Dating a battered woman

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: acemcmac

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: acemcmac

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: acemcmac
I'd have her stay with me and make sure the guy knew that she was with me. When he breaks into my house to do soemething about it, I'd rip him 30 new 7.62mm holes with my AK. Problem solved

On a serious note, you really really need to arm up and keep her with you until he does something about it. Don't let on that you're packing heat until you're pulling the trigger. Make sure he breaks in before you start shooting.

wtf gun toting moron. this isnt his battle or his business. he needs to walk away.

The OP says he really likes her and wants to have a future with her. I don't think that's to be taken lightly. This seems to be to be a perfectly rational way for all parties to come out ahead. The guy, if he really is as violent as implied, will not hesitate to break into the OP's house to "get them"

If the OP is prepared, he can save everyone a lot of headache and just exercise his basic Castle Doctronie rights and blow the POS away. Everybody wins.

he met this woman while she was trolling internet dating sites looking for a desperate simp just like the OP to be her new baby daddy. they went on 1 date. he is pathetic, I am willing to bet anything that he has no other options with women and hasnt for some time. he suffers from some insecurity and self esteem isssues.

you too i can also see as having some sort of small man complex spouting off about beign a hero and killing people. how many people have you killed tough guy? how short are you exactly?

Could you possibly be more judgemental? Who's the troll now? I had a really and well thought out response all typed out for you that rationally explained how and why I feel the way I do, but then I realized that I shouldn't give your posts the dignity.

just prove me wrong and i'll appologize. how tall are you

 

[reverend boltron]

Originally posted by: Bushman5
yes but u guys seem to be missing the point. i want to stay with her. But how do i deal with her present mental state. Im not used to biting a woman to the extent she told me to.

I dont know if im making stuff worst, should i tell her luv i dont need to hurt you for me to get off and u dont need to get hurt to get off, i mean yes rough sex is good pulling hair spalling ect but she at times takes it too far, i think she thinks all men like it like that.

As for the x i think i can handel him.

Yeah man, honestly for the sake of all that is going on in your relationship and within the head of this girl, I would stop having sex. People who are in relationships like she was in will start to go a bit crazy. And like, the more you feed into that, the more she will go crazy on you. That is the truth. There are things going on in her head which aren't operating the way they normally would be operating.

If I were you, I would sit down and talk with her to find out what's going on inside her head. There are going to be a lot of things that she is going to have to work through. You can't expect her to be fully healed in a matter of months. And you also can't blame a dog for acting like a dog. You can't blame a battered woman for acting like a battered woman. When she starts to do those weird things it's because of some deep issues that she needs to get worked out. The best thing you can do is not feed into those things.

In the book of Genesis, there is a flood, and this flood hits and Noah is on an ark with a bird. And he sends the bird out to see if they can get out of the ark, and the bird returns, because it didn't have a tree to land on and there was no ground for it to land on. That is how you have to treat those weird things that start happening. Not by ignoring them, but by not allowing them to manifest. When she asks you to bite her and stuff, just don't do it. When she starts making herself a victim, don't agree with her on it, show compassion, but don't enable her to continue to play that role. This woman needs people in her life who are strong and who can have her walk her own walk so she can find out who she is. Somewhere it says, "I know who I am because I know who love is" And this love isn't the love from you.

Don't get caught up in being her savior, because you will only end up getting hurt from that and things will only go to a bad place. Let her work out her own salvation, but guide her to the places she needs to go. Have her read the book of John, and get an NIV because it's easy to understand, not a King James version.

 

[rgwalt]

Originally posted by: Bushman5
are u retarded, i talked to her for 4 month and i went on like 15 dates. and i never said i was inlove, i said IF i knew her better id say it WAS love. But for your imformation u can know these things quite early in a relationship.

In your OP you said this started a month ago and you recently went on one date. What is the real story here?

R

 

[wnied]

Cut ties. Run as far away as you can get....

...Your not married to her, you havent fathered any of her kids, and you certainly dont owe her a thing...

...so why in Gods name do you need ANYONE to tell you to stay FAR away from this situation?

~wnied~

 

[letdown427]

IMHO:

RUUUNN, GET TO THE CHOPPAAAAA!!!

