Don Chance, a finance professor at Louisiana State University, says it dawned on him last spring. The semester was ending, and as usual, students were making a pilgrimage to his office, asking for the extra points needed to lift their grades to A's.
"They felt so entitled," he recalls, "and it just hit me. We can blame Mr. Rogers."
Fred Rogers, the late TV icon, told several generations of children that they were "special" just for being whoever they were. He meant well, and he was a sterling role model in many ways. But what often got lost in his self-esteem-building patter was the idea that being special comes from working hard and having high expectations for yourself.
Now Mr. Rogers, like Dr. Spock before him, has been targeted for re-evaluation. And he's not the only one. As educators and researchers struggle to define the new parameters of parenting, circa 2007, some are revisiting the language of child ego-boosting. What are the downsides of telling kids they're special? Is it a mistake to have children call us by our first names? When we focus all conversations on our children's lives, are we denying them the insights found when adults talk about adult things?
Some are calling for a recalibration of the mind-sets and catch-phrases that have taken hold in recent decades. Among the expressions now being challenged:
"You're special." On the Yahoo Answers Web site, a discussion thread about Mr. Rogers begins with this posting: "Mr. Rogers spent years telling little creeps that he liked them just the way they were. He should have been telling them there was a lot of room for improvement. ... Nice as he was, and as good as his intentions may have been, he did a disservice."
Signs of narcissism among college students have been rising for 25 years, according to a recent study led by a San Diego State University psychologist. Obviously, Mr. Rogers alone can't be blamed for this. But as Prof. Chance sees it, "he's representative of a culture of excessive doting."
Prof. Chance teaches many Asian-born students, and says they accept whatever grade they're given; they see B's and C's as an indication that they must work harder, and that their elders assessed them accurately. They didn't grow up with Mr. Rogers or anyone else telling them they were born special.
By contrast, American students often view lower grades as a reason to "hit you up for an A because they came to class and feel they worked hard," says Prof. Chance. He wishes more parents would offer kids this perspective: "The world owes you nothing. You have to work and compete. If you want to be special, you'll have to prove it."
"They're just children." When kids are rude, self-absorbed or disrespectful, some parents allow or endure it by saying, "Well, they're just children." The phrase is a worthy one when it's applied to a teachable moment, such as telling kids not to stick their fingers in electrical sockets. But as an excuse or as justification for unacceptable behavior, "They're just children" is just misguided.
"Call me Cindy." Is it appropriate to place kids on the same level as adults, with all of us calling each other by our first names? On one hand, the familiarity can mark a loving closeness between child and adult. But on the other hand, when a child calls an adult Mr. or Ms., it helps him recognize that status is earned by age and experience. It's also a reminder to respect your elders.
"Tell me about your day." It is crucial to talk to kids about their lives, and that dialogue can enrich the whole family. However, parents also need to discuss their own lives and experiences, says Alvin Rosenfeld, a Manhattan-based child psychiatrist who studies family interactions.
In America today, life often begins with the anointing of "His Majesty, the Fetus," he says. From then on, many parents focus their conversations on their kids. Today's parents "are the best-educated generation ever," says Dr. Rosenfeld. "So why do our kids see us primarily discussing kids' schedules and activities?"
He encourages parents to talk about their passions and interests; about politics, business, world events. "Because everything is child-centered today, we're depriving children of adults," he says. "If they never see us as adults being adults, how will they deal with important matters when it is their world?"
Originally posted by: Brainonska511
Such a stupid idea to blame Mr. Rogers for people's sense of entitlement. He was appealing to 3-6 year olds with an idea that they can attempt to make something out of themselves, not that they deserve anything beyond what society would provide them. If anything, blame bad parenting - the ones who give into the kids' demands instead of telling them "no."
Originally posted by: jrenz
Originally posted by: Brainonska511
Such a stupid idea to blame Mr. Rogers for people's sense of entitlement. He was appealing to 3-6 year olds with an idea that they can attempt to make something out of themselves, not that they deserve anything beyond what society would provide them. If anything, blame bad parenting - the ones who give into the kids' demands instead of telling them "no."
I didn't even get that message... I tuned in for the "how-it's-made" picture-picture and to see what he got in the mail every day.
