Am ordering one of these: Accell B143B-003J spec 1.2 compliant.
I've heard that's the only cable that's actually certified by VESA. I'm not convinced that's the problem I'm having though since disconnecting pin 20 didn't solve the problem for me. Hopefully it will fix yours.
I read a response from a dell rep on their forums (don't have the link anymore), and he said it was a handshake issue between the monitor and video card. He claimed that when the monitor goes into power save mode, the video card needs to actively initiate the handshake for whatever protocol DP uses.
I've done some more testing and determined that the DP connected monitor will wake up from power save mode if the computer resumes from sleep mode. If the monitor is in power save mode but the computer is awake (no sleep state), the monitor will not wake. It wouldn't surprise me if the video card initiated the handshake when the computer wakes from sleep, but not when the computer is already awake.
I'll test with a different (and newer) video card to see if it makes a difference.