Did/are you waiting for marriage to have sex?

[GL]

True. All good points. But think of the big picture. Nobody lives to be miserable - we're all seeking the ideal way of living. I personally think, the ideal way of living is to give. In return, I get a sense of being, a sense of contributing, etc - and if people give to me in return that's a bonus. But this doesn't take away from the fact that it is a personal moral that I'm resorting to fulfilling. So in a sense, my giving is derived ultimately from a self-centered ideal.

Does anybody see what I'm saying? I'm not disagreeing with you guys, I'm just saying that ultimately all our actions are derived from us in order to achieve what we find to be the right path in life.

When a married couple suffers a tragic accident, and one person is a vegetable physically (and perhaps mentally), often the spouse that sticks around is the one that sticks with his/her morals that are self-centered in that living by his/her morals will ultimately make him happy. This isn't selfish, but self-centered in origin. The opposite end of the spectrum is a selfish person whose actions are also self-centered in origin. Their morals are different but they stick with them and just leave their spouse finding no benefit to staying.

Another example would be a couple where one person falls out of love and just does nothing for the relationship. The other spouse may stick around, but only to fulfill their own morals of keeping promises, or due to religious conviction. But their decision would have little to do with the other person's needs in mind.

 

[nukee]

My wife and I did not wait, and after 23(24?) years of marriage, we both wish we had. I cannot tell you or be able to explain in a way you'll understand. There are just some things that folks have to learn for themselves. I thought I knew it all as I'm sure some of you feel as though you do (world by the tail, etc.) and that all the old folks were missing out. We didn't care what our folks thought either. Now, it's like, well, SPECIAL. It's HOLY, SACRED. I think you should date your girlfriend/boyfriend and let the parents be involved, know what's going on, tell them you WANT their blessing on your relationship! If you decide to get married, it SHOULD be for the long road. Yes, I am a Christian and yes, I believe this what God wants, but also I know how hurt parents can be if they are left out. I now have an 18 year old daughter who lives with a 40 year old guy. She now tells me she wishes she would have been better and listened to us. Sorry guys, I'm getting more old fashioned every day...or maybe just old. Sex could NEVER be what it is with anyone but someone you truly love with all your heart and soul and have shared life's ups and downs with. We also go to church mostly every Sunday and I think that it helps to contribute to an overall healthy balance.

 

[Scrapster]

gotta take it out for a spin before you sign the paper...

But do you really need to test drive a Royals Royce?

 

[EvanFerguson]

lol nukee........you don't know how long it's been? Time flys when you're having fun!

 

[GL]

nukee, I don't think it's old fashioned at all. The older you get, the more clear it becomes that the cream of life's advice rises to the top and your parents actually knew a thing or two. From baby to teenager we live on every word are parents tell us. Then, as teenagers we find they lied to us in somethings, and discount everything they said. By the time we get out of our teens, we realize that our parents were right about a thing or two. And by the time we have our own kids, we realize our parents were right about a lot of things.

There's only one girl that I've had sex with and her father, a staunch conservative that would make Russ look like a lefty, gave his approval to our relationship (he even told me he'd love to have me as a son-in-law). That was when I was all of 18 years old. Of course, we broke up (although she's over at my house right now). I don't regret having sex with her, but I went into it thinking that we'd eventually get married. Who knows, maybe one day we will (seems the direction it's going these days). I think it definitely should be reserved for more special people as you can be a lot more open with somebody you fully trust.

That being said, if I were still a virgin, when I got married I'd hope I had a lot more to offer my bride than my virginity. There's a lot more useful things for marrige than a clean slate on the sexual experience side.

 

[EvanFerguson]

wow, well written gl

 

[Quiksel]

GL-

Yeah, I can see where you're coming from. But it's a shame that more often than not, the "ideal" way to live is too far out of reach for each person to attain. They give up trying to get to that point and end up just settling for less. By settling for less, they feel bad, but they have to somehow make up a justification for their inability to do that *ideal*. Then you end up with people that believe these weird beliefs, that really, when you get down to it, just fit their own minds, and can hardly exist in the real world. In effect, they are the very same ones who end up saying someone else's beliefs are BS and not in the "real world"... a strange hypocrisy.

Funny thing is, i've just about described 80% of everyone on ATOT. (At least the more edgier types)

not trying to be mean,
~niko ^_^

 

[Moonbeam]

You can't get married in kindergarten.

 

[EvanFerguson]

um, no......i suppose you can't........??

 

[EvanFerguson]

wow, i didn't think this would go 100 posts without too much hate or anything


thanks everyone for your input, i appreciate it

 

[Viper GTS]

With your running commentary it was inevitable.

Viper GTS

 

[EvanFerguson]

ya ya,

i was just extremely interested in the subject

sorrrry

 

[Noriaki]

I can't believe someone compared sexual ability in a wife to a car's handling ability :Q

 

[Quiksel]

so, with all this input, what's the output, EF? What's your stand? Any different, or just the same?

I'm curious where you're at in all of this....

~niko ^_^

 

[vi edit]

If I had waited with one girl, I never would have known that "part P" didn't fit into "slot V".

