Dilemma: have to rat out the boss

[Herr Kutz]

It is a detail germane to the story and helps paint the picture of what happened. Old crusty grumpy ex-military guy making a woman cry.

What are you implying?

I am implicating nothing, but it seems to be you are implicating workers should be given special treatment based on their gender. I, as everyone else should be, am just as horrified (no more, no less) your boss is an ass to you.

 

[NetWareHead]

I am implicating nothing, but it seems to be you are implicating workers should be given special treatment based on their gender. I, as everyone else should be, am just as horrified (no more, no less) your boss is an ass to you.

I think everyone should be treated equally. Not sure how you inferred I said one gender needs special treatment. However, I'll note that public reaction to a man verbally attacking a woman and making her cry is going to be worse than the same situation where a man is the target.

 

[Ns1]

However, I'll note that public reaction to a man verbally attacking a woman and making her cry is going to be worse

pretty much - anyway you cut it, the optics of a meathead verbally laying into someone a fraction of their size is not good.

 

[soulcougher73]

You don't say?

Omg you got me.

 

[NetWareHead]

Sounds like more people heard him than yourself from you OP. They can collaborate also since they heard it through the walls.

Thank you, that's a great point you make here.

 

[Genx87]

Make your report. If he makes a stink of it and confronts you,document that as well.

 

[pauldun170]

I am implicating nothing, but it seems to be you are implicating workers should be given special treatment based on their gender. I, as everyone else should be, am just as horrified (no more, no less) your boss is an ass to you.

 

[Perknose]

Because their facts? Your question is silly.

You don't say?

I am implicating nothing, but it seems to be you are implicating workers should be given special treatment based on their gender. I, as everyone else should be, am just as horrified (no more, no less) your boss is an ass to you.

You don't say!

 

[soulcougher73]

I am implicating nothing, but it seems to be you are implicating workers should be given special treatment based on their gender. I, as everyone else should be, am just as horrified (no more, no less) your boss is an ass to you.

I don't think he is implying that at all. Would be equally as bad if a woman did it to a man. No special treatment found.

 

[Red Squirrel]

That seems like a tough situation. I'd hate to let it go unchecked. I would get another job lined up, and make sure you have enough evidence against your boss and bring it up to higher ups. You'll probably get fired over it, or he will make your life a living hell, so make sure you're ready for that.

The issue with these type of people is they are very manipulative and know how to make any situation look good for themselves. It's your word against theirs.

 

[Ns1]

It's your word against theirs.

that's not the case here though...it's multiple people against the boss.

 

[Red Squirrel]

that's not the case here though...it's multiple people against the boss.

Oh that helps a lot more if there's more people. I would get together (off work hours in a private location) and discuss/plan it, and then all rat him at the same time as a group.

Maybe even involve a lawyer to find out if you can legally record him in the act.

 

[Ns1]

I would get together (off work hours in a private location) and discuss/plan it, and then all rat him at the same time as a group.

We did this once to an out of control manager and all we got was a bunch of calls to go into HR and discuss.

 

[GeekDrew]

I've been through this repeatedly, with several bosses - from both your perspective and the victim's perspective. Don't tell him anything voluntarily, but answer if directly asked, unless HR advises otherwise. It will likely look bad for you (and there may be repercussions for you) if an investigation finds that you gave your boss a heads up about it. I made this mistake at a job years ago.

I personally hope he gets fired. Running an office in the manner you describe (like the military) is contrary to productivity and potentially catastrophic for the mental health of those who have to deal with him.

 

[darkswordsman17]

I think everyone should be treated equally. Not sure how you inferred I said one gender needs special treatment. However, I'll note that public reaction to a man verbally attacking a woman and making her cry is going to be worse than the same situation where a man is the target.

I wouldn't even say that, as a guy would have legitimate complaints if a female boss did the same thing to them. Its unfortunately true that it might not be taken as seriously (that is in no way to minimize that this has been a major issue for women, having male bosses that use various forms of intimidation, just saying that if a guy felt similarly humiliated and made a complaint it sadly might not be taken as seriously; certainly it will be seen especially problematic because its known that it is a far too common problem for women which most places are keen in trying to make clear that is not acceptable). Simply put, he verbally assaulted her, and visibly physically intimidated her, he deserves whatever results.

So fuck him, you don't owe him shit. If he pulls shenanigans with you, he's revealing his true character and you'll be further vindicated for not trying to appease him. Yes that's easy for me to say as I wouldn't have to deal with it, but I'd be willing to guess your company would have your back.

pretty much - anyway you cut it, the optics of a meathead verbally laying into someone a fraction of their size is not good.

