Buying house with girlfriend

[xanis]

Generally, living with a girlfriend or boyfriend is BAD news. I'm going to say there's potential for failure here, but if you've been together for 7 years and you think you're going to spend the rest of your life with her, give it a shot.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: AreaCode707
Possible if you're both willing to be very rational about it. If there's even the least red flag when discussing these items and putting them in writing, call it off.

Plan to own it for x years unless, at that point, you both agree to keep it for x more years. Have plans for how you would handle an earlier sale if you both wanted to, and agree that one person alone cannot force a sale but can choose to move out and that finding a new roommate to cover that part of the rent would be the responsibility of person X. Have everything in writing. Agree on what you would do if you have to sell at a significant loss. Discuss how decisions about maintenance and improvements will be made, especially if one person moves out.

After 7 years, you probably have a good sense about whether this relationship is going to last or not. Do you see it lasting?

That's the kind of stuff I was looking for. Thanks.

I can see us getting married. I'm not in any particular rush, though. I understand that buying a home with someone is essentially becoming a business partner with them. I'd definitely trust her as a business partner.

It's more of an issue of timing, really. We both think the timing on the house is right - and can end up being not just a nice place to live, but a decent investment. Rushing to get married because of that seems silly.

And on the off-chance we don't end up together, I'm just looking for tips on what to look for - precautions to take. I don't see how it would be any different if we were married, bought a home, and got divorced. Neither of us mind signing documentation as if it were any business deal. The agreeing to own it for x years is a good idea.

If you can't understand the difference between a business decision to purchase a house as an investment and living your life together in it, you are very naive.

 

[Fritzo]

Why don't you just get married Col. Sanders? CHICKEN????

 

[oznerol]

Originally posted by: MagnusTheBrewer

If you can't understand the difference between a business decision to purchase a house as an investment and living your life together in it, you are very naive.

I might be. Can you elaborate?

Originally posted by: Fritzo
Why don't you just get married Col. Sanders? CHICKEN????

 

[JulesMaximus]

Unless she's paying for it I think it's a terrible idea.

 

[Howard]

Fucking.

 

[Baked]

If you wanna buy a house, buy a house, but don't do the share payment thing, it will end very badly for you. If you don't have the money to pay the mortgage by yourself, forgetaboutit.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: MagnusTheBrewer

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: AreaCode707
Possible if you're both willing to be very rational about it. If there's even the least red flag when discussing these items and putting them in writing, call it off.

Plan to own it for x years unless, at that point, you both agree to keep it for x more years. Have plans for how you would handle an earlier sale if you both wanted to, and agree that one person alone cannot force a sale but can choose to move out and that finding a new roommate to cover that part of the rent would be the responsibility of person X. Have everything in writing. Agree on what you would do if you have to sell at a significant loss. Discuss how decisions about maintenance and improvements will be made, especially if one person moves out.

After 7 years, you probably have a good sense about whether this relationship is going to last or not. Do you see it lasting?

That's the kind of stuff I was looking for. Thanks.

I can see us getting married. I'm not in any particular rush, though. I understand that buying a home with someone is essentially becoming a business partner with them. I'd definitely trust her as a business partner.

It's more of an issue of timing, really. We both think the timing on the house is right - and can end up being not just a nice place to live, but a decent investment. Rushing to get married because of that seems silly.

And on the off-chance we don't end up together, I'm just looking for tips on what to look for - precautions to take. I don't see how it would be any different if we were married, bought a home, and got divorced. Neither of us mind signing documentation as if it were any business deal. The agreeing to own it for x years is a good idea.

If you can't understand the difference between a business decision to purchase a house as an investment and living your life together in it, you are very naive.

Nothing in his post indicates that.

I view this very much as, "I want to buy a house with my best friend." Somebody you trust and where you are both in a financial position to contribute and benefit. The only reason the relationship is relevant is that you have a better basis for trusting the person than you would a stranger adding to your investment.

Don't get me wrong; I'm the "no-sex-before-marriage" type, but I get that people do things differently. No harm in giving him help and safeguards on something he's likely to do anyway. Groups of friends banding together right now to buy and live in houses is not terribly uncommon. It's a new way into home ownership for people that otherwise would never be able to afford it.

