Desperation and depression

kevinthenerd

Platinum Member
Jun 27, 2002
2,908
0
76
I know we all have our problems, but we all need somebody to lean on and vent to once in a while.


I think I figured out why I'm chatting online all the time. It's the only human contact I get that extends to a personal level.

You see... my parents are pretty strict. Hadn't been for their free housing I wouldn't be able to afford to pay cash for my tuition, so I can't complain too bad, but still. I'm never allowed to go anywhere or do anything with my friends. I'm freakin' paying for my own car and insurance, but they won't let me spend my own gas, time, and vehicle wear just to go out and do something after getting out of work! They give me no allowance, and they rarely feed me these days.

I find it hard to talk to my parents. In some ways I'm scared of them. My friends are the only close personal relations I have, but I'm not allowed to hang out with them very often. My only contact with the outside world, in a great sense, is through work, school, and the Internet. This and yagt are all I have.

I'm underappreciated at work. I go home every night sore from head to toe from all the hard work I did. There isn't a single muscle I could have possibly worked harder. I give my all, 100.0% every single day, but I'm still bitched at by incompetant retail managers. They think that everybody can always do more. I push myself to my limits, forcing myself past barriers I once thought I had. They're astonished by my successes, but I don't see why they don't understand that a human being is capable of motivating himself to work near his limits. I see my lazy coworkers do nothing and get bitched at no more than I am. Walgreens #02099 (North Courtenay Parkway in Merritt Island, FL) sucks. For this and many, many other reasons, Coporate America can suck my sweaty............


thumb.

I feel fundamentally lonely. I miss my girlfriend of last year. I miss living in a dorm. I miss the fascination I once had in Unix and hacking (my own systems and those of my friends, of course). I miss both my highschool friends and the friends I made during my freshman year of college. Now, I go to yet another different school, the second change in two years. I feel quite depressed, void of all motivation. I no longer care about maintaining a server to its full potential. I don't care if I own the city's fastest car. I lost the excitement my car once gave me (because I'm never allowed to use it like I want). I'm losing faith in my dream. I'm even questioning whether I want to bring technology to third-world nations, my deepest desire and purpose in life: http://honors.saintleo.edu/durette/scholarship/


What's happening to me? I'm getting burnt out. I'm a broken loser. Any suggestions?
 

gopunk

Lifer
Jul 7, 2001
29,239
2
0
boy that sucks... well at the very least, i suggest you find a new job, one that rewards hard work.
 

Lizardman

Golden Member
Jul 23, 2001
1,990
0
0
I get a funny feeling,
it comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
wanting to go and hide.

My doctor calls it depression,
my dad says it's just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
no one will ever be able to see.

Some say I'm psycho,
some say I'm just weird.
It's like I'm a different person,
and the old me just disappeared.

I get really edgy,
I want to commit suicide real bad.
Then I get a headache,
followed by feeling sad.

I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
it will some day.

 

bleeb

Lifer
Feb 3, 2000
10,868
0
0
Try to find postive things in your life and use those to motivate and to keep yourself in a positive frame of mind. Also, this maybe weird for me to say but try to live in this experience and enjoy it with the realization that things will get better. Try to analyze your emotions, understand them and then to understand yourself.

I believe its these moments in life that we experience the perspective to bring out the more important aspects of our lives and to find the things that make us happy.

Cliff Notes:

Don't Worry, Be Happy.

 

zCypher

Diamond Member
Aug 18, 2002
6,115
171
116
Originally posted by: illusion88
Masturbate, frequently.
lmao.. I read this thread and i felt like i could relate very much to the original post, as I already feel quite a bit of despair/quite depressed. but this post made me laugh.. thanks. much needed.

kevthenerd, just cheer up dude. it can always get worse make the best (most positive) of what u've got. don't take sh1t from anyone. put ur foot down, take a stand. voice ur opinion... tell ppl who piss you off to fvck off. you'll feel better. at least, for a bit
 

Crazymofo

Platinum Member
May 14, 2003
2,339
0
0
I think you are over 18 right?? IF so i think its time you stand up to your parents... they have no right to tell you what you can and cant do when it comes to things like your car and where you go and how you spend your time! Honestly you need to get a better job so that you can afford to move out of their house... Have you looked into delivering pizza? I have a lot of friends that worked their way through college slinging pie!
 

kevinthenerd

Platinum Member
Jun 27, 2002
2,908
0
76
Originally posted by: Crazymofo
they have no right to tell you what you can and cant do when it comes to things like your car and where you go and how you spend your time!

As long as I'm under their roof, yes, they do.

They also have the right to kick me out.

They techically own the car for credit purposes. I'm paying every dime of it (including all upkeep, gas, insurance, payments, etc. etc.) but it's legally theirs. I wasn't eligible for the 0% APR finanacing and stuff without them.
 

kevinthenerd

Platinum Member
Jun 27, 2002
2,908
0
76
Originally posted by: BOBBY RIBS
Did you try going to church before?

Every week. It always seems to cheer me up and give me the pick-up I need, but it never lasts during the week. Maybe I need to go to daily mass or something.

I think my problem is mostly social in nature. Using the term of sociologists: I'm getting negative sanctions for my best efforts, and I'm therefore being conditioned to put forth less of an effort.

I want out of this prison. I need to go write a song.
 

kevinthenerd

Platinum Member
Jun 27, 2002
2,908
0
76
Originally posted by: illusion88
Masturbate, frequently.

