Here's what I got:
1. I would do some color correction, especially during the dialogue on the stoop. The cuts seem heavy (lose continuity) at that point because of the stark changes in levels and contrast. Also the last shot in the tub need some more contrast. (This stuff may be because of web delivery/compression though).
2. As far a dialogue goes, the part where they're on the bridge and the one dude says "Charlie" a bunch of times is a bit awkward - I didn't really get that part. As I watch again, I think maybe there are just too many edits at that point.
3. I like how you mixed in the wide shots of them traveling to give it some scope - next time I would slip in a wide while the characters are talking, just to once again make them seem a bit smaller on this great journey to candy mountain. It might even be fun to throw in some additional shots of them traveling through bizarre locations to add humor (i.e. they're on the street, then suddenly on a carousel or something - and Charlie getting more pissed as he doesn't get the point).
4. I would reverse the editing on the close/wide shot of candy mountain. I would show it wide first - play some music that's like "angels in heaven" stuff, edit in light blazing on the mountain. Then show the candy in more detail. I also think if you layer the footage and give the lower layer some blur you could create a nice "Barbara Walters" effect to make it more whimsical. Kind of like introducing it in all of it's glory first, then showing the intricate details.
5. It feels like something is missing between the shot of Charlie jumping into the candy cave and the tub. I'm left wondering if the friend set it up (which seems the more obvious choice) or if the leoplurodon is responsible (which I think would be even funnier) or possibly the leoplurodon paying the friend half of the black market value of Charlie's kidney. I think you could maybe add some tension by showing if Charlie gets stuck/passes out or whatever when he climbs in.
I know all of the above is a list of stuff I'd change, on the other side - I really liked the shots and framing as a whole. I LOVE the part in the beginning when Charlie first stands up and the other dude grabs him - does he say "yum"? The pacing of the editing is good, I think you can tighten it a bit further using music/sound when you get it in there. I liked it, it was random, but in a good way - great job!!! I want to see it when it's all finished!!