 

[vi edit]

I still don't get the fear and hysteria surrounding this. It's not like being married is any sort of immunity. If anything, the boundaries get even less clear cut and you can get even more screwed depending on how the laws work out and the bias of the divorce rulings.

The only safeguard on divorce is that it's one more legal hurdle to go through instead of just walking out the door and changing the locks.

 

[alrocky]

Keep records / documents on who's paid what and the work.

 

[Wheezer]

My "wife" and I have been living together for 20 years owned a home for 14 of those years.....it all depends on how committed you are to it.

The house is in my name, the loan is in my name, but pretty much everything in the house has been a 50/50 split.

Just be prepared for all the ups and downs that come with a "typical" marriage.

 

[kyzen]

Originally posted by: Xanis
Generally, living with a girlfriend or boyfriend is BAD news.

I've had 6 relationships that I'd consider "serious". 5 of them didn't work out, and we were never living together. I've been living with my current girlfriend (who I had shared an apartment with before, years ago when we barely knew eachother) for about a year of our 21 month long relationship. We have no problems that we haven't been able to talk out.

As long as the two of you are both pitching in when necessary, and not expecting the other to take care of you, things should be fine.

My gf and I are actually in a very similar boat - some great homes, at great prices around here, we're just trying to decide when is the right time for us to buy. And we don't have any plans to get married any time soon either.

 

[spidey07]

Ok - let's look at it from this perspective. You guys put all this money and work into it. She bolts and you think you should buy her out of let's say 20K out of 40K that house has now appreciated.

But she wants more. Her appraiser says it has appreciated 65K and her lawyer says she put more money and time than you so to buy her out you owe her 50K, plus the retail value of the furiture and other stuff you bought together. I describe this scenario because it's what happened to at least 5 of my friends who did the same thing, it really screwed them over financially. Another couple did get married but divorced two years later mainly because they fell into a "renters agreement marriage" that will most likely always fail - and you guys are setting up for just such an arrangement and the predictable outcome. It just has bad idea written all over it. If you can commit to sharing property then you should be able to commit to being married, if you can't THAT'S why it's such a terrible idea.

 

[Gibson486]

Originally posted by: vi edit
I still don't get the fear and hysteria surrounding this. It's not like being married is any sort of immunity. If anything, the boundaries get even less clear cut and you can get even more screwed depending on how the laws work out and the bias of the divorce rulings.

The only safeguard on divorce is that it's one more legal hurdle to go through instead of just walking out the door and changing the locks.

i know. I was thinking about this a year ago and everyone here just called me dumb.


It cost $1100 to rent a 1 bed in MA....

Right now, it could buy a house and pay $800/month for a mortgage...

Either way....if we break up, we get nothing. We would probably sell the house and we would probably not make a dime off of it.....which is the same spot I would be if I rented.

 

[seemingly random]

Originally posted by: MagnusTheBrewer
...
If you can't understand the difference between a business decision to purchase a house as an investment and living your life together in it, you are very naive.

I don't see this relationship headed for good times.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: spidey07
Ok - let's look at it from this perspective. You guys put all this money and work into it. She bolts and you think you should buy her out of let's say 20K out of 40K that house has now appreciated.

But she wants more. Her appraiser says it has appreciated 65K and her lawyer says she put more money and time than you so to buy her out you owe her 50K, plus the retail value of the furiture and other stuff you bought together. I describe this scenario because it's what happened to at least 5 of my friends who did the same thing, it really screwed them over financially. Another couple did get married but divorced two years later mainly because they fell into a "renters agreement marriage" that will most likely fail. It just has bad idea written all over it. If you can commit to sharing property then you should be able to commit to being married, if you can't THAT'S why it's such a terrible idea.

S'why you have a written agreement that you intend to live in it and sell it after two years. If she bolts early you have legal agreements that indicate she has no right to demand you buy her out and she has to continue paying her share until that point, whether she lives there or not. If you, at that point, want to stay in the house then you do need to deal with the buyout; easier to just sell and move.

 

[Goosemaster]

As with any financial agreement that involes joint debtors, you should keep some basic contingencies in mind:

1) she leaves - be prepared to cover the entire debt
2) you leave - be prepared to make a permanent enemy if SHE cannot cover the entire debt.
3) she wants you out - be prepared to cover the cost of fighting for your investment
4) you want her out - hell?


