Do we hide financial success too much?

[Exterous]

I'm not talking about the big name sports, movie or industry personalities but about regular people who save consistently or achieve a financial milestone. I've seen a couple of very long threads on some financial forums about how people avoid topics of conversation about how they are or are planning an early retirement. A general trend was to just not discuss it or hide it due to the reactions received. Meanwhile ads and social media feed the drive for consumption leaving a void of financial responsibility.

I feel like the avoidance of the topic makes things worse. In an age where so much is shared, especially online, does a lack of sharing lead to a perception it doesn't happen for anyone so why bother trying?

 

[whm1974]

Depending on where you live, it is good idea to avoiding talking about how well you off you are. To avoid envious folks from begging for money all the time and for that matter so people don't rob you either.

 

[brianmanahan]

if your amount of net worth is known, i think it would tend to dictate your social circle to people in a similar situation.

letting friends know you're worth > 1$M when they've got a < 50$k net worth is probably going to cause issues, unless you trade in those friends for newer richer ones

i plan on retiring early, but i'm basically not going to tell anyone in real life. i'll just say i've started "consulting".

 

[Hoober]

Why advertise? Why do I care if friends/family know I've got x amount in savings for retirement? I was raised to save as much as often as I could. I've tried to apps that on. Spending, to some extent, is a personal choice.

As for early retirement - people need to do what makes sense for their situation.

 

[JulesMaximus]

I’m in my early fifties and all my friends and I do is talk about our plans for retirement and I’m not planning on working for ten more years.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Talking about savings or income does nothing for you but draw the ire of your friends, relatives or peers.

Highlighting their poor life choices and inability to save just breeds resentment.

Jealousy is much too real. I'd rather just live an unassuming life than deal with those who have their hand out.

 

[Mai72]

I’m in my early fifties and all my friends and I do is talk about our plans for retirement and I’m not planning on working for ten more years.

Why are you living in the future? The time to enjoy life is now. Not in the future. For one, you may be dead by then. If the one thing Buddhism has taught me is to live in the present. The present is where we find our happiness. Not in the future, and mist definitely not in the past. My mom died in her early 60s. Always filled with anxiety about future events. And, always rehashing the past. It's probably why she died.

OTOH, you do want to save, invest etc. I do all of that and more. I just focus on NOW. Today, and I have trained myself to let go of both the future and the past. We like to think that we control life, but it's the other way around my friend. It's very unpredictable and chaoatic.

 

[ImpulsE69]

I just looked up an old friend/mentor the other day. Hadn't spoken to him in 3-4 years, only to find he died 2 years ago at 58 (natural causes). Really got to me, thinking about life. I know the government and everyone loves to push the 'save everything you can for retirement' crap, but the reality is I know more people who die shortly after they retire than live into their 80's-90's. Makes you stop and think about it.

 

[whm1974]

I just looked up an old friend/mentor the other day. Hadn't spoken to him in 3-4 years, only to find he died 2 years ago at 58 (natural causes). Really got to me, thinking about life. I know the government and everyone loves to push the 'save everything you can for retirement' crap, but the reality is I know more people who die shortly after they retire than live into their 80's-90's. Makes you stop and think about it.

Don't a lot of people go down hill after retirement? But yes you could die shortly after retirement or you can also live past 90 as well.

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

Don't people share enough of their private lives already?

 

[Exterous]

Why advertise? Why do I care if friends/family know I've got x amount in savings for retirement? I was raised to save as much as often as I could. I've tried to apps that on. Spending, to some extent, is a personal choice.

Talking about savings or income does nothing for you but draw the ire of your friends, relatives or peers.

Highlighting their poor life choices and inability to save just breeds resentment.

Jealousy is much too real. I'd rather just live an unassuming life than deal with those who have their hand out.

But that is kinda my point. External displays of wealth (big house, fancy cars, expensive watch etc) are largely acceptable for the implicit (and often wrong) signals of wealth they portray. However, explicit discussions about how much money you have seem to result in much more notable negative reactions. What I am proposing is that those negative reactions are partially in response to the rarity of explicit discussions. Basically if everyone talked about it more - would the reactions be as bad? Would that counteract the currently acceptable displays of wealth that only revolve around consumption instead of savings

 

[purbeast0]

But that is kinda my point. External displays of wealth (big house, fancy cars, expensive watch etc) are largely acceptable for the implicit (and often wrong) signals of wealth they portray. However, explicit discussions about how much money you have seem to result in much more notable negative reactions. What I am proposing is that those negative reactions are partially in response to the rarity of explicit discussions. Basically if everyone talked about it more - would the reactions be as bad? Would that counteract the currently acceptable displays of wealth that only revolve around consumption instead of savings

Well people generally live in neighborhoods of people who are in the same wealth range. You don't find many $2 million dollar homes right next to $300k homes. That's just not how it works.

