Dating a battered woman

[Theiananator]

You should KICK her out.

Oh boy....

 

[yowolabi]

Originally posted by: Bushman5
The main question if any 1 has dealt with this is will he habist change after the x is gone.

Also should i stop giving her the type of sex she is used too. Is it a big deal that i do am i making things worst. Will her mentality change, if her mentality changes and she is capable of being totally normal and not so insecure then yes i will stay with her and beat off the x.

But however if she will always have this battered wife syndrome then ill have to think about it.

I can't figure out why no one has pointed out that liking violent sex and her ex beating her up aren't cause and effect. I've know plenty of women that liked violent sex and had never had an abusive relationship. In fact, she might have picked her ex because he liked giving her what she already craved before she met him.

If she gets off on violence I doubt you're going to change that. Let her know that you don't need it to be happy, just to be sure she isn't doing it for your benefit. But if she still wants it anyway, don't assume that this is ever going to change or that she has any desire to change it.

 

[wasssup]

Are you serious? You didn't call the police?

I'm surprised an ass like him is roaming about.

 

[Balt]

1) She will probably never report him to the police. If she does, she won't press charges. So the police aren't going to do anything.

2) Many abused women subconsciously convince themselves over time that being abusive and a control freak is what a man does because he loves her so much. Unless you want to be an over-dominating jerk who orders her around all the time and must know where she is at all times, she's probably going to think you don't care enough about her and she will lose interest.

 

[Blazin Trav]

Get the ex fiance in jail, ASAP.

 

[Bushman5]

Originally posted by: yowolabi

Originally posted by: Bushman5
The main question if any 1 has dealt with this is will he habist change after the x is gone.

Also should i stop giving her the type of sex she is used too. Is it a big deal that i do am i making things worst. Will her mentality change, if her mentality changes and she is capable of being totally normal and not so insecure then yes i will stay with her and beat off the x.

But however if she will always have this battered wife syndrome then ill have to think about it.

I can't figure out why no one has pointed out that liking violent sex and her ex beating her up aren't cause and effect. I've know plenty of women that liked violent sex and had never had an abusive relationship. In fact, she might have picked her ex because he liked giving her what she already craved before she met him.

If she gets off on violence I doubt you're going to change that. Let her know that you don't need it to be happy, just to be sure she isn't doing it for your benefit. But if she still wants it anyway, don't assume that this is ever going to change or that she has any desire to change it.

Ok for the last time. The first post i made was awhile ago, id say around 4 to 5 months max. i described the first few weeks, how i got my self in this situation.


This is wat i was thinking my slef and i was asking as well. If her want for rough sex isnt a result of abuse and thats just her then fine ok i can live with it, but i dont want it to be her thinking i want to hurt her, and thats the only way men get off.

 

[cavemanmoron]

Originally posted by: yllus
Uhhhh... do you REALLY need us to tell you to stay the fsck away?

Move to another address, and change your phone number, and screen names too.

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
he met this woman while she was trolling internet dating sites looking for a desperate simp just like the OP to be her new baby daddy.

Wait, wait, wait. I've only known one ATOT poster to use the word "simp" in a serious fashion, and he was banned one day before you signed up.

Is that you, biggiesmallz? If so, I see you're just as full of faux-macho *!$%@ as ever! :lips:

 

[Sunner]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: Sunner
Note to self:
If I find IcebergSlim stabbed and dying on the street, I must not help said person since it's not my responsibility.

:roll: great comparison

you can't help someone that doesnt want help.

Well, why would I wanna help you?
What'd you ever do for me?

 

[Geekbabe]

Tell her to lose your phone number, block her on AIM.

 

[acemcmac]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
he met this woman while she was trolling internet dating sites looking for a desperate simp just like the OP to be her new baby daddy.

Wait, wait, wait. I've only known one ATOT poster to use the word "simp" in a serious fashion, and he was banned one day before you signed up.

Is that you, biggiesmallz? If so, I see you're just as full of faux-macho *!$%@ as ever! :lips:

:shocked:

 

[drum]

battered? i'd go deep fried

 

[Niv KA]

Not that I should be giving anyone any advice about anything like this, but if you realy like her, then do something about it. A good start is to find a professional and talk to him about the situation, seeing as it is also effecting you (and he probibly has a beter understanding in these things). Then go for a joint session with her and try to come up with something that would work concerning the ex. Ofcource after this is over it will take some time for her to recover it is easyer with the help of a pro. Seriously, the only thing any(well... most) of us are pros( if anything) at are computer related stuff, not relationships,(although it is a safe way of doing this without the ex coming accross it somewhere).

