Bit of an emotional wreck right now.

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Locut0s

Lifer
Nov 28, 2001
22,281
43
91
OK well. A few things I'm going to get back to my exerciseing and loose weight. Im going to look for another job. I'm going to get some counseling, see a psychiatrist. I'm going to ditch the full degree in favour of a much more directed shorter education course. Looking at doing a BCIT programming / IT "degree".
 

InflatableBuddha

Diamond Member
Jul 5, 2007
7,445
1
0
OK well. A few things I'm going to get back to my exerciseing and loose weight. Im going to look for another job. I'm going to get some counseling, see a psychiatrist. I'm going to ditch the full degree in favour of a much more directed shorter education course. Looking at doing a BCIT programming / IT "degree".

I did a BCIT certificate during evenings while working a day job, a few years ago. Fairly busy, but it was manageable, and I still had some free time on the weekends.

Good plan. :thumbsup:
 

coreyb

Platinum Member
Aug 12, 2007
2,437
1
0
there's many resources in place for people like you, take advantage of them. and stop feeling sorry for yourself because it gets you nowhere.
 

RbSX

Diamond Member
Jan 18, 2002
8,351
1
76
OK well. A few things I'm going to get back to my exerciseing and loose weight. Im going to look for another job. I'm going to get some counseling, see a psychiatrist. I'm going to ditch the full degree in favour of a much more directed shorter education course. Looking at doing a BCIT programming / IT "degree".

These sound like impulse ill conceived decisions that weren't thought out.

1) If you want to 'get in shape' e.g. get muscular, you will gain weight before you lose it in most cases.

2) Looking for another job is a good idea.

3) You are not looking for a psychiatrist, you want to see a psychologist. But this is a step of last resort. Psychologists (esp. the good ones) are VERY expensive. Make the basic changes in your life that you can, then, if you don't see progress or are uncomfortable with some of the changes, then go see a counsellor.

4) Again, ill researched. BCIT might be 'shorter' but their course load for every semester is double that of a regular school (8 courses per semester compared to 4-5 per semester at a college or university). Again it seems you want to get everything done quickly rather than thoroughly.

5) I would encourage you to get OUT of IT. My assistant has a degree in IT from BCIT and said it was HELL, and my assistant is a VERY smart guy. Also, he said everyone in the program was an anti-social geek. The last thing you should be doing is being around people that perpetuate your style of behavior.
 

Locut0s

Lifer
Nov 28, 2001
22,281
43
91
These sound like impulse ill conceived decisions that weren't thought out.

1) If you want to 'get in shape' e.g. get muscular, you will gain weight before you lose it in most cases.

2) Looking for another job is a good idea.

3) You are not looking for a psychiatrist, you want to see a psychologist. But this is a step of last resort. Psychologists (esp. the good ones) are VERY expensive. Make the basic changes in your life that you can, then, if you don't see progress or are uncomfortable with some of the changes, then go see a counsellor.

4) Again, ill researched. BCIT might be 'shorter' but their course load for every semester is double that of a regular school (8 courses per semester compared to 4-5 per semester at a college or university). Again it seems you want to get everything done quickly rather than thoroughly.

5) I would encourage you to get OUT of IT. My assistant has a degree in IT from BCIT and said it was HELL, and my assistant is a VERY smart guy. Also, he said everyone in the program was an anti-social geek. The last thing you should be doing is being around people that perpetuate your style of behavior.

1. I'm more looking to loose weight and gain a little muscle. The main thing is to loose weight. I've gained a lot of weight in the past months (at about 255lbs right now) that I need to get rid of for my own self confidence. Getting fit is a longer goal that I intend to work on as well. I know this will cause me to gain weight but muscular weight is fine by me.

2.Yes I need something to give my days structure.

3.I've been to see a psychologist in the past and it was covered under MSP. so... And yeah this is sort of last resort. Suicidal thoughts even if not acted upon are not a good sign.

4.The BCIT isn't a final decision right now. I know how much work it's supposed to be.

As for the 2 English courses I was taking before they were not randomly chosen. I did in fact look up the BC transfers guide and they were basically the only thing that I could take that late in the semester that still transferred into the UBC comp sci/math degree that I did not already have.
 

heavyiron8

Senior member
Aug 26, 2011
347
0
71
Don't give up bro. Don't ever give up. It WILL get better trust me. Take the steps to get help, followed by self-improvement in whatever form that you enjoy or prefer.
 

