By saying "no" to all others, I say "Yes" to the woman I married in away that is powerful, sacred, and amazingly intimate.
By sharing the most intimate part of my physical nature uniquely with my wife, I pave a road of intimacy and trust that eventually flows into every aspect of our relationship.
By abstaining until I commit to her in marriage, I go a long way in proving to her that I am committed to her as a person and not just to getting my own desires met. If my focus is on getting my desires met, then I am really not loving her as a person; she as a person is simply reduced to being the necessary apparatus for achieving my own selfish goals. Real relationships take sacrifice, commitment, and self-denial.
Sex is ultimately communication. By refraining from that one physical aspect of communication, my wife and I (before we were husband and wife)were able to establish so many other ways of communicating and getting to know each other. If your basic communcation skills are in place, and if you are transparent and humble, then the sexual aspect will take care of itself. perhaps not without some tension or conflict, but by then such a foundation of trust and commitment has been established that the couple can talk through the conflict and come out more strengthened by it. Trials can be positive opportunities for growth, change, and greater intimacy.
We've been married eleven years, have four children, and have overcome a miscarriage, a stillbirth, and many conflicts. And our marriage, in all aspects, is still great. It is great because I am amazed again and again at how ferociously loyal and committed my wife is to me, even in the hard times.