Death, life and illness...

[JulesMaximus]

So, my Grandmother died last month at the age of 94. She was my Dad's Mom and she lived a long life and I think she was ready to go.

Last weekend we got a call from my wife's Dad (my Father-In-Law), who is 80, informing us that he has prostate cancer and is going under the knife to have it removed soon. He is in excellent health and is very positive that he will beat this and I have no doubt that he will (at least I hope he will-he's a great man and I have a lot of admiration and respect for him).

Fast forward to Wednesday of this week. My Mother-In-Law is being admitted to emergency due to a couple weeks of struggling with stomach pain and vomiting. She has lost weight and is very frail (she weighs 93lbs). She is 78 years old and not in great health. They gave her a CT scan and found a mass on her ovaries, possibly ovarian cancer. My wife has spent the past couple days at her bedside. We are worried about her... very worried. They are going to operate on Tuesday if she can handle it. :'(

Been a tough couple months. Hoping things get better.

Update: Mom-In-Law has stage III ovarian cancer. They operated last night and ended up doing a hysterectomy along with removing part of her colon and intestine. She is in intensive care recovering right now.

Also, we talked to my FIL and he had a couple choices for treatment. 12 months of chemo and radiation therapy, surgery or Da Vinci surgery. Da Vinci is a less invasive type of surgery where the doctor uses a robotic device to operate and remove the cancer. He is getting a second opinion but is leaning toward Da Vinci surgery.

 

[Mixolydian]

my grandmother is 94 as well,but im quite a bit younger than you

 

[lxskllr]

A friend of mine's daughter in law just died of colon cancer. His son and her only got married in 2013. Life's a bitch.

 

[chimaxi83]

My 89 year old grandmother just had her lower leg, below the knee, amputated. Very poor circulation led to little to no blood supply, which led to gangrene and an infection which spread to her body. It was surgery or she was gone (and it was possible she wouldn't survive the surgery either).

My son's 25 year old aunt died two nights ago, due to cardiomyopathy. Had a heart attack on Sunday, died Wednesday night. Hereditary. She had a 3 year old.

I hope this is all for a long while. OP, I wish the best for your family.

 

[Squisher]

Getting old sucks, but it sure beats the alternative. My 90 year old dad seems to be in the middle of an age related shit storm of health woes. I selfishly hope both of us come through this with the least amount of mental anguish caused by our relatives' health problems.

 

[drum]

Sorry to hear about that Jules. I'm 33 and my parents are early 60s wifes parents mid 60s so hopefully I have some time before it gets that bad.
My dad beat colon cancer already and it is making me anxious to get into the doctor for a colonoscopy because why not? What the worst that happens? I encounter a night of a 1000 waterfalls to hopefully catch an early detection or maybe a polyp that says see you soon?

I do not look forward to the next stage of life that focuses on the care of elders that are fading away but I hope I have the cognizance to handle it

 

[TheVrolok]

There's a certain humility of sorts when confronted, certainly directly, but even indirectly by death. Certainly empathize with your trials.

To share, my father was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. We will be meeting with oncology early next week; and while he may have a very reasonable chance at another year, it is highly unlikely he will make it 2-3 more. He's 64. Sometimes you just need to take it one day at a time.

 

[highland145]

Sorry, Jules.

 

[JulesMaximus]

There's a certain humility of sorts when confronted, certainly directly, but even indirectly by death. Certainly empathize with your trials.

To share, my father was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. We will be meeting with oncology early next week; and while he may have a very reasonable chance at another year, it is highly unlikely he will make it 2-3 more. He's 64. Sometimes you just need to take it one day at a time.

My Dad died a few years ago at age 65 of diabetes (complications of really). Both of his parents were at his funeral, as was I, and both of them are gone now. :'(

Sorry to hear of your Dad's diagnosis. Cherish the moments you have left.

Edit-I'm just trying to be there for my wife. I love her and I know how hard this is. Trying to stay positive.

 

[skyking]

hang in there Jules. Give your wife an extra hug.

 

[irishScott]

Sorry man, it sucks extra hard when it's sudden. Most you can do is be there to help and learn from any mistakes they might have made that might have contributed to their conditions.

 

[BoomerD]

The one constant about life is that none of us will get out of it alive.

My condolences to you and your wife...and your families.

 

[Meghan54]

Sorry about your loss.

But a question about your FIL and his cancer. I wonder why he needs surgery given that prostate cancer at his age is considered more a chronic illness, but that in part depends upon the stage of the cancer and symptoms he's having right now.

Honestly, I'd be more concerned with the surgery and its complications, like pneumonia. Then there are the side effects of the surgery, like Depends for life.

Did he share the stage the cancer was? Was the cancer found via symptoms he's currently having or was it found with a PSA?

 

[The Day Dreamer]

Hang in there. There is a Sunshine after the storm. Things will get better.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Sorry about your loss.