 

[y2kc]

Originally posted by: Bushman5
actually she has a really really good job. she is quite intelligent well read and artistic.

for every point made u have an answer or explaination. i think your mind is made up (which is cool)

good luck to you sir. i hope this works out for you two, really.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: wnied
Cut ties. Run as far away as you can get....

...Your not married to her, you havent fathered any of her kids, and you certainly dont owe her a thing...

...so why in Gods name do you need ANYONE to tell you to stay FAR away from this situation?

~wnied~

he is suffering from either insecurity or low self esteem lack of confidence or all.

I can guarantee if he had other options with women this would not be a question for him he would be gone. Thing is.....he's used to get action now and he knows if he leaves it could be months before he gets more. she knows this too and I can guarantee she just wants a new baby daddy.

 

[skace]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
wtf gun toting moron. this isnt his battle or his business. he needs to walk away.

lol, who knew the ex was a poster on these boards as well.

 

[letdown427]

Originally posted by: reverend boltron

I tell you this, she really needs Jesus.

Oh brother. Either way, OP, are you Jesus? No? OK, then I stand my my previous post.

 

[ShockwaveVT]

IcebergSlim you are so far off base its hilarous to read your self-centered rantings. One date? Read the thread, he's been on 15+

As for Bushman5, if you dig this lady give it a chance. Just be prepared to deal with the ex.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: ShockwaveVT
IcebergSlim you are so far off base its hilarous to read your self-centered rantings. One date? Read the thread, he's been on 15+

As for Bushman5, if you dig this lady give it a chance. Just be prepared to deal with the ex.

he changed his story , read the op. regardless 1 date or 100 dates shes still damaged goods. shes still looking for the baby daddy. He's still a desperate man trying to cling on because he doesnt wnat to lose the effection he is now used to.

 

[wnied]

...yeah, think with the head on your shoulders, not the one between your legs. This chick will allow you to take her under your wing, then shoot you in the back when her ex-hubby comes a callin. The other situation here could turn out against you as well, whereas you bring her into your life, and she allows you to take care of her ex, and once that is taken care of, she splits knowing she doesnt have to worry about him anymore...

Eitherway you know that this is not a situation to be in. There are plenty of women out there WITHOUT baggage. Try giving them your attention first.

~wnied~

 

[acemcmac]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
just prove me wrong and i'll appologize. how tall are you

No, I don't think I have to "prove you wrong."

You owe me an apology, period.

Have you ever considered that I might be living in a high-crime area where home invasions are relativley common?

Have you ever considered that I might know a lot of people who have been subjected to home invasions?

Have you ever considered that I might have felt that have previously betrayed my best feelings, left a woman who I really loved in that kind of situation and she got killed, leaving me filled with regret ever since?

Have you ever considered that mabye I have gotten a woman out of that kind of situation, married her, etc and feel like it was the best thing I've ever done?

You don't know any of my reasoning for why I feel the way I do, yet you have no problem judging me when you should instead be asking me why I belive the way I do. If my views really seem alien to you, why don't you ask why I feel the way I do instead of being so pretentious?

If the EX is as violent as the OP suggest, and if the OP really wants to make this work, I can't more highly reccomend that he arm himself. As far as how to give her the proper emotional support she needs as the OP is now asking, I have no clue.

If he feels as strongly about her as he suggests, than he shoudln't be affraid to stick it out.

 

[Bushman5]

Originally posted by: rgwalt

Originally posted by: Bushman5
are u retarded, i talked to her for 4 month and i went on like 15 dates. and i never said i was inlove, i said IF i knew her better id say it WAS love. But for your imformation u can know these things quite early in a relationship.

In your OP you said this started a month ago and you recently went on one date. What is the real story here?

R

I wrote about the first month when stuff started to show how i got into it.

Since then ive been seeing her

 

[Miramonti]

If she doesn't want to go to the police then she's not ready for another relationship. She needs to take care of herself and if she can't do that, you can't either. Her problem is not her ex at this point, but herself, as she allows herself to continually be treated like that. Not only is she messed up, it no doubt has messed up her kids watching her mom get pummeled by her dad.