I know you probably mean that in jest, but I'm going to reply in all seriousness.

I've tried that. It only works for a short period of time, usually until I fall asleep. Then, I wake up alone, missing the image of a person I never had. I also feel guilty. And, not to mention, it wears me out, furthing accelerating the effects of this depression I'm in.
 

pnho

Member
Dec 7, 2000
102
0
0
They have the right to kick you out, after a 30 day warning. They can't just call the cops and kick you out and this is speaking from experience. Is your name on part of the lien of the car? or is it entirely under your parent's name? Cuz you won't be able to build credit if its totally under ur parents name.

On being lost, i suggest volunteering or doing something with the community to get a real insight on what really goes on. The local shelter, nursing homes, even hospitals. Should give u an idea on what really being depressed should be about. Change your point of view on life. Lets u realize what is for granted and what's not.

peace
 

T2T III

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
12,899
1
0
What's happening to me? I'm getting burnt out. I'm a broken loser. Any suggestions?
It sounds like you live on your past memories of good times. We can do that to a point, but it may not be the best idea. We have to find new people to meet, fun to have, etc. We have to create new memories that we'll recall later. My interpretation of your situation might be depression. However, without being diagnosed by a doctor, it's pretty hard to tell at this point.

In the mean-time, see if you can't get out more after work -- meet new people, have some fun. Sure, Anandtech is a pretty cool place - but, it should not take the place of face-to-face interactions with people.

Best of luck !!
 

Zee

Diamond Member
Nov 27, 1999
5,171
3
76
Originally posted by: kevinthenerd
Originally posted by: illusion88
Masturbate, frequently.

I know you probably mean that in jest, but I'm going to reply in all seriousness.

I've tried that. It only works for a short period of time, usually until I fall asleep. Then, I wake up alone, missing the image of a person I never had. I also feel guilty. And, not to mention, it wears me out, furthing accelerating the effects of this depression I'm in.

Too... much... information....
 

FelixDeCat

Lifer
Aug 4, 2000
29,614
2,263
126
"There I sit all broken hearted. Tried to *hit but only farted."

:beer: And now back to reality. Find a woman. Move in with her. Parents be damned. If you cant go to school without a helping and then you cant go. But you will be free and gettn' some.
 

T2T III

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
12,899
1
0
Originally posted by: Lazee
Originally posted by: kevinthenerd
Originally posted by: illusion88
Masturbate, frequently.

I know you probably mean that in jest, but I'm going to reply in all seriousness.

I've tried that. It only works for a short period of time, usually until I fall asleep. Then, I wake up alone, missing the image of a person I never had. I also feel guilty. And, not to mention, it wears me out, furthing accelerating the effects of this depression I'm in.

Too... much... information....

Way, way T.M.I.

 

shadow

Golden Member
Oct 13, 1999
1,503
0
0
Originally posted by: Tiles2Tech
Originally posted by: Lazee
Originally posted by: kevinthenerd
Originally posted by: illusion88
Masturbate, frequently.

I know you probably mean that in jest, but I'm going to reply in all seriousness.

I've tried that. It only works for a short period of time, usually until I fall asleep. Then, I wake up alone, missing the image of a person I never had. I also feel guilty. And, not to mention, it wears me out, furthing accelerating the effects of this depression I'm in.

Too... much... information....

Way, way T.M.I.

I'm gonna stick up for KevintheNerd, he dredged up something to help a poor guy relate some and not feel so bad. KevintheNerd probably figured the reaction he would get but he thought it worthwhile if it helped in the least.

My contribution to this, and perhaps not what a shrink of therapist would suggest - turn all the negative emotion into rage and use it as motivation. Take all the crap that people throw at you and turn it to rage, use that rage as the fire to not quiver, to stand and bear the brunt, to not let all these miserable people in the world bring you down. Rage towards having your own place, rage towards having a better job, rage right on through to a better tommorrow for you. Please don't wallow in misery, rage on through it.
 

Mucman

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
7,246
1
0
Live by the following quote:

If you hate your parents, the man or the establishment, don't show them up by getting wasted and hitting your car into a tree. If you really hate your parents, out earn them, out live them and know more.
- Henry Rollins
 

zod

Senior member
Oct 10, 1999
825
0
0
Time to stand up to the folks. Don't be an arse about it, but if you're over 18, you're old enough to make your own decisions in life. Not all, just some. Thats what teenage rebellion is all about. Thats what becoming an adult is all about. Obviously you are in a very strict household, but if their rules are making you miserable then their rules aren't working.

Rebellion can start with you *talking* to your parents. Logically. If they say you can't go out, ask them why. Tell them you put in a hard days work, a hard day at school, and you need to relax with your friends -- that you've EARNED it.

I've gone through lots of similar things. Stay strong.
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
57,529
3
0
Originally posted by: shadow
Originally posted by: Tiles2Tech
Originally posted by: Lazee
Originally posted by: kevinthenerd
Originally posted by: illusion88
Masturbate, frequently.

I know you probably mean that in jest, but I'm going to reply in all seriousness.

I've tried that. It only works for a short period of time, usually until I fall asleep. Then, I wake up alone, missing the image of a person I never had. I also feel guilty. And, not to mention, it wears me out, furthing accelerating the effects of this depression I'm in.

Too... much... information....

Way, way T.M.I.

I'm gonna stick up for KevintheNerd,
.
Somebody has to as it's obvious that he won't
 
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