Depressed beyond belief...WTF?? Nobody HOME? whatever....

911paramedic

Diamond Member
Jan 7, 2002
9,450
1
76
I know that a few of us are troubled with this, it is a fact. I have been a paramedic for many years now and have seen more than anybody should see regarding it. Trying to revive people that hang themselves at home with their family in the next room is just wrong.

I am feeling a bit like sh!t tonight for no particular reason that I can think of. I blew my knee out and can no longer do the job I love, which is paramedicine. Some thread brought up something tonight and it got me thinking about it again.

It was very hard to get where I was and then to lose something I loved doing after such a stupid accident is very hard to deal with. Losing something that close to you is quite hard. I lost my marriage over it because I turned into somebody else after my accident and surgery.

Very scared and upset.
 

stormbv

Diamond Member
Dec 23, 2000
3,446
1
0
Originally posted by: 911paramedic
I know that a few of us are troubled with this, it is a fact. I have been a paramedic for many years now and have seen more than anybody should see regarding it. Trying to revive people that hang themselves at home with their family in the next room is just wrong.

I am feeling a bit like sh!t tonight for no particular reason that I can think of. I blew my knee out and can no longer do the job I love, which is paramedicine. Some thread brought up something tonight and it got me thinking about it again.

It was very hard to get where I was and then to lose something I loved doing after such a stupid accident is very hard to deal with. Losing something that close to you is quite hard. I lost my marriage over it because I turned into somebody else after my accident and surgery.

Very scared and upset.

Edit: Don't want to bum anyone out...
 

amnesiac

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
15,781
1
71
WOw, sorry to hear that 911Paramedic. From your posts I've seen how much you enjoyed your job too.
Can't you just let your knee heal, do some PT, then go back on the job?
 

911paramedic

Diamond Member
Jan 7, 2002
9,450
1
76
That is for soldiers only (vet myself). When they get to the pearly gates they say "I have already lived in hell"

I am just not in such a good frame of mind right now
 

911paramedic

Diamond Member
Jan 7, 2002
9,450
1
76
Originally posted by: amnesiac 2.0
WOw, sorry to hear that 911Paramedic. From your posts I've seen how much you enjoyed your job too.
Can't you just let your knee heal, do some PT, then go back on the job?

Had the surgery about a year ago, not a chance.
 

Maleficus

Diamond Member
May 2, 2001
7,685
0
0
Sorry to hear.

When It rains it pours, but the sun eventually shines through man .

you'll make it back on your feet soon enough.
 

aphex

Moderator<br>All Things Apple
Moderator
Jul 19, 2001
38,572
2
91
Thats sucks bro... Sorry to hear.....

Everything will work out though, dont worry... Ive been through some rough times myself..
 

Soybomb

Diamond Member
Jun 30, 2000
9,505
1
0
Give it some time and things will improve, it just takes time to adjust to changes, but you will find something you love just as much if not more.
 

Scuttle

Senior member
Sep 22, 2001
259
0
0
What happened in order for you to bust your knee like that?

In any event...you must focus on the great things that you did while you were a paramedic...you saved people's lifes, saved families...many people will never know the feelings that go with having a job like that (I know I don't) and I'm sure the images of some of the things you have experienced must be depressing. As for feeling like crap tonight...watch a comedy movie, meet some friends...anything to lighten your spirit up a bit.

Depression = Major time suck and unless you confront it and get on with your life it will continue to burden you.

Cheers,

~Scutt
 

badluck

Diamond Member
Feb 19, 2001
5,357
0
76
dood, don't look to ATOT to make you feel better....go talk to some real life friends and work it out....you sound very upset....especially since you are yelling at people in a messag title.....whuts up with that?
 

AreaCode707

Lifer
Sep 21, 2001
18,440
101
91
Wow - I have a medical condition that limits a lot what I'll do with my life, but I'm still forming my plans now. It's crossed my mind to be thankful that it developed early, before I'd invested a lot into one thing or another. To have to give something up that you love so much must be really difficult. Prayers for you, that you'll find something to put yourself heart and soul completely into. You have so much to give, talent-wise and commitment-wise. Whatever you decide to do next will be lucky to have you.
 

911paramedic

Diamond Member
Jan 7, 2002
9,450
1
76
Yeah, well ATOT has a few people that I actually respect. I think this is a good place to get some great thoughts on many different subjects, as well as my depression rignt now.

what would you think of a person with a shoulder like THIS? Took enough work to overcome that and now my knee is damaged.