And the people who can afford the $2 million homes can also afford the $100k+ cars easily, etc.

 

[highland145]

But that is kinda my point. External displays of wealth (big house, fancy cars, expensive watch etc) are largely acceptable for the implicit (and often wrong) signals of wealth they portray. However, explicit discussions about how much money you have seem to result in much more notable negative reactions. What I am proposing is that those negative reactions are partially in response to the rarity of explicit discussions. Basically if everyone talked about it more - would the reactions be as bad? Would that counteract the currently acceptable displays of wealth that only revolve around consumption instead of savings

Your neighbor doesn't want you to know he's up to his eyeballs in debt just so he can have the perception of wealth. Or he's doing great. The important question is how hot is his wife and are "they" store bought.

 

[ImpulsE69]

Well people generally live in neighborhoods of people who are in the same wealth range. You don't find many $2 million dollar homes right next to $300k homes. That's just not how it works.

And the people who can afford the $2 million homes can also afford the $100k+ cars easily, etc.

You've apparently never been to Louisiana, Mississippi, or Alabama.

 

[JTsyo]

I just looked up an old friend/mentor the other day. Hadn't spoken to him in 3-4 years, only to find he died 2 years ago at 58 (natural causes). Really got to me, thinking about life. I know the government and everyone loves to push the 'save everything you can for retirement' crap, but the reality is I know more people who die shortly after they retire than live into their 80's-90's. Makes you stop and think about it.

If you have a family history of early deaths then maybe you take that into account for your planning. But the life expectancy in US is over 78 years.

 

[DietDrThunder]

I'll give you an example on why you don't want to show any outwards signs of having any money whatsoever. My father-in-law retired from GM, so we were always lucky enough to get GM employee pricing on automobiles. 10 years ago during the height of the Great Recession, our Buick Regal GS Sedan was 16 years old, and my wife wanted a new car. So we found a GREAT deal on a brand new well appointed 2009 Cadillac CTS (Sticker price was over $46K, we got it for $32K + TT&L). She loved the car at first. Then it started. Everywhere she went, people were approaching her in parking lots, following her into stores, etc. and either asking her for money, or trying to steal her purse. She stopped carrying a purse and would only carry her driver's license and a credit card in her pocket, and her cell phone in her hand, but that didn't help much. It got to the point where if she saw someone coming towards her, she started yelling at them to go away.

One incident when I was with my wife, we had taken the Cadillac to the local mall and were walking into the local mall when a guy grabbed her arm. I punched him in the throat, grabbed his arm twisting it behind his back, kicked his leg and dropped him face first onto the parking lot, then we ran inside and got security. This guy was much bigger than me (I'm a manlet according to ATOT) and I was quite frightened and I was only acting on instinct. The guy was long gone by the time security arrived. That was back in 2013, and was the last straw for her.

We both now have License to Carry in our State but I'm usually the one who conceal carries.

We still have the car, but we only use it for travel (10 years old with only 50K miles). She picked out her next car and it is a 2013 Chevrolet Sonic Sedan. It is a cheap car that she has been driving for over 5 years, but it is one that she is happy with because people no longer approach or bother her.

 

[whm1974]

I'll give you an example on why you don't want to show any outwards signs of having any money whatsoever. My father-in-law retired from GM, so we were always lucky enough to get GM employee pricing on automobiles. 10 years ago during the height of the Great Recession, our Buick Regal GS Sedan was 16 years old, and my wife wanted a new car. So we found a GREAT deal on a brand new well appointed 2009 Cadillac CTS (Sticker price was over $46K, we got it for $32K + TT&L). She loved the car at first. Then it started. Everywhere she went, people were approaching her in parking lots, following her into stores, etc. and either asking her for money, or trying to steal her purse. She stopped carrying a purse and would only carry her driver's license and a credit card in her pocket, and her cell phone in her hand, but that didn't help much. It got to the point where if she saw someone coming towards her she started yelling at them to go away.

One incident when I was with my wife, we had taken the Cadillac to the local mall and were walking into the local mall when a guy grabbed her arm. I punched him in the throat, grabbed his arm twisting it behind his back, kicked his leg and dropped him face first onto the parking lot, then we ran inside and got security. This guy was much bigger than me (I'm a manlet according to ATOT) and I was quite frightened and I was only acting on instinct. The guy was long gone by the time security arrived. That was back in 2013, and was the last straw for her.

We both now have License to Carry in our State but I'm usually the one who conceal carries.

We still have the car, but we only use it for travel (10 years old with only 50K miles). She picked out her next car and it is a 2013 Chevrolet Sonic Sedan. It is a cheap car that she has been driving for over 5 years, but it is one that she is happy with because people no longer approach or bother her.

Sorry this happen to you, and kiddos for what you did to protect yourself and wife.

