Bad jokes thread

[Zeeky Boogy Doog]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

 

[polarbear6]

Originally posted by: DesiPower
whats does ATM stand for?

Nahi malum ... Bhol naa

 

[swanysto]

Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.


As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, If Im going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.
She removes all her clothing and asks, Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, Here, iron this.

 

[M0oG0oGaiPan]

Originally posted by: ViviTheMage

Originally posted by: zebano
What's the difference between jelly and jam?




You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

:thumbsup:

golden

 

[2dt Drifter]

Better Nate than lever.

 

[bobross419]

Originally posted by: 2dt Drifter
Better Nate than lever.

/kill 2dt Drifter

 

[NuclearNed]

What sound does an exploding sheep make?




BAA BOOOOOM

 

[Zedtom]

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "all these conservatives are assholes." Somebody at the end of the bar yells back, "I resent that!"
"Oh, are you a conservative?"
"No, I'm an asshole".

 

[Albatross]

http://imgur.com/h9Guq.png

 

[SandEagle]

Why You Should Never Question a Drunk


I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk
calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked
at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about
my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital
status..

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , 'Yes you are correct . But
how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.

 

[PlasmaBomb]

Originally posted by: DesiPower
whats does ATM stand for?

Automated teller machine

 

[WA261]

Originally posted by: Zedtom
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "all these LIBERALS are assholes." Somebody at the end of the bar yells back, "I resent that!"
"Oh, are you a LIBERAL?"
"No, I'm an asshole".

Had to fix it for ya..

Originally posted by: zebano
What's the difference between jelly and jam?




You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

I lol'd @ this one.

 

[SandEagle]

Originally posted by: PlasmaBomb

Originally posted by: DesiPower
whats does ATM stand for?

Automated teller machine

oh. i thought it meant At The Moment

Originally posted by: TwiceOver

Originally posted by: zebano
What's the difference between jelly and jam?


You can't jelly your dick up someones ass.

I heard this joke the first time from an 18 year old blonde chick at a bar. Wouldn't believe the words that came out of this chicks mouth. Her version was a little different...

What's the difference between marmalade and jam? You can't marmalade your dick in a baby's ass.

My personal fav (along the same lines)...

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?


I don't have a Covette in my garage.

wtf. dead baby jokes are the lamest jokes on this planet,, they so stupid

 

[SlowSpyder]

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy
An actual exchange I had with a friend the other day:

Me: If you weren't covered in flies, I'd slap you.
Her: I'm not covered in flies...
Me: *slap*

This one could be modified to achieve much better results in my opinion...

You: If you weren't covered in flies, I'd have you give me a BJ.
Her: I'm not covered in flies...
You: <zip>

 

[InflatableBuddha]

Q: What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A: The golfer goes *WHACK* "Shit!"...

 

[WA261]

So, these 2 guys walk into a bar....the 3rd one ducked.

 

[InflatableBuddha]

Originally posted by: tboo
What did one hamster say to the other hamster?

Lets go down to the local gay bar & get shitfaced.

:laugh:

 

[SandEagle]

caught this on Fresh Prince last night:

knock, knock
who's there?
Amy Fisher
Amy Fisher, who?
BAM!

 

[mafia]

What did the Math book say to all the other books?













"I got problems" - Math book

 

[BEL6772]

Q. What's grosser than biting into an apple and finding a worm?


A. Biting into an apple and finding half of a worm!

 

[Leros]

Three guys walk into a bar. Two died from head trauma and the third is paralyzed from the neck down.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: InflatableBuddha
Q: What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A: The golfer goes *WHACK* "Shit!"...

This...is an instant classic that will go into my library.

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

A seal walks into a club.

 

[TurtleCrusher]

Originally posted by: mafia
What did the Math book say to all the other books?













"I got problems" - Math book

I'm so going to use that. Chicks dig bad jokes.

 

[tboo]

Guy walks into a bar & sees a sign that says "Cheese Sandwich $3.50, Handjobs $5.00."

There is a pretty girl behind the bar & he ask her "are you the one giving handjobs?"

"Why yes I am." she replies.

"Well, wash your fucking hands cause I want a cheese sandwich." replies the guy.