But a question about your FIL and his cancer. I wonder why he needs surgery given that prostate cancer at his age is considered more a chronic illness, but that in part depends upon the stage of the cancer and symptoms he's having right now.

Honestly, I'd be more concerned with the surgery and its complications, like pneumonia. Then there are the side effects of the surgery, like Depends for life.

Did he share the stage the cancer was? Was the cancer found via symptoms he's currently having or was it found with a PSA?

I'm not sure... this has been a crazy couple weeks and I might not have the details correct on how he is being treated. We might see him tomorrow when we're up in Los Angeles so I'll ask him.

 

[mmntech]

My dad just turned 63 a few months ago. His dad died at that age from a heart attack after years of suffering from heart disease. I remember visiting him in hospital when I was about four or five. You never really know how much time you have left. I've noticed my dad starting to take better care of himself. He has high blood pressure so he has to be careful.

Fast forward to Wednesday of this week. My Mother-In-Law is being admitted to emergency due to a couple weeks of struggling with stomach pain and vomiting. She has lost weight and is very frail (she weighs 93lbs). She is 78 years old and not in great health. They gave her a CT scan and found a mass on her ovaries, possibly ovarian cancer. My wife has spent the past couple days at her bedside. We are worried about her... very worried. They are going to operate on Tuesday if she can handle it. :'(

That's sad. My grandma had something similar around that age, but fortunately it was benign. She still had to get a hysterectomy though.

 

[Perknose]

Hang in there, Jules. Being there for your wife is now Job One.

 

[stargazr]

Sorry to hear that. An awful lot to deal with at once

I still miss my grandmother.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Sorry to hear.

You should be with your wife and supporting your family...

Sounds like they all had pretty long lives, I hope I make it that far.

We have been battling disease and illness from early 30s......so remember, it can always be worst!

 

[Paladin3]

Last year I lost my mother, 73, and my older brother, 54.

My father, 78, had prostate cancer surgery three years ago, but refused the chemo his doctor recommended. He's home and still kicking only because he's too stubborn to die.

My step-father just told me he most likely has lung cancer and it appears to be inoperable. We are waiting on some tests for the final diagnosis. He's one of the best men I've ever met and I'm honored to have him in my life.

And three weeks ago my wife, my high school love who's been the only woman in my life for 30 years, died from the cancer that she had been fighting for almost two years. Soon I'll be visiting her favorite spot to hike in the woods, so that I can spread her ashes where she wanted to be laid to rest. I miss her so very much.

One thing in life you absolutely need to do is make sure that your loved ones know how you feel about them. Don't wait to say "I love you" because you might not get the chance to later.

Regret is a terrible, terrible thing.

 

[Geekbabe]

There's a certain humility of sorts when confronted, certainly directly, but even indirectly by death. Certainly empathize with your trials.

To share, my father was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. We will be meeting with oncology early next week; and while he may have a very reasonable chance at another year, it is highly unlikely he will make it 2-3 more. He's 64. Sometimes you just need to take it one day at a time.

Tell your Dad I am sorry, walking this road can be hard.

 

[TheVrolok]

Tell your Dad I am sorry, walking this road can be hard.

Will do. I had already shared your positive outlook with him. I've also given him my copy of "The Anatomy of Hope" which I thought was a pretty good read. I'm a pretty big fan of Groopman's work and had read his books for "pleasure," didn't expect it to become so germane to my personal life.

 

[Fenixgoon]

 

[Geekbabe]

Will do. I had already shared your positive outlook with him. I've also given him my copy of "The Anatomy of Hope" which I thought was a pretty good read. I'm a pretty big fan of Groopman's work and had read his books for "pleasure," didn't expect it to become so germane to my personal life.

Tell your Dad that everyday we live with the beast is another day closer to new TX. They just ended a trial early for a drug because it also showed great results in Adneocarcinoma. My onc says this drug might be my next line.

Also, let him cry, I cry a lot, it cleanses the body and the soul. And a biggie, he needs to eat, drink and stay as active as he can! He has to keep strength and his performance status up!

hugs to you both! Btw, I like Groopman too.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

Sorry about your loss.

But a question about your FIL and his cancer. I wonder why he needs surgery given that prostate cancer at his age is considered more a chronic illness, but that in part depends upon the stage of the cancer and symptoms he's having right now.

Honestly, I'd be more concerned with the surgery and its complications, like pneumonia. Then there are the side effects of the surgery, like Depends for life.

Did he share the stage the cancer was? Was the cancer found via symptoms he's currently having or was it found with a PSA?

Yeah, my Opa had surgery for prostate cancer when he was in his mid 70s and said he felt pressured into and regretted it, for the similar side effects. I'm sure there are cases where it's valid, but my understanding from my own grandparents is that some doctors are very exploitative and will try to pressure older patients into things they don't need.