet is serious business*

 

[xSauronx]

Originally posted by: tasmanian

Originally posted by: Jeeebus
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes

Nothing, you already told her twice.

In before the edit.

*the above are not the opinions of the poster, and he in no way endorses sexism or violence since intranet is serious business*

Originally posted by: Jeeebus
What do you tell a woman with two bl....

err, nevermind.

:laugh:

 

[rudder]

A man walked into the bar with a piece of asphalt underneath his arm. He says to the bartender... " a beer please... oh and one for the road."

Thank you, I am here till 3:30 CST.

 

[IronWing]

What goes ha ha ha plop?















A man laughing his head off.

 

[zebano]

What's the difference between jelly and jam?




You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

 

[TurtleCrusher]

Originally posted by: zebano
What's the difference between jelly and jam?




You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

Golden.

 

[Engineer]

Originally posted by: zebano
What's the difference between jelly and jam?




You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

I LOL'ed!

 

[SandEagle]

Originally posted by: Engineer

Originally posted by: zebano
What's the difference between jelly and jam?




You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

I LOL'ed!

i'm still lol'ing on this one!

 

[tboo]

What did Nicole Brown Simpson say to Ron Goldman the night before they were killed?

You can eat my pu*sy but the juice might kill you.


Yes, that was bad.

 

[PlasmaBomb]

Originally posted by: zebano
What's the difference between jelly and jam?




You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

Never heard that one before :thumbsup:

 

[ViviTheMage]

Originally posted by: zebano
What's the difference between jelly and jam?




You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

:thumbsup:

 

[kevman]

Q: What does a 300lb hamster do?
A: Shoves gay people up its ass.

 

[ondarkness]

Q: What does a 300lb hamster do?
A: Dead babies.

 

[DesiPower]

whats does ATM stand for?

 

[tboo]

What did one hamster say to the other hamster?

Lets go down to the local gay bar & get shitfaced.

 

[Jeraden]

I always make up bad jokes... here are some of my latest!

What is a beer-lovers favorite childhood game?
HOPScotch

Why do 18-wheelers drive so slow?
They are very tired.

 

[Fritzo]

My son at the dinner table yesterday:

Son: "Some kid at school told me you can get worms from eating paper."
Me: "Yeah..BOOKWORMS!!!"

 

[TurtleCrusher]

Originally posted by: Fritzo
My son at the dinner table yesterday:

Son: "Some kid at school told me you can get worms from eating paper."
Me: "Yeah..BOOKWORMS!!!"

Do you get it?

You know, like books are made from paper and shit.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

An actual exchange I had with a friend the other day:

Me: If you weren't covered in flies, I'd slap you.
Her: I'm not covered in flies...
Me: *slap*

Needless to say she was quite shocked. Now she's going around using it on everyone she knows. As long as you don't slap the person hard and you have the right sort of friends, they'll get a kick out of it, and who doesn't want to slap their friends from time to time?

 

[TwiceOver]

Originally posted by: zebano
What's the difference between jelly and jam?


You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

I heard this joke the first time from an 18 year old blonde chick at a bar. Wouldn't believe the words that came out of this chicks mouth. Her version was a little different...

What's the difference between marmalade and jam? You can't marmalade your dick in a baby's ass.

My personal fav (along the same lines)...

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?


I don't have a Covette in my garage.

 

[FuzzyDunlop]

how do you make a dead baby float?

two scoops of icecream and a dead baby.

 

[KeithP]

What is red, screams and can't turn corners?

A baby with a spear through its head.

-KeithP

 

[MrMatt]

well since this is now a dead baby joke thread...

edit: I actually feel bad about posting that one.


so instead, a different joke.

So a french guy, a british guy, and an american guy wash up on a tropical island. They're captured by the local tribe. The chief says: "The bad news is we're going to kill you, skin you, and use your skin to make canoes with. The good news is you get to choose how you die".

The british guy asks for a rope, gets one, and hangs himself. The islanders then use his skin for a canoe. The french guys asks for poison, and uses it. The islanders use his skin for another canoe. The american guy asks for a knife. He gets it and then he starts stabbing the shit out of himself. He hacked up his legs, arms, torsoe, he's jabbing the shit out of his entire body and spewing blood all over everyone. The chief is horrified and asks "What the hell are you doing!??" the american replies "So much for your canoe, asshole"