Brutuskend's :HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE MILITARY

[Brutuskend]

I will dedicate this list to DainBramaged and any other of our members who are off to serve our country. Any other Vets out there please feel free to add to this list.

First of all, there is this thing called the UCMJ (Uniform Code Of Military Justice) and in this list of laws there is a law covering just about EVERYTHING you can think of, then they have a law that covers everything NOT covered (Think of this as the military equivalent of the ATOT rules and you'll feel right at home! ) Now, unlike civilian life, while in the military you CAN and very often ARE subject to double Jeopardy. In other words if you are out in town and you f*ck up after the civilian authorities are done with you then the military gets THEIR shot at you. SO, don't f*ck up out in town!

Secondly, during boot camp they will tell you you are the baddest mother f*cker that is currently walking the face of the earth then right before they let you go out in to town for the first time they will tell you NOT to get into a fight because you will probably get your ass KICKED. This may or may not be the truth, but it's still a very good rule to follow!

Thirdly, when you DO get out into town most people you run into will NOT like you! Don't take this personally, remember those bases have been those locations for a LONG time and those civilians have had to put up with a LOT of B.S. from the Marines or Sailors or Soldiers or Air Force or Coast Guardsmen that have gone before you. Basically a few bad apples HAVE spoiled it for everyone. Try and act like you are still human even though it WILL be hard!

Fourthly, be leery of people who ARE too friendly, especially if they are women and have a child or two. There are women out there looking for a meal ticket and to them you are a GREAT catch! You will be far from home, lonely and starved for affection so this is a easy trap to fall into. When I was in I saw MANY guys hook up with someone who already had a child or two or hook up with someone and MAKE a child or two and then when it came time to get out COULDN'T. No job lined up and a ready made family have forced many a young man to spend WAY many more years in the military than they ever thought they would when they signed up.

I could go on, but I'll let a few other Vets add their two cents in here if they want to.

Edited to add Air Force and Coast Guard to the list.

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

During boot camp:

relax, try to have some fun
Don't do stupid ******
Again, don't do stupid ******

 

[BoomerD]

For any of you who may be headed for a combat zone, here are a few good words of wisdom from people who have been there:

Simple yet eloquent statements:

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND."
-US Marine Corps

"CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE
GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU."
-Infantry Journal

"A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT."
-Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST
BOMBED."
US. Air Force manual

"TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO."
Infantry Journal

"TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS."
U.S. Army Ordnance

"FIVE-SECOND FUSES ONLY LAST THREE SECONDS."
-Infantry Journal

"BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE AFRAID."
-David Hackworth

"IF YOUR ATTACK IS GOING TOO WELL, YOU'RE WALKING INTO AN AMBUSH."
Infantry Journal

"NO COMBAT-READY UNIT HAS EVER PASSED INSPECTION."
-Joe Gay

"ANY SHIP CAN BE A MINESWEEPER....ONCE."
-Anon

"NEVER TELL THE PLATOON SERGEANT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO."
-Unknown Marine Recruit

"DON'T DRAW FIRE; IT IRRITATES THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU."
-Infantry Journal

"IF YOU SEE A BOMB TECHNICIAN RUNNING, TRY TO KEEP UP WITH HIM."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

 

[Vonkhan]

I wasn't in the US military, but boot camp is similar all over the world - so here's a tip:

sleep when u can, wherever u can

It's truer when u get done with boot camp

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
For any of you who may be headed for a combat zone, here are a few good words of wisdom from people who have been there:

Simple yet eloquent statements:

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND."
-US Marine Corps

"CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE
GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU."
-Infantry Journal

"A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT."
-Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST
BOMBED."
US. Air Force manual

"TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO."
Infantry Journal

"TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS."
U.S. Army Ordnance

"FIVE-SECOND FUSES ONLY LAST THREE SECONDS."
-Infantry Journal

"BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE AFRAID."
-David Hackworth

"IF YOUR ATTACK IS GOING TOO WELL, YOU'RE WALKING INTO AN AMBUSH."
Infantry Journal

"NO COMBAT-READY UNIT HAS EVER PASSED INSPECTION."
-Joe Gay

"ANY SHIP CAN BE A MINESWEEPER....ONCE."
-Anon

"NEVER TELL THE PLATOON SERGEANT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO."
-Unknown Marine Recruit

"DON'T DRAW FIRE; IT IRRITATES THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU."
-Infantry Journal

"IF YOU SEE A BOMB TECHNICIAN RUNNING, TRY TO KEEP UP WITH HIM."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

It sure doesn't take long for someone to turn a serious thread into a crapfest.