The fact remains that without commitment to a secure relationship, you would have to be FUCKING IDIOTS to commit to such a collosal amount of debt.

 

[vi edit]

Originally posted by: spidey07
Ok - let's look at it from this perspective. You guys put all this money and work into it. She bolts and you think you should buy her out of let's say 20K out of 40K that house has now appreciated.

But she wants more. Her appraiser says it has appreciated 65K and her lawyer says she put more money and time than you so to buy her out you owe her 50K, plus the retail value of the furiture and other stuff you bought together. I describe this scenario because it's what happened to at least 5 of my friends who did the same thing, it really screwed them over financially. Another couple did get married but divorced two years later mainly because they fell into a "renters agreement marriage" that will most likely always fail - and you guys are setting up for just such an arrangement and the predictable outcome. It just has bad idea written all over it. If you can commit to sharing property then you should be able to commit to being married, if you can't THAT'S why it's such a terrible idea.

And how is any of that different under a marriage?

You still have to go through divorce court and fight over possessions.

 

[jdini76]

Whats the difference between buying a house with your girlfriend and buying a house with your wife? you can still get a divorce from your wife. It isn't any more safe to doing one way or another.

Just write up a contract that states the agreement you want who has what % of the house and both sign it with a witness. Therefore if anything were to happen and you need to sell and go your separate ways you can then have less headaches when it comes to splitting profit on the sale of the house.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: MagnusTheBrewer

If you can't understand the difference between a business decision to purchase a house as an investment and living your life together in it, you are very naive.

I might be. Can you elaborate?

Originally posted by: Fritzo
Why don't you just get married Col. Sanders? CHICKEN????

Aside from being together ALL the time, expectations and responsibilities are different between between business partners and married couples. As business partners, there is little incentive to make the business a success as long as each individual feels they have made a profit. As married partners, there are many social, community and financial (not to mention personal) incentives for making the marriage a success.

The difference is the level of commitment and the personal investment. Marriage has withstood the test of time as a social institution because it is the best solution for couples to cope with the world around them. Whether you plan to marry or not, purchasing a place to live in with your lady is the kind of commitment that deserves agreement beyond fiscal prudence.

 

[blinky8225]

Buy a ring first. It's much cheaper.

 

[Pepsei]

Originally posted by: Wheezer
My "wife" and I have been living together for 20 years owned a home for 14 of those years.....it all depends on how committed you are to it.

The house is in my name, the loan is in my name, but pretty much everything in the house has been a 50/50 split.

Just be prepared for all the ups and downs that come with a "typical" marriage.

do you have a will? i know some lady in the same type of arrangement with her bf of 10 years.... one day the guy just dropped dead from heart attack, the guy's family shows up and kicked her out of the house because her name isn't on any paper.

 

[Miramonti]

While 50% of all marriages result in fail, its worth noting that 90%+ of all relationships end in fail.

If you're not excited about marrying someone after 7 years, you probably never will be and are possibly better off with someone you would be excited about marrying (and visa versa)

 

[Wheezer]

Originally posted by: Pepsei

Originally posted by: Wheezer
My "wife" and I have been living together for 20 years owned a home for 14 of those years.....it all depends on how committed you are to it.

The house is in my name, the loan is in my name, but pretty much everything in the house has been a 50/50 split.

Just be prepared for all the ups and downs that come with a "typical" marriage.

do you have a will? i know some lady in the same type of arrangement with her bf of 10 years.... one day the guy just dropped dead from heart attack, the guy's family shows up and kicked her out of the house because her name isn't on any paper.

yes I do. She won't get any SS after I die unless we have been married for 10 years(?) so I decided to get a big enough life insurance policy on myself to ensure that if something happens to me, everything will be taken care of plus and she won't have to worry about finances...it's the least I could do for putting up with all my shit for the last 20 years.

 

[seemingly random]

What if she gets pregnant and wants to stay home?
What if she (or you) gets terribly sick or injured and can't work?
What if she (or you) wants to provide shelter for a family member?

Maybe a duplex should be considered.