Originally posted by: Moonbeam
How f@cking dare anybody think their special. All of you will grovel in the dirt and feel as self worthless as me. You God Damned slime-balls that think you are something make me sick. You worthless bastards with permissive parents need to suffer in the concentration camp I went through. You girlie men pansies can't hold a candle to me. I'd like to turn Mr. Rogers into a club and beat you to death.
Originally posted by: jrenz
Originally posted by: Moonbeam
How f@cking dare anybody think their special. All of you will grovel in the dirt and feel as self worthless as me. You God Damned slime-balls that think you are something make me sick. You worthless bastards with permissive parents need to suffer in the concentration camp I went through. You girlie men pansies can't hold a candle to me. I'd like to turn Mr. Rogers into a club and beat you to death.
Do you just drink all day?
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
frankly, I couldn't watch that show when I was a kid. Those puppets scared the sh!t out of me.
My co-worker was telling about his step-son and how is 22 year old, doesn't have job, and has a live in girlfriend. Anyways, the guy is always asking them for money, and of course his mom is the one who gives and sends him the money. Meanwhile my co-worker doesn't really have the money to do what he wants and is visibly upset. He recently told me about a conversation he had with his wife where the step-son told her, "all want to know is that I'm going to be taken care of!" and then I thought to myself, if I ever said that to my mom or my dad they would slap the sh!t out of me. It was truly troubling to think that a lot of kids these days are like that. I am 22, have had various jobs since I was 14 and can't even imagine asking them for money. I moved out when I was 18 to go to college and have manage to support myself thus far.
Originally posted by: Rainsford
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
frankly, I couldn't watch that show when I was a kid. Those puppets scared the sh!t out of me.
My co-worker was telling about his step-son and how is 22 year old, doesn't have job, and has a live in girlfriend. Anyways, the guy is always asking them for money, and of course his mom is the one who gives and sends him the money. Meanwhile my co-worker doesn't really have the money to do what he wants and is visibly upset. He recently told me about a conversation he had with his wife where the step-son told her, "all want to know is that I'm going to be taken care of!" and then I thought to myself, if I ever said that to my mom or my dad they would slap the sh!t out of me. It was truly troubling to think that a lot of kids these days are like that. I am 22, have had various jobs since I was 14 and can't even imagine asking them for money. I moved out when I was 18 to go to college and have manage to support myself thus far.
But that's the thing, it's all a bunch of whiny "look how special *I* must be" BS...on YOUR side. You have no basis for that statement beyond some anecdote, but damn if it doesn't make you feel like hot shit, all responsible and grown-up. In fact, I think that's mostly the reason for these periodic whines about "kids these days", it's all about making the author feel better about himself in comparison. Virtually every comment along those lines, and your's is a perfect example, end with some "but look how awesome *I* am" ego stroking.
Originally posted by: Rainsford
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
frankly, I couldn't watch that show when I was a kid. Those puppets scared the sh!t out of me.
My co-worker was telling about his step-son and how is 22 year old, doesn't have job, and has a live in girlfriend. Anyways, the guy is always asking them for money, and of course his mom is the one who gives and sends him the money. Meanwhile my co-worker doesn't really have the money to do what he wants and is visibly upset. He recently told me about a conversation he had with his wife where the step-son told her, "all want to know is that I'm going to be taken care of!" and then I thought to myself, if I ever said that to my mom or my dad they would slap the sh!t out of me. It was truly troubling to think that a lot of kids these days are like that. I am 22, have had various jobs since I was 14 and can't even imagine asking them for money. I moved out when I was 18 to go to college and have manage to support myself thus far.
But that's the thing, it's all a bunch of whiny "look how special *I* must be" BS...on YOUR side. You have no basis for that statement beyond some anecdote, but damn if it doesn't make you feel like hot shit, all responsible and grown-up. In fact, I think that's mostly the reason for these periodic whines about "kids these days", it's all about making the author feel better about himself in comparison. Virtually every comment along those lines, and your's is a perfect example, end with some "but look how awesome *I* am" ego stroking.
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
Originally posted by: Rainsford
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
frankly, I couldn't watch that show when I was a kid. Those puppets scared the sh!t out of me.
