Dating a battered woman

[LumbergTech]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: LumbergTech

yes..it is a requirement...or some other alternative form of therapy which is an equivalent in goal because she likes violence in bed and that guy choked her etc..shes obviously screwed up..people dont like violence in bad when they are healthy individuals

I missed the violence in bed part...but S&M is a popular subculture.

ya it is popular, but there is a difference between wearing silly outfits and pinching someones nipples or something vs choking them etc

 

[Dumac]

Sorry that she got back with her ex, but I'm sure it was bound to happen.

If only things could go like they do in movies, and you could be some great knight in shining armor.

Unfortunately, life doesn't have a soundtrack.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: LumbergTech

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: LumbergTech

yes..it is a requirement...or some other alternative form of therapy which is an equivalent in goal because she likes violence in bed and that guy choked her etc..shes obviously screwed up..people dont like violence in bad when they are healthy individuals

I missed the violence in bed part...but S&M is a popular subculture.

ya it is popular, but there is a difference between wearing silly outfits and pinching someones nipples or something vs choking them etc

where did that choking happen in bed? please read the thread, not invent your own story.

 

[LethalWolfe]

Originally posted by: LumbergTech

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: LumbergTech

yes..it is a requirement...or some other alternative form of therapy which is an equivalent in goal because she likes violence in bed and that guy choked her etc..shes obviously screwed up..people dont like violence in bad when they are healthy individuals

I missed the violence in bed part...but S&M is a popular subculture.

ya it is popular, but there is a difference between wearing silly outfits and pinching someones nipples or something vs choking them etc

It's funny when people attempt to speak w/authority about something they obviously know little about.


To the OP,
I know you want to be a stand up guy and help her, but unless she genuinely wants help she's always going to seek out an abusive relationship. It's no different than dealing w/an addict. Until that person hits rock bottom and goes, "Holy sh*t I'm f*cked up and I need help or I will die" pretty much everything you say will go in one ear and out the other. I've spent years of my life trying to help some of my friends w/problems (be it abusive relationships or drugs) and it's pretty much futile unless they come to the realization on their own that they really do have a problem and really do need help.

If you want, let her know that you are always there if she wants to talk, but don't expect to be able to come in and "fix" her and live happily ever after.


Lethal

 

[rise]

Originally posted by: LethalWolfe
to the OP,
I know you want to be a stand up guy and help her, but unless she genuinely wants help she's always going to seek out an abusive relationship. It's no different than dealing w/an addict. Until that person hits rock bottom and goes, "Holy sh*t I'm f*cked up and I need help or I will die" pretty much everything you say will go in one ear and out the other. I've spent years of my life trying to help some of my friends w/problems (be it abusive relationships or drugs) and it's pretty much futile unless they come to the realization on their own that they really do have a problem and really do need help.

If you want, let her know that you are always there if she wants to talk, but don't expect to be able to come in and "fix" her and live happily ever after.

:thumbsup:

 

[Bushman5]

Im still gonna call her, act like nothing happened see wat she says.

 

[Bushman5]

Ok so after a few minutes of her stumbling and stuttering she told me she got back together with her x. Felt my heart sink and now i actually feel stupid and a bit bitter.
Thanks people for leaving your comments.

 

[quakefiend420]

nm

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: Bushman5
Ok so after a few minutes of her stumbling and stuttering she told me she got back together with her x. Felt my heart sink and now i actually feel stupid and a bit bitter.
Thanks people for leaving your comments.

You should feel stupid because you are, sorry. Seems like desperation got to you, learn your lesson, and praise all gods that you got off easy.

 

[Bushman5]

desperation ??? are u ****** kidding me ? just because a guy likes a girl more than average he immediatly becomes desperate.

Let me guess if i ****** her and sent her packing id be a stud of a man right. grow the ****** up your not in college, or are u.

 

[gsellis]

Originally posted by: Bushman5
UPDATE:


She got back together with her x.


No phone call, no email, no nothing.

Im gonna call her at work tommorow.

I got this information from her cousin, i will update some more

At this point, you cannot fix it. She has a problem and he has a problem. If you were in a US state like California, you could call the police after that incident and he would go to jail. Don't know what the law is in OZ states. But until this lady recognizes that she is choosing men for the wrong reasons, you can't help. If there is a local battered women's shelter, you can call them for advice. They know what can be done to intervene before the ahole kills her. They will also know who to call.

 

[yllus]

Well, hopefully after her ex gives you a good beating and she runs to defend him instead of you, you'll learn a little lesson in common sense.

Don't bother trying to help those who don't want to be helped. This ain't TV.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: yllus
Well, hopefully after her ex gives you a good beating and she runs to defend him instead of you, you'll learn a little lesson in common sense.

