Copy and past, please, for those of us that don't do FB.For those of you who are drawn to this issue, go look the dad's facebook page as well. There are some more elaboration there (daughter's reaction afterwards, etc).
This is posted way up there but just in case: http://www.facebook.com/tommyjordaniii
I'm not a parent yet and I don't pretend to be.
In other words, you're an armchair parent.
You criticize, but have no real world experience to backup your statements.
You think being a parent is easy? Think again.
In other words, you're an armchair parent.
You criticize, but have no real world experience to backup your statements.
You think being a parent is easy? Think again.
Copy and past, please, for those of us that don't do FB.
For those that wondered, commented, criticized, and just in general wanted to know:
My daughter came through it fine.
Yes, she's in trouble, and yes she's grounded, but that doesn't mean every moment of her life has to be miserable. She's going to come to terms with the changes that will be present for a while; no TV privileges, no Internet, etc.
In the meantime, once the initial anger passed, she sat with me reviewing some of the comments that have come in via Facebook and YouTube. One person even suggested collecting the shell casings and auctioning them on eBay. I said Id do it if it would help contribute to her college fund! When I told her about it, she thought a minute, got a funny calculating expression on her face and said, in that case you should shoot my phone too. We can use more bullets and Ill go half-sies with ya on it! Its not like Im going to need it any time soon. And I can use the money we get to buy a new one.
While the whole point of this story isnt funny, what is funny to me is how weak some people out there think kids are. Our kids are as strong as we help them to be. My daughter took a horrible day in her life, had her crying fit, then got over it, accepted her punishment, and hasnt let it (or peoples comments) destroy her strength. I dont get any credit for that. Shes strong and able to overcome almost anything life throws at her.
Since this unsuspectingly threw her into the limelight much more strongly than either of us intended, I asked her if she wanted to make her own response video, and told her Id let her do it if she wanted to. She doesnt like being in front of the camera, so she declined, but Ive told her if she wants to write a response or post a video response, Id be OK with it. Its only fair considering the viral nature of the whole thing. So far shes not really interested. Quite frankly it seems shes gotten bored of it much faster than the general public has. If that changes Ill post it here.
HOW SHE GOT CAUGHT: The Dog Did It.. no, really.
I finally came out and told her this today, partly because it was too funny NOT to share.
When my daughter made her post, she used Facebook's privacy settings to block "Family" and "Church" friend's lists. All her other friends could see it. We, of course could not.
One of our dogs is always getting in photos and therefore has her own Facebook page. It's just a cute dumb thing we did for fun. Well, the dog's profile is rarely used except when funny pictures of her are posted. Since that's not too often, and she has very few friends on Facebook, her wall is kind of bare, with relatively few posts showing up on it.
The other night we gave the dog a bath and there was a funny photo we uploaded to Facebook and tagged her in. I logged in as the dog the next morning to comment on the photo. However when I logged into the dog's profile, my daughter had forgotten to add her to the "family" list.... so our family dog's profile showed her post right there on the front page.
It wasn't any parent-hacking, computer spying, or monitoring of any kind.. the dog actually ratted her out completely by accident. She hasn't petted that dog all day today...
My response to the Dallas Fox affiliate on their news headline. You can read the headline by clicking the link below:
I've made it a point of not responding to news or media thus far, but I'm going to reply to a few specific issues mentioned from the news anchors:
First, let me say Thanks for not making me out as a TOTAL villain, though you cut-together enough footage sequences to make it seem that way in segments...
It was an emotional response: Yes ma’am it was an emotional response. I raised my children to never use that kind of language, especially in a public place like that. There were so many vulgarities… I don’t even know where to start. She was mad and I get that, but there are way to talk about things without resorting to that kind of language.
Secondly, and I’ve said this on Facebook as well, but I’m sure it will get lost in the flotsam of comments out there; I shouldn’t have said the word “ass.” I’ll agree that wasn’t a good example of me as a father. I had been reading that post again and again for about an hour, sometimes in tears, other times so mad my hands were shaking and I was trying very hard to be civil in my message. I slipped in that and said a word I shouldn’t have. I deserve a little backlash for that, no doubt.