HamburgerBoy

Lifer
Apr 12, 2004
27,112
318
126
Don't give up bro. Don't ever give up. It WILL get better trust me. Take the steps to get help, followed by self-improvement in whatever form that you enjoy or prefer.

tbh it definitely won't get better on its own. Anyone that laments their virginity and general worthlessness at 29 and regrets all the lost years will be no better at 39 or 49. I have a family member who reminds me a fair bit of him (along with a couple other ATOTers) and he's only gone downhill for the last ten years of his life.
 

Locut0s

Lifer
Nov 28, 2001
22,281
43
91
tbh it definitely won't get better on its own. Anyone that laments their virginity and general worthlessness at 29 and regrets all the lost years will be no better at 39 or 49. I have a family member who reminds me a fair bit of him (along with a couple other ATOTers) and he's only gone downhill for the last ten years of his life.

Partly why I've decided to seek out some help.
 

Locut0s

Lifer
Nov 28, 2001
22,281
43
91
My family also has a fairly long history of mental disorders on both sides. My father had a serious nervous breakdown in his late 20s. He almost didn't make it out of it. He's had many smaller episodes since. His mother had many problems as well as was an on again off again alcoholic, had wild mood swings. On my mothers side one of her brothers committed suicide due to depression and one of her sisters is seriously depressed and has been incapacitated for long periods. There are others in the family as well.
 

SP33Demon

Lifer
Jun 22, 2001
27,929
142
106
If you wanna lose weight, cut the calories first. I'd recommend fitday.com and their free calorie tracker. Working out is optional but will make you feel better due to endorphins. I'd recommend running for 20 to 30 minutes to start out, and do it every dam day. If you can get a buddy to go, even better. It's always easier to hit the treadmill or a run outside if a buddy is with you.

Regarding degree, I would do networking if I was starting over. Our company is having trouble filling those positions and they pay dam well (DBA's). You will never have trouble finding employment in the next 10 years if you do anything related to networking. Instead of the degree route, you may want to look into certs and find ways to practice on your own but a degree + experience will always trump certs. Certs will boost your resume and show any potential employers that you are self motivated.

Last, if you don't have a lot of friends, go to meetup.com and find a group that share a common hobby. You never know who you'll meet and it will give you better networking options while improving your social skills.

Take these steps and your depression should go away since you'll feel more of a sense of purpose.

PM me for my Paypal for this session of SP's Lifecoaching.
 
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May 11, 2008
20,068
1,293
126
If i have learned anything in my life, it is that the illusion of having control over your life is very important. The issue is that life consists of so many factors you have no control over that if you would think of this all the time, you and everybody else would have a nervous breakdown all the time. Thus it is time to go back to basics.

Basic ways that people can feel good about themselves : enjoy the things you actually do have control about.
A hobby. Or making your own food. Or do some sports. Or show some love.

You want to loose weight ? As others mentioned, the best way is to lower your fat percentage and increase your muscle mass and stamina. This is something you have control over if you wish it to be.

Another aspect is food. It is a very good thing to be able to cook your own food. If you do not know how to cook, start simple, bake an egg. Next day bake another egg but add some spices and herbs. Next day at some sliced up vegetables. Find out what you enjoy as taste. When you have some experience with baking eggs with various spices, herbs and sliced up vegetables, it is time to buy a cheap small electric rice cooker. Make your own meals. Now, practice to grill or fry different kinds of meat combined with different herbs and spices and vegetables. Add rice. Start reading books about recipes. Ask others what that wonderful flavor is in the food they give you.

This is a long story. But after a few months, you will have lost fat, if you go to the gym and do a work out properly you will have have gained muscle mass and stamina.

You need to familiarize yourself with delayed gratification. Your problem i assume here as with many people here ( I had the same in the past) is not being able to deal with delayed gratification. If you live in the now and you want everything now, you will not be able to enjoy life. I found it out myself before i was inches away of destroying myself. I crawled out just in time because i realized what i was doing. I advise you to not go the same path.
Because you just might be to late realizing what is going on.

Become serious about what is important to you. Everything else you have no control over. Always hope for the best and hope the best for others. Never expect the best unless you have full control over it (such as with a hobby ).

Full control is a feedback mechanism.
You made a flaw.
Analyze that flaw.
Implement corrective measures.

