Cheating Friend - Thanks For The Advice

[y2kc]

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Additional details:

1) I am absolutely sure
2) Close enough that we spend evenings with them 1-2 times per week
3) The cheatee has expressed to me multiple times how upset they get when their spouse is checking out people and flirting

Sounds like he\she will find out soon enough on their own.

Consider this: You tell the person being cheated on, they "give you up" as the source... now you're in the middle of it. you don't want that, trust me.

These things tend to work themselves out. If you MUST say something, say it to the cheater....

 

[IceBergSLiM]

divorce is expensive.

 

[Whoozyerdaddy]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
divorce is expensive.

And why are they so expensive?



'Cause they're worth it!

 

[Hammerhead]

The spouse should know. Who knows what kind of diseases the cheater is bringing home and infecting the spouse with.

 

[2Xtreme21]

Because you have the chance of being stuck in the middle, MYOB.

 

[gwrober]

Originally posted by: y2kc

Sounds like he\she will find out soon enough on their own.

Consider this: You tell the person being cheated on, they "give you up" as the source... now you're in the middle of it. you don't want that, trust me.

These things tend to work themselves out. If you MUST say something, say it to the cheater....

Sure you might wind up in the middle of the situation, but that's life right, and you gotta look out for your friends - in this case it appears that both are his friends, but one is wronging the other - so straighten up the one that's cheating, and work him over if you have to.

Maybe give him an ultimatum - quit it and never do it again, or the SO will find out one way or another. Sure you might seem like a snitch to the cheater, but that person is already abusing trust in the worst way.

 

[leftyman]

Originally posted by: Hammerhead
The spouse should know. Who knows what kind of diseases the cheater is bringing home and infecting the spouse with.

:thumbsup:

 

[gwrober]

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
divorce is expensive.

And why are they so expensive?



'Cause they're worth it!

1. engagement ring
2. wedding ring
3. suffering!

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Is it a male or female cheating?

 

[KillyKillall]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Is it a male or female cheating?

Why would it matter?

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Step 1) Cut off your friendship.

If you out them your friendship will end anyway so it's best to cut all friendly ties now. If they probe you for details on why the friendship is no longer working explain to the cheater that it's impossible to be friends with a cheater.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
divorce is expensive.

Its worse after kids come along.

 

[Zekial]

how about just butting out. i tried being the 'good friend' and it all backfired on me. dont even mess with it.

 

[ViviTheMage]

IF anything tell the cheater, since he is the one committing the act.

 

[Alex]

i'd talk to the dude that cheated and try to straighten him out.... maybe it was just an honest mistake and not worth jeopardizing the relationship for but if the guy is a dumbass and cheats frequently then he doesn't deserve the girl he has so you should tell him to come clean before you rat him out. thats what i'd do anyway i guess. it also depends how close friends you are with him

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Is it a male or female cheating?

Why would it matter?

not that it does, but i'm going to guess the male.

 

[Midlander]

Originally posted by: Zekial
how about just butting out. i tried being the 'good friend' and it all backfired on me. dont even mess with it.

Unfortunately, if you are the one who "tells," some of the dirt will rub off on you. And that's if you are right. If you are wrong, all the dirt is on you.

It's a shame this goes on, but I don't think I would be the one to tell. I MIGHT talk to the cheater, but not the spouse.

 

[leftyman]

I know I couldnt carry on a friendship with someone that was doing that to their spouse that was also a friend. Either way the friendship will end or be altered into something different.
There is AID's and a alphabet soup of STD's out there. Tell the friend that is being cheated on. I know I would want to know.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: Phokus

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Additional details:

1) I am absolutely sure
2) Close enough that we spend evenings with them 1-2 times per week
3) The cheatee has expressed to me multiple times how upset they get when their spouse is checking out people and flirting

Just out of curiosity, how'd you find out?

Let's just say that we were at an establishment drinking beers and he went off with someone in the back. Then came back and needed to borrow money...then he was bragging.

hooker?

 

[jemcam]

Been there and done that with a brother in law. He was blantantly and obviously cheating and had been caught several times by his wife, my wife's sister.

I outed him once and she took him back after he said I lied about it. Eventually, and it took about six or seven years, it worked itself out in divorce court after she caught him numerous more times.

Trust me, you need to slowly back out of the situation by making excuses for not doing stuff with them any more and let the cards fall where they may. He will get caught if he's being that sloppy.

 

[gerwen]

Sucker punch your friend for putting you between him and his new wife. What a bastard. If he wanted to cheat he should have done it discreetly. Crappy friend.

You: Head or Gut?
Him: Huh?
*punch in the gut*
You: That's for cheatin on your wife.
*punch in the head*
You: That's for putting me in the middle.

 

[AreaCode707]

The cheatee definitely needs to know, for health reasons if no other.

I would give the cheater one shot to tell the cheatee and make it expressly clear that if s/he doesn't, I will.

 

[jiggahertz]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: Phokus

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Additional details:

1) I am absolutely sure
2) Close enough that we spend evenings with them 1-2 times per week
3) The cheatee has expressed to me multiple times how upset they get when their spouse is checking out people and flirting

Just out of curiosity, how'd you find out?

Let's just say that we were at an establishment drinking beers and he went off with someone in the back. Then came back and needed to borrow money...then he was bragging.

hooker?

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Who brags about paying for it though?

 

[gwrober]

Originally posted by: gerwen
Sucker punch your friend for putting you between him and his new wife. What a bastard. If he wanted to cheat he should have done it discreetly. Crappy friend.

You: Head or Gut?
Him: Huh?
*punch in the gut*
You: That's for cheatin on your wife.
*punch in the head*
You: That's for putting me in the middle.

Not a bad idea! Cuz the 'bros before ...." moniker is BS anyway - knowingly bragging about it only puts his friends in a tough spot. Not cool.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Also, they were just married 2 months ago.

Something needs to be done.

But just be ready to lose a few friendships because of this.