My co-worker was telling about his step-son and how is 22 year old, doesn't have job, and has a live in girlfriend. Anyways, the guy is always asking them for money, and of course his mom is the one who gives and sends him the money. Meanwhile my co-worker doesn't really have the money to do what he wants and is visibly upset. He recently told me about a conversation he had with his wife where the step-son told her, "all want to know is that I'm going to be taken care of!" and then I thought to myself, if I ever said that to my mom or my dad they would slap the sh!t out of me. It was truly troubling to think that a lot of kids these days are like that. I am 22, have had various jobs since I was 14 and can't even imagine asking them for money. I moved out when I was 18 to go to college and have manage to support myself thus far.
But that's the thing, it's all a bunch of whiny "look how special *I* must be" BS...on YOUR side. You have no basis for that statement beyond some anecdote, but damn if it doesn't make you feel like hot shit, all responsible and grown-up. In fact, I think that's mostly the reason for these periodic whines about "kids these days", it's all about making the author feel better about himself in comparison. Virtually every comment along those lines, and your's is a perfect example, end with some "but look how awesome *I* am" ego stroking.
I knew I was going to get a response like yours. I was merely pointing out that not once in my life have I felt like I was entitled to anything. Do I think I am special or better than anyone else because of that? No, of course not. But, I do feel good about myself for the things I have been able to accomplish all on my own and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Frankly, I am appalled when people think they are entitled to things. My brother is jobless and I suggested he apply for a fast food place and work there until he finds another job. My brother laughed at me for suggesting it, despite the fact that he really needs money. Nonetheless, I agree with you when I wrote the other post that I had a bit of ego trip, which was brought on by the very idea of entitlement. By the way, nothing I have said in this post or the other is false or exaggerated if that's what your thinking. Maybe you should look up the definition for entitlement.
Originally posted by: JohnOfSheffield
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
Originally posted by: Rainsford
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
frankly, I couldn't watch that show when I was a kid. Those puppets scared the sh!t out of me.
My co-worker was telling about his step-son and how is 22 year old, doesn't have job, and has a live in girlfriend. Anyways, the guy is always asking them for money, and of course his mom is the one who gives and sends him the money. Meanwhile my co-worker doesn't really have the money to do what he wants and is visibly upset. He recently told me about a conversation he had with his wife where the step-son told her, "all want to know is that I'm going to be taken care of!" and then I thought to myself, if I ever said that to my mom or my dad they would slap the sh!t out of me. It was truly troubling to think that a lot of kids these days are like that. I am 22, have had various jobs since I was 14 and can't even imagine asking them for money. I moved out when I was 18 to go to college and have manage to support myself thus far.
But that's the thing, it's all a bunch of whiny "look how special *I* must be" BS...on YOUR side. You have no basis for that statement beyond some anecdote, but damn if it doesn't make you feel like hot shit, all responsible and grown-up. In fact, I think that's mostly the reason for these periodic whines about "kids these days", it's all about making the author feel better about himself in comparison. Virtually every comment along those lines, and your's is a perfect example, end with some "but look how awesome *I* am" ego stroking.
I knew I was going to get a response like yours. I was merely pointing out that not once in my life have I felt like I was entitled to anything. Do I think I am special or better than anyone else because of that? No, of course not. But, I do feel good about myself for the things I have been able to accomplish all on my own and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Frankly, I am appalled when people think they are entitled to things. My brother is jobless and I suggested he apply for a fast food place and work there until he finds another job. My brother laughed at me for suggesting it, despite the fact that he really needs money. Nonetheless, I agree with you when I wrote the other post that I had a bit of ego trip, which was brought on by the very idea of entitlement. By the way, nothing I have said in this post or the other is false or exaggerated if that's what your thinking. Maybe you should look up the definition for entitlement.
From your last reply and this it's quite easy to deduce that you think that you are better than those you are looking down upon.
Actually your entire post reeks of "oh i'm so much better than them".
You have a very good sense of entitlement it seems, btw, where the heck is my burger?
Originally posted by: slash196
Just more crotchety old people with the classic "These kids today" bit. Nothing to see here.
Really as it's our fault for raising such selfish little bastards who in turn neglected their own children and raised a generation that is even worse than them.:thumbsup:Originally posted by: loki8481
baby boomers complaining about any other generation having a sense of "entitlement" need a good swift kick to the nuts.