can't believe I'm discussing this

[Semidevil]

I'm only 26 years old. got married when I was 22. no kids.

wife wants to get divorce, saying I'm not the type of guy she wants. I'm not blaming her. I'm not happy about it, but I think I"ll try to accept it and move on. In the end, it might be better for both of us. We are both passed the emotional phase of it, and are willing to admit we made a mistake in getting married in the first place. I just want to start over. :-(


I know a lot of you guys will advise me to get a lawyer to get all the facts straight. I'll do research on it, but want to see what suggestions ATOT gives me(I wont use it as legal advice, dont worry).

The issue right now is how to split our property. In terms of tangible property, do we have to get courts involved? If we both come to an agreement, can we just take care of it ourselves?

What about alimony? I think this will be the touchy subject for both for both of us. Is there a 'rule-of-thumb' as to how much I need to give her(if any)? She's throwing 20k at me. I dont know, to me, 20k is a lot of money, but then again, I've heard people end up needing to pay more when lawyers are involved

any suggestions on how to keep me sane for the next few months will be great.

It's going to be a rough ride.

 

[Aimster]

why do u have to pay her? I hate these b.s laws.

 

[Semidevil]

see, I dont even know. I guess I'll need to find a lawyer to get the state facts.

this is Oklahoma.

 

[RichardE]

Man married at 22? Ouch man, thats young. I almost fell into that trap.

Just don't fall into a depressing, you'll waste the best years of your life :beer:

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Actually a few dickheads here will probably advise you to post this in L&R if they haven't already.

The one thing that you need to remember is this woman isn't right for you. When they say there are plenty of fish in the sea they weren't kidding. Everyone eventually pulls themselves out after a breakup and you aren't going to be any different. How long you wish to mope around is entirely up to you.

Best of luck man.

 

[zeruty]

Regardless of whether you want "lawyers involved" you will be making a huge mistake if you don't have a lawyer

Does she work? If so, how much does she make in comparison to you? 50%? Gimme a percent

 

[lokiju]

She told you she wants a divorce and then told you she wants you to give her $20k but you're not sure if you want a lawyer?

 

[Pepsei]

you should still get a lawyer.

it's not like the simpsons... "These things happen. Eight dollars. "

 

[dbk]

20K damn....

cut her off completely and only communicate with her through a lawyer

 

[middlehead]

As always, get off the internet and get to a lawyer. We don't know your state's laws.

For the property, I would imagine you can sort it out yourselves but I wouldn't trust her to stick to it, especially since she already thinks she deserves $20,000 for asking for a divorce.

 

[Semidevil]

Originally posted by: zeruty
Regardless of whether you want "lawyers involved" you will be making a huge mistake if you don't have a lawyer

Does she work? If so, how much does she make in comparison to you? 50%? Gimme a percent

she probably makes 60% of what I"m making.

 

[trmiv]

1) Get a lawyer. 2)If you own a house, don't move out. 3)Get a lawyer. 4)Don't believe anything she says from this point on. 5)Get a lawyer.

 

[DVad3r]

You guys should both sit down and watch the movie "Fireproof".

If you still aren't married after that, she is doing you a favor by breaking away now then later. At least now you will have time to find the woman that's right for you.

That's why when I get married, everything will be in my mothers name (car, house, etc). Divorce time rolls around, it's GTFO to the curb peon!

 

[sixone]

You need a lawyer, at least to do the filings. If you can reach an agreement on division of property, the judge probably won't interfere without a very good reason.

You definitely need a lawyer to help with alimony.

 

[RichardE]

Originally posted by: Semidevil

Originally posted by: zeruty
Regardless of whether you want "lawyers involved" you will be making a huge mistake if you don't have a lawyer

Does she work? If so, how much does she make in comparison to you? 50%? Gimme a percent

she probably makes 60% of what I"m making.

Damn, fuck that money whore.

 

[Pepsei]

and we're talking about your own lawyer... if she gets her own lawyer and works with you, you could sign away your life on that paper. so let your lawyer work with her or her lawyer.

 

[Farang]

Lawyer. Don't think of it as a bad thing, lawyers exist for precisely the situation you are in. The reason marriage is useful is because a legal process exists to separate property, so take advantage of that process and move on.

 

[tynopik]

a one-time payment of $20,000 is CHEAP compared to 50 years of alimony

but far cheaper still would be to try some counseling first to see if you two can learn to get along

this would require a commitment from both of you, but if it works would probably be best for all involved

 

[Sphexi]

Originally posted by: trmiv
1) Get a lawyer. 2)If you own a house, don't move out. 3)Get a lawyer. 4)Don't believe anything she says from this point on. 5)Get a lawyer.

Agreed. As good as your intentions may be, you never know what hers are. Not to say she'd try and cheat you, but maybe someone else gave her advice on how to "protect" herself, and that involves royally screwing you.

Get a lawyer, especially since you're now talking $20k in alimony. If there's no kids and you're that young, I see zero reason she needs any money, other than maybe an even split of the assets. As trmiv said, make no compromises at this point, things like moving out could be seen as giving up the house/apartment/condo, wait until it's actually agreed to by both before you do anything.

Lucky there's no kids, it could be a lot worse then.

 

[Newbian]

We needs pics to see if she is hittable once the papers are signed.

 

[lupi]

I take it you haven't read enough of the "man gets screwed in divorce/custody settlement" threads around here with those questions.

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: Semidevil
see, I dont even know. I guess I'll need to find a lawyer to get the state facts.

this is Oklahoma.

I was divorced in OK. The wife was asking for alimony. The judge asked her: "can you work?". She replied: "yes." The judge replied: "no alimony."

 

[Bitek]

Get a lawyer and hide your shit. Spoils will go to the swift. She can take all your stuff one day if she gets pissed and you won't get it back. (Happened to my bro and his horrible ex.)

Even if things are civil now, more than likely they will go south at some point, esp when you start disagreeing over $$$. Fine if you tell her not to worry about lawyers, but get one for yourself anyway. Don't be a fraking dope.

and yes, you need to have some sort of legal or at least written agreement on ownership of property. Verbal agreements don't mean shit and you are asking to get greased for it down the line. If you all really want, you could prolly write your own terms (arbitration), but at least get it legally certified and filed.

Why should you give her alimony? You are both young and have no kids. My bro didn't pay his wife any, and she just sat her fat ass at home. Joint assets (and DEBTS!) get split, but after that you shouldn't have obligations.

CANCEL ALL OF YOUR CC's NOW!!! If she gets pissed and goes on a spending spree, consider yourself in for half!

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: OneOfTheseDays
Actually a few dickheads here will probably advise you to post this in L&R if they haven't already.

The one thing that you need to remember is this woman isn't right for you. When they say there are plenty of fish in the sea they weren't kidding. Everyone eventually pulls themselves out after a breakup and you aren't going to be any different. How long you wish to mope around is entirely up to you.

Best of luck man.

MOD CALL OUT!! BAN!!
(He's calling the Mod that's going to move this a "Dickhead")

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: Semidevil

Originally posted by: zeruty
Regardless of whether you want "lawyers involved" you will be making a huge mistake if you don't have a lawyer

Does she work? If so, how much does she make in comparison to you? 50%? Gimme a percent

she probably makes 60% of what I"m making.

But, is she going to move in with her boyfriend or support herself?