 

[Phokus]

I thought this was going to be a military joke thread

 

[SirStev0]

My cousin has only about a couple weeks left in Navy boot camp. I am looking forward to the stories.

 

[DarkThinker]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
For any of you who may be headed for a combat zone, here are a few good words of wisdom from people who have been there:

Simple yet eloquent statements:

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND."
-US Marine Corps

"CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE
GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU."
-Infantry Journal

"A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT."
-Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST
BOMBED."
US. Air Force manual

"TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO."
Infantry Journal

"TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS."
U.S. Army Ordnance

"FIVE-SECOND FUSES ONLY LAST THREE SECONDS."
-Infantry Journal

"BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE AFRAID."
-David Hackworth

"IF YOUR ATTACK IS GOING TOO WELL, YOU'RE WALKING INTO AN AMBUSH."
Infantry Journal

"NO COMBAT-READY UNIT HAS EVER PASSED INSPECTION."
-Joe Gay

"ANY SHIP CAN BE A MINESWEEPER....ONCE."
-Anon

"NEVER TELL THE PLATOON SERGEANT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO."
-Unknown Marine Recruit

"DON'T DRAW FIRE; IT IRRITATES THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU."
-Infantry Journal

"IF YOU SEE A BOMB TECHNICIAN RUNNING, TRY TO KEEP UP WITH HIM."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

:laugh:

 

[grrl]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: BoomerD
For any of you who may be headed for a combat zone, here are a few good words of wisdom from people who have been there:

Simple yet eloquent statements:

It sure doesn't take long for someone to turn a serious thread into a crapfest.

Where's the crap?

 

[IAteYourMother]

Originally posted by: grrl

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: BoomerD
For any of you who may be headed for a combat zone, here are a few good words of wisdom from people who have been there:

Simple yet eloquent statements:

It sure doesn't take long for someone to turn a serious thread into a crapfest.

Where's the crap?

who knows, he's just being a dick.

 

[adairusmc]

213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the US Army

 

[1sikbITCH]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend

Fourthly, be leery of people who ARE too friendly, especially if they are women and have a child or two. There are women out there looking for a meal ticket and to them you are a GREAT catch! You will be far from home, lonely and starved for affection so this is a easy trap to fall into. When I was in I saw MANY guys hook up with someone who already had a child or two or hook up with someone and MAKE a child or two and then when it came time to get out COULDN'T. No job lined up and a ready made family have forced many a young man to spend WAY many more years in the military than they ever thought they would when they signed up.

Hey Joe, you got girlfriend?

 

[Alone]

Originally posted by: grrl

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: BoomerD
For any of you who may be headed for a combat zone, here are a few good words of wisdom from people who have been there:

Simple yet eloquent statements:

It sure doesn't take long for someone to turn a serious thread into a crapfest.

Where's the crap?

Pretty sure he was implying that his post would now be turning the thread into a crapfest.

 

[Kelvrick]

Originally posted by: adairusmc
213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the US Army

Giving me some laughs

 

[BoomerD]

Be aware that those "Payday Loan" places are NOT your friends.
Most "strip clubs" are not nearly as friendly for military folks as they'd have you believe.
"Ah come on, Semper Fi Mac", usually means they did something seriously wrong, and either want you to cover for them, or not turn them in.
As has already been mentioned by Brut in his first post, watch out for the women who are only looking for a free ride; allotment check, medical benefits, etc. (think Officer and a Gentleman)
Not everyone in your unit, platoon, etc. will be a stand-up guy (or gal). Many are only out for themselves, and will fvck you just as fast as they will someone they don't know...maybe faster.
Depending on your location, there may be a LOT of gang and drug activity on your base. Stay as far away from that as you can...
ALWAYS remember rule # 1...Cover YOUR Ass first...

 

[DainBramaged]

Thanks Brutus for the tips...I look forward to following this thread for the collective wisdom. Boomer, thanks for the laughs. :laugh:

 

[dighn]

Sounds like solid advices

And

Originally posted by: BoomerD
For any of you who may be headed for a combat zone, here are a few good words of wisdom from people who have been there:
...

funniest thing I've read in at least a week

"A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT."
-Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

lmao :Q

 

[paulney]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
Depending on your location, there may be a LOT of gang and drug activity on your base. Stay as far away from that as you can...

I didn't realize it's a problem in the military.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Once out of boot camp and you get to decide how you want your hair cut I would suggest making it as civilian as possible. Blending into society is a great thing and helps you pick up on the ladies.

AAFES DPP is not a good thing. Revolvoing credit line with AAFES. People buy too much crap and the payments are artificially low.