 

911paramedic

Diamond Member
Jan 7, 2002
9,450
1
76
ScuttleIn any event...you must focus on the great things that you did while you were a paramedic...you saved people's lifes, saved families...many people will never know the feelings that go with having a job like that (I know I don't) and I'm sure the images of some of the things you have experienced must be depressing.~Scutt

One of the best letters I ever got from a patients family:

It was one year ago that Sarah was involved in a horrendous car carash when she was hit head-on by a drunk driver. When you look at the picture of Sarah's car, it is hard to imagine that anyone survived, let alon progress as well as she has. Sarah's injuries were a broken neck, a broken shoulder, broken left wrist, a lacerated liver, and her right leg was broken in several places including a compound fracture above her ankle and her knee cap and ankle were crushed.
For several days the docrots did not know if Sarah would survive. Sarah spent three weeks in U.M.C. Trauma Intensive Care, six weeks in HealthSouth Rehabilitation Hospital, two months on home health care, and a total of five months in outpatient physical therapy. Now, one year later, Sarah is back in school full time, and she celebreated spring break by taking a trip to San Diego.
We feel it was the grace of God that allowed the paramedics to be so close by, and they responded woth the proper care that allowed Sarah to be romoved from the car without any further injury. We were blessed with skillful doctors and nurses that took such excellent care of Sarah.
After a year of recovery Sarah is still working hard to get stronger every day. After seven surgeries, Sarah has metal throughout her body. Sarah's neck was fused and she has a metal plate atteching her sping to the base of her skull, her wrist has a pin holding a bone graft together, a metal rod was inserted in her femur, a metal wire surrounds her knee cap, and a metal plate and screws is attached to fuse her rught ankle. Sarah has lost half of the movement in her neck, walks with a limp, and has trouble walking long distances, and suffers from ached and pains that will be with her from now on. Sarah's personality has not changed since the crash, and she has a positive outlook on her future and a wonderful smile that can light up a room.
Words alone will never be able to express how thankful we are for everyone that has helped us through this. Every one of you played an important part in Sarah's recovery and have allowed our family to come out of this with our sanity intact. We will never be ale to repay you for all the things you have done for us. You each hold a special place in our hearts and your kindess and thoughtfulness will be remembered forever.

A personal note written on the letter:

Thands for all of your
help. Also thanks for the
birthday card and the
stuffed bear.

Alan, Diana, and Sarah



It was one year ago that Sarah was involved in a horrendous car crash when she was hit head-on by a drunk driver. When you look at the picture of Sarah's car, it is hard to imagine that anyone survived, let alon progress as well as she has. Sarah's injuries were a broken neck, a broken shoulder, broken left wrist, a lacerated liver, and her right leg was broken in several places including a compound fracture above her ankle and her knee cap and ankle were crushed.

For several days the doctors did not know if Sarah would survive. Sarah spent three weeks in U.M.C. Trauma Intensive Care, six weeks in HealthSouth Rehabilitation Hospital, two months on home health care, and a total of five months in outpatient physical therapy. Now, one year later, Sarah is back in school full time, and she celebrated spring break by taking a trip to San Diego.

We feel it was the grace of God that allowed the paramedics to be so close by, and they responded with the proper care that allowed Sarah to be romoved from the car without any further injury. We were blessed with skillful doctors and nurses that took such excellent care of Sarah.

After a year of recovery Sarah is still working hard to get stronger every day. After seven surgeries, Sarah has metal throughout her body. Sarah's neck was fused and she has a metal plate atteching her sping to the base of her skull, her wrist has a pin holding a bone graft together, a metal rod was inserted in her femur, a metal wire surrounds her knee cap, and a metal plate and screws is attached to fuse her rught ankle. Sarah has lost half of the movement in her neck, walks with a limp, and has trouble walking long distances, and suffers from ached and pains that will be with her from now on. Sarah's personality has not changed since the crash, and she has a positive outlook on her future and a wonderful smile that can light up a room.

Words alone will never be able to express how thankful we are for everyone that has helped us through this. Every one of you played an important part in Sarah's recovery and have allowed our family to come out of this with our sanity intact. We will never be ale to repay you for all the things you have done for us. You each hold a special place in our hearts and your kindess and thoughtfulness will be remembered forever.

A personal note written on the letter:

Thanks for all of your
help. Also thanks for the
birthday card and the
stuffed bear.

Alan, Diana, and Sarah

 

PowerEngineer

Diamond Member
Oct 22, 2001
3,558
735
136
Hats off to you, 911.

Not many of us can handle the stress that goes with a true life-or-death vocation like being a paramedic. No offense intended, but it sounds like your experiences have taken an emotional toll on you. I hope you have some close friends who can help you through this tough time. Even with their help, some professional counseling might be something to consider if you have too many nights like tonight.