Then in every day life where you must be a bit more relaxed, you can use your acquired skills without having to use that corrective feedback technique.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deferred_gratification

Deferred gratification and delayed gratification denote a person’s ability to wait in order to obtain something that he or she wants. This intellectual attribute is also called impulse control, will power, self control, and “low” time preference, in economics. Sociologically, good impulse control is considered a positive personality trait, which psychologist Daniel Goleman indicated as an important component trait of emotional intelligence. Moreover, people who lack the psychological trait of being able to delay gratification are said to require instant gratification and might suffer poor impulse control. The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment (1972) indicates that good impulse control might be psychologically important for academic achievement and for success in adult life.[1] Research also indicates that animals do not defer gratification, but instead apply hyperbolic discounting, so, the intellectual problem of delayed gratification is philosophically fundamental to human nature.





http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer

A small excerpt :

In the late nineteen-sixties, Carolyn Weisz, a four-year-old with long brown hair, was invited into a “game room” at the Bing Nursery School, on the campus of Stanford University. The room was little more than a large closet, containing a desk and a chair. Carolyn was asked to sit down in the chair and pick a treat from a tray of marshmallows, cookies, and pretzel sticks. Carolyn chose the marshmallow. Although she’s now forty-four, Carolyn still has a weakness for those air-puffed balls of corn syrup and gelatine. “I know I shouldn’t like them,” she says. “But they’re just so delicious!” A researcher then made Carolyn an offer: she could either eat one marshmallow right away or, if she was willing to wait while he stepped out for a few minutes, she could have two marshmallows when he returned. He said that if she rang a bell on the desk while he was away he would come running back, and she could eat one marshmallow but would forfeit the second. Then he left the room.

Although Carolyn has no direct memory of the experiment, and the scientists would not release any information about the subjects, she strongly suspects that she was able to delay gratification. “I’ve always been really good at waiting,” Carolyn told me. “If you give me a challenge or a task, then I’m going to find a way to do it, even if it means not eating my favorite food.” Her mother, Karen Sortino, is still more certain: “Even as a young kid, Carolyn was very patient. I’m sure she would have waited.” But her brother Craig, who also took part in the experiment, displayed less fortitude. Craig, a year older than Carolyn, still remembers the torment of trying to wait. “At a certain point, it must have occurred to me that I was all by myself,” he recalls. “And so I just started taking all the candy.” According to Craig, he was also tested with little plastic toys—he could have a second one if he held out—and he broke into the desk, where he figured there would be additional toys. “I took everything I could,” he says. “I cleaned them out. After that, I noticed the teachers encouraged me to not go into the experiment room anymore.”

Footage of these experiments, which were conducted over several years, is poignant, as the kids struggle to delay gratification for just a little bit longer. Some cover their eyes with their hands or turn around so that they can’t see the tray. Others start kicking the desk, or tug on their pigtails, or stroke the marshmallow as if it were a tiny stuffed animal. One child, a boy with neatly parted hair, looks carefully around the room to make sure that nobody can see him. Then he picks up an Oreo, delicately twists it apart, and licks off the white cream filling before returning the cookie to the tray, a satisfied look on his face.

Most of the children were like Craig. They struggled to resist the treat and held out for an average of less than three minutes. “A few kids ate the marshmallow right away,” Walter Mischel, the Stanford professor of psychology in charge of the experiment, remembers. “They didn’t even bother ringing the bell. Other kids would stare directly at the marshmallow and then ring the bell thirty seconds later.” About thirty per cent of the children, however, were like Carolyn. They successfully delayed gratification until the researcher returned, some fifteen minutes later. These kids wrestled with temptation but found a way to resist.

The initial goal of the experiment was to identify the mental processes that allowed some people to delay gratification while others simply surrendered. After publishing a few papers on the Bing studies in the early seventies, Mischel moved on to other areas of personality research. “There are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.”

But occasionally Mischel would ask his three daughters, all of whom attended the Bing, about their friends from nursery school. “It was really just idle dinnertime conversation,” he says. “I’d ask them, ‘How’s Jane? How’s Eric? How are they doing in school?’ ” Mischel began to notice a link between the children’s academic performance as teen-agers and their ability to wait for the second marshmallow. He asked his daughters to assess their friends academically on a scale of zero to five. Comparing these ratings with the original data set, he saw a correlation. “That’s when I realized I had to do this seriously,” he says. Starting in 1981, Mischel sent out a questionnaire to all the reachable parents, teachers, and academic advisers of the six hundred and fifty-three subjects who had participated in the marshmallow task, who were by then in high school. He asked about every trait he could think of, from their capacity to plan and think ahead to their ability to “cope well with problems” and get along with their peers. He also requested their S.A.T. scores.

Once Mischel began analyzing the results, he noticed that low delayers, the children who rang the bell quickly, seemed more likely to have behavioral problems, both in school and at home. They got lower S.A.T. scores. They struggled in stressful situations, often had trouble paying attention, and found it difficult to maintain friendships. The child who could wait fifteen minutes had an S.A.T. score that was, on average, two hundred and ten points higher than that of the kid who could wait only thirty seconds.
 