 

[ViviTheMage]

get his ass tossed in jail and keep her.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: acemcmac

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
just prove me wrong and i'll appologize. how tall are you

No, I don't think I have to "prove you wrong."

You owe me an apology, period.

Have you ever considered that I might be living in a high-crime area where home invasions are relativley common?

Have you ever considered that I might know a lot of people who have been subjected to home invasions?

Have you ever considered that I might have felt that have previously betrayed my best feelings, left a woman who I really loved in that kind of situation and she got killed, leaving me filled with regret ever since?

Have you ever considered that mabye I have gotten a woman out of that kind of situation, married her, etc and feel like it was the best thing I've ever done?

You don't know any of my reasoning for why I feel the way I do, yet you have no problem judging me when you should instead be asking me why I belive the way I do. If my views really seem alien to you, why don't you ask why I feel the way I do instead of being so pretentious?

No i didnt consider any of those things because they are not relevant here. In my real world experience when I've encountered individuals with your attitude and outlook they were all on the shorter side of the scale and they were bitter at the world and they felt like they always had something to prove and were trying to compensate for something. So I dont need to consider the what if's that you propose because my life experience is more valueable. Your views are not alien to me at all so I dont need to ask, I already know your short, get it?

 

[newmachineoverlord]

You should take the time to bond with the guy. I'm sure he'll warm up to you after you do guy stuff with him, you know, like hunting. Cheney style.

Originally posted by: yllus
Cripes, it's time like this that I'm reminded of how many ATers live in a fantasy land.

If he nearly choked her to death and she has not gone to the police herself already, she will only be convinced to leave when he puts her in the morgue - otherwise, no words you can say to her will make her leave. Wash your hands of this dangerous mess and let her act like an adult if she has the brains to do so.

Indeed it is probably not in your best interests to persue this relationship. However you've already decided to do so, so here's some pointers. Anytime he gives her visible bruises, you need to get her to a doctor to document how they happened, otherwise it's just he said she said and nothing goes to court. She also needs to document each incident and when they occurred, so she can remember for her testimony. Nothing she tells you is admissible in court, it's hearsay. However if you actually see him hit her, then you can document when you saw that, be sure to write down all the details you remember as soon as possible, and always collect as much physical evidence as possible. She will never be safe as long as he is free. If the kids are witnessing this violence, they can keep journals of what they see, but their journals must be kept hidden from him for their safety.

In reality she'll probably be too scared of reprisal to do any of the above, and he'll never even get arrested unless he kills someone.

She needs therapy and karate classes. Really, if she isn't willing to collect evidence to testify against him to put him away, then she'll probably never change and you should disappear. You must realize that sort of thing often takes about a decade of therapy to become close to normal afterwards.

 

[Bushman5]

The main question if any 1 has dealt with this is will he habist change after the x is gone.

Also should i stop giving her the type of sex she is used too. Is it a big deal that i do am i making things worst. Will her mentality change, if her mentality changes and she is capable of being totally normal and not so insecure then yes i will stay with her and beat off the x.

But however if she will always have this battered wife syndrome then ill have to think about it.

 

[Bushman5]

Originally posted by: newmachineoverlord
You should take the time to bond with the guy. I'm sure he'll warm up to you after you do guy stuff with him, you know, like hunting. Cheney style.

Originally posted by: yllus
Cripes, it's time like this that I'm reminded of how many ATers live in a fantasy land.

If he nearly choked her to death and she has not gone to the police herself already, she will only be convinced to leave when he puts her in the morgue - otherwise, no words you can say to her will make her leave. Wash your hands of this dangerous mess and let her act like an adult if she has the brains to do so.

Indeed it is probably not in your best interests to persue this relationship. However you've already decided to do so, so here's some pointers. Anytime he gives her visible bruises, you need to get her to a doctor to document how they happened, otherwise it's just he said she said and nothing goes to court. She also needs to document each incident and when they occurred, so she can remember for her testimony. Nothing she tells you is admissible in court, it's hearsay. However if you actually see him hit her, then you can document when you saw that, be sure to write down all the details you remember as soon as possible, and always collect as much physical evidence as possible. She will never be safe as long as he is free. If the kids are witnessing this violence, they can keep journals of what they see, but their journals must be kept hidden from him for their safety.