I was wondering if you've looked into other opportunities in the medical field that aren't as physically demanding, such as something in a hospital emergency room. There's got to be something that will give you back some of the satisfaction you had as a paramedic.

Hang in there!
 

UsandThem

Elite Member
May 4, 2000
16,068
7,380
146
I am feeling a bit like sh!t tonight for no particular reason that I can think of.

If you only have it for a night, it isn't so bad. Try feeling that way for years, it is hard.

dood, don't look to ATOT to make you feel better

I disagree with this, it is much better to let off steam to others regardless if it is here or to friends and family. Some people don't have anybody to talk to at home.

I am in the same boat as you 911paramedic (not with the injury) but with the feelings of depression and trying to fix it. It will be the hardest challenge of my life I believe. I have suffered depression for years. Have tried antidepressents (not much luck) and counseling, but it is still a struggle everyday.

I got to a point where I couldn't go anywhere or do anything. I gained 50 pounds, slept all the time, drank, and just was in a living hell. I was able to overcome that, but I still struggle everyday to prevent from that happening again.

Hang in there, see a therapist, and realize that it won't be easy, but you can become better.
 

911paramedic

Diamond Member
Jan 7, 2002
9,450
1
76
I am seriously wondering about tomorrow, and if it is all worth it or just a farce. I hate to talk like this with all the religious people in here but I am scared, alone, and tired.
 

911paramedic

Diamond Member
Jan 7, 2002
9,450
1
76
Originally posted by: PowerEngineer
Hats off to you, 911.

Not many of us can handle the stress that goes with a true life-or-death vocation like being a paramedic. No offense intended, but it sounds like your experiences have taken an emotional toll on you. I hope you have some close friends who can help you through this tough time. Even with their help, some professional counseling might be something to consider if you have too many nights like tonight.

I was wondering if you've looked into other opportunities in the medical field that aren't as physically demanding, such as something in a hospital emergency room. There's got to be something that will give you back some of the satisfaction you had as a paramedic.

Hang in there!



 

911paramedic

Diamond Member
Jan 7, 2002
9,450
1
76
I am just at home, crying for no particular reason. I started seeing a psychologist about it but I am getting nothing out of it.

I am not an "attention seeker" I am just tired and a bit scared. I hope you all understand. You have been great in the past.
 

Turin39789

Lifer
Nov 21, 2000
12,219
8
81
As dedicated and as trained as you are in helping people, I'm sure with some time you can find another job in the medical field if you want to. It is always hard to lose one's dreams, but often times it simply allows room for a new one.
 

A5

Diamond Member
Jun 9, 2000
4,902
5
81
Man, you probably did more good things in a week than most of us will do in our whole lives. Just hang in there...whether they've posted here or not, I'm sure you have the full support of ATOT.
 

PowerEngineer

Diamond Member
Oct 22, 2001
3,558
735
136
Originally posted by: 911paramedic
Originally posted by: PowerEngineer
Hats off to you, 911.

Not many of us can handle the stress that goes with a true life-or-death vocation like being a paramedic. No offense intended, but it sounds like your experiences have taken an emotional toll on you. I hope you have some close friends who can help you through this tough time. Even with their help, some professional counseling might be something to consider if you have too many nights like tonight.

I was wondering if you've looked into other opportunities in the medical field that aren't as physically demanding, such as something in a hospital emergency room. There's got to be something that will give you back some of the satisfaction you had as a paramedic.

Hang in there!

I dont know if I can handle it anymore...

Okay, I know you've provided professional help for many people when they needed it. It sound to me like it's your turn to get some professional help so that you can handle it. I strongly encourage you to seek out a professional counselor tomorrow. Promise yourself that you'll do it first thing in the morning, and get a good night's sleep tonight.

If your phychologist isn't prescribing anti-depressents, you should get a second opinion.




 

badluck

Diamond Member
Feb 19, 2001
5,357
0
76

My only point is that the guy appears to be yelling at people to get attention through his message title. I agree that it can be helpful to get help from ATOT, but don't get upset when people are not respondent to you....

Whatever....good luck man....it's a tough life out there....keep working at something else you love. I had to give up basketball when I was 18 due to a ACL injury. I was damn good, and couldn't even go play Division 3 after it happened. It just wasn't the same. I know Division 3 sux, but I loved the game....I can't even play anymore because I can't perform at the level I did.....Can't dunk anymore, can't even jump anymore.....It's not life and death, so I let it go.....sh*t happens.....
 

yellowperil

Diamond Member
Jan 17, 2000
4,598
0
0
The saying about things being better the next day is true. You should sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning.
 
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