Dont forget though, in the end, it is only your choice. Choose wisely... but most importantly follow your heart and your mind, let them lead you to a desition. (I knew the day would come where I would use those lessons for something)

 

[episodic]

Ever watch COPS?

 

[doze]

ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bennylong]

Originally posted by: episodic
Ever watch COPS?

He'll be on it soon when she starts beating him thinking he is her ex father of her children

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: Chunkee
lots o baggage

L E A V E

2 kids
psycho father of her 2 kids

run, run FAST!

 

[iskim86]

be a good person and help her

 

[ed0ggyd0gg]

Notify the Man about what's going on, and then bounce outta there. Get her the help she needs, but don't stick it out for the long haul.

 

[RelaxTheMind]

agree... confront him and point it out. Sounds dumb but some people literally just need to be told. Other than that I would personally say farewell. If not just go ahead and say goodbye to about 3-5 years of your life spent dealing with emotions you never asked for.

 

[thepd7]

Originally posted by: RelaxTheMind
agree... confront him and point it out. Sounds dumb but some people literally just need to be told. Other than that I would personally say farewell. If not just go ahead and say goodbye to about 3-5 years of your life spent dealing with emotions you never asked for.

If he confronts the guy then that guy will take it out on the girl (and probably kids) whenever he isn't around. Promise. He needs to take in the woman and kids and buy a shotgun, just like it was suggested earlier.

 

[bennylong]

run Forest run!

 

[LtPage1]

Originally posted by: Fullmetal Chocobo

Originally posted by: Bushman5
1 she dosent want to go to the police

2 she says no he would never kill me

I am at a ross road here. I really like her, im wondering if i should try to help her. If it wasnt for hr x beating her up and her having this syndrom i could really see us going places.

*sigh* If she is unwilling to go to the police, then you are going to be stuck in the worst situation possible, because she has already accepted that as her reality. And there it's hard as hell to change someone after that.

Bingo. I hate to say this, but I think you have to walk away.

 

[RelaxTheMind]

Originally posted by: thepd7

Originally posted by: RelaxTheMind
agree... confront him and point it out. Sounds dumb but some people literally just need to be told. Other than that I would personally say farewell. If not just go ahead and say goodbye to about 3-5 years of your life spent dealing with emotions you never asked for.

If he confronts the guy then that guy will take it out on the girl (and probably kids) whenever he isn't around. Promise. He needs to take in the woman and kids and buy a shotgun, just like it was suggested earlier.

In most cases its not like in movies. If you simply state that you better stop or legal actionsare going to have to take place im watching you kind of thing. I mean you may be able to gauge a reaction to see if they actually feel bad or if indeed he is going to go take it out on her and a kid.

The only thing that can help most guys like that is some sort of therapy either professional or from peers. Believe it or not most of his friends/co-workers probably dont even know he does that and would be socially emarrassed outcasted by them if they did. Other than that he may end up leaving her when another female comes in his life.

I volunteered at a mental health services ward for like 7 years. Ive seen this plus worse stuff. They really just need to get told. treating with violence just ends up getting more than one person killed.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
wtf gun toting moron. this isnt his battle or his business. he needs to walk away.

you have some issues.

bet you think you are a real tough guy too that can get any chick he wants and thinks everyone of them is a virgin.

The guy is interested in this chick. Also not all mothers are looking for another father. What are you like 18? By the time you get a bit older, it becomes increasing impossible to find decent women that have not been married or have had a kid or two. There are a lot of single, child-less clusterfcks out there though perhaps created just for you.

Personally I don't run in fear from every obstacle of life.

To the OP, I would just let her know if you are going to date...she needs to handle this guy by calling the police and reporting these things. If she is not going to help herself, then you are stuck in the middle.

If the guy does put stuff on you (heck that phone call would have been enough for me) then apply it back. Sounds like a real wacko though so it will probably be physical if you push it.

Take it slow though, and if things don't work out don't let her past be the reason you feel like you can't break the news to her.