Buying house with girlfriend

[Fayd]

why dont you just get married, and take the concern out of whether or not it's a good idea?

i should hope after 7 years together, you will know if you can see yourself spending the rest of your life together...

 

[imported_Lothar]

Originally posted by: SagaLore
Get married first, then buy house.
If you don't want to get married, then don't mix your finances.

This.

 

[ja1484]

You're an idiot.

I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Co-committing to something with another person is a bad fucking idea. Hence why marriage is a bad fucking idea. But this is even worse.

 

[waffleironhead]

Buy the house as a corp or business entity . With the two of you as business partners. 50/50 split of costs and equity. So if the relationship goes south at least the house exists outside of the relationship.

 

[JFoobar]

Originally posted by: vi edit
I wouldn't let the replies scare you that much. None of us know your relationship but you.

My wife and I bought our house before we were married. Hell, she wasn't even old enough to drink at the time. And we survived that just fine much to the grumbling of her grandparents.

Married or unmarried owning a house together is still a risk. Even if you were married, she could still divorce you and depending on the state laws you could be forced to sell it anyway.

QFT.

I met my girlfriend in an October.
We bought a home together the following July.
We got married a year and a half after that.
That was in 2001. She's in the other room and I still love her desperately.

The three pieces of advice I would have are:

1. Only do it with someone you think it is pretty likely you are going to marry someday.
2. Set up the finances initially like you are roommates or financial partners, not lovers.
3. Do not buy a home so expensive that you could not swing the mortgage payment alone and still feed yourself, at least for awile.

 

[ShOcKwAvE827]

Don't fucking do it. Women are the most fucking evil things ever.
My story, thought I loved this girl. Pretty, awfully sweet, decently smart. Met her our freshman year of college. Now finishing up last year of graduate school. >8 years, all for nothing.
Girl followed me to school, girl planned to follow me wherever I ended up from there on... or so I thought. You can talk to anyone that knows her, except me. She comes off as the sweetest most innocent person.

Bitch fell in love with some married asshole at work and enjoys her little puppy love romance as she is too ashamed to let anyone know. Probably 6-8 months of me not knowing, i finally catch her through emails. She is not sorry and wants to break up. FML Oh, and we've been engaged for 3.5 years. Don't do it man. I'm telling you. Already going to be a clusterfuck about who gets pets and what not. cant imagine if there was house or kids involved.


"know people always say you don't fully know someone, but I don't believe that is true with significant others you've been with for many years. If you've lasted that long as bf/gf, it could be considered a marriage already and the chances of splitting are exactly the same" Not all true.

We lasted 8 years as bf/gf even engaged. I had no idea because I was trusting and blind to all the clues. If you've been burnt before and lasted that long I think you have a better shot. But if you dont know what to look for and what it feels like, it comes out of nowhere. You have to be paranoid to sense that shit. And if you're trusting like most relationships should be, then you get fucked.
The truth is, women change and you can't always predict it. So don't even risk it. But that's me I'm bitter.

My advice, have your own expenses til you're for damn sure she's the one.

 

[Muadib]

Originally posted by: vi edit
I wouldn't let the replies scare you that much. None of us know your relationship but you.

My wife and I bought our house before we were married. Hell, she wasn't even old enough to drink at the time. And we survived that just fine much to the grumbling of her grandparents.

Married or unmarried owning a house together is still a risk. Even if you were married, she could still divorce you and depending on the state laws you could be forced to sell it anyway.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!:thumbsup: Hell, if anything it's better for the OP, because he lives in NJ. Unlike divorce, palimony claims aren't common, and can be very expensive just to get the case heard. And there was a case last year that went to the NJ supreme court, that basically said that living together is not an indispensable cause for palimony.

That decision was big, because now the government is looking at a bill that will require written palimony agreements, in order for palimony to be enforceable.

I say go for it, OP! I wanted to do the same, but my gf changed her mind. She regrets it now, because the place we were going to get more than doubled in value.

 

[SirChadwick]

If you're truly in love w/ this girl and know for sure that you can be with her for the rest of your life.... go for it!

Any doubt whatsoever.... hold off. 7 years is a lot invested already. Are you bored yet?

Most of these replies are pretty dead-on. But then again I'm sure most AT'ers haven't really found love.

 

[DaWhim]

What's wrong with owning a house with a SO? as long as you document everything 50/50, I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

[ViRaLRuSh]

Originally posted by: blinky8225
Buy a ring first. It's much cheaper.

Seriously...

Just marry her first

 

[A5]

After 7 years, you aren't rushing into anything. Making her sign a bunch of contracts with you to buy a house isn't exactly going to make her happy ("You don't trust me not to screw you?", etc), but if you're married you at least have some protection and it makes her happy, not mad.