 

[ImpulsE69]

I really don't think that is a concern these days as most people drive fancy SUV's if they have money or not. It just sounds like you live in a bad neighborhood. Much fewer people carry cash these days as well.

 

[DietDrThunder]

I really don't think that is a concern these days as most people drive fancy SUV's if they have money or not. It just sounds like you live in a bad neighborhood. Much fewer people carry cash these days as well.

I don't really live in a bad neighborhood, but this is Texas, and you have Million dollar homes, $300K homes, and 90K or less homes, and because of HUD, they stick rent subsidized apartments in nice neighborhoods, and all within a 3 to 5 mile radius. So basically you have patches of good neighborhoods surrounded by not so good and bad neighborhoods.

 

[DietDrThunder]

You've apparently never been to Louisiana, Mississippi, or Alabama.

Or Texas.

 

[purbeast0]

You've apparently never been to Louisiana, Mississippi, or Alabama.

I have not, nor do I plan on it.

 

[purbeast0]

I'll give you an example on why you don't want to show any outwards signs of having any money whatsoever. My father-in-law retired from GM, so we were always lucky enough to get GM employee pricing on automobiles. 10 years ago during the height of the Great Recession, our Buick Regal GS Sedan was 16 years old, and my wife wanted a new car. So we found a GREAT deal on a brand new well appointed 2009 Cadillac CTS (Sticker price was over $46K, we got it for $32K + TT&L). She loved the car at first. Then it started. Everywhere she went, people were approaching her in parking lots, following her into stores, etc. and either asking her for money, or trying to steal her purse. She stopped carrying a purse and would only carry her driver's license and a credit card in her pocket, and her cell phone in her hand, but that didn't help much. It got to the point where if she saw someone coming towards her, she started yelling at them to go away.

One incident when I was with my wife, we had taken the Cadillac to the local mall and were walking into the local mall when a guy grabbed her arm. I punched him in the throat, grabbed his arm twisting it behind his back, kicked his leg and dropped him face first onto the parking lot, then we ran inside and got security. This guy was much bigger than me (I'm a manlet according to ATOT) and I was quite frightened and I was only acting on instinct. The guy was long gone by the time security arrived. That was back in 2013, and was the last straw for her.

We both now have License to Carry in our State but I'm usually the one who conceal carries.

We still have the car, but we only use it for travel (10 years old with only 50K miles). She picked out her next car and it is a 2013 Chevrolet Sonic Sedan. It is a cheap car that she has been driving for over 5 years, but it is one that she is happy with because people no longer approach or bother her.

Where do you live that people think you are a millionaire because you can afford a $46k car?

 

[DietDrThunder]

Where do you live that people think you are a millionaire because you can afford a $46k car?

I didn't say they think that we are millionaires, they just think you have some kind of money and can prey on you.

Our 4 bedroom 3 bath, 3 car garage, 2,700 sqft home (we substituted windows instead of garage doors on the third bay on the right of the driveway), and the Zestimate is $265K.

 

[snoopy7548]

I didn't say they think that we are millionaires, they just think you have some kind of money and can prey on you. View attachment 4675

Our 4 bedroom 3 bath, 3 car garage, 2,700 sqft home (we substituted windows instead of garage doors on the third bay on the right of the driveway), and the Zestimate is $265K.
View attachment 4677

That's one of the things about living in the northeast... a house like that would go for $500k+ around here, depending on the area. Your typical 1960s home with a one car detached garage which needs complete updating is going to sell for as much as your house is worth.

If you move farther out into the rural areas, you can get a brand new home with two car garage for ~$300-325k, but then you're driving 20 minutes to the grocery store and 45 minutes to an hour to work.


I've told some people, even co-workers, that I'm looking to retire early, but only when the topic naturally comes up, and even then I say that I won't fully retire - I'll switch to part time work and have some hobby-type things on the side to make money. I just wanna get out of the 8-5 routine.

I don't offer any information about my wealth. The only time I've done this is when a co-worker that I'm fairly close to and know I can completely trust asked me how much I had in my 401k, as she wanted to see how far behind she was, and wanted help getting back on track. If I could go back, I would have just given a vague number like "over $100k" instead of the actual value.

I think financial success/status is just too personal. We're a culture of consumers, and anyone with more than us is seen as doing better than us, which makes us jealous of them. When someone who may not be well-off sees somebody driving around in a 14 year old car, they think, "Oh, well at least I'm not like that guy." But that guy could be a millionaire. It's almost always better to just go along with it.

 

[purbeast0]

I didn't say they think that we are millionaires, they just think you have some kind of money and can prey on you. View attachment 4675

Our 4 bedroom 3 bath, 3 car garage, 2,700 sqft home (we substituted windows instead of garage doors on the third bay on the right of the driveway), and the Zestimate is $265K.
View attachment 4677

I was just curious because I've never seen anyone consider a $46k car as an expensive or "rich" car. I mean I think Honda Accords can be like $35k now.