Very unpleasant for both parties.

 

[EvanFerguson]

well orgianlly I was born in to a *somewhat* christain family so even though I wasn't tought to wait till marriage by my parents, I knew the general concept of it. Then after my parents divorced (4 years ago? not sure really) I started looking at life really differently. Mostly asking people their thoughts about things and I really started observing people a lot more...I usually could tell how my suitemates at college would act about different things even though I didn't know them for more than a little while.

Anyway, I'm getting off track. Basically I've listen to lots of people's points of view and I made sure to ask a lot obout religion as well. Personally, the whole going to hell with premarital sex thing I think isn't really true. (But to each their own of course) Actually, more recently, I've become extremly frustrated with religion, infact I want to talk to some relgious higher-ups about it.......Anyway, although I respect *greatly* people's opinion's about waiting for marriage, I think it can be somewhat of a hindrence. I mean, after the 30 second honeymoon, it could be rustrating at first. Not to mention really akward and somewhat scary even.

I think that love should definately come before sex and there shouldn't be any one night stands really, I mean that's just kind of immoral imo. I don't like the people who don't value sex at all and do it like it's meaningless. I will for sure wait for love before having sex and I hope it's with the person I end up being with forever (as unlikely as that might be now a days)

Although this is my current opinion, I am still only 18 and there's a lot left to go in my life. I'm really trying to be as open to possibilities as possible by asking people their thoughts about important topics, and this one my friends, was very helpful


thank you

 

[Quiksel]

well said, EF

While you might not say that you've "figured it out" at the age of 18, you're not too far off... so be encouraged about that... at least you actually think about some of these critical issues instead of putting them off. It's an important topic... Way to go.

Heck, I'll only be 23 come August, and my soon-to-wife just turned 20 in May. But we've seen plenty of opportunity to do whatever we wanted, but both feel that it would be even more special to wait until that wedding night. There's so much more to getting married than getting to have sex, and we both know that. Your future mate will admire you for being you, and the fact that she gets to have sex with you is more of a bonus than an expected criteria.

I don't mean to be on the soapbox, but there's lots more to love on that woman than just a physical body. Love changes all those priorities. Sure, you're gonna want her, but you'll also respect and admire her and adore her with more than you'll ever know. Soon, you'll see what I'm talking about...

Whatever it's worth, enjoy the next 5 years or so. It's about to change a *whole* lot... it did for me.

Thanks for reading,
~niko ^_^

 

[Quiksel]

yeah, it's hard to put a PCI card into a VLB slot.



~niko ^_^

 

[EvanFerguson]

thanks a lot quiksel, I appreciate your insight.

I'm sure things will change a whole lot in the near future so I don't think I should stress over anything too much but it's nice to get a foundation to base things on.

Congrats on the wife to be, I hope you two are successful in whatever the future holds for you both.


As far as fighting off temptation, I've had a few offers myself for girls to jump my jock but it didn't really feel right, I'm pretty sure I'm not ready at the moment.

And I agree that having a significant other is definately much more heavily based on their mental self rather than their physical self. And I also think that sex is fairly important as well, but it shouldn't be the #1 reason for getting married


Thanks again eveyone

 

[Eli]

This is a very good thread. Lots and lots of good advise in here.

I'll confess, I'm a virgin. But I'm not waiting until marriage, just love.


Currently, I'm very much in love with someone. I'm not sure the feelings are mutual though. *sigh*

Doesen't that just suck? heh...

 

[Jamestl]

Yes, I will wait for marriage, and no, my motivation is not based in religion.

To me, sex is the deepest form of bond. When I make love to someone, I'm giving her my body, my soul, my all. When I stare into the windows of my love, I want to see the sunshine that's missing from the world. When we embrace, I want our love to shelter us from all the hatred and bitterness of the world. When we make love, I want to be assured that her love for me is just as strong, if not stronger, than my love for her. And I want it all with one person...not two, three or four. Just one person to melt my heart to nothingness, to make me quiver and shake, to hold me until there's no one left in the world.

Must this occur under the institution of marriage?
For me, yes.

1) I cannot give my all to someone I'm not committed to for LIFE.
2) I cannot respect, love, and trust anyone who expects anything less from me.

Sometimes I think I'm really naive, but if I start believing it, my life will never be fulfilled...

 

[EvanFerguson]

Don't worry about it Eli, even if the feeling isn't mutual some day you will find a girl who will fullfill all of your hopes and dreams and then some
Everyone can find the right person for them, you just have to be patent and believe


Noble thoughts james, I hope you find someone who shares your thoughts about relationships and sex alike.

 

[Eli]

Yeah, I know. It's just so weird though. It's hard to imagine finding someone better than her. Hehe. Blah..

 

[EvanFerguson]

well, without getting in to a long discuission about your relationship with her, all I can say is this:

evetually you'll find someone who's 934209438 times better than her who thinks you're even more special than that

or maybe she'll come around

or you'll end up stalking her and then going to jail


the first 2 sound good to me!

 

[amdskip]

I am a virgin.

I am waiting.