can't believe I'm discussing this

[Away]

The lawyer will cost you less than she will in the end. Get the lawyer.

 

[nissan720]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: Semidevil
see, I dont even know. I guess I'll need to find a lawyer to get the state facts.

this is Oklahoma.

I was divorced in OK. The wife was asking for alimony. The judge asked her: "can you work?". She replied: "yes." The judge replied: "no alimony."

Yep, This is the way Oklahoma is. If the wife can work then don't expect to give her anything other than 1/2 of the martial assets.

Like everyone else says, get a lawyer, get copies of bank statements (retirement, checking, savings accounts, loans, and other debts) so you know where you are today, and then just file to have it done with.

If you think you can both be adults about it then talk it over with her about how you want to split everything without the lawyers in the room.

Remember Lawyers get paid by the hour so it does not bother them one bit to let you guys argue in front of them.

Good Luck,
Nissan

 

[mugs]

Originally posted by: Semidevil

Originally posted by: zeruty
Regardless of whether you want "lawyers involved" you will be making a huge mistake if you don't have a lawyer

Does she work? If so, how much does she make in comparison to you? 50%? Gimme a percent

she probably makes 60% of what I"m making.

1. Probably? You don't know?
2. She makes that much less and she offered you $20k? Did you earn the majority of that $20k?

Edit: Oh, she's demanding $20k? No way to know if that's fair without knowing how much you two have. You're probably going to want to get a lawyer.

 

[moonbit]

OP do this:
1. Be realistic about your wife. You should know if she's capable of being civil about this, or if she's going to try to screw you. In spite of what most will tell you here, not every woman going through a divorce is a money grubbing bitch. I've known women who have given up almost everything just for the privilege of getting out (and not in abusive situations). Not every woman is into revenge. Again, you should know what kind of woman your wife is.
2. Do all the research you can about divorce laws in your state. It might just be possible for you to do this with minimal or no assistance from a lawyer. However, you will need complete cooperation from your wife for this.
3. However, if you are going to have any sort of fight on your hands, or the two of you can't come to agreement about anything, get a lawyer for you. It's her responsibility to do what she needs to for herself. While lawyers do screw their clients while helping them screw the other spouse, they do help minimize screw-age. They will also know how to get the paperwork done, if nothing else. Divorces can be held up by errors in the paperwork.
4. Get yourself some emotional support of some kind. Whoever you think you can trust, and will let you unload on them. Actually, do this one first.

Good luck OP. I know this sucks like nothing else, and it's going to keep sucking for awhile.

 

[dahunan]

Originally posted by: RichardE


Just don't fall into a depressing, you'll waste the best years of your life :beer:

^^This

 

[Ronstang]

If you live in a small town you need to take a couple of days off of work and go see all the best divorce lawyers in town for a consultation. Once you do this she cannot use any of the ones you have seen....at least this is what I was told from a friend who went through a divorce. This may be bogus info but it is worth it to check it out.

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: Ronstang
If you live in a small town you need to take a couple of days off of work and go see all the best divorce lawyers in town for a consultation. Once you do this she cannot use any of the ones you have seen....at least this is what I was told from a friend who went through a divorce. This may be bogus info but it is worth it to check it out.

I have heard the same thing before.

 

[Agentbolt]

Originally posted by: Ronstang
If you live in a small town you need to take a couple of days off of work and go see all the best divorce lawyers in town for a consultation. Once you do this she cannot use any of the ones you have seen....at least this is what I was told from a friend who went through a divorce. This may be bogus info but it is worth it to check it out.

That sounds like a scorched earth tactic to me, but if it works you might as well do it. If she's already demanding 20,000 dollars for alimony, then this is not going to be a civil thing. Moonbit might be right that not ALL women in a divorce are money-grubbing bitches. I suppose if you walked upon a bear in the woods it might let you ride it like a big pony instead of disemboweling you, but it's usually better to assume it's going to act like a bear.

She's young, you two were married for a whole 4 years, her alimony demand isn't a reasonable request. She's already trying to milk you for every cent you're worth. Lawyer up and destroy her.

 

[Kanalua]

You dodged a bullet...

and get a lawyer...if she wants $20K in alimony/settlement it means she's not going to let go easily...lawyer up...sounds like you are in for a ride...

 

[Zebo]

no kids - means no dice you're a lucky MOFO despite how you feel now which I'm sure is emotionally down. Rejection hurts by someone you open your life, heart and home to only time will cure that. Good luck!

 

[iGas]

Been there, done that. And all I can say is Retain a Lawyer mediately, and make sure that he/she is better than her lawyer.

 

[Wheezer]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: Semidevil
see, I dont even know. I guess I'll need to find a lawyer to get the state facts.

this is Oklahoma.

I was divorced in OK. The wife was asking for alimony. The judge asked her: "can you work?". She replied: "yes." The judge replied: "no alimony."