Don't bother trying to help those who don't want to be helped. This ain't TV.

Your second statement is spot on.

If she wants help then you have a chance. However, there is bound to be drama; and you do risk getting physical abuse possibily by the ex upon yourself.

In many cases though those that beat up women are physically weak themselves.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: Bushman5
desperation ??? are u ****** kidding me ? just because a guy likes a girl more than average he immediatly becomes desperate.

Let me guess if i ****** her and sent her packing id be a stud of a man right. grow the ****** up your not in college, or are u.

i agree with anymal.

why did her ex fidn the phone in the first place?
ok so you date her.

she decides to go back with her ex that beat the ****** out of her and does NOT CALL you. ok fine thats her choice. so what do you do? you call her to beg her to come back.

yeap that smells like desperation.

 

[Fraggable]

If she won't get a restraining order on him then it's time to go. Do what you can to help but if she won't let you help then there's nothing you can do.

 

[LookingGlass]

You cared, you seem like a nice guy, but, be careful. In the end, she needs to find the strength to leave, deep down, I bet she won't be happy. She is enabling the situation by staying. She needs to find strength, which she doesn't have right now. It's a shame, she has to do this, not for anyone else, but, for herself. To have a better life.

As sad as it is, time for you to move on, but, in the back of my mind, I wonder if she'll try and contact you again..................

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: Fraggable
If she won't get a restraining order on him then it's time to go. Do what you can to help but if she won't let you help then there's nothing you can do.

read the thread. all of it then you will see his post that she went back to the ex. sad eh?

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: waggy

why did her ex fidn the phone in the first place?

Ex's finding your phone is not that hard for them when you have to have them over to see their kids. Even out in public, it's easy for a schmuck to come up to his ex and just take her phone and 'check' it. Same with a chick if you leave your phone on the table/bar. Once they take it unless you are going to knock-them-the-f-out they are probably going to crazy call the first number they come too.

date enough people and we have all been there.

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: Bushman5
desperation ??? are u ****** kidding me ? just because a guy likes a girl more than average he immediatly becomes desperate.

Let me guess if i ****** her and sent her packing id be a stud of a man right. grow the ****** up your not in college, or are u.

i agree with anymal.

why did her ex fidn the phone in the first place?
ok so you date her.

she decides to go back with her ex that beat the ****** out of her and does NOT CALL you. ok fine thats her choice. so what do you do? you call her to beg her to come back.

yeap that smells like desperation.

Not only is he desparate, apparently he's in denial as well.

 

[deadken]

The fact that she went back to her ex who 'choked her until she passed out' shows she is WAY F---ED up... The fact that you say you felt sad shows you are WAY STUPID... If you said that you felt angry or pity or shame, then that would be a different story.

If you are 'sad' that a woman who got physically beaten, went back to be with the beater and you lost the chance at having this prize, you really need to wake up. I guess you have crossed the line between ignorant and stupid in my book.

 

[Muadib]

Originally posted by: jjsole
If she doesn't want to go to the police then she's not ready for another relationship. She needs to take care of herself and if she can't do that, you can't either. Her problem is not her ex at this point, but herself, as she allows herself to continually be treated like that. Not only is she messed up, it no doubt has messed up her kids watching her mom get pummeled by her dad.

:thumbsup: The fact that she went back to him should hit the OP like a ton of bricks. You can't help someone who won't help themselves.

 

[Mrfrog840]

Originally posted by: GoPackGo
call the police

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: waggy

why did her ex fidn the phone in the first place?

Ex's finding your phone is not that hard for them when you have to have them over to see their kids. Even out in public, it's easy for a schmuck to come up to his ex and just take her phone and 'check' it. Same with a chick if you leave your phone on the table/bar. Once they take it unless you are going to knock-them-the-f-out they are probably going to crazy call the first number they come too.

date enough people and we have all been there.

actually i do not agree with that. there is no reason for the EX to be snooping in on her phone. no reason she would allow him to look. it should have been a big red flag to the OP when it happened. considering most poeple keep a phone in a pocket or purse. so odds are something was going on where she did not care he was in her purse etc.

 

[PrelateBishop]

Originally posted by: GoPackGo
call the police

FTW!!

 

[Bushman5]

??? i didnt beg. I just told her ok well if u need help call me ill be their for you. and i hung up. After she made her choice even if she begged for me back i would not have gone.

The reason i wasso hung up on her is her love for art and the fact we could chat for hours and not get bored, also as a + she has a wicked body.

So me liking her and thinking i could help to me dosent mean im desperate.