"Procrastination - I'll deal with it sooner or later."
"Dyslexics of the world - untie!!!"
"Be patriotic - question authority."
"If woman's place is in the home, why am I always in my car?"
"If you can read this, you're too close to my car."
"Safe sax and violins."
"Guns don't kill people. I do."
"My other car is a stealth bomber." (On the back of the car of a member of the air force)
...remember which ONE state voted for McGovern? Bumper sticker had a map of Massachussetts, and said something to the effect of...
"We warned you..."
"Jesus is coming, everyone look busy."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"Horn broken, watch for finger."
"My kid had sex with your honor student."
"If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished."
"Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply"
"I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
"Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole."
"I'm just driving this way to piss you off."
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."
"Keep honking, I'm reloading."
"Hang up and drive."
"Lord save me from your followers."
"Guns don't kill people, postal workers do."
"Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit."
"I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen."
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."
"My kid beat up your Honors Student!"
"Save the planet! (Kill yourself)"
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."
"Death to all fanatics!"
"Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"Wink, I'll do the rest!"
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"
"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"i souport publik edekasion"
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles."
"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."
"Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off."
Seen on the back of a loaded horse trailer:
"DON'T BE WHAT YOU SEE"
"Stop reading this and watch where you're driving."
"I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar."
"Hard work has a future. Laziness pays off now."
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs."
"Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity."
"Confusion not only reigns, it pours"
"Madness takes it's toll; please have exact change"
"I use to have a handle on life; then it broke"
"Adopt a teenager while he still knows everything."
Stop In The Name Of Love (Diana Ross & The Suptemes)