Best Simpsons quotes...

[SackOfAllTrades]

Bart: "God, please kill Sideshow Bob..."
Marge: "Honey, you can't ask God to kill people."
Homer: "Ya, you do your own dirty work!"

 

[JayPatel]

Bart: i burned the xmas tree and the presents
<Pause>
Lisa Runs at bart and starts to choke him
Lisa: Whyyyy u Little......
Homer: Lisaaaaaaaaaaaa No.......Your Hands are too small.

 

[SSP]

[budman]
BUDMAN Can't breath... Owwww no!

Bud Man says a lot of things.. Owww yea!

This brown patch needs a little H 2 O! Oww yea!

(I have this mp3.. F*ing funny).


Hello babee!... welcome to dumpsville, poplation... you.


[Homer dancing out side his grave]
I am evil homer, I am evil homer!, I am evil homer.


Homer: What? You gave both dogs away? You know how I feel about giving!

Bed goes up, bed goes down. Bed goes up bed goes down.


BTW, They don't use that &quot;Ummmm.. Donuts&quot; line anymore.

 

[Lolow]

Marge: *looking at Lisa driving away with the pig de resistance* &quot;Bart! Nooooooooooooooooo!&quot;
Bart: *standing next to Marge, tugs on Marge's skirt* &quot;Mom! I'm right here.&quot;
Marge: &quot;Sorry. Force of habit. Lisa! Noooooooooooooooo!&quot;

 

[DainBrammage]

IN YOUR FACE FLANDERS!!!!

 

[Whizzy]

McBain:

&quot;Real acid ?&quot;.....

.. after this a wave of acid comes towards him and he's drowned in the stuff.

&quot;My eyes !!, these goggles do nothing !!!&quot;

 

[fallenoncrack]

DOH

 

[sparkle]

I can't come up w/a single one. Usually it is something by &quot;The Comic Book Guy&quot; but my fav. recent quote is &quot;quick, chew through my ball-sack&quot;

 

[AngelOfDeath]

I wonder if it's possible to buy all Chapters of The Simpsons on DVD or VHS. See that would be nice. Worst part...Don't think anybody are able to get in touch with me for the next 2-3 years . Juuuust watching...

AoD

 

[Taz4158]

Now I've had my head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth.
-- Homer, &quot;Bart Gets An Elephant&quot;

Mr. Burns: &quot;We don't have to be adversaries Homer, we both want a fair union contract...&quot;
Homer (to his brain): &quot;Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?&quot;
Mr. Burns: &quot;...and if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.&quot;
Homer (to his brain): &quot;Wait a minute...is he coming on to me?&quot;
Mr. Burns: &quot;After all, negotiations make strange bed-fellows.&quot;
(Mr. Burns gives out a friendly laugh) Homer (to his brain): Ahh! Homer: &quot;Sorry Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure i'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!&quot;


Owner: &quot;Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!&quot;
Homer: *worried* &quot;Ooooh, that's bad.&quot;
Owner: &quot;But it comes with a free Frogurt!&quot;
Homer: *relieved* &quot;That's good.&quot;
Owner: &quot;The Frogurt is also cursed.&quot;
Homer: *worried* &quot;That's bad.&quot;
Owner: &quot;But you get your choice of topping!&quot;
Homer: *relieved* &quot;That's good.&quot;
Owner: &quot;The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate.&quot;
Homer: *stares*
Owner: &quot;That's bad.&quot;

 

[m3lo]

^^

 

[Modeps]

Wiggam (while at a barbeque, staring at a roasted pig):
&quot;Hey, Look at his nose! haha!&quot;

 

[SmiZ]

Comic Book Guy: &quot;Worst episode ever&quot;
Willy: &quot;Willy hears ya, Willy don't care&quot;
Homer: *with saxaphone to his lips in an attempt to play* &quot;Saxamaphone....Saxamaphone&quot;

 

[BearX00]

*homer pulling on the tail of a pig*
&quot;Curly.. Straight.. curly ... straight..( i just keeps going )&quot;

 

[Modeps]

TV Analyst: &quot;If you like what you see, turn your nob to the left, if you dont like what you see, turn your knob to the right.&quot;

Ralph: &quot;My knob tastes funny.&quot;

Tv Analyst: &quot;Please refrain from tasting the knobs.&quot;

-----
sleightly later
-----

Itchy and Scrachy Exec: &quot;I dont get it, they love Itchy, they love Scratchy, and one kid really loves the thong man...&quot;

----
later
----

Lisa: &quot;Adding new characters is just a sad attempt at boosting otherwise dismal ratings.&quot;
Roy: &quot;Hey everybody!&quot;
Homer &amp; Marge: &quot;Hey Roy.&quot;

 

[DaveJ]

Burns: Now, let's get down to business.
Homer: [thinks] Oh, man. I have to go to the bathroom.
Why did I have all that beer and coffee and watermelon?
[water drips in the background, Smithers pours a cup of coffee]
Burns: Now Homer, I know what you're thinking.
I want to take the pressure off.
Now, it doesn't take a `whiz' to know that
you're looking out for `Number One'.
Well, listen to me, and you'll make a big splash very soon.