 

[Elbryn]

I bought a house with a buddy of mine that we lived in while we went to grad school. We realized that there were alot of grey areas in the owning of house together and wrote up a separate contract. Basically, we wrote up that we were going to pay 50/50, any home related decision that required more than 250 bucks needed approval from both people, either had the option to get out of the house at any point of time. That option lead to the other person being able to take sole ownership via refinance with the appraisal for that refinance setting the market value to be used to figure out how much the person leaving would get paid. If the person didnt want to take sole ownership, the house would be put up for sale and any profit divided. Basically, your simple we each agree to pay 50/50 and it defined an exit strategy that was clear and defined so there would be no possible griping. We also optimized the tax deduction based on who would get a higher refund. we ended up having to each calculate taxes with the house and without the house to see who would get more. we then split the difference.

It would save alot of possible grief if one of you bought the house and the other paid a lesser portion in rent.

 

[dullard]

I haven't read the thread, so I'll probably repeat what others have said.

If a house is right for you, then do it. But, do it right. One person buys it fully. Do not even consider putting both of your names on the deed or the mortgage. If either you or your GF can't buy it on his/her own income, then a house isn't right for you. If you don't do this step, then a break up will be MORE difficult and costly than a marriage.

The other person pays rent to live there. I'd suggest making rent be half of the mortgage + $100 in maintenance/month + half of what the previous owners claimed the utility bills are. Then round up to the nearest $100. After that, never discuss utility payments again. The person who rents has a fixed monthly rent - all utilities included. This is to end the endless stream of threads about "my roommate won't pay his/her share of utilities" or "I don't use X utility, why should I pay", etc.

 

[Draftee]

Having your life partner pay you rent is not the right way to further the relationship. Put your whole heart into it, share your dreams together, reap the emotional rewards.

If you find the right partner, then money isn't an issue. You both do what you can to provide for the present and future, you both have equal share in your future. I have earned over 20% more than my partner for quite a few years, but not once have I thought that I have more right over the finances. She works just as hard as I do to achieve our goals. And if you're both level-headed, any break-up should be amicable.

If you've rented together for a good while and it's going well, that's a good sign.
If you've got a joint savings account and there's no drama's there, that's another good sign.
Buying a house isn't a big issue if you're in a solid relationship.

What I find absurd is people thinking it's better to get married before living together. Now that's crazy!!

 

[rudder]

Originally posted by: JLee
Topic Title: Buying house with girlfriend
Topic Summary: Crazy?

yep.

Originally posted by: dabuddha
Such a bad idea...

Originally posted by: spidey07
The breakup is going to be extra complicated and somebody will wind up getting screwed, and that somebody means you. There is absolutely NOTHING good that can come from this.

Originally posted by: DeadByDawn
Bad bad idea

Originally posted by: Shawn
just say NO

Originally posted by: sao123
do not put her name on the deed unless you get married... not worth it IMO.

Originally posted by: Phoenix86
This has fail written all over it.

In caps.

Originally posted by: Baked
If you wanna buy a house, buy a house, but don't do the share payment thing, it will end very badly for you. If you don't have the money to pay the mortgage by yourself, forgetaboutit.

See above.

 

[TrueBlueLS]

I think I'm going to agree with everyone who has said that you need to know there'll be a future with her. I'm in this situation right now where my fiancee and I are trying to find a house. Both of us know that we want to get married, but that's still another 2 years down the road. So anything could happen between now and then that could make you wonder. I've been with my fiancee for 3.5 years and I don't foresee anything changing us getting married, so that's why I am going for it. Am I going to write up a contract? Nope. If this is the person who I am going to be marrying, I should know I can fully trust them. Hell... I've got a lower credit score than her, so there's nothing for me to lose!

 

[Adul]

I done it as well with my gf. We been together 5+ years now. Dang time flies...

 

[whattaguy]

Just remember, she's probably making more of her decisions from an emotional slant while you're looking at this very logically. What makes sense to you, may not make sense to her.

You're thinking "This makes so much sense financially and is such a good investment for us."
She might be thinking "Wow! He really loves me. I wonder when he's going to ask me to marry him."

I wouldn't recommend making a purchase like that together. There's a lot of emotion involved with large purchases like that.

 

[SAWYER]

So let me get this straight, you won't or have not married her yet(maybe commitment issues?), but you will make a huge life purchase together? And damn..7 years?! The saying shit or get off the pot comes to mind :laugh:

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: Sawyer
And damn..7 years?!

Remeber though, he doesn't want to rush to get married because "that seems silly". I mean, if they were together 70 years, then you'd have a point.


I hope my sarcasm came off well enough.

 

[AstroManLuca]

Get married and then buy the house.

If you aren't willing to get married, do not buy the house.

 

[DT4K]

If you plan to live together and stay together forever, get married.
If you don't plan to stay together forever, then do NOT buy a house together.

 

[BurnItDwn]

Originally posted by: sao123
do not put her name on the deed unless you get married... not worth it IMO.

Agreed 1000%

 

[Pliablemoose]

Do it, we don't know you, GF or your relationship.

In many states you'll be considered common law married after you meet a few criteria, living together is one of them. Now is a great time to buy a house, if you see a future with this woman, go for it.

 

[krylon]

I don't believe there is a girl at all, unless I see pics of course.