Damn...what a great judge.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
I was divorced in OK. The wife was asking for alimony. The judge asked her: "can you work?". She replied: "yes." The judge replied: "no alimony."

:thumbsup::laugh:

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: zeruty
Regardless of whether you want "lawyers involved" you will be making a huge mistake if you don't have a lawyer

Does she work? If so, how much does she make in comparison to you? 50%? Gimme a percent

not necessarily...a lawyer will only cost money. If both parties can just reach a settlement and file together it's a lot cheaper and cleaner for everyone.

If both of you are making similar incomes there should be no alimony.

Unless you own real estate or major assets there is not much need for any kind of lawyer. Lawyers fees can easily outweigh what a typical set of electronics and the like are worth.

I divorced in 1997...we owned a home, she got a lawyer. I was willing to take on all the debt...split the proceeds of the home and we each take our cars/computers. I'd get electronics, she'd get the furniture. Everything was brand new as of 1995.

With her lawyer and going to court the deal I got was actually better for me. It went the same as above, but we split the debt as well.

There was no alimony (I made about double her salary).

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: Ronstang
If you live in a small town you need to take a couple of days off of work and go see all the best divorce lawyers in town for a consultation. Once you do this she cannot use any of the ones you have seen....at least this is what I was told from a friend who went through a divorce. This may be bogus info but it is worth it to check it out.

I have heard the same thing before.

LOL, the Sopranos used it as a story line in one of their episodes.

 

[xSauronx]

Originally posted by: lokiju
She told you she wants a divorce and then told you she wants you to give her $20k but you're not sure if you want a lawyer?

seriously, i went through a divorce, and the only way to handle one is to be an evil bastard. because if you dont screw her, you will *get* screwed and you'll kick yourself. i even *had* a lawyer and got the short end of the stick on some things.

at least you dont have kids, that saves a lot of headache. if you can split property or anything else that will help a lot, but get a lawyer, or youre an official moron and will officially have your balls cut off when she reveals *she* has an attorney before you do.

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: Ronstang
If you live in a small town you need to take a couple of days off of work and go see all the best divorce lawyers in town for a consultation. Once you do this she cannot use any of the ones you have seen....at least this is what I was told from a friend who went through a divorce. This may be bogus info but it is worth it to check it out.

I have heard the same thing before.

LOL, the Sopranos used it as a story line in one of their episodes.

That's probably where I heard it then.

 

[dawp]

Get a lawyer, or else you may get screwed. is that $20k walk away money? meaning you get everything and she keeps car/clothes? I got lucky had 2 kids involved offered $500/mo. and she took it when she could have gotten more. she didn't have a lawyer and i did.


Hopefully she wont change her mind after all is said and done. I have a former GF who left about 6 yrs ago and got married. She called me up about 2 months ago and said she made a mistake when she left and wished we never split up. Why she got hitched if she still had feelings for me I'll never know.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: dawp
I have a former GF who left about 6 yrs ago and got married. She called me up about 2 months ago and said she made a mistake when she left and wished we never split up. Why she got hitched if she still had feelings for me I'll never know.

She may not have had those feelings then. They say you can't really know love until you lost it.

My money is on if you separated most couples, they'd be over each other pretty quickly. I think relationships have turned into needing roomies rather than being in love with someone.

 

[Mojoed]

Originally posted by: Wheezer

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: Semidevil
see, I dont even know. I guess I'll need to find a lawyer to get the state facts.

this is Oklahoma.

I was divorced in OK. The wife was asking for alimony. The judge asked her: "can you work?". She replied: "yes." The judge replied: "no alimony."

Damn...what a great judge.

^ Yep. Finally a judge showing some common sense. Fuck alimony.

 

[dawp]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: dawp
I have a former GF who left about 6 yrs ago and got married. She called me up about 2 months ago and said she made a mistake when she left and wished we never split up. Why she got hitched if she still had feelings for me I'll never know.

She may not have had those feelings then. They say you can't really know love until you lost it.

My money is on if you separated most couples, they'd be over each other pretty quickly. I think relationships have turned into needing roomies rather than being in love with someone.

She did, she said she went into the marriage not sure if she really wanted that.

 

[RKS]

If you are trying to save money and think you can have an amicable divorce; you guys could split a lawyer. He could file all of the paperwork and "suggest" a fair division of property.

 

[dawp]

Originally posted by: RKS
If you are trying to save money and think you can have an amicable divorce; you guys could split a lawyer. He could file all of the paperwork and "suggest" a fair division of property.

you may not even need a lawyer, I got divorced in TX and if no kids were involved, there were self help books that will walk you through the processes of filing. If kids are involved, a lawyer is necessary.

 

[tk149]

Cancel all joint lines of credit. Lawyer.

Good luck!

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

Split everything down straight down the middle. Just be done with it.