I don't even think its a size thing explicitly. He was verbally abusive and physically intimidated her. That shit ain't gonna fly in any remotely professional environment. Certainly size can be an extra factor (and that women tend to be smaller in stature and physical prowess than men, enhances men's ability to physically intimidate them), but if it was a 5'0 105lb woman getting in the personal space of a 7'5 500lb guy and verbally abusing/assaulting them, it too would be unacceptable, and I don't think the guy should be ashamed over making an issue out of it similarly.

 

[Muse]

Personally I would let HR handle it and not preemptively make him aware of the whole thing. Bi understand your desire to be upfront about it...but I would say that would be more appropriate if you had actually done the reporting. In this instance, you were just being asked by authority to corroborate your experience ...which you did. Leave it at that.

Agreed. Don't be a sycophant with your boss. Don't suck up to him before documenting the experience.

 

[Rumpltzer]

I'm a top performer at my company. I'm also a big, scary looking guy. My boss' boss is a tall, skinny dude. He was yelling at me in the hallways after hours (say, 8:30PM when most people cut out at 7PM). There were five or six people (my boss included) still around who got an earful of this guy yelling at me and cursing at me. Not a single soul said anything to me about it.

It's not the first time that my boss' boss has come at me with little cause, and I'm sick of it. I went home and composed an email to the HR lady's boss (the HR lady is my boss' boss' friend) telling her what happened.

Before any of the HR people get back to me, my boss' boss pulls me into his office for a closed-door meeting. I tell him that he totally creeps me out and I don't feel comfortable being alone with him in his office with no witnesses. I tell the HR people that he's calling on me for this meeting. They do nothing. Boss' boss tells me that he self-reported himself (after I had sent the email to HR) and that there will be consequences to his yelling at me in the hallways. It's not an apology. He explains to me why he was justified in yelling at me. I point out to him that he's my boss' boss, and he was totally out of line regardless of his excuses.

HR talks to me two weeks later to get my side of the story. They tell me that the guy is wrong in what he's been doing (not just this incident). Nothing comes of it. No one ever follows up beyond that meeting.

These are the idiots who determine my "performance rating"... so that's awesome.

HR's job is clearly to make problems go away and to serve those above me.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Yep high end managers rarely get punished for this stuff. They have ways to get away with it. Sadly how the world works. The more powerful you are the more you can get away with. Just look at Trump and some of the things he's said to/about and possibly done to woman.

I worked for a super asshole IT manager, he was not only an asshole but he was sexist and racist. Some of the stuff he would say would get most people fired but he got away with it because of his position.

 

[IronWing]

I worked for a super asshole IT manager, he was not only an asshole but he was sexist and racist. Some of the stuff he would say would get most people fired but he got away with it because of his position.

Where did you hide the body?

 

[Red Squirrel]

Where did you hide the body?

There was nothing left to hide after the deed was done.

Seriously though, I quit that place when a better job came up. He was planing on hiring me and my coworker as full time (we were contractors) and I botched that plan by quitting. That's when I realized how racist he was because of the requirements he set for the job opening. Having to be a white, male etc. He was PISSED and him being mad made me happy. It was one of those situations where he can't do shit about and him feeling powerless pissed him off so much. It was glorious.

 

[olds]

Your boss put you in this position. Tell the truth and don't lie. If your boss is a man, he will understand. If he doesn't get it, who gives a shit? You did the right thing.

 

[Thunder 57]

There was nothing left to hide after the deed was done.

Seriously though, I quit that place when a better job came up. He was planing on hiring me and my coworker as full time (we were contractors) and I botched that plan by quitting. That's when I realized how racist he was because of the requirements he set for the job opening. Having to be a white, male etc. He was PISSED and him being mad made me happy. It was one of those situations where he can't do shit about and him feeling powerless pissed him off so much. It was glorious.

Oh come on. In the job description it said you have to be white and a dude? How did they say that without saying it?

 

[Red Squirrel]

Oh come on. In the job description it said you have to be white and a dude? How did they say that without saying it?

He verbally said it. Any resume that came in that had a female name or the name sounded foreign he threw out.

 

[Thunder 57]

He verbally said it. Any resume that came in that had a female name or the name sounded foreign he threw out.

I believe it happens, but it takes a special kind of stupid to make such a claim in front of someone. But it would also take a special kind of stupid to be that narrow minded.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I believe it happens, but it takes a special kind of stupid to make such a claim in front of someone. But it would also take a special kind of stupid to be that narrow minded.

Yeah seems bad to say it but he knew he could get away with it since it was just a verbal casual remark, and no way to prove that he said it. That's often how this stuff works.