Buy yourself a Gore-Tex jacket for winter wear. While expensive it's worth every penny! if you are in a seriously cold climate buy yourself a pair of gore-tex thinsulate lined boots. Being cold is aboslutley miserable.

Shine your god damn boots!

Stay out of the off-base strip-clubs. those girls will tell you the world for another dollar.

 

[compuwiz1]

In the Marines, you have a rifle. Don't call it your gun!

As it goes, "this is my rifle, this is my gun, one is for fighting, the other is for fun".

Seriously, be very careful about befriending civilians, especially those who live near the base, and come off as being too friendly and too interested in you. There are people who make a living conning service people out of money. Fresh guys right out of boot camp, who come back to their first duty station, loaded with all their back pay from when they went thru boot camp, are great targets for them.

I met some guys, out in town. I'd just gotten thru boot camp, and had my money. I had almost $800 tucked into my socks. These seemed like friendly enough guys, who offered to take me to some clubs, show me around, and I was game, because I loved to party.

We went to some bars, then drove around. I was getting a bit buzzed. So I was talking about how nice this old Cadillac was we were riding in. The guy offered to sell it to me. I was like, well how much? $500 would be the price. This was a 70's something coupe de ville. I drank some more with them, talked about the car some more, etc. I let it slip that I had enough money to pay for it.

Next thing I knew we were driving out on a fairly remote area, still drinking beer in the car. It's probably about 3am. The driver pulls over, says he wants to get out and see what's going on with the lights, and wanted me to help him. He opened the trunk and told me to look inside and see if I could see the brake light wiring. At this point I got suspicous, and said, hey, it's getting late...I've gotta get back to base. So we get back in the car, and we drive a couple miles, then he pulls into a church parking lot. The other guys were going, not by the church! Anyway, they pulled guns on me and made me turn over the money, then ordered me out and drove away.

I was 18 years old, and that was in 1978.

So, bottom line...be careful out there.

 

[tasmanian]

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

 

[bGIveNs33]

When the TI asks you why you fvcked up... go ahead and say I'm a dirt bag sir, because you are going to end up saying it anyway. Might as well get it over with fast.

 

[Mloot]

For those guys going to somewhere other than Iraq (i.e. Korea, Thailand, etc.), double-wrap. You can never be too careful.

When going out on the town in a foreign country, try to always take a friend from your unit. It's not a good idea to find yourself alone in a bad part of town at 2:30am as you are starting to sober up. This can happen easier than you might think even if you take a buddy, especially if you both hook up with a local girl and you both go your separate ways with said girls after the bars close down.

Stay clean. Random pee tests always happen when it is most inconvenient for those who are most likely to fail. Drugs can sometimes be very cheap in other countries, and you are more likely to wind up filling a cup if you are stationed in such a place.

 

[Praetor]

My dad was a marine. One of his favourite stories to remind my sister and I of as how as a marine, or any other actively serving individual I would imagine, you are considered government property. And you did not damage government property without severe consequences. He was stationed in San Diego (I think), and while he was on leave, he went to the beach. He said he fell asleep and got a horrible sunburn.

Listening to him recall it was fun. He always said the sunburn was the least of concerns that day.

 

[CVSiN]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: BoomerD
For any of you who may be headed for a combat zone, here are a few good words of wisdom from people who have been there:

Simple yet eloquent statements:

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND."
-US Marine Corps

"CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE
GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU."
-Infantry Journal

"A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT."
-Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST
BOMBED."
US. Air Force manual

"TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO."
Infantry Journal

"TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS."
U.S. Army Ordnance

"FIVE-SECOND FUSES ONLY LAST THREE SECONDS."
-Infantry Journal

"BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE AFRAID."
-David Hackworth

"IF YOUR ATTACK IS GOING TOO WELL, YOU'RE WALKING INTO AN AMBUSH."
Infantry Journal

"NO COMBAT-READY UNIT HAS EVER PASSED INSPECTION."
-Joe Gay

"ANY SHIP CAN BE A MINESWEEPER....ONCE."
-Anon

"NEVER TELL THE PLATOON SERGEANT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO."
-Unknown Marine Recruit

"DON'T DRAW FIRE; IT IRRITATES THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU."
-Infantry Journal

"IF YOU SEE A BOMB TECHNICIAN RUNNING, TRY TO KEEP UP WITH HIM."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

It sure doesn't take long for someone to turn a serious thread into a crapfest.

See theres were youre wrong... this isnt crap half that stuff is right outa Military manuals beleive it or not =P

10 year Navy Vet heard or saw every one of those at some point lol..