In reality she'll probably be too scared of reprisal to do any of the above, and he'll never even get arrested unless he kills someone.

She needs therapy and karate classes. Really, if she isn't willing to collect evidence to testify against him to put him away, then she'll probably never change and you should disappear. You must realize that sort of thing often takes about a decade of therapy to become close to normal afterwards.

See this more more along the lines of wat im worried about

 

[acemcmac]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: acemcmac

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
just prove me wrong and i'll appologize. how tall are you

No, I don't think I have to "prove you wrong."

You owe me an apology, period.

Have you ever considered that I might be living in a high-crime area where home invasions are relativley common?

Have you ever considered that I might know a lot of people who have been subjected to home invasions?

Have you ever considered that I might have felt that have previously betrayed my best feelings, left a woman who I really loved in that kind of situation and she got killed, leaving me filled with regret ever since?

Have you ever considered that mabye I have gotten a woman out of that kind of situation, married her, etc and feel like it was the best thing I've ever done?

You don't know any of my reasoning for why I feel the way I do, yet you have no problem judging me when you should instead be asking me why I belive the way I do. If my views really seem alien to you, why don't you ask why I feel the way I do instead of being so pretentious?

No i didnt consider any of those things because they are not relevant here. In my real world experience when I've encountered individuals with your attitude and outlook they were all on the shorter side of the scale and they were bitter at the world and they felt like they always had something to prove and were trying to compensate for something. So I dont need to consider the what if's that you propose because my life experience is more valueable. Your views are not alien to me at all so I dont need to ask, I already know your short, get it?

How is none of that stuff relevant? Is thread about you or the OP who is going to have to make some commitments to protect himself if he decides to stay with her?

BTW, go google the average height of an American male, and then remember that I'm 5' 11". The last time I checked, that made me the same height, if not taller than the average joe. You are a fvcking presumptious idiot.

 

[ATLien247]

It mostly depends on whether or not you're going to follow through with your side of the relationship. Being with this woman brings a lot of baggage, obviously.

The first problem is the ex, but I have a feeling that if you stand up to him (physically) for her, you'll scare him off. Unless he's psycho, at which point you'll probably need to get law enforcement involved.

The second and bigger problem is the woman's mental health. This is a long-term problem with a long-term solution. You need to be supportive of her until the end, as bailing out early will cause her even more problems.

The third problem, and I hesitate to use that word, is the children. Are you willing to take on that kind of responsibility? They've most likely been exposed to the abuse as well, so you might have some major social/behavioral problems on your hands.

It also depends on what she really, honestly wants from you. You could take up this noble quest only to find out that all she wanted was another man to beat her up.

 

[acemcmac]

Originally posted by: ATLien247
It mostly depends on whether or not you're going to follow through with your side of the relationship. Being with this woman brings a lot of baggage, obviously.

The first problem is the ex, but I have a feeling that if you stand up to him (physically) for her, you'll scare him off. Unless he's psycho, at which point you'll probably need to get law enforcement involved.

The second and bigger problem is the woman's mental health. This is a long-term problem with a long-term solution. You need to be supportive of her until the end, as bailing out early will cause her even more problems.

The third problem, and I hesitate to use that word, is the children. Are you willing to take on that kind of responsiblity? They've most likely been exposed to the abuse as well, so you might have some major social/behavioral problems on your hands.

It also depends on what she really, honestly wants from you. You could take up this noble quest only to find out that all she wanted was another man to beat her up.

good points

 

[aidanjm]

best thing you can do is refer her to a battered women's refuge or counselling service. Or maybe even call up such a service and ask them for advice on how to help her. The ex-husband is actually far more likely to kill the girl, than he is to try to attack you. Altho he would probably try to kill you, if you were to intervene in him killing his ex (OJ Simpson style).

 

[Bushman5]

Well see if we get more serious id have her come live with me. I also dont mind the kinds. they are sweet girls one is 18 months the other is 4 almost 5.

As far as ive seen they havent experienced any abuse, they still luv daddy and think hes the best in the world, well the 4 year old atleast.

Its mommy im worried about, her mental state.