In response to Dr Fletcher’s comments:
Fifteen year olds don’t the social maturity to know what the consequence might be? I learned at about age 3 what good words were.. and what bad word were. I learned what I should say, and what I shouldn’t say. Those lessons were reinforced throughout my life as a pre-teen, teenager, and later into adulthood. I think it’s safe to assume we’ve attempted to instill in her the values that should make it obvious to ANY 15-year old that neither the content, nor its publication to the world at large was acceptable for any child, or even any adult for that matter.
The punishment wasn’t natural or logical?
She’s known the rules for Facebook ever since she was allowed to have an account. She’s broken them from time to time, sometimes by accident, sometimes as a way of stretching her boundaries to see just how firm the boundaries were. This was neither. Her post was WAY over the top.
The Dr mentioned she “doesn’t really know what my daughter will learn from this consequence.” I hoped that would be self-explanatory, but I guess you can’t see that without knowing the rest of the story. The last time she did something completely inappropriate, she was grounded from the Internet for three months. The very day she got it back we had a nice long amicable talk about what was and was not acceptable and that I wanted her to have a chance to prove she was responsible enough to utilize the internet unsupervised… by exercising her renewed freedom in a responsible way. The point of this being that proving you can be trusted to be responsible in one venue can lead to increased freedoms in other venues. I ended that conversation with a warning. I told her if no uncertain terms that we had already taken it away from her once. The next time, there wouldn’t be the same chance. If it happened again, “I’ll put a bullet through it.”
The "This one's from your mom" comment:
Before I made the video this week, I called my wife at her office, mostly in tears. The first words out of my mouth were “Please convince me not to put a bullet through Hannah’s laptop.” She knew something was wrong and asked me to be sensible and tell her what happened. Instead I began reading her the Facebook post our daughter made. She let me get to the end of the post, said “I’m sorry honey” and then said “put one in it for me while you’re at it”… so I did.
Contradiction in Terms?
No I don’t think so. Yes I told my daughter not to air that kind of material on Facebook because it was hurtful to other people. It embarrassed them. It caused them to feel humiliated, especially our very very good friend, who is NOT a cleaning lady by any stretch of the imagination!
Instead, I simply turned the tables and let her be on the receiving end of something and see how it made her feel. You mentioned not embellishing it, not sensationalizing it. I didn’t. I read exactly what she put out there for the world to see, in her own words. Then I added a few of my own words to it.
And then, yes, I shot it full of holes. Would I have received the same viral attention if I’d used it as a dog toy, hit it with a hammer, drove over it with the truck, or simply thrown it away? I’m not sure. But the point is that her parents told her “If it happens again, I’ll put a bullet through it.”
So, rather than let her push that particular boundary any further, I did absolutely no more and no less than I promised I’d do. Do I regret doing it? No. Do I regret keeping it on Facebook long enough to cause this stir? Yes. However at this time I feel that if I took the post or the video down, I'd just make it appear that we're running in shame from it, and we're not.
Truthfully though the social attention has helped her and I both deal with it. We had our discussion about it after she returned home from school. We set the ground rules for her punishment, and then I let her read some of the comments on Facebook with me at my computer. At first it was upsetting. Then as we read it became less so, eventually funny to both of us. At the end, she was amazed that other people had such amazingly strong reactions. Some said she’d grow up to be a stripper. Others that she’d get pregnant and become drug addicted because of the emotional damage. She actually asked me to go on Facebook and ask if there was anything else the victim of a laptop-homicide could do besides stripping because all the posts seem to mention that particular job and she wasn’t so keen on that one.
So in the end, she’s fine. My Facebook wall will never be the same again, and we’ll be OK as a family and she’ll grow up happy, healthy, and have everything she needs, but not everything she wants. And I absolutely guarantee she’ll never doubt my resolve to follow-through on a consequence again.
