Catholic Weddings

[Ilmater]

I'm Agnostic, bordering on Atheistic. I definitely don't think a God exists, but I won't rule it out entirely. However, my parents are Catholic, my girlfriend and I were raised Catholic, my entire extended family is Catholic, and my girlfriend's (soon to be fiance's) family is Catholic. So, we have to have a Catholic wedding.

My question is, how much "truth-stretching" am I going to have to do to get married in the Catholic church? I've heard about some priests that are pretty strict on this stuff, but I'm worried about answers to questions about:

My beliefs
Premarital sex
How I will raise my children
How much I practice now

Please, those of you that have been through this, tell me what the process is like.

 

[Ramma2]

You're already succumbing to the combined will of your family to get married catholic, you might as well bend a little further and just get through the ceremony.

 

[fishface313]

my sister married a catholic...she is not catholic, but her husband is

they both had to take($$$) some kind of classes so they could get married in the church...stupid religions

 

[Special K]

OP here is a thread I remember reading a few days ago that might be of some use:

link

 

[meltdown75]

We met with the priest and he chatted with us together and then seperately. He talked to my wife for about 5 minutes while my chat lasted quite a bit longer, maybe a half hour or so. My wife comes from a "nuclear" family that is still together while mine is / was uber dysfunctional - sort of had to do with that I suppose.

Anyhoo then we went to this marriage classes thing which was not a big deal. A couple hours Friday night, a few Saturday afternoon and a couple hours + mass on Sunday. Not a big deal, we basically hung out and listened to some couples from the church yak about their marriage and whatever. blah blah blah... compromise, give and take, blah blah blah. There were actually some little exercises where you try to describe your future spouse, what you want out of marriage, etc etc that ended up being interesting.

Finally the big day came and went, everything was smooth.

I guess looking back, there was really nothing too "religious" about it at all. For all the preist knew, I could have been atheist. They don't tie you up to a chair and exorcise your demons or anything. Much ado about nothing.

We're not uber hardcore Catholics. Maybe that's the reason we got through the whole "Catholic marriage" thing without making a big to do out of it. It's only going to be stressful for you if you make it so, IMHO. Best of luck to you.

 

[John P]

It probably depends on the church/parish and priest I supppose. I don't recall the priest being very involved, the class was run by a couple from the church.

I recall (it's been 15 years) filling out a questionnaire and then comparing my answers to my wife's to see if you are "compatible". It will mean as much as you make it - might even be good for a laugh or two. Nobody's going to give you a lie detector test after you fill it out if you know what I mean. Then we had several sessions with several other couples and just discussed various stuff. Sex did come up but I remember that session, and all the others for that matter, to be pretty light and fun.

 

[dwell]

<-- Born, raised, educated, and married Catholic. The only thing you need to know how to do, is sign the a check for the right amount for the ceremony.

 

[ITJunkie]

Originally posted by: Ilmater
I'm Agnostic, bordering on Atheistic. I definitely don't think a God exists, but I won't rule it out entirely. However, my parents are Catholic, my girlfriend and I were raised Catholic, my entire extended family is Catholic, and my girlfriend's (soon to be fiance's) family is Catholic. So, we have to have a Catholic wedding.

My question is, how much "truth-stretching" am I going to have to do to get married in the Catholic church? I've heard about some priests that are pretty strict on this stuff, but I'm worried about answers to questions about:

My beliefs
Premarital sex
How I will raise my children
How much I practice now

Please, those of you that have been through this, tell me what the process is like.

For us the process was pretty easy. Premarital sex wasn't brought up because my wife-to-be was already 6 mos pregnant. That pretty much answered that question for the priest.
As far as the rest, we had our children baptized but we don't practice catholicism. We were fortunate that the priest who married us had a long association with my wifes family.

 

[nj]

During the initial interview they do ask you a lot of softball morality questions. Nothing that bad though. The most boring part is Pre-Cana which for us was an 8 hour sermon-fest. It was mostly made up of lame summer camp-esque group activities lead by, ironically, extremely miserable couples.

The only thing the church really seems concerned with is if you were previously married and if your check clears.

 

[fLum0x]

Originally posted by: Ilmater
I'm Agnostic, bordering on Atheistic. I definitely don't think a God exists, but I won't rule it out entirely. However, my parents are Catholic, my girlfriend and I were raised Catholic, my entire extended family is Catholic, and my girlfriend's (soon to be fiance's) family is Catholic. So, we have to have a Catholic wedding.

My question is, how much "truth-stretching" am I going to have to do to get married in the Catholic church? I've heard about some priests that are pretty strict on this stuff, but I'm worried about answers to questions about:

My beliefs
Premarital sex
How I will raise my children
How much I practice now

Please, those of you that have been through this, tell me what the process is like.

depends if you are going through preparations or not. I have gone through a couple right now as i am catholic along with my fiancee. You are going to have to MAKE UP the truth if you are going through preparations...

 

[archiloco]

you have to have done your first communion/confirmation attend some classes and ta da

 

[Ilmater]

Originally posted by: nj
During the initial interview they do ask you a lot of softball morality questions. Nothing that bad though. The most boring part is Pre-Cana which for us was an 8 hour sermon-fest. It was mostly made up of lame summer camp-esque group activities lead by, ironically, extremely miserable couples.

The only thing the church really seems concerned with is if you were previously married and if your check clears.

Yeah, I don't mind lying to a priest, but the retreat thing bugs me... I don't want to stand in front of a room full of people and lie to them all.

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: archiloco
you have to have done your first communion/confirmation attend some classes and ta da

Yep, that's what my brother went through for his wedding as well. We were both born and raised Catholic, and while we completed our first communion, neither of us was ever confirmed. So he had to finish that, take a few classes, go through the interviews, and then voila, marriage.

 

[TwinkleToes77]

Originally posted by: Whisper

Originally posted by: archiloco
you have to have done your first communion/confirmation attend some classes and ta da

Yep, that's what my brother went through for his wedding as well. We were both born and raised Catholic, and while we completed our first communion, neither of us was ever confirmed. So he had to finish that, take a few classes, go through the interviews, and then voila, marriage.

It really depends on your priest. My husband was never confirmed, and our priest never made us do anything other than the Pre-Cana classes.

 

[Mellman]

went to a catholic wedding...basically it was "and i join you together so you can go make babies" over and over again...

but it does depend on your priest

 

[FP]

We just had to take a couple classes.

The priest will probably ask you if you intend to raise your kids Catholic. That was the most important question according to the priest that married us.

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: Ramma2
You're already succumbing to the combined will of your family to get married catholic, you might as well bend a little further and just get through the ceremony.

and then get divorced when the truth comes out?