All I was saying was that the N-word brings up more than just prejudice or stereotype; it brings up images of physical abuse and the SLAVERY of human beings. "Chinaman," while nowhere near appropriate in my eyes, and a word which I have never spoken aloud, does not bring up such graphic images.
Unless someone developed ESP, language is the expression of ideas and thoughts and through that, the expression of intent. The only modifier would be body language (including tone of voice) which, btw, is not present on the forums.
As for this - do you really think if I say F you to my brother, in jest, after he plays a practical joke on me, means the same thing as if I say F you to the man who killed my friends?
Or what about sarcasm? Doesn't the same thing, said in a sarcastic way, have an entirely different meaning?
Intent is most definitely what makes those two different, and you have to read into what people are saying sometimes - you cannot simply take everything at face value. Sometimes you really need to know the context - and even if someone said something that offends you, you have the right to tell them you are offended, but you don't have the right to tell them not to use the word anymore.
Just because the forums do not allow you the benefit of "body language" as you call it (I would say inflection and tone are more important...) does not mean you can simply assume a person has one intent or the other. In my eyes, a proper response to the first posting of "chinaman" would have been "Are you serious? I hope not, I find that word offensive." rather than "watch your mouth"
BTW Suicide is not really a crime anymore - most laws have been repealed or are not enforced. Think about it, who are you going after?
Also, you didnt really answer my question about whether or not the usage would be acceptable if the speaker was indeed chinese.