Attention Media Outlets:
While we appreciate the interest you're all putting forth to get in touch with us regarding the video, we're not going to go on your talk show, not going to call in to your radio show, and not going to be in your TV mini-series.
Some of you think I made an acceptable parenting decision and others think I didn't. However, I can't think of any way myself or my daughter can respond to a media outlet that won't be twisted out of context. The Dallas news TV news already showed that in their brief 5 minute interview with the psychologist.
Additionally, there's absolutely NO way I'm going to send my child the message that it's OK to gain from something like this. It would send her a message that it's OK to profit at the expense of someone else's embarrassment or misfortune and that's now how I was raised, nor how she has been raised.
So I say thank you from all of us. If we have anything to say, we'll say it here on Facebook, and we'll say it publicly, but we won't say it to a microphone or a camera. There are too many other REAL issues out there that could use this attention you're giving us. My daughter isn't hurt, emotionally scarred, or otherwise damaged, but that kind of publicity has never seemed to be to have a positive effect on any child or family.
If you're a news outlet that wants to ask us a question, feel free to so via email. I'm sure by now my email address is easy enough to find. It might take me awhile to get to a response because I'd have to sort through the "Die you bastard" emails to find it, but we will respond if its something that we feel merits it. Otherwise, sorry... no interviews, no talk shows, no call-ins.
If we respond to anything, it will be on here, and it will be in a way that our words can't be misconstrued or edited for appeal to specific audience or shock value.
Now, I'm going to try to get to work for the day.
Best of luck to all of you out there... and PLEASE give my phone a break.
One extreme end to another, both fail.
Retard doormat parents with warm fuzzy talk isn't going to cut it, so is shaming your daughter on internet and freakin' shooting her damn laptop. Locking horn with your teenage kid is the most obtuse approach I've ever seen.
Guess your location is right.In the short nba career he's had, he seems to have a penchant for getting in early foul trouble. Hopefully he can stay on the floor tonight.
Thanks, cronos.His second post after the video:
I agree that posting the video to the Internet was inflammatory and counterproductive, but using the gun probably wasn't any different than you or I using a hammer instead.
The truth is, sometimes you DO have to lock horns with your kid. If you refuse to do that, they'll mow you down right quick and you'll have lost the game by the time they're 10.
Now, neither of us have steered a rebellious 15 year old girl back on course, but I do have two more kids than you do, so I'm speaking from a little more experience than you have (darn Project Managers... always think they know everything about everything ). Would I have used a gun? No, I don't own a gun and in the context of my life and my family, it would freak the fucking shit out of people. I would have definitely sold the laptop. Also, keep in mind that this was her second offense and she was warned rather sternly the first time. Pro-tip: sometimes as a parent you need to make an impression, and a little shock and awe is a productive tool when used appropriately and sparingly, both of which are subjective at this point since we have so little context. So, destroying the laptop might have been a useful approach... so the only real issue left is the gun itself... and again, context.
In the short nba career he's had, he seems to have a penchant for getting in early foul trouble. Hopefully he can stay on the floor tonight.
I'm not a parent yet and I don't pretend to be.
Well, we have some common ground.
On the topic of PM, I was going to reply with an equally long-ass scathing remark about your failure to acknowledge the importance of PM that's present in every business model, how that's typical of engineers, etc. But then, nah. It's the internet.
See you around.
And it's her private feelings that she was sharing with people other than her father. Her comments sound like she was just venting. Is it also okay for them to read her diary and ground her for things in there too?
And it's her private feelings that she was sharing with people other than her father. Her comments sound like she was just venting. Is it also okay for them to read her diary and ground her for things in there too?
Making it all public humiliates his daughter in front of the whole world.
sorta like her rant calling out her mom and dad for the whole world to see?
People can't control the urge to bust the difference between facebook and a diary but they ignore that facebook is still more private than youtube. Facebook = you choose your audience. Youtube is different