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LookBehindYou

Platinum Member
Dec 23, 2010
2,412
1
81
Wow. WTF. Why anyone in this thread would offer help or advice to someone who doesn't want to help themselves is beyond me.

If it were me, I'd offer my advice, try to help you one time. If it doesn't look like you are making any type of effort or are just trying to get more attention, I'd offer no further help and leave you be, whatever happens, happens.

From the looks of all of your posts, your an emo pussy who just wants attention and for people to feel sorry for you.

I'd offer further thoughts, but I don't want to get banned for encouraging something...
 

Locut0s

Lifer
Nov 28, 2001
22,281
43
91
Well I've started the weight loss plan. Eating less and exercising (lost 100lbs in the past so I know I can do that). Also looking for a psychiatrist/psychologist. Not sure what type of job to look for.
 

RbSX

Diamond Member
Jan 18, 2002
8,351
1
76
Well I've started the weight loss plan. Eating less and exercising (lost 100lbs in the past so I know I can do that). Also looking for a psychiatrist/psychologist. Not sure what type of job to look for.

Again, I'm not sure how many times I've said that you make impulsive (read: ill informed) choices.

Go read the sticky in the Health and Fitness Forum, the key to losing weight isn't simply eating less and doing cardio, as a matter of fact 'crash dieting' and not eating enough foot catabolizes muscle and can actually make you skinny fat. As a matter of fact, if you want to gain muscle you WILL get fat, it's just a question of how much. If you want to gain faster, you will gain more fat, if you want to gain at a slower pace, you will gain less fat. Either way, you're gaining fat. The problem with cutting right away is that if you don't have any muscle to keep, your body will just turn into jello.

Please, do your research and make the most informed decision possible.

If you have the cash I would highly recommend Dr. Stephen Madigan, he's a world renowned psychologist specializing in cognitive therapy here in Vancouver and you can usually get in within 5 business days, but he's expensive.

Edit: Unless you're going to a community health clinic, psychology has NEVER been covered by MSP. I don't know who the f*ck told you that, but MSP doesn't cover anything but basic health care. It would probably be extended medical that covered you.
 
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Locut0s

Lifer
Nov 28, 2001
22,281
43
91
Again, I'm not sure how many times I've said that you make impulsive (read: ill informed) choices.

Go read the sticky in the Health and Fitness Forum, the key to losing weight isn't simply eating less and doing cardio, as a matter of fact 'crash dieting' and not eating enough foot catabolizes muscle and can actually make you skinny fat.

Please, do your research and make the most informed decision possible.

If you have the cash I would highly recommend Dr. Stephen Madigan, he's a world renowned psychologist specializing in cognitive therapy here in Vancouver and you can usually get in within 5 business days, but he's expensive.

I'm fully aware of this. The weight loss is as much for my emotional well being as physical. I do plan on adding weights into the mix once I've lost more weight. However my main goal first is to start looking better. Skinny fat may not be any healthier but it certainly looks better than fat fat and is still a boost to your confidence. Thanks for the link but I'm sure I don't have the cash for that. I'll go through my family doctor to get a referral. These things are less ill conceived than you think.
 

Locut0s

Lifer
Nov 28, 2001
22,281
43
91
Again, I'm not sure how many times I've said that you make impulsive (read: ill informed) choices.

Go read the sticky in the Health and Fitness Forum, the key to losing weight isn't simply eating less and doing cardio, as a matter of fact 'crash dieting' and not eating enough foot catabolizes muscle and can actually make you skinny fat. As a matter of fact, if you want to gain muscle you WILL get fat, it's just a question of how much. If you want to gain faster, you will gain more fat, if you want to gain at a slower pace, you will gain less fat. Either way, you're gaining fat. The problem with cutting right away is that if you don't have any muscle to keep, your body will just turn into jello.

Please, do your research and make the most informed decision possible.

If you have the cash I would highly recommend Dr. Stephen Madigan, he's a world renowned psychologist specializing in cognitive therapy here in Vancouver and you can usually get in within 5 business days, but he's expensive.

Edit: Unless you're going to a community health clinic, psychology has NEVER been covered by MSP. I don't know who the f*ck told you that, but MSP doesn't cover anything but basic health care. It would probably be extended medical that covered you.

It may have been some form of community health program I'm not sure. I know for a fact that I did not have extended health care at the time. And I know for a fact that I was covered. I was too old at the time to be under my parents plan as well.

Edit: My parents may have paid for it at that time. I went to this place which as you say is not covered under MSP:

http://www.nssac.ca/index.html

I was only there for maybe 2 or 3 sessions though.
 
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