Homer: Which way to the bathroom?
Burns: Oh, it's the twenty-third door on the left.

Homer reaches a looooong corridor, opening door after door, not
finding a bathroom. Homer eventually returns. ``Find the bathroom
all right?'' Homer stops. ``Uhh.... Yeahhhhhhh.''



Dave

 

[kranky]

Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying! [hugs Marge]
Dr. H: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little! [steps towards Dr. H]
Dr. H: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear? [cringes]
Dr. H: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. H: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. H: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.

 

[Doggiedog]

Mr. Burns: Who is that man?
Smithers: That's Homer Simpson in sector 7G (I think).
Mr. Burns: Simpson aye? Bring him to me!

Cultmember: Nana-nana-nana-nana leader, Nana-nana-nana-nana leader
Homer: Nana-nana-nana-nana Batman, doh, Nana-nana-nana-nana leader

 

[thraashman]

Homer: What does your mom usually do to punish you?
Bart: She makes me drink beer.
Homer: Give me some credit boy. (groceries fall out of the paper bag Homer is wearing)
Well you're still getting punished.

Flanders: Hidily ho neighbor I'm feeling a might peckish. Mind if I chew on your ear.
(Homer shoots Flanders)
Bart: Dad, you just shot the zombie Flanders.
Homer: He was a zombie?

Grandpa: Qucik we have to kill the boy.
Marge: How'd you know he's a vampire.
Grandpa: He's a vampire? AAAAAHHHHHH.

 

[Farbio]

my favorite comes from the springfield prohibition episode:

homer: 'alcohol: the cause and solution to all of man's problems'

 

[thraashman]

another good one I thought of.
Simpsons are eating a dinner of lambchops after having just spent the day at the petting zoo.

Lisa: I can't eat this. What's the difference between this lamb and the one that kissed me today?
Bart: Well for starters this one spent about 3 hours in the broiler.

 

[bigbootydaddy]

Homer: &quot;to the simpson-mobile!!&quot;

---------------------------------

Lisa: &quot;Do you have anything with fruit?&quot;
Homer: This Donut has purple stuff in it. Purple is a fruit.

---------------------------------
clouds....
Bleeding gums murphy: Lisa (forget what he says)
Mufasa: Kimba...I mean Simba
Darth: Luke..I am Your Father....
James Earl Jones: This is CNN.
----------------------------------
Marge: Those games cost up to and including 75 dollars...
Bart: Yes Yes those are all good points...but doesnt resolve me getting the game.
homer (to bart): Son when I was a young boy, the thing i most wanted was an electric football game and my parents bought it for me and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, good nite.


hehe...classic.

 

[bigbootydaddy]

oh one more.

Sideshow bob: its german, for the bart..the.
Parole Committe person: No one whos german could be evil.
Parole Committe person 2: Parole Granted!

 

[SmiZ]

Another one..

From the episode where homer is on the bowling team.

Bart: &quot;These uniforms suck&quot;
Marge: &quot;Where did you learn to talk like that?&quot;
Homer (Talking on the phone): &quot;They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked&quot;
Marge: &quot;Homer!&quot;
Homer (On the phone): &quot;I gotta go my damn wiener kids are listening&quot;
Lisa: &quot;We are not wieners!&quot;
Homer: &quot;Then why are you dressed like that?&quot;
Bart and Lisa: &quot;Cause they made us&quot;
Homer (mocking): &quot;Oh they made us!!!&quot;

 

[harpomx]

Homer: Marge, I'm bored!
Marge: Why don't you read something?
Homer: Because I'm trying to REDUCE my boredom.


Kent: My antidote for &quot;Pigskin Fever?&quot; Take two tickets and call me in the morning!
Disclaimer : Warning, tickets should not be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me they have a warning.


Homer: Oh! I see they have the internet on computers now.


Willy: Ya shouldn't have run, little doggie. There's nary an animal that can outrun a greased scotsman!